Some doubts... (1 Viewer)

[Cykologi_gal]

So okay, I've got this loving-me-to-death guy...and everything's great when nothing's going wrong/sad/etc; but when something does come along and he gets a bit depressed, I find it hard to console/comfort him - it's as if I want to run away when he's down in the dumps because he's all too deep with words then and I am quite scared about that philosophical side. You know how some people analyse and go into things...and you're there going "yeah, I see...".

Now I don't know if I actually truly genuinely love him. I know I do actually, but if you feel like running away until the guy's "sane" again, does that count as love? Or cowardice? Shouldn't you be there for them? I just sit there quietly listening to him and he tells me that it helps 100% by just being here.

...I don't know...how do you cope with that sort of situation?!

How do you know when you actually love someone anyway? And not only those good times?

 

[what971]

i bags this space, will write something meaningful latter

 

[azzie]

Well couples can be in love and behave very differently to one another than another couple in love.

If you're moving away from him, that doesn't necessarily mean you love him less, it's that you care about your own wellbeing enough to step away from the depression-like state he's in.

Also, this guy might be going through bad stuff, but he has to learn how to deal with it himself. He's got to understand that you might not be around all the time, and he can't simply go on lurking from one depression to another, he has to take charge of his own life and learn to kick himself in the arse every now and again to get out of the cycle.

If he keeps up his behaviour, he should realise he's not only hurting himself but you too. You're having doubts because it seems like (from what I gather) you keep having to pick up the pieces for him and there aren't that many good, happy times.

Relationships are 50/50, he has to be responsible for his own behaviour. He's getting you down too, that shouldn't be happening. Nobody wants a relationship with a sobby person.

 

[P_Dilemma]

Waat? You're a girl! How can you ot be deep and philosophical?!
(someone coughs in the back: *cough*"ParisHilton"*cough*

Oh, right.

well, didn't mean to offend. Are you even scared? or maybe you're just annoyed and are sighing with frustration whenever he's down in the dumps.

well, if you are scared... im getting the vibe that you're one of those types that just fail to empathise with other people. Maybe you've had lots of bad experiences around sad people, or when you were sad you were around the wrong people... you can change. But it'll take time. So start with ur BF...

-P_D

 

[Cykologi_gal]

Oh it's once in a while thing and I'm scared and feel inadequate 'cos he sees more things than I do lol.

 

[azzie]

What he has to deal with doesn't make him better than you, or necessarily more interesting.

What exactly are these "things" he has to deal with? Are they family issues or work issues or whut?

 

[Chiisora]

Every couple behaves differently in love. That's true. And also, every person behaves differently in love as well.

 

[Kabeio]

This your fourth thread bout this guy?

 

[ithinkurmumshot]

So okay, I've got this loving-me-to-death guy...and everything's great when nothing's going wrong/sad/etc; but when something does come along and he gets a bit depressed, I find it hard to console/comfort him - it's as if I want to run away when he's down in the dumps because he's all too deep with words then and I am quite scared about that philosophical side. You know how some people analyse and go into things...and you're there going "yeah, I see...".

Now I don't know if I actually truly genuinely love him. I know I do actually, but if you feel like running away until the guy's "sane" again, does that count as love? Or cowardice? Shouldn't you be there for them? I just sit there quietly listening to him and he tells me that it helps 100% by just being here.

...I don't know...how do you cope with that sort of situation?!

How do you know when you actually love someone anyway? And not only those good times?

well after i read ur first post i thought maybe this guy is a bit whack and ur not attracted to him as u shud be wen in 'love' but.. then you say that its a once in a while thing.. well listen all guys mite feel depressed once in a while and this philosophical thing his got goin on, thats actually great.. what.. do u want someone who sees everything in 2d?

so either your problem is.. his not the right guy for you
or your just not ready to handle the many aspects of a relationship and you need to tell him dat and slow down..

otherwise keep quiet and do your best to help out..

 

[Cykologi_gal]

Awww...thanks!

Mostly it's issues about life in general, you know. Sometimes you just get depressed for no apparent reason at all, you're flat because nothing's happening or everything's happening at once. Nothing major, and yes, we've sorted it out

 

[Tulipa]

Awww...thanks!

Mostly it's issues about life in general, you know. Sometimes you just get depressed for no apparent reason at all, you're flat because nothing's happening or everything's happening at once. Nothing major, and yes, we've sorted it out

i'm a pretty shitty comforter too. but that's just my nature at not being able to handle situations like that well.

but i'm glad you've figured it out. thats always a plus when you talk it out with them.

 

[Cykologi_gal]

It's funny really, 'cos he knows that he can and will get out of it in the end, so he sees no need for me to get mixed up in it toom 'cos he thinks that it wouldn't benefit our relationship...now I see why - I was drained by the end of it, and I didn't even type anything much! (It was a convo via msn)...And so he usually dumps it on one of his girl friends so she can take the crap for him and I wouldn't have to. Really sweet, now that I think about it...

Somehow it's really easy to comfort a girl, by using some famous, rational quotes etc etc, but for guys, you can only go through it afterwards with them and that's when they tell you about it 100%, especially if he's going through a rough patch of time, like my guy a few days ago.

 

[Nakashima]

And so he usually dumps it on one of his girl friends so she can take the crap for him and I wouldn't have to. Really sweet, now that I think about it...

Erm... that isn't really a good thing.

 

[Affinity]

So okay, I've got this loving-me-to-death guy...and everything's great when nothing's going wrong/sad/etc; but when something does come along and he gets a bit depressed, I find it hard to console/comfort him - it's as if I want to run away when he's down in the dumps because he's all too deep with words then and I am quite scared about that philosophical side. You know how some people analyse and go into things...and you're there going "yeah, I see...".

Now I don't know if I actually truly genuinely love him. I know I do actually, but if you feel like running away until the guy's "sane" again, does that count as love? Or cowardice? Shouldn't you be there for them? I just sit there quietly listening to him and he tells me that it helps 100% by just being here.

...I don't know...how do you cope with that sort of situation?!

How do you know when you actually love someone anyway? And not only those good times?

Don't know about your boy, but if I am depressed and someone comes up to talk to me ... I will get VERY annoyed...

 

[nwatts]

i'm a pretty shitty comforter too. but that's just my nature at not being able to handle situations like that well.

but i'm glad you've figured it out. thats always a plus when you talk it out with them.

on sarah: she sits down and listens to your shit and somehow it's comforting. i've ranted in a depressed/stressed/pissed off state to her before and the process of having someone listen to what you say = valuble.

in general: you don't always have to have the right words to say. just listening to someone else can often be awesome, and comforting in the sense that they're not taking sides/making you do anything outside your comfort zone while you're down/stressed.

 

[akimoto]

i dont really he's your type of guy if u want to run away when he's sad.... like the so called 'love''you call him... is probably just a bit of pity? and emotions that you kinda developed for him... but say if u found someone else.... u'll prob feel guilty leaving him but then u want to be with the other person.. dass not really love its more the "long time emotions" dont know how to say....