An idea? (2 Viewers)

[ur_inner_child]

in all seriousness, i think the one thing we can all draw from this and that we all agree on, is that men are clearly the superior sex

Nah

 

[lourai*87]

I find thats really not true. I believe yes that men might get quite intimidated by a girl who throws themselves completley into the relationship at the very start and be over-attatched.

But, and i have a terrible habit of doing this myself, acting all detatched in order to not give off the impression that you really really do like the guy (because you dont want to scare him off you know) - well it just doesnt work. Becuase maybe the guy really really likes you too... and you being all cold makes him think you couldnt give a shit. /relationship

 

[Bobness]

How to lose a guy in 10 days

Oh wait nah chick flicks barely skim the truth of how real males would act nowadays.

The above e.g. was only to show that yes guys can like the girl as much as she does. Even though half the time it's for the sex, meaningful conversations, sex, emotional attachments, sex etc it still presents another legit viewpoint

 

[Tulipa]

I actually agree with what Az is saying but it's only to a certain point.

It's better not to be super super emotionally involved at the beginning of a relationship. It'd be easier and better for women (I think) to chill a bit when they're starting to date someone.

That way if it goes south, no harm, no foul and if it develops further than both parties can get more emotionally involved.

Yes it's a generalisation but it is also logical.

 

[Atticus.]

true, but where matters of emotion are concerned, logic generally shouldnt be applied

 

[Not-That-Bright]

It's better not to be super super emotionally involved at the beginning of a relationship. It'd be easier and better for women (I think) to chill a bit when they're starting to date someone.

I don't get this though, you guys somehow have control over your emotions? You can just make yourself not love people? You have a choice how much you're going to care about someone? These are new developments to me. How is it done? Some sort of mantra of "I don't like you that much" ?

 

[ur_inner_child]

I think girls read into things because of a subconscious expectation of the relationship and fear that it will fall short of it, or go the other way. Its also an indication of the girl's personal insecurities.

I don't think its called "detachment" or "not caring".

You enter the relationship and you feel what you want to feel. Az, you're always scared of whether you like them more than they like you, and its not really something you should work yourself over. If you can tell you fall in love too easily, then work on that yourself. But if you find someone that you're just crazy for, then feel crazy for him. Yes you might get hurt, but we're so young and resilient. We can stand back up.

Just don't read into things as if there's always some hidden message in a guy's actions or whatever. Even if you think there is, then talk to them about it and ask what they mean, rather than go away to a friend and ponder about it, which won't lead to answers.

I don't know if you've actually really been hurt az or that you just don't think that you yourself have had a relationship up the standard that you want. I just get that impression because you continuously post on BoS about your contempt for men and how they act in a relationship. I'm sorry if this isn't the case, because I think I've assumed quite a bit, but it just appears that way.

 

[Atticus.]

stef you are so spot on it hurts me
though "quite a bit of contempt for men" is quite a big understatement

 

[Saberblade]

I think women should be taught a lesson to be more like men.
Now don't get all feminist on my ass (or anything on my ass thanks) but I've just discovered a secret.

Men have a wonderful way to be detached from much of the emotional side that women are so good at tapping into. This is key. Women care too much about people they like, and relationships in general. Remove the care, and you get fantastic results.


When you don't get attached, when you basically don't care about stuff, stuff has a way of working out brilliantly! Men get so confused when you play their game. But it works a charm.


Does this work for others or is it just my secret that I've now foolishly revealed?

It's an interesting theory, but I disagree, I'd like my girlfriend to care more about me... you know, put me on top of the priority list sometimes, actually e-mail me once in a while (I know it sounds soppy, but when you have a GF that'll only e-mail you in reply to one of yours or some stupid f***ing chain letter, then you might care).

I feel like I'm constantly overshadowed by even her ex and I sometimes get f***ing sick of it. I mean, I'm so low on the importancy meter that she always has to have freinds around whenever we do something (even her ex, a pompous Brittish f***wit).

I feel like I need some space with her, away from them, because it really gets on your nerves when you endure 10 months of it.

 

[Bobness]

It's an interesting theory, but I disagree, I'd like my girlfriend to care more about me... you know, put me on top of the priority list sometimes, actually e-mail me once in a while (I know it sounds soppy, but when you have a GF that'll only e-mail you in reply to one of yours or some stupid f***ing chain letter, then you might care).

I feel like I'm constantly overshadowed by even her ex and I sometimes get f***ing sick of it. I mean, I'm so low on the importancy meter that she always has to have freinds around whenever we do something (even her ex, a pompous Brittish f***wit).

I feel like I need some space with her, away from them, because it really gets on your nerves when you endure 10 months of it.

You are so getting played.

10 months? Bahahahaha don't tell me you had to buy bday, anniversary and other random gifts along the way too

GF that'll only e-mail you in reply to one of yours or some stupid f***ing chain letter

You still forward chain mails? Lose.

In all respects you're probably a very 'nice' guy - i have a friend who'd be in a similar situation to yours - but seriously dump her, now.

 

[Ennaybur]

agreed. that sounds really slack.

 

[Redgoddess]

after 10 months you still go on group dates? and your hsc is next year? i think she doesnt want to be alone with you...which kinda defies the point of a relationship. I'm with the rest of the team. dump her.

 

[AsyLum]

true, but where matters of emotion are concerned, logic generally shouldnt be applied

I'd like to think that the two aren't mutually exclusive, and the best outcomes come as a result of both acting in unison.

Then again I'm rather utilitarian I think.

 

[glitterfairy]

I think both girls and guys have a lot to learn from each other... but we should also remember that fundamentally we are NOT like each other, and that's really just genetics

Oh, before you read the rest of my post, I've been reading this book called "Why Men Don't Listen and why Women Can't Read Maps", so a lot of what I say comes from there

As gatherers, girls use vocal intonation. Girls have a highly developed sense of body language, multi-tasking, "intuition" and verbalising thoughts in words - hence why we put so much emphasis on communication (even though we're crazy bitches and sometimes say the opposite of what we really mean. We do change our tone to show that we don't really mean it... but only other girls can pick this up! lol). When we don't get as much as we might want, then we start reading into things to try and figure out what the other person meant. We need to learn to speak a bit more 'straighter', and not read so much into things

(MASSIVE GENERALISATIONS AHEAD!) As hunters, guys use a minimum of words, usually say exactly what they mean, monogamy is a state of mind (but one they're becoming increasingly proficient at), and have an amazing ability to separate emotionability from the side that 'gets the job done'.


I actually feel sorry for guys sometimes :/ They're known for a long time that girls can be 'very confusing' and just kind of put up with it... we on the other hand, still berate them for not being mindreaders, when in reality we're probably expecting a bit much of them and should meet them in the middle somewhere.

And of course, I'm quoting muchly from a book and probably have billions of mistakes of my own to make in real life

Long story short - embrace who you are azzie You're not male for a reason, and wouldn't it be depressing to not be able to appreciate the difference between a luxuriously beaded, champagne-coloured Sachi heel and a ridiculously-proportioned, white suede stilletto? Yes, I thought so too

Sometimes we don't meet the "right" person at the "right" time. This doesn't always mean that someone did something wrong, or there's a 'secret' we don't know about. Sometimes it really is just the wrong person at the wrong time, or maybe the right person but at the wrong time. Take life for what it is - your Mr Right is out there somewhere, and one day you'll find him You don't want to just give up now, do you?

 

[Atticus.]

I think both girls and guys have a lot to learn from each other... but we should also remember that fundamentally we are NOT like each other, and that's really just genetics

Oh, before you read the rest of my post, I've been reading this book called "Why Men Don't Listen and why Women Can't Read Maps", so a lot of what I say comes from there

As gatherers, girls use vocal intonation. Girls have a highly developed sense of body language, multi-tasking, "intuition" and verbalising thoughts in words - hence why we put so much emphasis on communication (even though we're crazy bitches and sometimes say the opposite of what we really mean. We do change our tone to show that we don't really mean it... but only other girls can pick this up! lol). When we don't get as much as we might want, then we start reading into things to try and figure out what the other person meant. We need to learn to speak a bit more 'straighter', and not read so much into things

(MASSIVE GENERALISATIONS AHEAD!) As hunters, guys use a minimum of words, usually say exactly what they mean, monogamy is a state of mind (but one they're becoming increasingly proficient at), and have an amazing ability to separate emotionability from the side that 'gets the job done'.


I actually feel sorry for guys sometimes :/ They're known for a long time that girls can be 'very confusing' and just kind of put up with it... we on the other hand, still berate them for not being mindreaders, when in reality we're probably expecting a bit much of them and should meet them in the middle somewhere.

And of course, I'm quoting muchly from a book and probably have billions of mistakes of my own to make in real life

Long story short - embrace who you are azzie You're not male for a reason, and wouldn't it be depressing to not be able to appreciate the difference between a luxuriously beaded, champagne-coloured Sachi heel and a ridiculously-proportioned, white suede stilletto? Yes, I thought so too

Sometimes we don't meet the "right" person at the "right" time. This doesn't always mean that someone did something wrong, or there's a 'secret' we don't know about. Sometimes it really is just the wrong person at the wrong time, or maybe the right person but at the wrong time. Take life for what it is - your Mr Right is out there somewhere, and one day you'll find him You don't want to just give up now, do you?

although i can see alot of merit in what you are saying miss fairy, from personal experience i find it best not to go into any situation where peoples feelings are involved, with a preconceived notion of how they might act or react to things you do...

i think its better to just relax, not over analyse their character and just see how things pan out to gague their personality.

 

[Bobness]

I think both girls and guys have a lot to learn from each other... but we should also remember that fundamentally we are NOT like each other, and that's really just genetics

Oh, before you read the rest of my post, I've been reading this book called "Why Men Don't Listen and why Women Can't Read Maps", so a lot of what I say comes from there

As gatherers, girls use vocal intonation. Girls have a highly developed sense of body language, multi-tasking, "intuition" and verbalising thoughts in words - hence why we put so much emphasis on communication (even though we're crazy bitches and sometimes say the opposite of what we really mean. We do change our tone to show that we don't really mean it... but only other girls can pick this up! lol). When we don't get as much as we might want, then we start reading into things to try and figure out what the other person meant. We need to learn to speak a bit more 'straighter', and not read so much into things

(MASSIVE GENERALISATIONS AHEAD!) As hunters, guys use a minimum of words, usually say exactly what they mean, monogamy is a state of mind (but one they're becoming increasingly proficient at), and have an amazing ability to separate emotionability from the side that 'gets the job done'.


I actually feel sorry for guys sometimes :/ They're known for a long time that girls can be 'very confusing' and just kind of put up with it... we on the other hand, still berate them for not being mindreaders, when in reality we're probably expecting a bit much of them and should meet them in the middle somewhere.

And of course, I'm quoting muchly from a book and probably have billions of mistakes of my own to make in real life

Long story short - embrace who you are azzie You're not male for a reason, and wouldn't it be depressing to not be able to appreciate the difference between a luxuriously beaded, champagne-coloured Sachi heel and a ridiculously-proportioned, white suede stilletto? Yes, I thought so too

Sometimes we don't meet the "right" person at the "right" time. This doesn't always mean that someone did something wrong, or there's a 'secret' we don't know about. Sometimes it really is just the wrong person at the wrong time, or maybe the right person but at the wrong time. Take life for what it is - your Mr Right is out there somewhere, and one day you'll find him You don't want to just give up now, do you?

I read 'why men don't have a clue and women always need new shoes' which i think is the updated version of what you read.

Completely bs. They tried to use pseudo-scientific theories and sociological notions (such as women are conditioned for domesticity etc etc) in order to try to bridge the gap between the genders.

There's no point in doing that i reckon, guys treat other guys differently according to the context and their preconceived ideas of them and so this should logically apply for women too We know you're not all the same, so we try our best to act what's best in the situation.

 

[Ennaybur]

I read 'why men don't have a clue and women always need new shoes' which i think is the updated version of what you read.

Completely bs. They tried to use pseudo-scientific theories and sociological notions (such as women are conditioned for domesticity etc etc) in order to try to bridge the gap between the genders.

There's no point in doing that i reckon, guys treat other guys differently according to the context and their preconceived ideas of them and so this should logically apply for women too We know you're not all the same, so we try our best to act what's best in the situation.

qft. any book/person who tries to define 'women' and 'men' doesn't understand. we'r all human and react differently, and have been socialised to accept certain roles, shaping the way that people act and view the world.

men and women aren't fundamentally different

 

[Ennaybur]

fuck me ... are you serious?

 

[Bobness]

Men have a penis, women have fagina.

good thinking

 

[AlleyCat]

It really depends on how much you are willing to stake on a relationship.

If you are honest with yourself about how you feel, it would make sense to be honest with your partner in the same way, no matter how awkward or vulnerable it makes you feel.

I learnt this the hard way. Well, I say learnt, but I didn't really learn anything, as it just happened for the second time.

...On the other hand, if you are after a fuck, as is important at times as well, by all means, remain cool, aloof and unnattached. Works better that way.