Lexi, thanks a lot, u really hav encouraged me to think about my choice...
And yes, I still wanna apply for med...I agree that the one I said about I can not escape my dad's path and else are really bad reasons and more, they just show my helplessness...but again, I wrote it just when I was in my low mode...I know it was no excuse for that...
I talked to my friend, and she encouraged me to think as well, she asked me this one question that she got from our teacher earlier this year when she was also confused what to do for her uni,"How do u see yourself 10 yrs from now? How do u want to see yourself?" (or sth sounds lyk dat) and this simple question challanged me to think...
When I think about this, I can not see myself sitting in a desk drawing a plan as if I'm an architect (this is the 2nd thing in my mind beside med right now) or doing business proposal or whatever, one thing I had in mind is that I am in a hospital, working with children having heart-illness or leukemia, talking and joking to them as they are being examined and seeing smiles on their faces...and on their parents' faces....I know this may sound too imaginative or too cheesy on some stage but really, when I have to answer this question and use my imagination, this is what I really imagine...
I always enjoy working and playing with kids, I know that working with sick child will be different, and although it will be enjoyable and emotionally fulfilling but it will more likely (as what u said) -though is not my expectation and hope- to be soul-crushing since the fact is, doctors do not have power over everything, they can only do the best to save one's life, but the rest is not in his/her hand...And sometimes, there are chances that the possibility for the kids to survive is really low...(Ppl may as well argue, that if u like kids, why dun u bcome kindergarten teacher/else...but no)
I also perfectly aware that before I can reach (if I eventually reach) such a dream is not easy. Medical school is, I know, not a place where you can have fun all the time, proscrastinate, having good times as always...it is supposed to be something require u to work extremely hard, to be strong, and it is just a continuous process of hard work. I am perfectly aware of that...and in fact, THIS IS THE REASON WHY I AM STILL THINKING "IS MEDICINE THE PLACE FOR ME?"...yet, after thinking...there's no such beautiful things that come w/o perseverance and I guess, all those difficulties are the cost to be paid for me to be a doctor...
Well, looking back and to answer that question, "why medicine?" (well, I usually answer this kind of question by "why not" but this is not the time)...I guess I have the answers, though it is not perfect yet, I still require a lot of thinking and a process of developing myself...
When I look back, it was not my dad who forced me, and in fact he never forced me to be a doctor..he EXPECTED me (this is why I said that I can not escape his path because sometimes expectation is juz what u need to feel forced), but gave me full right to decide... it was from him that I am introduced to medicine field, including hours I spent in the hospital (I enjoy the time I can see the nursery room and also how the doctors work in clinic...) and the hard work, things to endure, and the rewards...practically everything as background...
I think I would only found satisfaction, not satisfaction, I think I would only enjoy myself working in medicine field...for the case of emotionally rewarding? sure that medicine is not the only field that u can get the emotional reward (and in fact, there are heaps of others where u can find it without having to go through difficult paths of medicine-life), but it is the only field I can see myself in...it is in fact, the most "FULL" (as in complete) profession in my personal opinion. Complete as in it is practical, it is helping others, it is fulfilling monetary...and most importantly, it is the one I might enjoy most...
Am I ready for those years? I'm ready for it now. I was once afraid that I would not be emotionally ready and able to face challanges in med. But I'm ready... it would not be easy, surely...but I'm sure I'm ready...is there any reason, why me, being a doctor? I can not develop my answer for this now...but because I am willing to, because I think I will be able to...and because I will enjoy it and endure all the difficulties, that's why I choose medicine...
I have a lot to learn in life, I surely have to reflect back on these answers...yes, it is far from perfect...
sorry to keep u reading this long...anyway, the reasons skillo give are very good reasons...Good in sense that u r sincere and u really want to do it...I really want to do med, but I can not express why I want to do it....Well, it is just immediate thinking, I'll add when I know more why...