Mark my essay for me! (1 Viewer)

[karnevil]

If I post an extension essay on here would anyone be interested in giving it a look and marking it for me? I wana see what you guys think of it when someone else (my teacher) has already marked it.

Can I post it in SHIFT-JIS encoding ? If not, I'll just attach a .doc file

 

[karnevil]

Here's the essay in .doc form

give it a mark out of 15 plzzzz ! once ive got enough of your answers ill post what my teacher gave me

 

[frodo]

12

 

[karnevil]

What did you think I could improve on, frodo?

 

[Toodulu]

i'd give it 13 or 14. it's very coherent and i think it's an excellent and tight argument! definitely E4 material
i was a bit pedantic but yea,

 

[karnevil]

hahah i cant wait till they make "pedantic" a marking criteria

edit: ahhhh i read your analysis... thanks heaps toodolu

alot better than a post saying "12"

yeah youre right I made a few mistakes in there... I always make mistakes when I'm typing them up, I dont know why?

also, when you said that "mainichi no seikatsu" sounds weird.... I've seen the same phrase used in an actual speaking question. Besides, there is an english equivalent .. "day to day life" ..

 

[Toodulu]

oh no wait, you said mainichi no jinsei didn't you?
mainichi no seikatsu i use all the time

 

[karnevil]

another essay

 

[karnevil]

here

 

[Toodulu]

You probably need to give more examples of why technology is good. Maybe talk about education? And I think it would be a good idea to say how they can use e-mail and the internet to communicate. Just talk about what ototake said in RENET- have a normal life and fight prejudice etc.

i don't know, maybe the structures you use in this one is more sophisticated or maybe i'm just tired or maybe you need a bit more clarity, but i found this one a bit harder to understand. so sorry if i'm not much help.

 

[karnevil]

yeah maybe you are too tired, because you questioned a structure i got from my Japanese teacher (iru shougaisha) it means "some disabled people"...... so yeah i dun wana sound unappreciative but he's been in the game for 15years...thanks but

 

[karnevil]

Also, those notes where I wrote "TAKUSANARU" that was another typo - i meant to write "TAKUSAN ARU"

and saying "surukototameni" sounds a lot weirder than "suruyouni" - the "youni" structure is "in order to" where as "tameni" is "for the sake of" .... but im sure u already knew that


stupid fucking jap word processor!

 

[karnevil]

Can some other ppl have a look at "Essay2.doc" for me?

 

[mercury]

Ϥ

 

[karnevil]

Just so you know, my teacher gave this essay 10/10. It was amongst a bundle of 7 essays that I handed in and got him to mark, he gave them all 9 or 10 out of 10

 

[karnevil]

bump ^^ please somebody?

 

[Lexicographer]

Yeah wait until after English ok!