Hey Im really sorry about the super late reply!!! Okay your story is good, neeeds work though, Im not sure where youre going with it. Not enough dialogue (but that may just be the suspense that youre trying to create in your short story). Story line is good from what I have read so far and I think youre heading in the right direction. Another criticism I think is that you need to up your level of langage. Otherwise, good story and good start.