URGENT! Help with Journey introduction! (1 Viewer)

[Sugar]

Need urgent help with my introduction to my imaginative journey essay. Area of study is my weakest part.

The journey is an individual or collective multi-faceted process that leads to a greater knowledge of the world and a greater sense of self. The imaginative journey, propelled by the power of imagination, allows us to voyage into fantastical, and mythical worlds of intellectual discovery to those of pure imagination. This concept is reflected and confirmed in the core text “On Giants’ Shoulders (OGS) by Melvyn Bragg, the Board of Studies extract, “Journey over Land and Seas” and the additional texts, the article "Eurekher!" and film "The Time Machine."

Criticism please. It seems very bland, so could you please point out all the criticisms, and where I can improve.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Libbster]

I like what u say about imaginative journeys but the sentence "The imaginative journey, propelled by the power of imagination" is repetetive.

Instead, eliminate "imaginative journey" and write something like "the potency of the imagination allows the voyage into fantastical worlds etc etc"

Also try to say 2 or 3 sentences more about the actual process of the journey itself.

Other than that I think it is a really effective introduction.

 

[nwatts]

Need urgent help with my introduction to my imaginative journey essay. Area of study is my weakest part.

The journey is an individual or collective multi-faceted process that leads to a greater knowledge of the world and a greater sense of self. The imaginative journey, propelled by the power of imagination, allows us to voyage into fantastical, and mythical worlds of intellectual discovery to those of pure imagination. This concept is reflected and confirmed in the core text “On Giants’ Shoulders (OGS) by Melvyn Bragg, the Board of Studies extract, “Journey over Land and Seas” and the additional texts, the article "Eurekher!" and film "The Time Machine."

Criticism please. It seems very bland, so could you please point out all the criticisms, and where I can improve.

Thanks in advance.

Yep.

"The journey is an individual or collective multi-faceted process that leads to a greater knowledge of the world and a greater sense of self. The imaginative journey, propelled by the power of imagination, allows us to voyage into fantastical, and mythical worlds of intellectual discovery to those of pure imagination."

Done.

 

[Sugar]

Thankyou so much Libster and nwatts!

Much appreciated.

 

[ameh]

The journey is an individual multi-faceted process that encourages a wider understanding of the world and a heightened sense of self. The imaginative journey is made more potent by the power of imagination, propelling us into the fantastical, and mythical worlds of intellectual discovery to those of pure imagination. This concept is reflected in the core text “On Giants’ Shoulders (OGS) by Melvyn Bragg, the Board of Studies extract, “Journey over Land and Seas” and the additional texts, the article "Eurekher!" and film "The Time Machine."

 

[Flanney]

Fantastic introduction. You just need to be able to adapt that to the question, and depending on what it is, you may need to change your thesis around a bit. For example, if you used this in the CSSA Trial exam, which had a question along the lines of '"Any journey included both realities and possiblities" - Discuss', you would really need to incorporate the realities and possibilities theme strongly into your intro.

Also, I dont think it would hurt to name the composers of your additional texts and BOS extract (I could be wrong about this, so please let me know if otherwise..)

 

[TheHeretic]

Having an introduction prepared really does not help in the grand scheme of things. Practice adapting to different questions, not moulding an introduction.