I know this story is far from a band 6 but i sit there and look at in wondering how i can improve it. Hopefully some perspective of others will help
do the short stories need to have titles?
No kindness in the face of strangers, so now I must try to fit in… now I must try to belong… - use this statement as a basis for a short story
Shirley ran through the front door, threw her bag in the corner and tore up the stairs to her room. Bang! Edna sighed as she slowly forced her unwilling body apart from the rocking chair and up the stairs. As she reached the top she regained her breath and paused before knocking, let it be something different she pleaded.
As she opened the door disappointment flooded her as she sighted the torn apart pom poms sprawled across the carpet, the same pom poms she had been begged to make.
‘Tell me what happened Shirley, talk to Nan’ Edna whispered as she stroked the girl’s flaming curly hair.
‘It’s everyone Nan!, Everyone in this stupid town! I wish I never moved here!’ Silence passed for a few minutes and Edna got up to leave feeling helpless, but as she did she caught sight of a ball of paper lying in the middle of Shirley’s usually immaculate room. Disappointment struck a second time as the ball of paper revealed a cartoon sketch of a red haired girl in a cheerleading uniform surrounded by comments, most of which she did not know their meaning but there was no doubt about their nature. She wiped her cheeks.
Edna took a deep breath, she knew Shirley missed her old town and her old friends but this was the only place for her to live since her mother passed away. Shirley had been bullied ever since she enrolled at Merrydale High a month ago, there was no kindness in the face of strangers in this town but Shirley thought trying to fit in by becoming a cheerleader would help her belong and stop the bullying - or at least lessen it. Even Edna thought it would work. It hadn’t.
Shirley’s bullying forced Edna back to Merrydale High....
She was walking through the corridor as her friend ran past her.
‘Come on Eddie! We’re gunna be late for practice!’. They took off together laughing and giggling as they narrowly avoided collisions with other students. As they reached the hall Edna took her position as head cheerleader and her friend took her place among the squad. After several cheers Edna stopped leading her squad as she saw a girl walking into gym. Not just any girl, this girl was emblazoned with red hair. This was unorthodox.
‘Hey carrot top! Whaddaya think your doin’ in our uniform huh? Did you actually think you could be one of us, fit in, with that colour hair?’ The other girl stuttered in her attempt to form an answer. She attempted another answer for Edna but the entire basketball team was observing the quarrel, not even bothering to try and withhold their laughter. The girl impetuously darted out of the gym.
Edna and her followers constantly tormented that girl from that day onward, ensure she never felt that she had a place in Edna’s school. Day in day out the tantalising did not stop, right up till graduation. That night was the worst of all of them. Upon this thought Edna’s heart abandoned her, the forceful thud alarming Shirley who hastily rushed to help.
‘Now the doctor said to take it easy and make sure you take one of these a day for the next two weeks’ Shirley advised, placing the pills and a glass of water on the bedside table. Edna filled with warmth from pride, her granddaughter had a kind heart. Too kind, her granddaughter was, to be victimised because she did not fit the status quo. Then it hit her. It was her. Edna. She tore apart others the way Shirley was being torn apart. How could she be okay with making someone alienated, as alienated as Shirley was? She couldn’t. And without a second thought she emptied the entire packet of pills in her mouth and took a big gulp of water. She didn’t deserve to live.
oh and lastly do we end with the end? some teachers say we must others are firmly against it?
any opinions would be great. and if giving a mark make it out of ten because that is what it is going to be marked out of in half yealry
do the short stories need to have titles?
No kindness in the face of strangers, so now I must try to fit in… now I must try to belong… - use this statement as a basis for a short story
Shirley ran through the front door, threw her bag in the corner and tore up the stairs to her room. Bang! Edna sighed as she slowly forced her unwilling body apart from the rocking chair and up the stairs. As she reached the top she regained her breath and paused before knocking, let it be something different she pleaded.
As she opened the door disappointment flooded her as she sighted the torn apart pom poms sprawled across the carpet, the same pom poms she had been begged to make.
‘Tell me what happened Shirley, talk to Nan’ Edna whispered as she stroked the girl’s flaming curly hair.
‘It’s everyone Nan!, Everyone in this stupid town! I wish I never moved here!’ Silence passed for a few minutes and Edna got up to leave feeling helpless, but as she did she caught sight of a ball of paper lying in the middle of Shirley’s usually immaculate room. Disappointment struck a second time as the ball of paper revealed a cartoon sketch of a red haired girl in a cheerleading uniform surrounded by comments, most of which she did not know their meaning but there was no doubt about their nature. She wiped her cheeks.
Edna took a deep breath, she knew Shirley missed her old town and her old friends but this was the only place for her to live since her mother passed away. Shirley had been bullied ever since she enrolled at Merrydale High a month ago, there was no kindness in the face of strangers in this town but Shirley thought trying to fit in by becoming a cheerleader would help her belong and stop the bullying - or at least lessen it. Even Edna thought it would work. It hadn’t.
Shirley’s bullying forced Edna back to Merrydale High....
She was walking through the corridor as her friend ran past her.
‘Come on Eddie! We’re gunna be late for practice!’. They took off together laughing and giggling as they narrowly avoided collisions with other students. As they reached the hall Edna took her position as head cheerleader and her friend took her place among the squad. After several cheers Edna stopped leading her squad as she saw a girl walking into gym. Not just any girl, this girl was emblazoned with red hair. This was unorthodox.
‘Hey carrot top! Whaddaya think your doin’ in our uniform huh? Did you actually think you could be one of us, fit in, with that colour hair?’ The other girl stuttered in her attempt to form an answer. She attempted another answer for Edna but the entire basketball team was observing the quarrel, not even bothering to try and withhold their laughter. The girl impetuously darted out of the gym.
Edna and her followers constantly tormented that girl from that day onward, ensure she never felt that she had a place in Edna’s school. Day in day out the tantalising did not stop, right up till graduation. That night was the worst of all of them. Upon this thought Edna’s heart abandoned her, the forceful thud alarming Shirley who hastily rushed to help.
‘Now the doctor said to take it easy and make sure you take one of these a day for the next two weeks’ Shirley advised, placing the pills and a glass of water on the bedside table. Edna filled with warmth from pride, her granddaughter had a kind heart. Too kind, her granddaughter was, to be victimised because she did not fit the status quo. Then it hit her. It was her. Edna. She tore apart others the way Shirley was being torn apart. How could she be okay with making someone alienated, as alienated as Shirley was? She couldn’t. And without a second thought she emptied the entire packet of pills in her mouth and took a big gulp of water. She didn’t deserve to live.
oh and lastly do we end with the end? some teachers say we must others are firmly against it?
any opinions would be great. and if giving a mark make it out of ten because that is what it is going to be marked out of in half yealry