Sticky Situation: Ignorance Is Bliss? (1 Viewer)

[ur_inner_child]

I know a couple...right...

uni is still in the early days, you're still getting to know people

the guy was really really really drunk one night and ended up sleeping with his friend who he's only known since uni started........

now she's in total love with him.

he's told me he doesn't feel anything for her. he regrets what he did.

but now he puts on an act, trying NOT to break her heart cuz he knows she's very attatched. He knows he can't pretend to be in a relationship forever, he just thinks a few months of pretending would be better, rather than admitting that it meant nothing so soon after.

After much thought, I concluded that what he's doing is in the best intentions...

What do you think?

 

[Frigid]

methinks the open and honest approach, break it off while she still hasn't dug herself in a deep hole. :\

 

[bubz :D]

it's better to tell and hurt, than lie to save their face
(sorry, i've been quoting that damn song too much)

anyway, that happened to a guy i know... the girl was so completely smitten with him, and though it wasn't like he didn't have ANY feelings for her but they were nowhere near as obsessive as hers... and he had to break it off...
and then she went psycho

but yes, always best to just say it and get it over with than deal with a worse situation if he drags it on.

 

[Tulipa]

ignorance is not bliss

it'll hurt even more when she finds out in the end because eventually she will find out that he didn't really mean it in the first place.

 

[Jago]

make him tell her.

 

[flipsyde]

I understand U_I_C's P.O.V but still I htink he shud tell her

 

[HellVeN]

One potato salad coming right up.

 

[shortie_689]

The worst is that people these days have a tendency to be nasty and say it was in the best intentions if he doesnt tell her some other narky person will and not only will she be hurt but he will hurt cause a "friend" dogged him... The best way to treat this situation is to just tell her outright to be hurt earlier is better than to be hurt later when she is even more in love with him

 

[Dreamerish*~]

he should have told her as soon as possible that he doesn't feel the same way, because as she hardly knows him, she can't be that in love with him. it wouldn't be too hard to move on. (unless she was a virgin and she thought she lost it to the right guy... THEN there's a problem )
if he really really really doesn't want to hurt her feelings AT ALL, then maybe he should make her dump him. it sounds stupid, but if he acts like a crazy nutcase and does things to turn her off (like pick his nose and stuff ) she might find herself becoming less attracted and won't want to be in a relationship with him.
but if not that, he should just tell her. the more he pretends he likes her, the more she'll like him, and the more secure she'll start to feel.

 

[Skittled]

...she can't be that in love with him...

My thoughts, too. Some girls get very attached vey quickly, and then get very bitter when they're pushed away very quickly, but people move on.

No matter what happens she'll be hurt, but that'll happen now or later, regardless. He's tempting fate by not telling her now, and leading her on for the next few months (!!)... that's just begging for someone to tell her. Beside, how well can you fake a relationship for months with someone who's apparently so clingy? Personally I'd get rather frustrated if someone was clingy at all and I didn't want to be with them, let alone letting that build over a few months...

For me it'd not be a question of deciding what to do, but identifying what could be done.... For me, faking it for that sort of timeframe wouldn't be an option. Especially in the first few months of uni when you're just starting to develop and form cliques, etc. Give it a week to let things cool down, give the message gently. Don't go bludgeoning the issue telling her that he regrets it or that it'll never happen in the future or was a mistake..

Let her down gently. Little white lies aren't a problem, but a month's faking of a realtionship, no matter how good the intentions, only creates a dirty big fat secret and will make him anxious to 'end it', which'll bring about further problems.

 

[table for 1]

he probably should have just told her it was a mistake. though, i hate 'i was drunk' as an excuse.

though i don't like the idea of him stringing her along, i can understand why he's doing this. so, as long as he doesn't get too into the acting the boyfriend, and does break it off not too long afterwards, i can't say i approve, but yeah, kinda give it the yes.

 

[santaslayer]

He should go out with her and start acting weird and shit. That way the girl will break ot off with him instead. Win-Win.

 

[Harvey Krumpet]

He should go out with her and start acting weird and shit. That way the girl will break ot off with him instead. Win-Win.

I hope that quoted you correctly :S

I did that exact thing only a few months ago. This girl seemingly fell for me, but I didn't really care for her.

I decided that I didn't want to "break her heart", so I went out with her. I progressively started acting weirder, and I made myself become less and less connected with the girl. I didn't return calls and I didn't reply to SMS's etc etc

Anyway, she eventually got the point (after two months). She told me that she thought I was a d*$%head for treating her like that. And now all her friends (who were also my friends) refuse to talk to me as well.

And this all came about because I decided that hurting the girl at the start wasn't going to be as good an idea as going out with her for a couple of months.

My suggestion to ur_inner_child ---- your friend should tell the girl as quick as possible. And if he doesn't want to, you should pressure him as much as you can to tell her.

 

[AsyLum]

Hmm, that is a sticky situation, depends how stable this girl is, if she latches on pretty quickly then she might not be the most stable of people :\

 

[Loz#1]

When he does end up telling her the truth, it's going to hurt a thousand times worse then what it will if he tells her now. Leading her on isn't in the best intentions.

 

[denise_]

*sighs* the things people do when they're intoxicated :S well.. i agree with most of these peeps.. just like tell her in a way which keeps her dignity in tact.. it will hurt for a while of course but it would hurt even more if the dude drags it on.. well maybe u know.. hint to her first then like she'll get the point that hes just not that into her.. just do whats right.. =)