Arvin Sloane
We are not amused.
Washington DC - The House of Representatives today passed the American Prosperity Forever Bill and sent it to the Senate for consideration. The bill allows corporations to access personal bank accounts and move the money to their own accounts.
"We were looking for ways to reward of some of our best corporate citizens, and several lobbyists, suggested that giving them the ability to access these accounts would raise productivity," said Republican Representative Blake Friday from Maryland.
"At first we had reservations about the ethical nature of the bill, and we were planning on taking a progressive stance against it," said Tia Potdome a Representative of Wyoming's 12 th district. "But, we listened to our constituents who were upset about stock market losses and the declining value of their 401Ks. What better way to pump up your 401K than to contribute directly to the companies you invest in?"
Asked about the administration's position on the bill, Vice President Dick Cheney stated, "Now that we removed Colin Powell, we can pursue aggressive growth-oriented legislation like this."
Alan Greenspan also weighed in saying the bill would "help boost the gross domestic product, strengthening the dollar one final time in the face of the coming great financial collapse". He was later seen heading towards the airport with a duffel bag stuffed with Euros.
Lobbyists for a handful of Fortune 500 companies have asserted the bill needs adjustment, quoting an obscure provision stating "this bill applies only to companies whose name begins in Halli and ends in burton". Other companies have stated this is an insignificant hurdle.
William Silvertongue, Public Relations Officer for the newly renamed HalliGeneral Electricburton says, "It's just a matter of doing a paperwork shuffle. Sure, it may cost fifty million to rename, but the profits make up for it. We'll be boosting productivity even more! Now is the time to invest in HalliGeneral Electricburton!"
"We were looking for ways to reward of some of our best corporate citizens, and several lobbyists, suggested that giving them the ability to access these accounts would raise productivity," said Republican Representative Blake Friday from Maryland.
"At first we had reservations about the ethical nature of the bill, and we were planning on taking a progressive stance against it," said Tia Potdome a Representative of Wyoming's 12 th district. "But, we listened to our constituents who were upset about stock market losses and the declining value of their 401Ks. What better way to pump up your 401K than to contribute directly to the companies you invest in?"
Asked about the administration's position on the bill, Vice President Dick Cheney stated, "Now that we removed Colin Powell, we can pursue aggressive growth-oriented legislation like this."
Alan Greenspan also weighed in saying the bill would "help boost the gross domestic product, strengthening the dollar one final time in the face of the coming great financial collapse". He was later seen heading towards the airport with a duffel bag stuffed with Euros.
Lobbyists for a handful of Fortune 500 companies have asserted the bill needs adjustment, quoting an obscure provision stating "this bill applies only to companies whose name begins in Halli and ends in burton". Other companies have stated this is an insignificant hurdle.
William Silvertongue, Public Relations Officer for the newly renamed HalliGeneral Electricburton says, "It's just a matter of doing a paperwork shuffle. Sure, it may cost fifty million to rename, but the profits make up for it. We'll be boosting productivity even more! Now is the time to invest in HalliGeneral Electricburton!"