my boyfriend (1 Viewer)

[bonamy]

i met my bf through my best friend. ever since we started going out she has ignored me most of the time. my bf still talks to her and has suggested to her that they catch up some time. i know she likes him. what should i say to my boyfriend about it. does it mean anything that he is catching up with her. i love him so much i get jeolous if he is with another girl.
Any suggestions would be great, thanx.

 

[Cykologi_gal]

Not to worry, this is a typical 'trust' situation. Tell your boyfriend about your worries. Mention that you really love him and that you can't help the jealousy, even though you trust him. The key is to get your point across and at the same time, express your insecurities without making him think that you're overly possessive.

He probably doesn't mean anything when he says that he is catching up with her, considering that they have been friends previously and need to catch up sometime, you know, to keep the friendship. Still, if you feel really insecure about her liking him, just tell him straight out, preferably in a quiet situation during a good conversation. Begin along the lines of "I hope that she hasn't been feeling too left out/how was the catching up" etc. Then after talking about them for a while, tell him that she likes him and even though you trust him, you're worried - tell him you really love him here. He'll be smitten. Communicating with the right words is really essential here. A good guy will answer to the situation with you and reassure you.

On the other hand, consider where your feelings lie. Is he your first boyfriend?! Keep an eye on the jealousy level =) to ensure that the relationship is still healthy.

 

[AsyLum]

Not to worry, this is a typical 'trust' situation. Tell your boyfriend about your worries. Mention that you really love him and that you can't help the jealousy, even though you trust him. The key is to get your point across and at the same time, express your insecurities without making him think that you're overly possessive.

Here is your problem.

 

[Frigid]

i met my bf through my best friend. ever since we started going out she has ignored me most of the time. my bf still talks to her and has suggested to her that they catch up some time. i know she likes him. what should i say to my boyfriend about it. does it mean anything that he is catching up with her. i love him so much i get jeolous if he is with another girl.

perfect grounds for a threesome.

 

[wuddie]

frigid - hahaha 3some hahaha that's gold!

bonamy - if u tell him the 'you love him so much' saga, he'll go pimping all day long and there wont be a thing you can do about it. in another words, in knowing that you love him, he'll take FULL advantage of it, more or less, sooner or later. dont tell me that he's a nice guy and he wont do it, he is a guy and it is in every guy's nature to take advantage of every situation possible.

unless they get married and theres no prenup, of course

 

[Cykologi_gal]

Here is your problem.

What prob?! I don't see one.

 

[AsyLum]

What prob?! I don't see one.

You mean the self-referential inconsistency with being jealous and trusting him?

 

[Cykologi_gal]

You can be both jealous and trusting at the same time, it depends on how you handle the jealousy and not let it get out of hand. A little jealousy is actually healthy in a relationship, it lets you know that you're being loved and wanted, and yet there is still a lot of trust there.

My strategy was to reassure her b.f first, so that he wouldn't jump up and be all angry at her for being so insecure, possessive, etc. Even though she might feel really really jealous - the unhealthy kind, she still can't show it, or the relationship might go in the wrong direction. She still has to be logical and know what she should do and what she should say, even if it isn't what she really feels - I find that this is really essential at times, that you can't tell a guy how you really feel, if it is destructive. If she can manage to let him know that she's only 'healthily jealous' and that there is still trust in existence, then it'll all be good. Try to imagine that a guy isn't jealous at all...and doesn't care how the girl go about treating other guys, no matter how closely, would that make her feel 'wanted' in the relationship?! Oh wells, hope it all goes well with Bonamy.

 

[PrettyVacant]

Bad.
Friendships > Relationships.

 

[PrettyVacant]

Bad at this age, at least. I mean, you're my age. And perhaps I'm not as sensitive or emotional as you are...I really think you have to consider that FRIENDSHIP > RELATIONSHIP!
So how did a boy turn your "best friend" into a jealous silent person?

 

[Cykologi_gal]

Yeah, I realize that I've missed the other part of the whole business - the friendship factor, sorry!...but it doesn't seem as important at the issue at hand - the guy and you.

A boy can turn a best friend into a jealous, silent person by liking the best friend's friend and not knowing that he's been loved by the best friend herself as well.

 

[AsyLum]

You can be both jealous and trusting at the same time, it depends on how you handle the jealousy and not let it get out of hand. A little jealousy is actually healthy in a relationship, it lets you know that you're being loved and wanted, and yet there is still a lot of trust there.

My strategy was to reassure her b.f first, so that he wouldn't jump up and be all angry at her for being so insecure, possessive, etc. Even though she might feel really really jealous - the unhealthy kind, she still can't show it, or the relationship might go in the wrong direction. She still has to be logical and know what she should do and what she should say, even if it isn't what she really feels - I find that this is really essential at times, that you can't tell a guy how you really feel, if it is destructive. If she can manage to let him know that she's only 'healthily jealous' and that there is still trust in existence, then it'll all be good. Try to imagine that a guy isn't jealous at all...and doesn't care how the girl go about treating other guys, no matter how closely, would that make her feel 'wanted' in the relationship?! Oh wells, hope it all goes well with Bonamy.

What are you, the queen of "How to go down the path of a messy break up" ?

That is insane, you're telling her to play mind games which have the potential to spark into massive fights? Tell the guy about it, so he knows what the fuck is on your mind. Nothing worse than people playing mind games and miscommunicating shit left-right and centre and then trying to figure out what went wrong after its been all said and done.

Original poster: Why don't you trust him? Did you know that the best friend liked your (now) bf before you hooked up with him? If you're so jealous everytime he's with someone else, you're one possessive wenchbag.

 

[*hopeful*]

she was friends with him first, if she liked him or he liked her they'd probably have hooked up already...

 

[glitterfairy]

I wonder though, why you're considering talking to the boyfriend and presumably have your words passed on to the best friend through him. If you are best friends, why aren't you talking to her?! Friends first, you know... you don't let significant others affect your friendship

 

[AsyLum]

she was friends with him first, if she liked him or he liked her they'd probably have hooked up already...

It feels the friend may be feeling resentful or something, like the boyfriend was stolen from under her nose, or worse still, she kept talking about the boyfriend in front of her, kinda like a 'parading' of the prize.

Either way is bad, so I'd like to know why the bestie isn't talking to her, or stopped talking to her, cos it does seem some sort of 'tiff' or resentment playing up.

But yeah, Cyko's idea of miscommunication. Wtf.

 

[glitterfairy]

Yeah, I realize that I've missed the other part of the whole business - the friendship factor, sorry!...but it doesn't seem as important at the issue at hand - the guy and you.

A boy can turn a best friend into a jealous, silent person by liking the best friend's friend and not knowing that he's been loved by the best friend herself as well.

See, I disagree. I think the main problem at hand is the friendship (or growing lack thereof).

There are many classic "honeymoon" symptoms here - not talking much to friends, possessiveness, always thinking about the s.o etc etc. It's times like these when you have to REALLY work on keeping your existing friendships, otherwise it becomes a world of "me and my boyfriend" (with massive possession issues related to not being able to have a social life outside of boyfriend) and nothing else.

This rings alarm bells for me:

i know she likes him. what should i say to my boyfriend about it.

Wrong. Why aren't you talking to HER about it? Assuming that the boyfriend is oblivious to it all, why bring him into it?! If the issue is between the two girls then it should be dealt with by the two girls... no need to bring a third (and the factor with the most 'blow up' potential) into play.

 

[withoutaface]

I wonder though, why you're considering talking to the boyfriend and presumably have your words passed on to the best friend through him. If you are best friends, why aren't you talking to her?! Friends first, you know... you don't let significant others affect your friendship

The friend's ignoring her, not the other way around, and bro's before ho's doesn't hold when bro's hold you to ransom over your ho.

 

[*hopeful*]

^true
but i think the thread-starter should just go ask her friend whats up cause to me it looks like shes either jealous of ur boy, the fact u got a boy or pissed cause she feels left out/ignored thus ignoring u

 

[Cykologi_gal]

I've been in that situation before, and trust me, when your friend ignores you (I think it's all 3 reasons that *hopeful*'s suggested), there're so many issues - pride is just one. You'd think you're doing nothing wrong, that it's only natural lol.

But then, Glitterfairy is even more logical than me =) I guess a fatal mistake would be to bring a 3rd party into it - you'd risk everything then, if the guy is new to the issue.