Really bad creative (1 Viewer)

enigma_1

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Tbh, I don't really like bullying stories because it is very hard to solve any bullying issue for short stories and it is overused so markers might get bored. Why not just focus on the man's passion with the sport and emphasis what sport and the new country has done to him. If the question was about negative belonging, just twist it like how sport has trapped him to an extent he can't connect outside his sporting life or something. But idk that's something you can think about when adapting the question :=P
thanks heaps!!!
 

enigma_1

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any other suggestions? :)

I am actually feeling stressed right now, lol
 

photastic

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And Michael Jordan hated his shoes with a passion and always used to throw them at a wall...
The shoes, soaked in resonant horror, drenched and drowned as the deathly winds blew him into the sustained hells.
 

enigma_1

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The shoes, soaked in resonant horror, drenched and drowned as the deathly winds blew him into the sustained hells.
loving that description

My best try at description would be something like

His grey shoes happily fell from his sore feet and hit the big, red wall.

#failenglish/10
 
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Just answer the question thoroughly.

There's probably techniques in there that you don't know about and have used and teachers will pick that up
 

photastic

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Final tip: Use the five senses.
E.g. "I skipped along the grass" > "The grass scratched my feet as I slithered across the soft bed of aroma"
I'm not the best but it is the clear the second sentence has also some language techniques such as accumulation of the s sound, emphasising a sense of happiness can be obtained from the natural world lololol.
 

BLIT2014

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Final tip: Use the five senses.
E.g. "I skipped along the grass" > "The grass scratched my feet as I slithered across the soft bed of aroma"
I'm not the best but it is the clear the second sentence has also some language techniques such as accumulation of the s sound, emphasising a sense of happiness can be obtained from the natural world lololol.
Strong use of sibliance ..
 
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enigma_1

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The gust of wind whistled like a turnip or another member of the brassica family.
Just answer the question thoroughly.

There's probably techniques in there that you don't know about and have used and teachers will pick that up
Final tip: Use the five senses.
E.g. "I skipped along the grass" > "The grass scratched my feet as I slithered across the soft bed of aroma"
I'm not the best but it is the clear the second sentence has also some language techniques such as accumulation of the s sound, emphasising a sense of happiness can be obtained from the natural world lololol.
thanks guys!!!!

Oh wow that description aarondapho! Hahah it's really good!!
And yes I'll try reminding myself of using the five sense all the time. :))))))))))
 

photastic

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The gust of wind whistled like a turnip or another member of the brassica family.
Turnips whistle?

thanks guys!!!!

Oh wow that description aarondapho! Hahah it's really good!!
And yes I'll try reminding myself of using the five sense all the time. :))))))))))
lol, I'm half asleep but stay confident since your mindset is much stronger instead of doubting yourself.
 

BLIT2014

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Turnips whistle?
Dunno made it up when a English teacher forced us in year 7 to create language techniques..

Was mocking the teacher at them time :p

(Of course Turnips whistle, haven't you ever talked to a Turnip?)
 

enigma_1

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Turnips whistle?



lol, I'm half asleep but stay confident since your mindset is much stronger instead of doubting yourself.
ahhahah trying.

I legit wasn't stressed at all. nekk minnit I look at my creative.

gg band 4
 

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