Should virginity be regarded as a virtue in modern society? (1 Viewer)

[Kwayera]

Yes, but you clearly judge other people for not ascribing to your 'beliefs'.

 

[ur_inner_child]

The way I see it, it's such a quick wall to build against a person who you probably could've really connected with. How much does it really change everything if a person had one previous partner rather than none? Why does it mean everything?

It doesn't mean you cannot connect any less, or that they cannot love you any less. To me, it's such a shame to shut out a person like that who could potentially be wonderful for you.

 

[ur_inner_child]

so it's a security thing for you; that virginity reassures you about the quality of the relationship with that person.

just clarifying.

 

[Kwayera]

Here's a question: why do you take sex so seriously?

 

[ur_inner_child]

Here's a question: why do you take sex so seriously?

I use to when I was all religious-y. Now that I look back on it, it was to do with security. I was so afraid of being THAT girl who gets left behind. Kinda realised it's not that bad, not that I am that girl yet.

But what you do with your sex life, I believe, can be serious. I'd like to keep my sexual partners countable on my one hand in this lifetime. That's not to do with God, or my own securities. It's to do with my own self respect as well as the ideals society has, whether or not I agree with that.

You can say society is secular and modern, and doesn't give a shit about our sex lives. But in a way, it does, especially for girls, despite how unfair that is. My boyfriend of five years takes me to work functions/parties regularly. The fact that I am the "stable" girlfriend earns me enough respect for his much older colleagues to hold a conversation with me, which is different to other people's short term girlfriends that come. It's not to do with the fact that think that the "short term girlfriend" is not worth their time. Moreso that she won't stick around for long so why bother getting into any deep conversation?

I hate to sound like I'm rambling about my personal life, but there is relevance, that indeed, society gives a shit, hence why in some degree it can be taken seriously. Virginity not necessarily, but not absolute liberation either, despite how awful that is.

eg Sydney Teacher Suspended for Posing Naked

Having said this, I have no problem with those who don't agree with my semi-conservative ideals.

Then again, we're talking about virginity here, not about stable relationships. Very different stuff.

 

[melanieeeee.]

i think virginity should be regarded as a virtue in modern society.

 

[Enteebee]

Virginity isn't a huge deal (though of course, u should be a fairly mature person imo before u go start doing things that could lead to babies). But like Stef alluded, I wouldn't necessarily throw out all sexual morality as if it's something useless because that's just not the way people work, people get jealous, people fall in love, people respect people less... Of course sometimes we get past this, but everyone can slip back into these sort of very 'human' patterns.

 

[Kwayera]

Why should it parallel emotional intimacy?

Sex is sex. The birds and the bees do it without shame or piousness, why can't we?

 

[Enteebee]

Why should it parallel emotional intimacy?

Sex is sex. The birds and the bees do it without shame or piousness, why can't we?

We can... but we often don't... we're human and people fall into these things. It's like asking why we can't all just walk around naked on really hot days, we do have shame, it's perfectly illogical but that doesn't short circuit anything we actually in practice feel. I mean what about fears of spiders, sharks etc? Often illogical but we continue on with them. We can logically see that there's no need to start to have feelings for someone just because you're sleeping with them and it can even work for you on a bunch of occasions, but then basic biological mechanisms to care for someone start to come into play.

It's not a matter of what it 'should' do, but what in all practicality happens when you're dealing with such an emotional being as a human.

 

[Kwayera]

I use to when I was all religious-y. Now that I look back on it, it was to do with security. I was so afraid of being THAT girl who gets left behind. Kinda realised it's not that bad, not that I am that girl yet.

But what you do with your sex life, I believe, can be serious. I'd like to keep my sexual partners countable on my one hand in this lifetime. That's not to do with God, or my own securities. It's to do with my own self respect as well as the ideals society has, whether or not I agree with that.

You can say society is secular and modern, and doesn't give a shit about our sex lives. But in a way, it does, especially for girls, despite how unfair that is. My boyfriend of five years takes me to work functions/parties regularly. The fact that I am the "stable" girlfriend earns me enough respect for his much older colleagues to hold a conversation with me, which is different to other people's short term girlfriends that come. It's not to do with the fact that think that the "short term girlfriend" is not worth their time. Moreso that she won't stick around for long so why bother getting into any deep conversation?

I hate to sound like I'm rambling about my personal life, but there is relevance, that indeed, society gives a shit, hence why in some degree it can be taken seriously. Virginity not necessarily, but not absolute liberation either, despite how awful that is.

eg Sydney Teacher Suspended for Posing Naked

Having said this, I have no problem with those who don't agree with my semi-conservative ideals.

Then again, we're talking about virginity here, not about stable relationships. Very different stuff.

I kind of get it. But never having that religious background, I simply cannot understand society's hangups about sex (especially female virginity). And the fact that everyone still goes "omg that girl has had sex/had sex with more than one person, what a slut." Sex really isn't all that special, biologically.

 

[Enteebee]

Males, biologically, naturally want to look after their 'pack' of females in many species... right? I find it incredibly odd that you say sex isn't all that special biologically, seeing as how... it is the most important thing in all biology for all creatures :|

 

[ur_inner_child]

are you religious you_inner_child?

Thanks for asking

I use to be very catholic. But I abandoned institutionalised religion a long time ago, because I increasingly felt less able to identify with it. Too much contradiction, judgement and talking, not enough listening. I dislike talking about religion now, despite having use to all over this site.

I identify myself as an atheist, but if I had a hint of spirituality in me (which sometimes I do), I do a lot of those things personally nowadays. For the past year anyway.

 

[ur_inner_child]

they say sex is like sticky tape.
the more it is used the less meaning it can have (refering to more then 1 sexual partner here)

could you say the same with kissing?

 

[melanieeeee.]

Thanks for asking

I use to be very catholic. But I abandoned institutionalised religion a long time ago, because I increasingly felt less able to identify with it. Too much contradiction, judgement and talking, not enough listening. I dislike talking about religion now, despite having use to all over this site.

I identify myself as an atheist, but if I had a hint of spirituality in me (which sometimes I do), I do a lot of those things personally nowadays. For the past year anyway.

 

[Enteebee]

they say sex is like sticky tape.
the more it is used the less meaning it can have (refering to more then 1 sexual partner here)

Why? Can't it have more meaning depending on who it's done with? Say I get drunk and sleep with some girl who just wants to have a fun root after the year 10 formal, then later I meet this girl I connect with on a really emotional level and I have loving, caring sex where I care so much about how she feels that it's not just about satisfying each others urges but doing something special for someone you love.

 

[Kwayera]

Males, biologically, naturally want to look after their 'pack' of females in many species... right? I find it incredibly odd that you say sex isn't all that special biologically, seeing as how... it is the most important thing in all biology for all creatures :|

That's the point. EVERYTHING has sex (except for those clonal species of course!). Therefore, it isn't special. Why do we make such a big deal out of a normal biological function?

 

[Trajan]

I identify myself as an atheist, but if I had a hint of spirituality in me (which sometimes I do), I do a lot of those things personally nowadays. For the past year anyway.

Do you mind elaborating on that a little , I'm not really sure what you meant by that.

 

[Enteebee]

That's the point. EVERYTHING has sex (except for those clonal species of course!). Therefore, it isn't special. Why do we make such a big deal out of a normal biological function?

Well ok, 'special' is probably going to be subjective, but I'd say the most important and key aspect to biology would make it something 'special'. I mean, without sex... what is biology other than a description of things that we can't understand (no evolution without sex.. for most creatures).

How do you address my point that it's probably biology which leads to these sexual morals? I mean it seems to me that sexual morality almost arises as the conscious/intelligent form of basic tribal structures within social creatures (i.e. those women belong to me, the woman I had sex with I must look after because she may bear my young etc).

 

[fernando]

That's the point. EVERYTHING has sex (except for those clonal species of course!). Therefore, it isn't special. Why do we make such a big deal out of a normal biological function?

because if we all thought it was a 'biological function' EVERYONE would be having babies and then the world would be over-populated.

 

[Kwayera]

because if we all thought it was a 'biological function' EVERYONE would be having babies and then the world would be over-populated.

Isn't that happening already?

I mean, look at the Catholic ideal, "no sex before marriage because it's sacred, but once you're hitched, as many kids as you can!"