Moving out (1 Viewer)

[fly.away.fairy]

Hey!
Recently ive been thinking alot of moving out. i always have fights with my mum and cant concentrate at school properly. I know its going to be tough and im only 15.(Im in year 11). However in a couple of months when im 16 im planning to move out. What are my options? What do i need to be able to move out? Is there any help i can get? What about share accomodation? Any suggestions or advice would be great!

 

[loquasagacious]

First a word of warning - I think you are too young to be moving out.

And now some help:

You have three options with various pros and cons;
A) Move in with other family of some description that you get along with. This has the potential to split your family it is however cheap and doesnt have as much danger (in terms of sudden responsibility and instability) of other options.
B) Move into a share house, if you take this route then try and move in with an older sibling. This will suddenly be a whole lot of responsibility on your head and will be expensive, you will be paying rent, electricity, gas, phone, internet, food, etc. You will need to work, study and look after yourself which is a tall order.
C) Move in somewhere on your own. This is most expensive and you will have buckleys chance of finding a landlord that would be cool with you movingin by yourself.

 

[Skeeta]

it also depends on your plans for the future, if intend to stay in school and move on to university, it will be alot harder (moneywise) than if you work full time

if you get in touch with the kidshelpline or something like that i'm sure theyve got alot of contacts on share-houses etc.

 

[ur_inner_child]

how serious is the fighting with your parents?

I moved out at that age once. Sixteen. (but moved back)....twas a highly traumatic experience. I then moved out again 2.5 years later because of my parents.

I want to stress to you that the legal age to leave home is 18. Although, it is also legally not allowed for ANYONE to force you to live at home at 16. You are 15. You need to wait a while.

I had to wait a while too.

During this time, if your abuse is still severe, you can work out the following things:


First, start a budget. How much will you get a week? And how much will you spend? Be realistic. After that, work a second budget, what I call an "emergency budget" where you can see whether you'll scrape through if you lost your job. This can be done by working out your youth allowance.

If you're getting youth allowance, that;s perfect, but to get some spare cash from centrelink, you need to divorce yourself from your parents and claim 'independence'. This is why I asked you how severe your parents and the fighting are. If you parents are in fact actually abusive to you, you should contact the school counsellor, or any form of counselling, so that when Centrelink judges the severity of your abuse at home, they have a third party to interview. That way, you go under the catergory where your parents are not exercises their responsibilities as a parent, therefore your income is judged by itself, rather than your parents income. Your income is without a doubt small, so you would get about $200 a week. You could also apply for rent assistance

If you for some reason do not feel that your abuse is severe, contact your school counsellor anyway. He/she can judge for themselves, they're professionals, and even if it is not severe, it could probably give you peace of mind. You can work out some ways to get through to your parents.

Honey, if you manage to get out somehow, you need to make sure you have a safety net ie your family to fall back on when times get rough. You will need

-somewhere/one to fall back on
-a budget totally organised
-a job, that is stable.
-about close to $700 - $1000 of spare money, such as surprise bills, fees for uni, textbooks for uni, textbooks for school, majorwork money... as well as general furniture you might need. This is meant to be 'spare money', where you're probably not going to touch unless it was an emergency
-a shitload of support from your friends - at times I got severely depressed and lonely

In my case, not having a family that loves me anymore, I have the Northern Sydney Youth Support Service as well as Ryde Adolescent Health that will support me if I was in great need. As well as this, I have my boyfriend's family who welcome me to stay anytime. I'm excersising this now as we speak, since I have recently become unemployed. I feel that you being 15, even if you go to a sharehouse, you will definatley need someone to fall back on if your family is out of the question. Call some organisations. You will find that you need to have a few sessions of counselling before they are willing to help you.


You will also find that because you are so frikin young, and your only reason is because you fight with your parents, is that when you do move out, your parents will either try to get you to move back in, and work some compromises. If you feel this is the case, I strongly urge you NOT to move out and work it out. Even if you do just 'up and leave', go as a sort of stand, rather than a full-blown "im leaving home". Work it out in every which way you can think of. Moving out should be your last resort.

I'm currently out of home now, (I'm 18, going to uni) and my parents have since disowned me entirely. Centrelink has a file about me spanning for 3 years, as well as two youth organisations I have been counselling with for 3-4 years. I'm this independent and receive about $200 a week, with $33 a week's rent assistance. I havent spoken to my parents for 3 months. Even though I'm aware that they were extremely abusive, I honestly feel sick and lonely at times, regardless of how many friends I have. It's a very intense feeling, wish I brush off really quickly. But no matter how abusive, you WILL miss them... that is, if you had any conscience in you.

Expect being pretty poor for a very long time, especially if you wish to go to uni. I cannot stress how important it is to budget.

As abusive as my own parents were, it takes a very particular sort of person to leave home against their parents.... emotionally, mentally as well as being thoroughly organised, ambitious etc.

Other than this, I have also had urges to quite uni entirely and just work full time, it would certainly make things financially easier. Before you move out, make sure you plan and make yourself stick with what you want to do, so that later you do not lose sight of what you really want.

 

[SuGa BunI =D]

okie, ive moved out recently as well, i can certainly tell you this:

1. you must be financially stable (must have a job, you may not be able to save up but at least have money to pay rents, foods & for socialising)

2. very independent and have self discipline (think of cleaning, scrubbing, cooking, washing, ironing). know how to spend your time wisely for work, studies, family, and friends

3. your tenence is imperative as they will affect your personal life, privacy & personal space greatly. So prepare to compromise as allowing a stranger into your life is not easy.

4. before moving in, have a proper talk, lay out the house rules, chores and have a comprehensive understanding of each others needs

5. as moving out is a tough jobs so get your friends over to help you pack & settle in. hopes you have supportive friends that could occupy you as moving out could be very lonely.

6. must remain a good relationship with your family, try to see them as much as possible. drop over for dinner weekly, arrange a movie day with your brother/sister ect

 

[beckywecky]

I think that many teenagers face this obstacle when they're growing up - sick of mum / dad or both, and wish to move out and take on independance... And responsibility.

If the fighting with your mum is relatively bad, then moving out is an option - but not a very advisable one. There is always advice and counselling available for both you, and your mum, and I would advise that you think about that as an option before you decide you would like to move out... Because, realistically, you are a little too young.

However, if you are very serious about it, I suggest you weigh up your options and evaluate what you think would be the best - for your schooling, particularly. If you've got any older family members that wouldn't mind letting you stay with them for a while, then that would be a good alternative to 'moving out' and would give you time to clear your head and get away for a bit. Sometimes all it takes is a breather and a bit of talking-it-out with the parent to recognise the problem and establish a resolution.

I do live at home with my mother, but I pay for everything myself... School fees, transport costs (which amount to a lot when getting a taxi home from work during the night), food and other 'essentials.' We argue all the time, it seems as though she is constantly powered by that force... Otherwise known as menopause. She stresses out over the slightest thing and yells and swears and pulls her hair out if her coffee is cold. Things can sometimes get violent, and it is so hard to focus on my studies... So I know what you're going through.

I have the option of moving out next month with three friends, who are already renting a place but are commencing a new lease soon. I've stayed with them for a little while before, and things were great. There's nothing really left at home for me... So why am I still there?

It's all about money, money, money. <Insert Abba tune here> Aaand the H.S.C... I'd be interested to know how many students living out of home actually obtain the kind of high U.A.I I wish to achieve. Nothing's impossible, though, and if moving out of home will make it easier for a person to study, due to the circumstances, then perhaps it is the better option.

It is hard enough to get by with all the weekly and monthly expenses I have to pay now. Even though rent would be something as little as $20 per week for me, it'll still make an incredible difference. It'll be harder for you as, because of your age, you probably won't get paid as much if you work... As soon as you turn 16, I suggest you call up Centrelink and see if you're eligible for YouthAllowance. (i should really apply for that). It'll be a tremendous help, especially if you decide to move out.

Try to weigh up all your options before considering moving out as your final choice, because it will be exceedingly hard. The majority of teenagers your age who move out of home tend to move back shortly after.

Hope all that helps. Let us know how it goes!

 

[MiuMiu]

Simply put, I would not move out when you haven't even done your HSC yet. During your HSC you need minimal worries and responsibilites so you can fully concentrate--having to worry about where the money is coming from for the rent next week rather than your maths homework is not going to be conducive to a good HSC result.

Give it some time, keep out of your parents hair.

 

[azzie]

just to add a bit more of the realistic side to this.... i work in retail and have done so for abour 2 years. i found that during school holidays it was fine to find work that would give me 3-4 shifts a week of abour 5 hours each, but during the school term its impossible to find a job thats going to be THAT flexible for you. i have friends who did babysitting or worked in retail too but it was hard to find any work more than a thursday night and work on weekends. that wouldn't be enough money for you to live off. i know the place i work now is looking for casuals but they auto say no to school kids because they can hardly work any hours so its a waste of time getting them in.
as for parents- i had issues with my parents during the HSC. i have issues with them now, too. but for the moment im trying to stay put and earn up as much money as i can so that when i move out, i can find a decent place or get a spot on campus. i had issues during the HSC but i just delt with it and kept going. right now i dont particularly like living at home either but sometimes you have to sacrifice that kinda independance because its the sensible thing to do.

 

[Emily.]

if you move out of home how are you going to get places? youre too young to drive so there is no one to get you to your job or to friends places etc

 

[Adrian.]

if you move out of home how are you going to get places? youre too young to drive so there is no one to get you to your job or to friends places etc

Public transport and walking both work.

 

[Mr.Bark]

have any of you guys who are replying actually have moved out while in yr 11 or less???...successfully? well it is possible let me assure you but it does require financial assistance...are your parents prepared to pay for accommodation in a hostel or similar? are you intending to continue in your educational institution? are you receiving a sustainable amount of income? these are all imperative to your decision without this info i will not be able to make a conclusive judgment.
I wish the best of luck it can be a traumatic experience, it can be a liberating experience, it all depends on the amount of emotional links you have formed with your kin, for instance a single child living with a full-time working mother who comes home to no-one and sees his father once in a blue moon would find it easier generally than a person brought up in a nuclear home. It depends on the severity of the fighting, but moving out from the situation without the states or parental consent is probably ill-advised.
Also to the users who state since you don’t have a car you cant exist out of home...that is bs...public transport is reasonable esp. under the age of 18 if you have enough income inflow...it might only become a problem in rural areas.
Personally from my perspective if you have the money you have the means, go for it, whatever you reckon is best for you. It is possible.
Suga buni you have assumed she is moving in a share form of residency, this is not the only alternative…I know people who have one–bedroom studios or boarding house rooms which do not require you to socially interact with flatmates or similar. You also don’t have to see your parents at all, if that’s going to incur less abuse a restraining order may be necessary. You do have to become self-reliant; this can be v difficult if you are already and outcast and have little/ no social network, trust me. Also im not sure about special hsc provisions I have never inquired but that might be an option.
oh and btw: suga buni the TISM/gloria estefan graphic is v cool.

“C) Move in somewhere on your own. This is most expensive and you will have buckleys chance of finding a landlord that would be cool with you moving in by yourself.”
-you have more than Buckley’s trust me.
…oh and you might want to apply to jpet (job placement employment and training) they are v cool and can help you out heaps.

 

[CieL]

You will be spending more time on washing/cleaning/cooking/working/waiting for public transport..

I think that would create more stress on your studies than fights with your mum

 

[Danoz The Great]

My folks fight a lot and I went to a youth refuge for about a month last year. I've heard some of them are kinda dodgy, but the one I went to wasn't.

I found it helpful and it really showed me the responsibility, funds and cleaning-time I'd need if I was to move out. It also patched up some things at home - it isn't rosy and perfect - but we're getting there.

 

[ur_inner_child]

have any of you guys who are replying actually have moved out while in yr 11 or less???...successfully?

doesnt make my post any less valid.

 

[Carnivour]

i moved away from my parents when i was 13. actually, to be more precise, they moved away from me but for totally different reasons to what you are talking about, it was an incredibly reluctant parting which unfortunately had to be done.
having said that, i never lived on my own, i lived with my brother until i was 16, and since then i have lived with a friend. i think thats something else worth considering when you think of moving out: its vital to have someone, at least ONE person who would support you in some way, emotionally or otherwise, otherwise life just seems too steep a climb at that young age.

i do have some other words of warning for you though with regards to difficulties i encountered:
---getting around places: eg parties, school functions, etc. i always had to scab lifts off people, and public transport is an expensive, annoying bitch.
---finances: i cant really comment on this one because i was always secure financially, and never had to work. but i know that if i had to work i would have been severely stressed especially in year 12 because of the many inconveniences that would have caused. if you moved out now, would you have ANY source of income apart from working yourself?
---sympathy from other people: i know this is a really weird one, and perhaps doesnt apply to anyone except me, but i found that people always pittied me and always tried to show some sort of sympathy towards me, etc which i found highly irritating and annoying. they never stopped asking me questions about my situation, which at times just got frustrating and distracting and always made me feel apart from everyone else, and not in a good way.
---self-discipline: this is one of the hardest aspects of moving away simply because you have no one to really guide you in a manner that parents would. you have to always think ahead, i found that the only way i could get everything done was to make weekly lists and cross things off as i got them done, otherwise stuff would just pile up until i got overwhelmed.

to be honest, like everyone else on here, i would not recommend moving out until you are older and have a better sense of "how the world works".
having said that, i have absolutely no regrets to how my life turned out, i think living by yourself teaches you in a way no other experience could. i had a great childhood, so i do not feel as if i have missed out on some aspect of growing up, apart from unnecessary fighting between parents and children over the most trivial of things which just arent worth it

 

[mmm_sofay]

im currently sitting on the edge of getting kicked out of home.
i went to centerlink yesterday to see what benefits i can get.
I said i was family troubles and possibly need to move out of home. I was given a youth allowance form for "unsuitable to live at home".
you need to fill it out, your parent/s/gaurdian, and a third party, then you have to go back to centerlink with them all and see one of the peoples who works there and they talk over your options and how much you can etc. they can also provide community services people aswell, if you need them.

good luck with whatever you do.

 

[fly.away.fairy]

Hey...

Thanx for all the replys theve been a great help.
I have some options going for me.

Firstly, the main reason i was planning to move out was cuz my best friend was living in a VERY abusive family..on a scale of 1 - 10(1 being the worst) her situation is 1. We have decided that shell come live with me for a while...

Second of all, since my dad lives overseas and is bloody rich and never really was "therE" i wanna ask him to buy me a studio flat. Thatll give us a whole heap of worrys of. My mum ses that shell sign the "unsuitable to live at home" papers so i can get youth allowance + ive applied for a couple of jobs.

Im not worried about all the cooking/cleaning/washing/ironing/shopping etc since i do all that anyway...
THanx for all the replys!!!

Nat!

 

[MiuMiu]

Best of luck.

 

[Danoz The Great]

Best of luck Nat, hope it all goes well

 

[ambi89]

i moved out at 17 best thing i could of done im doing my hsc now i live wit my bf and i moved out cuz of my parents well step dad we were always fighting