Mark out of ten... (1 Viewer)

Aimz- Lou.

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Hi. I have an assessment task on Agrippina the younger. The task is to write a band three respons to the question "Account for Agrippina's changing relationship with Nero. Out of ten, what mark would you give this?

Nero was Agerpinna’s son. He was the emperor after Claudius. He married Octavia- Claudius’ daughter. Agerpinna bossed Nero around when he first became emperor because she wanted to be emperor but couldn’t because she was a woman. Nero got sick of this and bludgeoned Agerpinna to death.
When Nero was born, Agerpinna wanted him to be emperor, so she made people do stuff to get him there, like making Claudius make Seneca the prefect of the guard because Seneca liked Agerpinna, and he could pick the next emperor once Claudius died and she wanted him to pick Nero. She was pretty much a good mother because she wanted what was best for Nero, and so everything was good. And Nero loved his mum and he was glad that she got him the position of empieror, and so he made his password “the best of mothers” because he thought Agerpinna was the best of mothers.
But when she started being bossy, Nero didn’t really like her anymore and so he trusted his tutor Burrus instead and listened to what he said and didn’t do any work but just had fun all the time, in “licensed passages of indulgence”. Cassius Dio said that.
And Agerpinna didn’t like Nero’s girlfriend Messalina because she was a slave, and so she told Nero not to see her anymore. Nero got mad, and he kept seeing Messalina and disobeyed his mother, and so she grounded him for a month. Then he was really mad at her.
Agerpinna decided to reform the grain supply without telling Nero. Her “cheap food policy was successful bait for civilians” and got her lots of support, at least that’s what Tacitus says. Nero was angry that his mother did stuff behind his back, and so he decided to build a boat and send her in it and when it got out to sea it would fall apart and she would drown. But he forgot that she knew how to swim and she survived.
So then he decided to put a thing above her bead that would make a plank of wood fall on her head, but it didn’t work. So he sent someone to kill her by hitting her over the head lots of times, then trying to make it look like she committed suicide even though she really didn’t because Nero killed her.
So basically what I am saying is that Agerpinna and Nero got along really well at the start, but by the end they hated each other.

Thanks to anyone who reads this and replies!
 

angelduck

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Aimee05 said:
Nero was Agerpinna’s son. He was the emperor after Claudius. He married Octavia- Claudius’ daughter. Agerpinna bossed Nero around when he first became emperor because she wanted to be emperor but couldn’t because she was a woman. Nero got sick of this and bludgeoned Agerpinna to death.
When Nero was born, Agerpinna wanted him to be emperor, so she made people do stuff to get him there, like making Claudius make Seneca the prefect of the guard because Seneca liked Agerpinna, and he could pick the next emperor once Claudius died and she wanted him to pick Nero. She was pretty much a good mother because she wanted what was best for Nero, and so everything was good. And Nero loved his mum and he was glad that she got him the position of empieror, and so he made his password “the best of mothers” because he thought Agerpinna was the best of mothers.
But when she started being bossy, Nero didn’t really like her anymore and so he trusted his tutor Burrus instead and listened to what he said and didn’t do any work but just had fun all the time, in “licensed passages of indulgence”. Cassius Dio said that.
And Agerpinna didn’t like Nero’s girlfriend Messalina because she was a slave, and so she told Nero not to see her anymore. Nero got mad, and he kept seeing Messalina and disobeyed his mother, and so she grounded him for a month. Then he was really mad at her.
Agerpinna decided to reform the grain supply without telling Nero. Her “cheap food policy was successful bait for civilians” and got her lots of support, at least that’s what Tacitus says. Nero was angry that his mother did stuff behind his back, and so he decided to build a boat and send her in it and when it got out to sea it would fall apart and she would drown. But he forgot that she knew how to swim and she survived.
So then he decided to put a thing above her bead that would make a plank of wood fall on her head, but it didn’t work. So he sent someone to kill her by hitting her over the head lots of times, then trying to make it look like she committed suicide even though she really didn’t because Nero killed her.
So basically what I am saying is that Agerpinna and Nero got along really well at the start, but by the end they hated each other.
3 or 4 out of ten- colloquial language, no mention of primary or secondary sources (U do use tacitud, but not well at all), and it sounds like it been wriiten by a 12 yr old - appologize if sound harsh
*note: Can't assess infn given as i didnt study this section
 
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AsyLum

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Yeah, why are you expected to do something in a Band 3? Shouldn't you be aiming at a band 6?
 

Aimz- Lou.

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Thanks for the feedback... We have to write abnd three and a band five, because our teacher was worried that not all of the class would be capable of writing band six, and she wanted us to get an understanding of the band system and what we have to do to achieve each band.
 

Magister

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Re Mark out of 10

Hi,

A strange task indeed! Does your class REALLY have the time to dumb down your skills and knowledge in this way? You should be encouraged to aim for the best, not the least, and examining Band 6 models is much more constructive!! NEVER EVER underestimate your students, teachers!!

(Hope your teacher doesn't take offence should he/she read this!!)

Good luck!

Magister
 
X

xeuyrawp

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angelduck said:
that is stupid, stupid teacher, u shuold always aim for ur best
Yeah, I know. You don't need an understanding of the band system, you need an understanding of how to get a top band. What a stupid exercise. Type up a proper essay and let her mark that.
 

niteshade1312

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That is an incredibly stupid assessment. I agree with eveyone above, that you should be aiming for Band 6 and not trying to show the difference. In teh HSC, we arn't meant to write a Band 3, we are suppose to be aiming for the best. We also arn't going to be writing two answers- one at Band 3 and 1 aty Band 4.

I feel sorry for you, and for your teacher.

P.S. If you want to write at a Band 3 level, don't use any sources and use very, and I mean VERY basic knowledge that everyone knows. Such as Agrippina the younger's son was Nero. He tried to kill her (and then not describe the ways).. Something like that..
 

glycerine

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Haha, well that was a good start with misspelling Agrippina and all. :p I would give it maybe a 3 or 4 as well cos the basic info is there but it's written like a primary schooler, the sources are inadequete and yeah.
 

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