What do u guys think of this?? (1 Viewer)

BrotherJim

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Hey its just a section from my essay about inner journeys.
Be as critical as you want.

David Fincher’s film “Fight Club presents an inner journey of the unnamed protagonist/narrator (in one scene he pretends his name is Rupert) imprisoned by a consumer based life-style, struggling to make sense of the meaning of his life.
We are first introduced to the severity of “Rupert’s” consumer based lifestyle with a slow moving shot of his “IKEA” apartment. As the camera journeys past the various pieces of furniture, the catalogue price tags of each piece are shown in big letters across the screen, symbolising the familiar illusion that beauty is determined by a price tag.
“Like so many others if I saw something I liked I had to buy it”
Rupert’s colloquial voice-over narration of the IKEA office is an effective tool at bringing the audience to relate closely with Rupert, and the obsessive impulses of consumerism. Through these visual and audio presentations, Fincher tries to send the message that these concepts of consumerism and the desires to constantly buy whatever we want, is not only an addiction, but has become a conventional aspect of modern day society.
The inner journey begins for Rupert when he meets a strange yet familiar man named Tyler Durdon; who, unlike Rupert is free from a plagued life of consumerism.
Throughout the film, Tyler is characterised as the “wise leader” that will fight to his last breath to reveal to others the illusions that cover their lives. This characterisation is presented by a close up shot of Tyler bruised, bleeding, yet strong and powerful, standing tall amongst his crowd of followers.
Tyler- “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes; working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’ve all been lead up to believe that we will be famous Actors and Rock Stars…but we wont, and we’re slowly learning that each day…and we are very, VERY pissed off!”
This dialogue accompanied by the visual imagery creates a powerful display of Tyler’s position as a wise leader. “Chasing cars and clothes” makes a symbolic reference to the materialistic items that so many people desire. Tyler’s words were a wake up call to Rupert, bringing him deeper into his inner journey by discovering that his life was nothing but a pointless process of working and spending. Rupert begins to then question what he should do with his life if it really does have no meaning. Through this scene, Fincher again is bringing the audience a strong message that our lives in modern society are utterly pointless. He points out that the consumer-based life-styles of working boring jobs to only reap the rewards of “shit we don’t need” has created a generation of people that live for the illusion that one day their lives will get better.
Rupert completes his inner journey when he is set free from everything that controlled his life and the way he lived. The scene depicts, Tyler pouring a chemical burn over Rupert’s hand. As Rupert screams and struggles, Tyler holds him down and shouts at him he must let go of everything he used to know and hold onto. The searing skin and screaming pain from Rupert, along with a red splash of colour entwined into the picture, creates a symbolic image of the destruction of all the things that caused a life based upon consumerism. Along with this picture is again dialogue that further depicts Rupert’s freedom. As Tyler holds Rupert down, he shows him his own hand with the same chemical burn scar that is searing into Rupert’s hand and says to him, “It’s only when we’ve lost everything that we are free to do anything”. This truism puts the icing on the cake to present to the audience, Rupert’s completion of his inner journey, when he sets himself free from his previous lifestyle. A scene such as this is a reminder to an audience of pre-inner journey Rupert’s that they will never be free until they get rid of the things that control their lives. The film fight club itself brings the audience themselves on their own inner journey, revealing ideas that have been laid forgotten for people’s entire lives. Through ‘Fight Club’, David Fincher is teaching us a lesson that when we feel trapped with the clutter and conformity of the modern day consumer based world, we must go back to our roots and strip away everything that took us away from who we originally were.
 
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It’s hard to comment, since I don’t know what the question for this essay is but I’ll give it a try :)I’m not sure, is your question to do with the pointlessness of modern society? If so, then you have succeeded. Lol. Sorry to sound so ridiculous there. Good use of techniques... “The searing skin and screaming pain from Rupert”...you should probably say screams of pain, screaming pain sounds a bit off...okay well that’s all I’ve got since I don’t know the question...sorry if that wasn’t helpful.
 
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pLuvia

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You are retelling the story too much, and the HSC markers would not appreciate "shit we don’t need”

But the question to the essay would be good for us to analyse your essay
 

Riviet

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pLuvia said:
You are retelling the story too much, and the HSC markers would not appreciate "shit we don’t need”

But the question to the essay would be good for us to analyse your essay
I reckon it's not that bad, at least he is explaining techniques and how the plot is interwoven to the them. I have read worse, where there are large slabs virtually retelling the story. You need some plot mentioning so you can explain your techniques and that's what BrotherJim has shown us.
 

silvermoon

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-I agree, too much plot
-quotes need to be properly synthesised into your essay
-more focus on multi-facted journey concepts
-you need to revise your grammar (re: comma, syntax)
-try to limit the shudder quotes
-if your thesis is strong enough, in the length excerpt we should have been able to tell what the basic question was that you were answering
-don't use '/' if you can avoid it - be decisive about your opinion
-eliminate brackets from your HSC essays: if it's not important enough to be written into the sentnce or paragraph properly then cut it out and write about something that IS important.
-as gibbo987 said, don't fall into the trap of sacrificing objectivity and scholarship for emotive language. Imprve your vocabulary rather than venturing down the path towards purple prose; it doesn't belong in an academic essay outside quotations.

phew, after all that, a good effort though. It definately demonstrates that you are on the right track and, with a year to refine your skills, your work will just keep on improving!
good luck (sorry if it seems harsh having people just list criticisms with no equal 'things you did right' list)
 

Mountain.Dew

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BrotherJim, welcome to the BOS forums.

it would be helpful and meaningful 4 us if u could post up ur new and improved essay section so we know that u have taken our advice + criticism to heart.
 

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