A.O.S thesis line for belonging (1 Viewer)

[Rubywingz]

Is this ok?

"Belonging is a dynamic process that changes the individual. It is affected by the individual's personal circumstances and events that influence their choices. One can belong and not belong. Feelings of alienation and isolation is associated with not belonging. Peter Skrzynecki's poems explore both the concept of belonging and not belonging."


I hav no idea .. any advice and feedbak will help
thnks guys

 

[gabgab]

that's really similar to mine. " [FONT=&quot]The need to belong to a group or community shapes our behaviour, attitude and actions"

change our to individual, and it means pretty much the same thing.

yours is really good, and im sure it links with your texts better than mine would, im doing the crucible, so its probably a different form of belonging.

just be careful, because do his poems actually explore belonging? or have you discovered belonging within them? was his purpose to show belonging, or to show something else, which allowed you to discover belonging?

our teacher, who marks for state or whatever, told us to be careful, particularly with our text, not to say that the authors purpose was to show belonging, because it very rarely is.

gahh. u have middys tomorrow as well?? mine start tomorrow. physics first. then english..

SCREWED..

haha, hope i helped.. im sorta jst rambling cuz im like, a zombie from studying physics all day..


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[Rubywingz]

thanks
yeh my eng half yearly is tmoz
so i beta study .. im sooo screwed

 

[bmfirkin]

hey guys.
so im not the only one stressing about our half yearlies. my Eng is on tuesday. ive got all tomoro to study.

our core text was emily dickenson's poems. And my related text is Dexter (by Jeff Lindsay), the book is really different than the TV series.

Some concepts ive got for both include:

• Societies create a way of living, where some choose to adhere to conventions, while others reject the notions of identity.
-Dexter is faking "being human"
-Emily purposely distances herself from everyone

• Notions of identity have the capacity to influence a group or population.

• Many people find comfort in solace
-The inner peace Emily has while co-existing in nature.

• Belonging can derive from mimicking (spelling???) accepted behaviours
-Dex has trouble trying to read body behaviour. And he says that the has learnt acceptable responses to certain situations, but has trouble when a new and unexpected event happens, and he doesn't know how to react appropriately.


So......
..... bring on the constructive criticism......

 

[study-freak]

Is this ok?

"Belonging is a dynamic process that changes the individual. It is affected by the individual's personal circumstances and events that influence their choices. One can belong and not belong. Feelings of alienation and isolation is associated with not belonging. Peter Skrzynecki's poems explore both the concept of belonging and not belonging."


I hav no idea .. any advice and feedbak will help
thnks guys

I don't know if this is necessary, but I would fix the highlighted lines to:

Belonging is a dynamic process that changes the individual. The choices to belong is influenced by the individual's circumstances. The absence of these choices lead to alienation, which causes the feelings of isolation and depression. Peter Skrzynecki's poems explore both the concepts of belonging and not belonging."

The reasons for fixing: affect and influence are basically the same words.
"individual" suggests personal.
"One can belong and not belong." is quite weak IMO if it's stated as one full sentence alone. Lastly, "concept"->"concepts."

I didn't really add any additional ideas except the feeling of depression to above, but you could expand a little more too. E.g. "Belonging is a dynamic process that changes the individual." Does belonging physically change the individual or is it just the emotional part that changes? Is that change positive or negative?

I could be wrong so don't completely follow what I've written above. I'm an ESL student so yea lol.. And if you find anything wrong with above comments, PM me or post in this thread.

 

[Rubywingz]

that helped alot!
thnks
i dont noe if i shud expand it coz its jst a thesis line. i dont want to be repeating that at the end of each paragraph so yeh . .

 

[study-freak]

that helped alot!
thnks
i dont noe if i shud expand it coz its jst a thesis line. i dont want to be repeating that at the end of each paragraph so yeh . .

Fair enough, I guess. Your conclusion should have something you've further explored in the body that you did not say in the intro so yea.
But then be sure to adjust the length of intro and conclusion so that they are about the same or intro is a little longer.

 

[Rubywingz]

oh ok. Thanks. Do you reckon i shud add stuff about Peter Skrzynecki's background in the intro ?
or do you reckon that wnt b necessary

 

[Rubywingz]

My exam is tmoz and im so stuffed!

 

[Absolutezero]

Do you reckon i shud add stuff about Peter Skrzynecki's background in the intro

Your better off not doing this. Markers already know this information. They want to see you analyse a text, not recite facts and figures.

 

[Rubywingz]

Your better off not doing this. Markers already know this information. They want to see you analyse a text, not recite facts and figures.

cool.
Will do.