Post you 2008 EE2 SHORT STORIES here! (1 Viewer)

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Schoey93

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Hi all,

Please post your EE2 short stories in this thread. Please do not post short stories you are working on for EE2 2009, as there is the threat of people plagarising your work.

You may also post EE2 short stories you completed in 2001 - 2007. Also, short stories unrelated to EE2 are permitted, but please specify if your story was written for recreational purposes or for EE2.

I repeat, do not post your EE2 2009 short story here until at least one week after the date of submissions (to allow for late submission).

Thanking you,

James
 
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dizzyizzy

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Why are you, some year 10 kid, asking people to post pretty much any short story they've written...?
Somebody needs to do their own homework.
 
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Schoey93

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pfft


The thread is specifically for EE2 short stories. I would prefer people submit their major works as opposed to just any old story. I want to see the standard that is required to do well in EE2, as I plan on doing it some day (2010 - 2011). I have written plenty of short stories (15+) and I am currently writing a novel, which if you are interested, I will post in this thread or PM to you. (It is about a child's experience of WWI, then WWII, seen through her brother's eyes as he goes off to fight.) Don't steal this idea, as under Australian Copyright law, copyright remains with the author after the work has been started, or the idea conceived.

So don't be so ignorant.

A UAI aim of 97.4 when you can't even treat others with common courtesy or infer meaning from a short, simple text...pfft...dream on, white girl!
 

dizzyizzy

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I want to see the standard that is required to do well in EE2, as I plan on doing it some day (2010 - 2011)
Go look at the standards packages and the published collection of MW released every year. People with good stories rarely post them here.

I have written plenty of short stories (15+) and I am currently writing a novel, which if you are interested, I will post in this thread or PM to you. Don't steal this idea, as under Australian Copyright law, copyright remains with the author after the work has been started, or the idea conceived.
You presume I would want to steal your idea- from the school of thought that good ideas are worth more than good writing perhaps?

A UAI aim of 97.4 when you can't even treat others with common courtesy or infer meaning from a short, simple text...pfft...dream on, white girl!
Bring in the token racial insult!
I sure will dream on - I'm the same age as you (15) and academically gifted enough to be doing the HSC this year AND maintaining a ranking in the top 15 of my cohort (in a top 20 school). That gives me confidence that I will achieve my UAI goal.

I guess my main gripe with your original post was just your presumptuous stance as the wonder-child-author demanding things from others.
 

Schoey93

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pfft you read too much into my first post, and "dream on white girl" isn't racist, it's from a song:

"Dream on black boy, dream on white girl, dream on...".


The HSC is not overly difficult. It's a general education Certificate III course. Really, the level of study required to achieve a 95 + UAI is simply overrated. Two of my cousins (Tamara and Troy) have achieved at this level (well, Tamara got 94.6 UAI, Troy got 98.65 UAI).

Tamara did work smart, but she studied consistently and that was enough - 2 hours a night/day, 3-4 hours a day for the month before the exams. Troy worked a little longer and smarter. On the other hand, Kurt, Troy's older brother, achieved 75.00 UAI with minimal study - about 3 hours a week, no study in the holidays and a week and a half of study before the trials and finals.

Really, to get 95 UAI, if you work smart you shouldn't be doing more than two hours a night, not including weekends. Do about 5 hours each weekend, on Saturday. You don't ever need to study on Sunday, and according to the Ten Commandments, if you are a Chrisitain studying on a Sunday is a sin. ("Thou shalt keep the Sabbath holy.") Before exams, you just read over your notes in exercise book, highlight stuff in the textbook, stick quotes and facts all over your bedroom walls and quiz yourself and others. Easy. Easier said than DONE, but still, easy. :)
 

dizzyizzy

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1) I don't really care about your relatives and their achievements. Don't think anybody here does, actually...

2) Why bring Christianity into this? Another of your irrelevant little segues?

3) Are you telling me, and others currently attempting it, how to succeed in the HSC? I don't need your advice and I certainly don't want arrogant instructions from a kid who hasn't even begun it!

You seem to think you're God's gift to everybody and an expert on everything.
Completely wrong, you pathetic little boy.

EDIT: I read your short story about Whitlam...and you claim to be writing a novel. If I was you I'd focus my talents on something I was good at.
 
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ademayd

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omg that was so lame... do you really think people are going to take you seriously? especially when you are talking like that!

and wth, who said studying on Sunday is a sin? It might not be a holy act but neither is eating, sleeping or watching tv.

And just because something is from a song it doesn't mean it's not racist. Its not gospel, its a song. They are often filled with sexual references and profanity. If you quote 'smack that...' its still sexual abuse, and if you quote 'mofo' its still an insult, you can't just say its a song.

'Good Luck,' looks as though you're really going to need it...
 

Schoey93

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1) I don't really care about your relatives and their achievements. Don't think anybody here does, actually...

2) Why bring Christianity into this? Another of your irrelevant little segues?

3) Are you telling me, and others currently attempting it, how to succeed in the HSC? I don't need your advice and I certainly don't want arrogant instructions from a kid who hasn't even begun it!

You seem to think you're God's gift to everybody and an expert on everything.
Completely wrong, you pathetic little boy.

EDIT: I read your short story about Whitlam...and you claim to be writing a novel. If I was you I'd focus my talents on something I was good at.
I got 17/20 for the story about Whitlam. It was a school story. I don't believe it's a good indication of my writing style as I typed up the draft in an hour and barely modified it afterwards. It was a rushed job designed to get me some easy marks so that I could go well in the joke that is Year 9 English.

I most certainly am not God's gift to everybody. To assume for a mere 200 odd words what a person's personality is like is not only ignorant, but makes you very misinformed. The president doesn't go, "Osama is a horrible man, he sent me a rude text message", he bases his judgement on the man's actions. Of course this is a rather ridiculous example, but if we're going to have a debate heck why not make it entertaining.

I think perhaps I should post my novel introduction so you can see that despite being far from perfect it is, in fact, not absolutely abysmal.

Could we please focus, from here on in, on the topic of the thread. I don't want to carry on defending myself and I won't. I will ignore any further insults from you and if you are persistent I will have the police trace the post to your computer and file a police report. Look, I know that is extreme, but I do not like cyber bullying; having done it myself I know the damage it brings, whether the harm is caused deliberately or accidentally; it's irrelevant.

Anyway, seeing as I am apparently arrogant and in need of a desperate reality check, and should not be attempting to give you advice (I actually intended to help you after you insulted me, and you somehow took offence to this - I admit that I have not done the HSC but for goodness' sake it's a Cert III, not a bloody Ph.D!)... here is the introduction of my novel.


© James Robert Schofield, 2009
He was supposed to be home by Christmas. Daddy had described to me what he anticipated would be his experience of war in Europe.
“Honey, don’t be scared. Daddy is going to France to fight the Germans. I am going to shoot some bad guys and I will be home by Christmas, I promise. I will have really exciting tales to tell you and Mummy! I bet you will be very impressed by my bravery, baby. So chin up, Elisabeth, Daddy will be fine – remember that Britain have the greatest navy in the world and a very strong army, and they are on our side. I love you, baby. I will see you before Christmas, Lucille and Lizzy. I love you both. Goodbye.”
Daddy stuck his right hand under Mummy's shirt and rubbed her stomach in a circular motion, while she looked down, giggled softly and smiled widely. The smile did not last long, though. Dad removed his hand from her stomach, adjusted her shirt quickly, cupped her left cheek in his right hand and gave her a peck on the lips. They hugged each other, then Daddy hugged me, and said one last time, "Goodbye Elisabeth, goodbye Lucille!"
Mummy's lip curled into a wide, wide frown. Tears slid down her face and her nose began to run, snot pouring out thick and fast. She rubbed her eyes coarsely and sniffed the gooey mucus into her nose, wiping away that which had drenched her lips. Mummy, unable to stand seeing Daddy depart, turned her back while I watched the ship slowly move out of sight, considering the faces of the departing soldiers. Some regretful, some thoughtful, some happy, some ecstatic –my father’s face was a mixture of mild sadness and excitement – it was an unusual sight.
As he waved to me, I yelled out, “Good luck!” He nodded, put his thumbs up at me and gradually his expression resumed its excited state that had been present that morning. Soon enough the ship was out of sight, so I patted Mummy’s back. She and I, with the relatives of other departing Anzac soldiers ambled through the paved streets, finding our way home.


A year later, Daddy was still fighting overseas and Mummy had given birth to my brothers Alexander and Henry, who were four months old. Daddy would only have heard of their existence through mail, if he had actually received it. He had seemed to intuitively realise that Mummy had a bun (or two) in the oven, but maybe I had simply been reading too much into his actions.
Daddy did not write very much. Actually, he wrote once, a week after his arrival in the green fields of France, and then he never wrote to us again.
Mummy got very lonely, fast. She did not have many friends – only three close friends. Two of her friends had gone overseas to help with the war effort – they were nurses. Her only friend in Sydney, Agnes, was bedridden – the doctor said she had the plague, which was a rarer occurrence that it had been at the turn of the century, although not completely unheard of. She was in horrible pain – she was always scratching herself. Mummy and I visited her in hospital often. We had to stand outside the room and talk to her through the glass. Mummy cried after every visit.

I longed to be able to comfort my mother, and I would gently pat her back, give her shoulder massages to try and ease her tension. It worked for a little while, and she was grateful for me trying to help her remain strong, but she missed Daddy and she was very scared about the possibilities of the war.


It was 1915, and the war was only just beginning, someone we knew after the soldiers did not come home by Christmas that this was bigger, this would last longer. It was, of course, Archduke Franz Ferdinand's assasination that had caused the tension to break and war to result. All because Archduke Franz Ferdinand's chaffeur took a wrong turn.

I wish he hadn't.

Bye!


James
 
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Schoey93

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omg that was so lame... do you really think people are going to take you seriously? especially when you are talking like that!

and wth, who said studying on Sunday is a sin? It might not be a holy act but neither is eating, sleeping or watching tv.

And just because something is from a song it doesn't mean it's not racist. Its not gospel, its a song. They are often filled with sexual references and profanity. If you quote 'smack that...' its still sexual abuse, and if you quote 'mofo' its still an insult, you can't just say its a song.

'Good Luck,' looks as though you're really going to need it...
Any form of work performed on a Sunday is a sin. Homework and studying are work. They require effort and mental acuity (I'm not sure if that is the right word), therefore, indeed they are "work activities" and are sins if performed on a Sunday. If you think it's not a sin, you should hear about the people in the inner city who refuse to press the button for the "WALK" sign at pedestrian crossings, make the comparison and you'll see that yes it is a sin! :)

Back on topic people. If you do not have a short story to submit or a facet of English Extension 2 to discuss, then please feel free to read the debate here but if possible refrain from contributing furthermore off topic rubbish as I have stupidly succumbed to the urge and done. :D


James
 

dizzyizzy

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If you think it's not a sin, you should hear about the people in the inner city who refuse to press the button for the "WALK" sign at pedestrian crossings, make the comparison and you'll see that yes it is a sin!
You're referring to the Jewish community, not Christians.

Daddy stuck his hand up Mummy’s shirt and rubbed up and down her stomach. He then slid his hand further up her abdomen and squeezed each of her bright pink nipples one by one causing her to let out an involuntary squeal. He tenderly stroked her bosom. As she found this quite pleasurable, Mummy let out a deep sigh. Daddy and her embraced, locking lips. They kissed, tongues lashing, for almost five minutes, until Mummy squeezed his left buttock and pushed Daddy away, saying, “Enough, enough!” He slid forward on his feet, bit her neck, she moaned. He boarded the ship looking at us forlornly over his shoulder.
Wow, this is a bad description even considering your lack of experience with sex. And as your story is told through a child's eyes, the child witnesses this...?
'tongues lashing' Nice wet dream of yours.

If you do not have a short story to submit or a facet of English Extension 2 to discuss, then please feel free to read the debate here
Okay, I'll give in- You've got me cowering in my seat here with all your talk of the police! I'm really scared! What a powerful person you are!


But on a facet of EE2: Please don't do it, for the marker's sake.
 

ademayd

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ok then the sunday before your HSC you can not study...
 

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Just ...no. Terrible novel idea firstly. I won't get involved with your lil flame war. But, if you want to 'check out' the 'standard' then you can always go to the 'Major Works' sub-forum and browse that as you please. Short stories tend to be in the majority...wait, they're ALWAYS in the majority.

Back to your novel idea/ opener. Someone brought up a good point. The child witnessing the sex scene? And describing it in such intricate detail? What kind of fucked up kid are you writing about? And this brings up my most important complaint. Writing in the mind of a child isn't a good idea. It's a fucking horrible idea. Why? Because children are just NOT that insightful. And if you compensated for this by MAKING your child all philosophical and literate, then your just cheating the readers. You're just using a child for a cheap gimmick Children are dumb. Children are annoying. Children don't describe sex scenes .... Geddit?
 

snowconesyum

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guys he must be a troll - I mean, claiming to be writing a novel which his persona clearly takes very seriously, but then having more strange and unsubstantiated twists than a soapie, all in a few pages... he's got to be kidding.

sorry schoey if you actually are for real, if this is the case then i'm very sorry but you have a long way to go.
 

Schoey93

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It's a rough draft. I am for real. I never claimed that this was the next "To Kill a Mockingbird" or "1/14 of an elephant". The sexual description has since being dulled down a bit to the point all the man does is rub her stomach as she is pregnant then cup her cheek in his hand, give her a peck on the lips and go. Look, it's subtle and tender that way but it lacks passion.

Also, this thread has nothing to do with my work. I only posted that because you were attacking me, but in hindsight it just gave you more cause to give me non-constructive criticism, so I may need to delete the post, and possibly this thread as no one wishes to give any postivie responses; this is both frustrating and unnecessary.

Also, I have already looked at the Standards Packages months ago, stop telling me to do it again. I have actually read some stories from a collection of EE2 works published by the Board of Studies. Let me tell you, if you think my work is bad, you should see what achieves a Band 2-3 in English Extension 2.

lol @ "please don't do English Extension 2 for the marker's sake", they already have to mark hundreds of trite stories that a monkey with a typewriter could probably beat! Get off your high horse please. I shouldn't have even posted this post, you're not worth my words.

And @ he must be a troll ... lmao everyone's supposedly a troll these days. Someone should shoot the person who coined the term. It's so frigging annoying. You don't like someone's post you go "must be a troll" and then everyone goes "yeah, definitely a troll". What a load of crap. Look, the Internet is annoymous, mainly. SO for all I know, you are a 65-year-old paraplegic...kind of random but it's possible although I really simply believe you're a pimply teenager with nothing better to do, somewhat similar to me perhaps.

I bet if I posted the greatest short story ever written you would still find some way to criticise it, even if you simply said, "It's good but because you wrote it, it immediately sucks."

This is a thread for EE2 students, not I-say-he-be-a-troll people or people who derive pleasure from abusing others through type. Can one of the mods reinforce this? Look, say what you like, but maybe I should just report a bad post. Just get off my back.

I'm a 15 year old kid and of course I have a long way to go, I have written better stories than this, but I still have a lot of research and editing to do.

One last thing. The Jewish community AND the Christian community share the belief that working on Sundays is a sin; it's written in The Ten Commandments. Not that Christians would care as of the ones I know, 70% say but don't do. I don't think I know any Christian who lives their life like the Christian ideal, and I only know a handful of people who attempt this. And don't say "you don't know anyone, you have no friends".

Also, the comment I made "feel free to read the debate" wasn't directed at you. I thought it would be good to have some healthy discussion, but alas, no. You are perhaps too narrow-minded to question the world around you and challenge, potentially change your beliefs. I'm not going to call the police, and that was definitely intended as intimidation.


I am open to any suggestions regarding my short story/novel opening. Please note that I prefer PM, or another more appropriate thread. But hey, since we've practically destroyed the concept of what this thread was supposed to be, why not just completely rip it apart? I see no reason not to.
 
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Schoey93

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Just ...no. Terrible novel idea firstly. I won't get involved with your lil flame war. But, if you want to 'check out' the 'standard' then you can always go to the 'Major Works' sub-forum and browse that as you please. Short stories tend to be in the majority...wait, they're ALWAYS in the majority.

Back to your novel idea/ opener. Someone brought up a good point. The child witnessing the sex scene? And describing it in such intricate detail? What kind of fucked up kid are you writing about? And this brings up my most important complaint. Writing in the mind of a child isn't a good idea. It's a fucking horrible idea. Why? Because children are just NOT that insightful. And if you compensated for this by MAKING your child all philosophical and literate, then your just cheating the readers. You're just using a child for a cheap gimmick Children are dumb. Children are annoying. Children don't describe sex scenes .... Geddit?
Note it's not a sex scene. There was no penetration. There was touching and kissing which in my mind does not constitute sex especially when the touching is not in the genital area (obviously breasts are just not genitals).

As for writing from a child's point of view, I refer you to To Kill a Mockingbird, one of the greatest novels of all time. And Scout was literate at age four, and somehwhat philosophical. Who can forget:

"There's just one kind of folks, Jem. Folks."

It was accidental, it was beautiful, it was innocent. I think a child can experience deep passionate love, and I don't think it need be a traumatic experience. Do you agree? Discuss. :)

(Perhaps I may get an intelligent, sensitive reply just once?)
 

Schoey93

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NCAP (please exaplain?)

I wasn't trying to be arrogant, but admittedly it did come across that way. Sorry everybody.

:)
 
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