To cut an epic thread short: I am 18, my girlfriend is about 2 years older than me. This story involves 3 main characters: Myself, my Girlfriend (edit: a fucken 11/10 girl physically, intellectually etc), and my Girlfriend's Ex-Boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year now, we are intimate (yes, we have teh sehcks), we spend time over each others' house (she has her own place), and i feel like because of one problem ... we may come to an end sooner than we both might think. Of course i don't want us to break up over this ... problem, which is why i'm posting for advice. (and this is not me trolling, i promise)
Before i came along, my girlfriend was with another guy of her own age, and was with him since she was 16 to when she was 19. They were close, went out clubbing and pill popping, got high together, (all the fun stuff you do when you're young) and thus obviously have awesome memories with each other (since they were high when doing most of it). She's done with that stuff now, and wouldn't do that stuff with me, if i wanted her to. She has 'matured'. Although this is just one aspect of the relationship they had. They were not some druggy-couple - just to clear that up. My point is, they have shared something unique together, and were in a solid relationship for around 3 years, as well as them being there first real relationship with one another. They broke up eventually, she broke up with him for some petty reasons like "he really knew how to push my buttons and piss me off". They both moved on. The Ex is in a relationship with someone else, and i am going out with my gf.
The 'ex' (as i shall now refer to him) and my gf remain friends. And at this, i emphasise they still do ALOT of things together. My gf says of course they are close friends and so i should never be worried or jealous because "since we broke up, we eventually were able to go back to being 'friends' like we used to before going out...and it's great!" I at first believed her 100%. That they are friends and nothing more. But this perspective has shifted gradually, and now i find myself wondering if this is genuinely the case with my girlfriend and her ex.
Since they remain friends, this apparently allows certain actions to take place - which are supposed to not cause me worry, grief or jealousy - since they are "just friends". I find myself continually and increasingly questioning this now though due to several certain things.
1) The ex picks her up from the station every morning and drives her to work (they both 'work' in the same suburb which is around an hour drive so it "saves me [gf] on petrol", not having to drive there herself). And when i say every morning, i mean every morning. Like clockwork. Up @ 5am, dressed and ready by 6am and off to be picked up by him at 6:30am to drive with him to work (no, they don't work at the same place, just same suburb). The ex when finished work @ 6:30pm picks her up from work and drives her home. Some days she catches the train back, but it is usually the case he drives her back. So, accumulatively, they do spend a helluva lot of time together.
2) At her own place, she has pictures of her friends and herself on the wall in the lounge room, and since her ex was initially her Friend --> then the boyfriend --> then the ex --> then back to being the 'Friend', he is in alot of the pictures with her. Some of them are pictures of just her and the ex, some taken from when they were dating and some from when they were friends, but mainly from the time when they were dating. Some pictures are of other friends and the ex and her. I understood this as simply being a reminder of "good memories" or whatever it was, and i was perfectly happy with them being up in her place. For the record, the ex and a few other friends came over her place and rummaged through her photos and selected these photos and put them on the wall themselves. Moreover, some of these photos (and this is mainly what i'm concerned about) are of semi-initimate shots of my gf and her ex when they were obviously going out. For example, one is a shot of his neck displaying a hicky that she gave him. Appropriate? Something i should not be 'jealous' over that this photo was recently put up on her wall by the ex? I'm actually not sure, and this is where i need advice. Is this normal? Is this nothing to be worried about?
Another example: at least 5 of the photos are of just my gf and her ex together (arms over each other etc) ... in fact, now that i think, most of them are her and him together from when they were dating. There are a couple of the other friends, but mainly just of the gf and ex. Now whilst i concede this was 'in the past' and i am certainly not upset that she went out with this guy. This happened before my time. Though what i'm not sure about is why these particular shots of them (and their past relationship) must be up and on display in her house - despite them being broken up now. Why should these photos be up, what purpose do they serve? I know she's not really 'parading' them in front of me, but they are there. And i don't know why.
3) The ex still sees my gf alot. As "friends", sure, but he still sees her alot. Almost as much as me, and yet it feels as if, in a way, that they are still 'dating'. I say this because they do, together, many of the things that couples do - yet of course they do this "as friends".
4) He calls her alot. He is constantly calling and messaging for this, for that. For advice on this, about her, about what time to pick her up in the morning (of course the time is always the same every single morning) yet he still calls to ask what time should he pick her up. It appears to be an excuse to speak to her. If i have painted an image of him as a stalker, it is definitely not that. It is more of a situation where in his head, at least it appears this way to me, that he still does many of the things that she and him did when they were in a relationship which they still do after being broken up for more than a year. At least half the messages in her phone are from me, then the other half are from the ex.
5) He brings her over food despite her being abundantly self-sufficient. They still go out for dinner - not with other friends, just the 2 of them (used to be Tuesdays and Thursdays but since myself and herself have been together for longer, its not AS often.)
6) He takes her shopping. Up until i realised he did, then i started going with her instead. She reckons she needs help when shopping and can't do it by herself, which is fair enough.
7) To some work functions, she takes him. She says it's cos he's older (in terms of looks and age) and i would look too young to take with her. Basically she takes him as the date to the function. This is something i do not understand. You could go by yourself, but then i understand it is a way of stopping other people/men at her work thinking they can take advantage of her and think she is single. Thus it probably stops others trying to put the moves on her. Which is also fair enough.
The 2 are just very inseparable. And i find myself wondering if i should bother bringing this up with my gf. I feel if i say anything like "i find this or that a little inappropriate" (like the pictures of them on the wall) she will get angry and say "we're just friends, there's nothing to be jealous over" etc etc and it will no doubt just cause strife. They are so close that i know if i find a problem with it, i'll be accused of being overly-jealous about their friendship and I will be the one in shit.
Should i be saying anything? Is this just normal, universal stuff that happens with people and their ex's?
I suppose that i feel he is just too prevalent a part in her life. But maybe this is to be expected...
Before i came along, my girlfriend was with another guy of her own age, and was with him since she was 16 to when she was 19. They were close, went out clubbing and pill popping, got high together, (all the fun stuff you do when you're young) and thus obviously have awesome memories with each other (since they were high when doing most of it). She's done with that stuff now, and wouldn't do that stuff with me, if i wanted her to. She has 'matured'. Although this is just one aspect of the relationship they had. They were not some druggy-couple - just to clear that up. My point is, they have shared something unique together, and were in a solid relationship for around 3 years, as well as them being there first real relationship with one another. They broke up eventually, she broke up with him for some petty reasons like "he really knew how to push my buttons and piss me off". They both moved on. The Ex is in a relationship with someone else, and i am going out with my gf.
The 'ex' (as i shall now refer to him) and my gf remain friends. And at this, i emphasise they still do ALOT of things together. My gf says of course they are close friends and so i should never be worried or jealous because "since we broke up, we eventually were able to go back to being 'friends' like we used to before going out...and it's great!" I at first believed her 100%. That they are friends and nothing more. But this perspective has shifted gradually, and now i find myself wondering if this is genuinely the case with my girlfriend and her ex.
Since they remain friends, this apparently allows certain actions to take place - which are supposed to not cause me worry, grief or jealousy - since they are "just friends". I find myself continually and increasingly questioning this now though due to several certain things.
1) The ex picks her up from the station every morning and drives her to work (they both 'work' in the same suburb which is around an hour drive so it "saves me [gf] on petrol", not having to drive there herself). And when i say every morning, i mean every morning. Like clockwork. Up @ 5am, dressed and ready by 6am and off to be picked up by him at 6:30am to drive with him to work (no, they don't work at the same place, just same suburb). The ex when finished work @ 6:30pm picks her up from work and drives her home. Some days she catches the train back, but it is usually the case he drives her back. So, accumulatively, they do spend a helluva lot of time together.
2) At her own place, she has pictures of her friends and herself on the wall in the lounge room, and since her ex was initially her Friend --> then the boyfriend --> then the ex --> then back to being the 'Friend', he is in alot of the pictures with her. Some of them are pictures of just her and the ex, some taken from when they were dating and some from when they were friends, but mainly from the time when they were dating. Some pictures are of other friends and the ex and her. I understood this as simply being a reminder of "good memories" or whatever it was, and i was perfectly happy with them being up in her place. For the record, the ex and a few other friends came over her place and rummaged through her photos and selected these photos and put them on the wall themselves. Moreover, some of these photos (and this is mainly what i'm concerned about) are of semi-initimate shots of my gf and her ex when they were obviously going out. For example, one is a shot of his neck displaying a hicky that she gave him. Appropriate? Something i should not be 'jealous' over that this photo was recently put up on her wall by the ex? I'm actually not sure, and this is where i need advice. Is this normal? Is this nothing to be worried about?
Another example: at least 5 of the photos are of just my gf and her ex together (arms over each other etc) ... in fact, now that i think, most of them are her and him together from when they were dating. There are a couple of the other friends, but mainly just of the gf and ex. Now whilst i concede this was 'in the past' and i am certainly not upset that she went out with this guy. This happened before my time. Though what i'm not sure about is why these particular shots of them (and their past relationship) must be up and on display in her house - despite them being broken up now. Why should these photos be up, what purpose do they serve? I know she's not really 'parading' them in front of me, but they are there. And i don't know why.
3) The ex still sees my gf alot. As "friends", sure, but he still sees her alot. Almost as much as me, and yet it feels as if, in a way, that they are still 'dating'. I say this because they do, together, many of the things that couples do - yet of course they do this "as friends".
4) He calls her alot. He is constantly calling and messaging for this, for that. For advice on this, about her, about what time to pick her up in the morning (of course the time is always the same every single morning) yet he still calls to ask what time should he pick her up. It appears to be an excuse to speak to her. If i have painted an image of him as a stalker, it is definitely not that. It is more of a situation where in his head, at least it appears this way to me, that he still does many of the things that she and him did when they were in a relationship which they still do after being broken up for more than a year. At least half the messages in her phone are from me, then the other half are from the ex.
5) He brings her over food despite her being abundantly self-sufficient. They still go out for dinner - not with other friends, just the 2 of them (used to be Tuesdays and Thursdays but since myself and herself have been together for longer, its not AS often.)
6) He takes her shopping. Up until i realised he did, then i started going with her instead. She reckons she needs help when shopping and can't do it by herself, which is fair enough.
7) To some work functions, she takes him. She says it's cos he's older (in terms of looks and age) and i would look too young to take with her. Basically she takes him as the date to the function. This is something i do not understand. You could go by yourself, but then i understand it is a way of stopping other people/men at her work thinking they can take advantage of her and think she is single. Thus it probably stops others trying to put the moves on her. Which is also fair enough.
The 2 are just very inseparable. And i find myself wondering if i should bother bringing this up with my gf. I feel if i say anything like "i find this or that a little inappropriate" (like the pictures of them on the wall) she will get angry and say "we're just friends, there's nothing to be jealous over" etc etc and it will no doubt just cause strife. They are so close that i know if i find a problem with it, i'll be accused of being overly-jealous about their friendship and I will be the one in shit.
Should i be saying anything? Is this just normal, universal stuff that happens with people and their ex's?
I suppose that i feel he is just too prevalent a part in her life. But maybe this is to be expected...
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