The Ex dilemma (1 Viewer)

[Nymphomaniac]

Alright so I'm friends with all my ex's and hook up's etc which is cool cos I don't have them as enemies. I'm in a relationship at the moment and I wanted to know everyone's opinion on ex's and ex hook ups and how to treat them and the lines you cross with them.

My ex messaged me tonight, out of the blue. We used to talk heaps but sort of lost contact and he wrote me a msg saying he was thinking about me and thought we should catch up again. He used casual words like champ etc. I suggested we catch up when I turn 18 next january and he agreed then suggested we catch up before then as well.

Do I meet up with him before then? Do I catch up with him at all?

Also what are people's opinions on guy friends when your in a relationship.. for example I have a guy friend that openly admitted he liked me more than a friend a while ago but now he is over it, would it be wrong to hang out with him alone?

What are the boundaries of male friends when your in a relationship?

 

[bscienceboi]

What are the boundaries of male friends when your in a relationship?

That they just remain as friends and nothing more.

This thread - 'Guys and Girls as Friends' is somewhat related.
http://community.boredofstudies.org/showthread.php?t=73060

 

[alby]

1) it depends on how close you want to be with your ex's/hook ups. some (well most) of my ex's i might say hi to if i bumped into them, but i'd rather not spend time with if i had the choice

2) depends on how jealouse/protective your bf is. i had 1 ex who got really cut at me that i'd invited some guys to my 17th (sure it wasnt the best idea in the first place because of who they are/were..but he made it even worse).

as for male friends, if you stay strictly as friends then nothing should stop you from spending time with them. just remember that some guys dont like the thought of their gf spending time with other guys who may hit on her, and there are some guys who will try and (or unintentionally just do it) flirt/hit on you...whether he knows you have a bf or not is up to you to make clear, you dont want to get yourself into a sticky situation (i have in the past, and trust me, its NOT fun)

 

[bubz :D]

i dont see why your boyfriend should have a problem your guy friends - you're a big girl, after all, and i'm sure he has friends of the opposite sex! i'm an affectionate person and i hug/kiss (on the cheek) all my friends - guys or girls, and my boyfriend doesn't have a problem with that. and when i'm going out with friends, he doesn't need me to specify which sex the majority of them are

as for the ex thing... i'm still close with two guys i'd gone out with, and my boyfriend understands that. once in a while i meet up with them - as friends, and friends only. think about what your ex might want from you, especially after saying "i'm thinking about you" - it's only natural for guys to want what they can't have anymore. if he starts making you feel uncomfortable, eg by reminiscing about the past or whatever, tell him so. also, talk to your boyfriend about it and see how he feels... at the very least, let him know that you talked to your ex recently and MIGHT be meeting up for a chat sometime soon.

 

[super katie]

Im an advocate for the "clean break" seeing as I cant seem to be able to stay friends with my exes without it becoming messy. Right now I dont think i'd really care if I never saw any of them again, its jsut way too much hassle.

 

[Nymphomaniac]

I've decided to wait till next year when I'm 18 and go out with a group of people and not just him. I don't like the feeling of my past cascading into my future and basically messing up what I'm enjoying so much right now. It's great I'm still friends with him but I don't think I need to let him back into my life completely. I don't exactly need him right now.

So, thanks guys. I just needed over night thinking I guess!

But back to the guy friends situation... my boyfriend does get jealous about this group of guys from another school my friends and I hang out with. He speaks bad of them when he doesn't even know them, doesn't bother me really. I think it's sweet he gets jealous because of course I get just as jealous.. but is it a good idea to hang out with guy friends alone? Just as friends and nothing else.

 

[santaslayer]

I've decided to wait till next year when I'm 18 and go out with a group of people and not just him. I don't like the feeling of my past cascading into my future and basically messing up what I'm enjoying so much right now. It's great I'm still friends with him but I don't think I need to let him back into my life completely. I don't exactly need him right now.

So, thanks guys. I just needed over night thinking I guess!

But back to the guy friends situation... my boyfriend does get jealous about this group of guys from another school my friends and I hang out with. He speaks bad of them when he doesn't even know them, doesn't bother me really. I think it's sweet he gets jealous because of course I get just as jealous.. but is it a good idea to hang out with guy friends alone? Just as friends and nothing else.

You can always ask your boyfriend to come along. LoLz.
But yes, it is very natural to get jealous over these things.

I don't think hanging out with a single male friend, ALONE is very intelligent, I wouldn't have any problems if it was a whole bunch of guys though, just not one prick. Esp if you can sense what they're trying to do.

That being said, my current girlfriend has a best friend who's male and I don't have a problem with him, since I've known him for a very long time. He's ghey.

All depends on whether you can trust them (girlfriend/boyfriend) or not.

You know you can't trust the prick/bitch though.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

Of course your boyfriend would be jealous of you're hanging out with a group of only guys.

The "guy friend" issue is different for different relationships. My boyfriend and I are both quite protective, and wouldn't want each other going out one on one with a friend of the opposite sex. It doesn't matter what other people do - before you think about why your boyfriend is jealous, reverse the situation and imagine how you would feel if he was to hang around a group of girls.

As for ex hook-ups, I'm not too clear on what hook-ups can mean, but people usually use it in terms of casual physical relationships. So if you have a boyfriend, I don't see why you would "hook-up" with anyone else.

 

[pmr_123]

your boyfriend will almost always get jealous oof you hanging out with an ex, but it's just one of those things, if you're still friends with your ex's and hookups then your simply hanging out with another friend, and try not to see them as an ex.

i'm friends with all my ex bf's/hookups, but one, and i spend heaps of time with them, talk to them about everyday, and my bf just sees them as another one of my friends.

but then again do you like him hanging out with his ex's???

 

[azzie]

Just an idea... if you want to go see him and feel like hanging out with him, then do. If you're not so happy with the thought, put it off till you turn 18.
And you're the only one who knows him like you do- would he try and make a move on you? And would you want that etc...
Basically you know the guy and it's your deal-io.

 

[Always]

I've lost contact with all my ex's except my most recent, because they either interfered with my new relationships or were just bastards and not worth keeping in touch with.

Why would your ex message you so unexpectedly? Sounds shifty to me.

My ex wouldn't let me out alone with another guy, because he didn't trust other men and thought they'd take advantage of me, haha. Work out the paramaters with your boy. Do what you're both comfortable with.

 

[Calculon]

The "guy friend" issue is different for different relationships. My boyfriend and I are both quite protective, and wouldn't want each other going out one on one with a friend of the opposite sex.

Then you're in a relationship built on sand, because you obviously don't trust one another.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

Then you're in a relationship built on sand, because you obviously don't trust one another.

It's other people we don't trust.

 

[Calculon]

It's other people we don't trust.

Unless you think a girl's going to tie him down and rape him then I don't think it's other people you're not trusting.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

Unless you think a girl's going to tie him down and rape him then I don't think it's other people you're not trusting.

Well, I wouldn't like it if girls try to hit on him, and vice versa.

We never really went out one on one with a friend of the opposite sex anyway, so it's not a big deal, and we don't have a problem with it. So I don't see why you should.

 

[Slidey]

Then you're in a relationship built on sand, because you obviously don't trust one another.

I'd agree to that. Who cares if girls hit on him, or guys hit on you? It's a good test of integrity.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

I'd agree to that. Who cares if girls hit on him, or guys hit on you? It's a good test of integrity.

*Shrugs*

It was always either going out with a group of people, with one friend of the same sex, or with each other. If he does end up going somewhere with a girl, I wouldn't throw a tantrum.

There have already been plenty of tests of integrity without the above.

 

[Slidey]

Maybe. But considering the test will inevitably happen many times in the future, I'd prefer if it happened early.

 

[janesta]

Unless you think a girl's going to tie him down and rape him then I don't think it's other people you're not trusting.

my bf proposed that its possible for a girl to tie him down and rape him. i guess he was jking around.

in the case of the ex.. i only have one ex. and awhile back i actually wanted him back (i was stupid) and got rejected.. he wanted me to do my hsc in peace (yeah sure mate) and now hes acting all "cut" because i've moved on in about 2 secs (whats the pt of holding on?).. so now we dont "talk" even though i asked to be his friend. because he doesnt want "my bf" to get the wrong idea.

so in my case.. having no communication with ur ex is better. no string attached.

 

[Nymphomaniac]

Decided I'm not gonna see him... I mean I don't need him coming back into my future.

I did tell my boy about it and he gave off the impression he wouldn't want me to. I really appreciate that about him..

I'm so lucky to have him in my life!!! I love him so much!!

Sorry guys