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Script On The Vrge (1 Viewer)

On-The_Vrge

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Jun 5, 2005
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2005
Howdy All,

Attached is an excerpt of my IP script jus wonderin if i could get som feedback, it's a good read only a few pages.
 

bonniejjj

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Lismore *blah*
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Feedback on your exerpt

The opening image is very effective, a description of the scene before the actual showing, inciting anticipation in the audience. Excellent dynamics between characters (I was getting the impresssion that perhaps the Shrink herself is 'crazy,' analysing herself, with eccentric mannerisms.) The patient seems under-developed (I hate the term 'undeveloped') even at this early stage, but once again, dynamics are excellent. I am unsure where you are going, but it appears to be going somewhere, with appropriate dramatic tension. Currently the title 'The adventurers' seems inappropriate but I am hoping that as the play progresses title meaning becomes apparent. Also the 'voice behind the wall' could be just a pre-recorded voice over, but of course that is up to you, I find both ways of presenting this to be effective. Just remember to adhere to stylistic conventions (although as this is just a draft it doesn't really matter.)

I have attached a copy of my IP script, so if you have the time any feedback is appreciated. Good luck with your script :)
 

whartonag

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Mar 17, 2005
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2005
Brilliant! I love them both!!! I think the concepts are great and love the creativity and orgininality shown!! I cant believe we have less than a week to go till they are to be sent off to the BoS! Good luck fellow script writers...i believe we can do it!!!!!!!!!
 

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