An idea? (2 Viewers)

[glitterfairy]

re: the book thing

of course I don't treat any relationship-esque book as gospel. I'm not that stupid

I do find it very interesting reading though, and find it does bring up some relevant points. Not that it gives any kind of "when he does this, he means this" though. That's where life experience comes into play

 

[AsyLum]

You're not male for a reason, and wouldn't it be depressing to not be able to appreciate the difference between a luxuriously beaded, champagne-coloured Sachi heel and a ridiculously-proportioned, white suede stilletto? Yes, I thought so too

They're cars right?!

On topic: It'd be great to be emotionally detached going into a relationship, but then it stops becoming a 'relationship' and more of a convenience. Its all good and well to resist the urge to get hurt and expose yourself to another person, but that comes pack and parcel with relationships. Sure you'll get hurt and cut if shit goes bad, but I don't think I'd trade off the moments of happiness no matter how brief or fleeting they seem compared to everything else.

Failing all that, become a nun!

 

[Atticus.]

yes asja
to a nunnery go

 

[Bobness]

re: the book thing

of course I don't treat any relationship-esque book as gospel. I'm not that stupid

I do find it very interesting reading though, and find it does bring up some relevant points. Not that it gives any kind of "when he does this, he means this" though. That's where life experience comes into play

Yes i knew that

Just checking

If anyone wants to read more 'literary' or high-culture male-female relationship advice have a look at maureen dowd.

She quotes Chris Rock so that was a change.

And again, just read it in good jest.

 

[azzie]

Hey this thread got huge.

Anyway, I'm not saying THE idea is gospel, it's just something that I think may work in some situations. Clearly, if you're crazy about someone then that's cool too, but I think emotional involvement is way overrated.
To me, it's a sure fire way to get hurt.

But yes yes yes, I know, so and so loves their boy/girlfriend and that's cool and all, I was just puting it out there as an idea.

I've got a few mates who get really heavy and emotionally involved with men who are basically scared shitless by their behaviour, where as when they show less interest and are cooler and more laid back about it, it works out for them

 

[Armani]

To love with all your heart, to embrace with all your passion, tis but an idea that may well send your lover fleeing in fear should he not love with the intensity at which you love. Tis a sad era when love should be with held to keep the fire burning. But then... as with all loves, moderation is the key if we are to continuing loving as we all should be.

 

[Atticus.]

thats deep lengy but why should your feelings for someone be moderated? fear of getting hurt shouldnt stop you from giving a relationship your all
turn the fear of the unknown, into the excitement of the potential

 

[Not-That-Bright]

So anyway no one's answered yet... so how exactly are you all 'suppressing your emotional involvement' ? So far from what I can gather this is just the empty rhetoric of people who think they get hurt because they care trying to show that they can not care, but ironically showing a huge care-factor in doing so

IMO if you care about someone then you will care about them and no amount of negative reinforcement of such fears as "Oh but I could get hurt" is going to stop you from caring about the person.

 

[wheredanton]

I think most people are a bright enough to correctly judge the amount of commitment/emotional depth as per the stage of the relationship.

If you keep getting seriously hurt then you are obviously misjudging this assessment. But if do get seriously hurt once or twice it's not a bad thing. It's a part of your emotional development.

 

[Not-That-Bright]

Yea see that's another problem with analysing this... What do you mean when you say 'too emotionally involved' ? By two different people's definitions of the same thing I could both agree and disagree with the same statement. I.e. If you're carving the guys name into your wrist 5 minutes after you've met him, chances are you're getting psychotically attached - If you're merely becomming interested in what he's up to or what he likes, then I'd say that's usually healthy.

 

[glitterfairy]

I think most people are a bright enough to correctly judge the amount of commitment/emotional depth as per the stage of the relationship.

If you keep getting seriously hurt then you are obviously misjudging this assessment. But if do get seriously hurt once or twice it's not a bad thing. It's a part of your emotional development.

nicely said. Although as a side-note, repeated heartbreaks may be due to going out with complete loserheads in succession (not saying that may always be the case, but it is something to consider. But again, that's something that also benefits from life/emotional development).

 

[azzie]

Yeah however, even if you justify their actions by saying the guys you've been dating have been "loserheads," it still doesn't make the fact that you've been badly hurt any better.

And all this stuff about "loving someone with all your heart" is a bit of movie clap-trap if you ask me.

 

[Atticus.]

if you go through life limiting yourself because of fear of the past reaccuring then you wont live life to the fullest.
seriously whats the point in all this over analysis crap? if you like someone then you shouldnt put a restriction on that for any reason. you live ONCE and as cliche as it sounds life IS too short to be wasting your time on worry and insecurity

/end

 

[Bookie]

dont generalise az.

im more emotional than most women

in fact, most women are ice cold bitches.

either that, or no one likes me.

 

[Antler]

I like you Bookie.

 

[Adam1987]

Men have a wonderful way to be detached from much of the emotional side that women are so good at tapping into.

I wouldn't say that, men certainly cover their emotional asses though.

 

[jhakka]

On getting your heart broken by "loserheads": the heartbreak doesn't always necessarily come as a result of the other person's actions. You might need to assess your own treatment of the person (or other people) to understand why they reacted as they did. If you're the cause of the problem through your own actions, maybe you should assess your own attitudes and actions rather than your emotional response to the person themselves.

 

[Bookie]

jhakka speaks true.

 

[azzie]

if you go through life limiting yourself because of fear of the past reaccuring then you wont live life to the fullest.

Who says I'm limiting myself in any regard?
What for you is limiting for me is liberating.

/end

 

[Atticus.]

im not so sure that makes sense...
please explain in more depth