rate my essay! immigrants @ central! (1 Viewer)

[r.haidar]

my trial english paper starts tomoz... help guys ideas and opinions on this?... please excuse spelling errors as i am typing this up now!

Immigrants at central station records the observations of a generation of people who have espaced a war-torn Europe, in what must have been a surreal experience, leaving behind everything they knew to start a new life in a new country. "The silence, the cold the benevolence" is a metaphor for the lack of bombs. Skrzynecki describes a very melancholy atmosphere with a sombre tone of apprehension, using personification and alliteration such as "With a dampness that slowly sunk into our thoughts, but we ate it all"

Phrases like this support the monotony of the atmosphere. Metaphors and similies are used to explain the difficult emotional journey the immigrants are undertaking. "Like cattle bought for the slaughter" not only describes the magnitude of people, but also is a direct allusion to the holocaust.

Allusions are used in this poem to enhance its meaning. "Like a word of command" is another war-relation allusion, to the war camps. The use of allusions, metaphors and similies is effective in establishing and conveying the emptiness, apprehension and confusion of immigrants.

Personal pronouns are used to establish a reader/composer relationship. e.g. "Time waited anxiously with US" "Space hemmed US" and "Against EACH OTHER"


plz dont tell me to take out anything coz its really short haha unless of course there are parts in which im babbling (such as right now hehe)... any additions would be greatly appreciated... THANKS GUYS!

 

[Aimz- Lou.]

What you have is basically good- the information is great, just some of the ways things are written might need a little bit of work for you to achieve sophistication of language.

""The silence, the cold the benevolence" is a metaphor for the lack of bombs. "
This sentence doesn't make sense in the context that you have placed it in. You go from talking about surrealism and the experience of moving from one place to another, then suddenly start talking about bombs....

"a sombre tone of apprehension"
it's probably best not to use an adjective before explaining the tone... It might be better to say that the tone is sombre and apprehensive.



"Allusions are used in this poem to enhance its meaning. "
If you want to refer to meaning, you should probably be able to explain WHAT that meaning is. As it is, you are saying that the tehniques enhance the meaning without proving that, because you haven't told us what the meaning is.


I hope that helps

 

[r.haidar]

wow thanx i didnt think i would get a reply hehe champ!

Immigrants at central station records the observations of a generation of people who have espaced a war-torn Europe, in what must have been a surreal experience, leaving behind everything they knew to start a new life in a new country. Skrzynecki describes a very melancholy atmosphere where the tone is sombre and apprehensive, using personification and alliteration such as "With a dampness that slowly sunk into our thoughts, but we ate it all". The metaphor "The silence, the cold the benevolence" symbolises the lack of bombs that the immigrants are so accustomed to.

Phrases like this support the monotony of the atmosphere. Metaphors and similies are used to explain the difficult emotional journey the immigrants are undertaking. "Like cattle bought for the slaughter" not only describes the magnitude of people, but also is a direct allusion to the holocaust.

*something about the meaning of the poem lol* <<< little help?

Allusions are used in this poem to enhance its meaning. "Like a word of command" is another war-relation allusion, to the war camps. The use of allusions, metaphors and similies is effective in establishing and conveying the emptiness, apprehension and confusion of immigrants.

Personal pronouns are used to establish a reader/composer relationship. e.g. "Time waited anxiously with US" "Space hemmed US" and "Against EACH OTHER"

that better?

 

[Aimz- Lou.]

Yeah, that reads a lot better. As far as the meaning is concerned, it would probably be a good idea to say what the poem has to do with journeys- because every candidate in the state will be able to say thet "they are going on a physical journey" Something like the emotional transformation that is occurring- the effects of the physical journey (You have touched on this briefly when you said about leaving the country they are used to-elaborate a little on what this might mean for them...) The inevitablility of the journey- for example, they have to undertake it because the outcome of taking the journey is better than the outcome of staying where they are... The controlled nature of their journey- for example "time ran ahead along glistening tracks of steel" would suggest that the journey has already been predetermined, and they are simply pawns being swept along by it.

Hope that makes sense and helps a bit.

 

[Skitzo]

Well theoretically speaking "the silence, the cold and the benevolence" in all truth encapsulates the epitomy of a "war torn Europe"! In reference to a so called "lack of bombs" within WWII; you IDIOT!!!!!! (just a few more to emphasise my frustration concured through your own stupidity)!!!!!!!!!!
To juxtapose between the real and unreal - surrealism - within a Peter Skrzynecki poem is an oxymoron in its self, as the events that came to past were nothing but 'real'. To proclaim anything but this is to portray an inability to acknowledge the putrid and vile conditions subjugating many migrants, who saw that journeying from one mutilated place to a slightly civil nation as a godsend!

If you wished to establish an innovative yet proverbial introduction to your essay, define the concept of a physical journey, introduce the texts you are wanting to converse about and then identify what hypothesis about the journey you wish to reach. Then its just a matter of proving your point throughout the entire essay, which in actuality should be at least 5 - 8 pages, with of course related material and other Skryznecki poems. This should enable you to cover the essential areas and not fail, which you surely will do if you concoct something like that in an exam!

 

[samuelblayden]

100 out of 100

 

[bekstah]

"silence, the cold the benevolence" is a metaphor for the lack of bombs

lack of bombs.. lol
well i believe that it is referring to their previous life, being the war torn Europe, linking back to how they felt during the war and linking back to how they feel in this present state - the atmospheric surroundings being cold and silent.

"time ran ahead along glistening tracks of steel" would suggest that the journey has already been predetermined, and they are simply pawns being swept along by it.

now your explaination does have some partial significance to the actual quote, you did not explain the glistening tracks of steel part, which is equally important;
glistening - representing a new life, and hints of hope.
steel - is permanent and strong also linking to their jouney as being solid and continuous hence the train tracks.

 

[bekstah]

2.9/100

the point 9 is because i feel sorry for you.

 

[Skitzo]

When referring to a fool like that, l feel that the "feeling sorry" part is a tad over-rated and should thus be forgotten completely!

 

[Miss laura]

its pretty good

hey its pretty good very detailed u should give it to u teacher to check as well how did ur trials go?

 

[r.haidar]

thanks guys

yeah trials went well, wrote 9 pages on the journeys part. im good at making stuff in exams under pressure. our school had the CSSA trials which i dont know how many of you did but it was pretty easy.

to the 'skitso' thanks for ur opinion i do appreciate u critically anaylsing it and i can c u know what ur talkin about but im sure there is a more polite way of gettin your point across. english is not my strongest subject, maths is so thats why i posted to this forum... for help but if u get enjoyment out of makin comments such as those below... so be it. thanks beksta ill use all thse points for tha hsc and thanks for being the only person who actually rated it haha

thanks aimee! ive written all those points u made down and im gunna use them for the HSC if u dont mind ?