BOS Showcase: 2005 Major Works (3 Viewers)

nick1048

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true true, and thankyou for your comments and concerns. The way I get around a particular paradigm of english is throught hte speculative fiction genre study in extension one english you see. Time, whilst being a philosophical entity in its own right, is universal and as such is debatable or arguable on many different levels. The irony is that "The Matrix" and "Dune" form the initial stages of my decision to explore Time - my speculative fiction texts. Of course I have asked many people about the particulars of choosing this concept and they were all for it. In terms of the reflection statement, I am very pleasantly suprised that you have obtained all the aspects of speculation and emotion that I have attemtped to provoke. If you do happen to read my RS I think you'll find some of the answers to the questions you have asked here.

If everyone reacts with the same approach of thought I would truly be happy and in a way content. Thankyou for your feedback, I may be waffling on and on but it really means something to me that I have achieved my initial goals. Please read the reflection statement and hopefully what I have just said will make more sense.

Airness thankyou very much, any comments or questions would be greatly appreciated.

J_hakka: What does Acerebral mean??? Sorry if that seems crude, I just don't want to find a dictionary definition when your connotation could be quite different.
 

black_man

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attempting to apply a sort of inductive reasoning to the definition, i would consider something that is a-cerebral to be sort of 'not' cerebral, whereby meaning not intelligent. that's perhaps all i can gather from the word.

you're concept sounds very very interesting nick, i really want to read it. hopefully the opportunity will present itself soon
 

~Smurfette~

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OOooookay, believe it or not I've finished trials TODAY because my school sucks and makes us do two sets of them...etc.etc.

Anyway, so its been no-breakers ever since trials started so I've hardly been able to relish in the euphoria and relief in handing in EE2. Heh. I have been reading some of your works though and let me say OMG they're brilliant and I hate you all for it because it makes mine look even more crap than it is :p

I have d/l everyone's whose posted it and in this well-earned break should get round to reading most of them. Looking forward to it!

From the one's I have read, here are my thoughts:

C_james: I liked your use of metafiction that made the entire piece amusing. The characters of Sir Cain and Bale with their witty yet insightful little commentary and constant bickering kept your story going for me – I liked your inventive use of chatbox screens! I think you do well at capturing my interest as a responder, although at times I felt that your post-modern/modernism paradigm sort of lagged on a bit. Nonetheless, well compensated by the brutal satire of it. Well researched, I’ll give you that! The setting fell a bit into the whole ‘lost in translation’ thing at first and I was like ‘Oh man…’ but you retained an original tone and style in which I was completely immersed, thereby removing those initial doubts. I especially liked how you made the cross-over interation between your characters and commentators, kind of something I did in my own story too but my ambiguity kind of wrecked it I guess :p The reaction of Ogden to the ‘intruders’ was funny on his online excerpt :D ‘But you, my friends, you’d best call me ‘The Assembler’, ’cause that’s all I’ve ever done: assemble’ – I liked how you introduced that concept too, throwing all your characters off-guard: ‘It’s called a ‘twist’, I believe, and they’re all the rage nowadays.’ (Have you by any chance read ‘Sophie’s World’ by Jostein Gaarder? It was the muse to my SS, but even if you haven’t, do read it – its an awesome read and the twist is very similar to yours I found) Also, I completely enjoyed your sarcastic yet somber sense of humor. Succinct ending, I saw plenty of textual integrity in it so congrats on your astounding piece! The only thing I can be critical of I suppose is that I tended to lose interest in some parts, but you didn’t let it die completely so you redeemed yourself. An engrossing read and your reflection statement described your aims and how you fulfilled them well. Perhaps tuning down the technical terms a little bit may have retained interest for readers who haven’t been introduced to the concepts you’ve manifested before – but certainly will do to satisfy the markers!

Black Man: First of all, nice title. I admire your style in lyrical poetry that I found even more interesting to read because of your awesome taste in music that corresponds to my own. I was thinking of initially doing poetry myself, but I found that I couldn’t keep to the textual integrity and fully develop my ideas in that form – so congratulations for achieving that much! Your going one step ahead and meticulously using rhythm to capture your intended audience must have taken you plenty of effort and research. The downside for me was possibly the repetitiveness of some of your poems. They were all certainly well-crafted and original but by the time I was nearing the end I had lost the initial spark of them…but keep in mind I was probably tired out by staring at the screen for that long too :p You should definitely keep song-writing whatever you choose to do in the future! Your reflection statement I found summed up your intent pretty well too, and I liked your opening quote. It’s a shame though that it had a word limit, otherwise I’d like to have known what perhaps inspired you to use particular songs for the particular themes and ideas you used in each poem.

Jayphen – Your imagery was beautiful in some parts of your story and really moving – especially the textual integrity you used in the mark made on the tree. Your intense detail made me feel very much a part of your protagonist’s experiences. I liked how you manipulated Greek mythology (I used hints of that in my story as well!) and you explained your relevance to that in your reflection statement pretty well. Your intent to explore schizophrenia was achieved well through the delusions and symbolism you used and I enjoyed the ending. One main criticism: I saw some space for development in plot without letting it lag. I felt perhaps you could have clarified the contrasting perspectives because it seemed a little ambiguous at times. Overall however, a good read!

Scoby: I enjoyed the opening to your script that developed through the time shifts you used. I suppose the word limit might account for you perhaps leaving some ideas undeveloped because I believe your script does have much more potential than what you concluded it at. Definitely fits the syllabus (urgh, hate that word now!) requirement of textual integrity, but perhaps a little too much on the predictable side of things when the plot established itself. I felt that you built up the responder’s expectations which kept them reading but I was a bit let down by the end of it, perhaps I was expecting something more? The dialogue use was good because it helped me ascertain the role the characters played and their relationships with one another – perhaps you could have strengthened this by using stronger metaphors in your language or symbolism to challenge the responder. On the other hand, simplicity is an asset and you did manage to achieve what you intended in your reflection statement.

Anyway, will post my story when I get over how terrible it really is...uuurgh.
 

paper cup

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Airness said:
I couldn't agree more ! :D

haha if you think i overdid it in the final product, you should have seen my initial drafts. I think you may have started kicking yourself out of frustration :D
the trench metaphor - quite a vivid one, but it would have been better to make a few mentions rather than have an ongoing thing - you'd have to meld it really well to ensure max impact. and you mentioned sports illustrated a few times too - starting to think you were getting didactic on me :p and we don't want that do we.
 

Alimoe_KG

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cherryblossom said:
you mentioned sports illustrated a few times too - starting to think you were getting didactic on me :p and we don't want that do we.
Sports Illustrated....didactic?

That had me giggling. And guys aren't supposed to giggle...:(
Oops...there i go, stereotyping again :rolleyes:
 
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AN OPEN LETTER TO TROLLS

I'm going to repeat this again.

This is NOT a commentary thread. It's a place to share EE2 major works and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIQUE. I have yet to discover how insulting someone's major work - no matter how veiled (we're not idiots) - constitutes as constructive criticism.

As a moderator, a bosmember, and a human being, I do NOT appreciate people who feel they can treat people in whichever way they please. I could call you all sorts of nasty names now (and goodness knows how much I want to) but notice that I'm not. I have absolutely no respect for trolls who have nothing to share other than negative criticism. Come on dude! You're old enough to know better, and you're smart enough to *be* better. It's a sick kind of joy to find happiness in other people's pain.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to commend everyone else for how well they're deallng with our current onslaught of trolls - thank you so very much for being so mature (and voicing your opinions in an intelligent manner, not stooping down to their level). If you ever see anything nasty happen, please let Justin or I know *immediately*, or use the "Report Bad Post" function (located next to your green "online status" indicator.

Keep up the good work, everyone! I hope to start reading major works soon - maybe not very soon, but I will eventually!
 
J

jhakka

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As Lynn said, trolling or flaming will not be accepted.

And on a more personal note, if you're going to use my screen name, at least spell it correctly.

Thank you. Have a nice day.
 

black_man

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thankyou lynn and justin for defending the interests of the members of the forum. it is very difficult to tolerate individuals who incessantly attempt to undermine people in our forum.

thankyou very much for your feedback smurfette, i'm really sorry i havent had the opportunity to read your work, and i'm sorry if my work did sort of become unneccesarily long. It is very humbling to receive very positive feedback and thankyou for experiencing my work
 

nick1048

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jhakka said:
As Lynn said, trolling or flaming will not be accepted.

And on a more personal note, if you're going to use my screen name, at least spell it correctly.

Thank you. Have a nice day.
in addition, have the curtosy to be original... you will never be matty coss -_- get over it.
 

Sweets

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nick1048 said:
Time: As A Concept

Please feel free to read and comment on my Critical Response. PM would be the best if you would like to discuss any aspects of my Major Work or Reflection Statement, thanks guys n galz.
I was really excited to read yours, having done a critical response myself. I thought your concept of time was very interesting, but I think I have to echo what someone else said that it seemed to have very little english relevance (although I have no idea what speculative fiction is about, so i probably sound really stupid), it read more like a philosphy paper.

Anyway thats just my like pendanticness (is that a word?), what I liked about your work was the way it was written, it was formal, yet It was enagaging at the sametime, and I think you worked that line quite well without becoming to colloquial, but at the sametime you were all pompous either, as some people often get when writing crtical responses (although the markers seem to eat that up). One thing I did feel with the writign though (and I myself had this problem), is that there was often not that strong a connection between paragraphs.

Overall, very original concept, and a very good major work :)

It's probably not as good or detailed as as some other feedback :)

Oh yeh and thanks to the mods for being such legends with all the lurking trolls and cleaning up the thread :)
 

nick1048

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hahahahaha, thanks alot for your feedback :) I tend to find most people don't really like the concept, due to its philosophical approach, I guess it's just something I wanted to do. Ultimately it comes down to what markers expect or are looking for, I believe I have met the criteria required however opinions may differ. I will do my best to read and provide feedback on your critical response sweets (with hopes that it is present on the boards). This is merely a stepping stone in the development of my critical writing technique :)
 

~Smurfette~

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Hey Nick,

Just finished reading your MW. I'm guessing you don't do Philosophy as a HSC course which might have been your only problem concerning the whole 'cross-over' thing. Some people have said it sounded more like a Philo paper and have missed the English relevance, but like you said yourself, I'm sure you've fulfilled the english criteria in presenting it as a cricial response. Personally, I don't think you left it too out in the open because you justified your choice of subject matter in your RS and related it to the literary works that have inspired it (Duuuuuuune is aaawwwwesome!)

I enjoyed and felt you explained technical terms nicely. Doing Philosophy for my HSC and my personal interest in it certainly made me like it more and you managed to remove my initial doubts about the trap of trailing away into a mundane rant. I've had to write a Philo essay on time as a concept myself and after the difficulty I underwent, you surely deserve a congratulations in managing to creatively yet critically manipulate it.

One concern I did have while reading your response however was probably that you didn't do a bit more to engage with your audience. Perhaps more rhetorical questions to probe thinking might have been included to maintain empathy and attention throughout. Unless someone had an interest in the subject matter you were writing about, I don't think they'd have felt impelled to continue reading at some points. I like how you separated each section into manageable parts though rather than big chunks of writing. The opening with quotes were certainly interesting and I felt authenticated your claims.

On a further note, thanks to the moderators for keeping this thread clean and true to its purpose!
 

~Smurfette~

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Kaz.n,
Hey, read your story. Overall it was a good piece but the great highs were accompanied by great lows. It reminded me a lot of a bollywood style film, did you post up your RS by any chance? I'm guessing you justified your emulation in that. Personally, not a big fan of them which is probably why I couldn't enjoy it as much. The plot was well-structured with respect to the circular integrity of the 'cycle', but it had little substance that seemed to mirror reality. The stereotypical view you presented bothered me because it seemed undeveloped whereas you clearly show more potential. If you were aiming for sattire, which didn't really cross my mind, it didn't fit well either. I did however like your variation with perspective at the end, ie. newspaper clippings. Another problem I saw perhaps was plenty of movement, but not enough detail that could have further enriched the experience for the reader. Its original surely, but your language also seemed forced and sometimes awkward at some points. Anyway, just my thoughts, hope that helps you in your writing!
 

nick1048

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~Smurfette~ said:
Hey Nick,

Just finished reading your MW. I'm guessing you don't do Philosophy as a HSC course which might have been your only problem concerning the whole 'cross-over' thing. Some people have said it sounded more like a Philo paper and have missed the English relevance, but like you said yourself, I'm sure you've fulfilled the english criteria in presenting it as a cricial response. Personally, I don't think you left it too out in the open because you justified your choice of subject matter in your RS and related it to the literary works that have inspired it (Duuuuuuune is aaawwwwesome!)

I enjoyed and felt you explained technical terms nicely. Doing Philosophy for my HSC and my personal interest in it certainly made me like it more and you managed to remove my initial doubts about the trap of trailing away into a mundane rant. I've had to write a Philo essay on time as a concept myself and after the difficulty I underwent, you surely deserve a congratulations in managing to creatively yet critically manipulate it.

One concern I did have while reading your response however was probably that you didn't do a bit more to engage with your audience. Perhaps more rhetorical questions to probe thinking might have been included to maintain empathy and attention throughout. Unless someone had an interest in the subject matter you were writing about, I don't think they'd have felt impelled to continue reading at some points. I like how you separated each section into manageable parts though rather than big chunks of writing. The opening with quotes were certainly interesting and I felt authenticated your claims.

On a further note, thanks to the moderators for keeping this thread clean and true to its purpose!
~Smurfette~ Your words are greatly appreciated! On the note of rhetorical questions I was advised to leave them out, fondly enough I follow your reasons to include them and as such have included some, but not many. Your analysis is probably the best I have received so far and as such I would like to ask, for people within the vicinity of my target audience (i.e. people like you), will this critical response be of any relevance. I would like to think that my slightly logic founded ideas had some purpose outside obtaining marks and as I have said before, this is a stepping stone in my development of true critical response technique. I don't do Philosophy as a HSC course despite desperate efforts to do so (mainly because distinction courses are not offered at my school) and so both admire and envy you as a person :). I have to go to school now, hopefully I can elaborate on some of these ideas later on... hopefully.

Regards nick1048
 

~Smurfette~

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nick1048 said:
I would like to ask, for people within the vicinity of my target audience (i.e. people like you), will this critical response be of any relevance. I would like to think that my slightly logic founded ideas had some purpose outside obtaining marks and as I have said before, this is a stepping stone in my development of true critical response technique.
In response to your question, to the audience your critical response was aimed it will surely hold relevance. Like you said in your MW, Philosophy involves transcending the ordinary modes of thoughts and exploring the outer frontiers of reason. Reasoning is a boundless concept and people always welcome how other people view the dimensions of life to develop their own opinions of it. The diverse concept of time you've explored certainly has relevance to everyone because no one is expempt from experiencing it, but your views in particular will be of value to higher order thinkers even if they oppose them. It's always refreshing to hear different ideas because there really are no concrete answers out there which is the beauty of Philosophy and reason. It's a shame there's a word limit to these things, otherwise you might have possibly wanted to explore the notion of time-travel, which I find very interesting too. Since you obviously aimed to do more than earn marks in your MW, your personal interest in the subject matter is evident. If so, I'd highly recommend that you try and get a hold of Jonathan Harrison's 'Analysis No.18' which explains a bizzare yet rivetting paradox that I find most intriguing. I think you'll find a version of it here: http://www.uq.edu.au/~uqdcox/timetravel_1600.ppt#24
Yes, Philosophy is certainly one of the better subjects I'm fortunate enough to be doing this year...just not that awesome when you actually come down to handing in assignments, lol.
Laterdays!
 

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hmm... 33 views on part 1... but only 5 for part 2!? Is mine really that bad?
 

nick1048

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~Smurfette~ said:
In response to your question, to the audience your critical response was aimed it will surely hold relevance. Like you said in your MW, Philosophy involves transcending the ordinary modes of thoughts and exploring the outer frontiers of reason. Reasoning is a boundless concept and people always welcome how other people view the dimensions of life to develop their own opinions of it. The diverse concept of time you've explored certainly has relevance to everyone because no one is expempt from experiencing it, but your views in particular will be of value to higher order thinkers even if they oppose them. It's always refreshing to hear different ideas because there really are no concrete answers out there which is the beauty of Philosophy and reason. It's a shame there's a word limit to these things, otherwise you might have possibly wanted to explore the notion of time-travel, which I find very interesting too. Since you obviously aimed to do more than earn marks in your MW, your personal interest in the subject matter is evident. If so, I'd highly recommend that you try and get a hold of Jonathan Harrison's 'Analysis No.18' which explains a bizzare yet rivetting paradox that I find most intriguing. I think you'll find a version of it here: http://www.uq.edu.au/~uqdcox/timetravel_1600.ppt#24
Yes, Philosophy is certainly one of the better subjects I'm fortunate enough to be doing this year...just not that awesome when you actually come down to handing in assignments, lol.
Laterdays!

I'm currently at school, however had the opportunity to jump online and would honestly like to thank you for your insight on my critical response and on the study of philosophy in general. It is a true pleasure to see someone else with an interest in the study as keen as my own, something that I find myself neglected to unfortunately. Nevertheless the resources are surely and widely available. I only wish you had the time or patience to read some of my drafts (also the fact that half of them are illegible doesn't help!) lol. The tangent I was undertaking is actually quite interesting, I wasn't specialising on the three distinct divides in time , but rather time as a whole. This took into account time travel and paradigms includign time of a level far beyond this dissertation. Again, you are completely right in acknowledging the first and foremost pursuit of a UAI that reflects myself. In reference to your assessments, I have complete confidence in your abilities from the terminology you have used and the interest you have shown. You'll do great! Of course a novice opinion as uneducated as my own can only estimate the merits of my Major Work as a philosophical entity. I was attempting to meet criteria yet scratch the surface of true philosophical debate simultaneously. The result is "Time: As a Concept" lol. Please, if you have any philosophical responses that you deem successful (some of your own would be most enjoyable) pleas forward them to nick_1048@hotmail.com and I'll read them (maybe not instantaneously) but eventually ^_^. If I can, I will try and write some more of my theories, compliance or subversion, from existing philosophical debate. Whilst Philosophy is not a study I am aiming to pursue at the tertiary level, I am confident that it will always be a subject I hold close to my thoughts and myself. It has been an honour to read some of the philosophical, scientific and religious accounts used in my Major Work and for my own personal pleasure, I hope my Major Work reflects that. :)
 

Sweets

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nick1048 said:
hahahahaha, thanks alot for your feedback :) I tend to find most people don't really like the concept, due to its philosophical approach, I guess it's just something I wanted to do. Ultimately it comes down to what markers expect or are looking for, I believe I have met the criteria required however opinions may differ. I will do my best to read and provide feedback on your critical response sweets (with hopes that it is present on the boards). This is merely a stepping stone in the development of my critical writing technique :)
I posted mine ages ago. I think its somewhere at the start of the threat (pg 2 or 3). Feel free to read it, I love feedback.

Oh and another thing I loved about your work was the passion, which was obviously behind it. Often Critical responses are quite dry, but yours whilst academic, you could really see you loved your topic from ur RS.
 

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