BOS Showcase: 2005 Major Works (2 Viewers)

[gorgo31]

excellent, superbly written reflection on how research affected your piece. well done

Cheers. I just read yours and I liked it a lot. I think your message came across very strongly, perhaps sometimes your expression emphasised certain things a little too strongly, but your brief poetic verses are genius in that they so brilliantly sum up your concerns about consumerism and its effect on individuals. The juxtaposition of Japanese culture against the rest of the narrative was interesting, but there wasn't much mention of it in the reflection statement, where I thought you could have elaborated on its purpose. But all in all, I thought it was a compelling work.

Oh, and I hope you enjoyed Woolf's A Haunted House short story compilation - it is one of my favourites

 

[crazyhomo]

Some call it honest, others call it tactless.

tact is just not saying true stuff. i'll pass

 

[kami]

Heh...you've gotta hand it to crazyhomo, he tells it like it is; no sugarcoating.

I thought crazyhomo was a girl?

And crazyhomo, may I ask what course you are doing at uni and did you do EE2? As you seem to critique everyone's work quite well each year.

 

[c_james]

According to his/her profile he/she subscribes to no gender .

 

[fleepbasding]

Gorgo- Just read your work. Very strong I think. You've really given a good go at naturalism and it has some really touching moments. At times I found it a little melodramatic, and characters just keep having these little rages at each-other, though maybe this is what happens at funerals, I really don't know. I didn't much like "The burial". To me, it was a bit cliched, like, the child who doesn't understand, explaining the death with a fairytale analogy... Also, I'm not sure you quite captured the child-like voice of Lily. it just didn't work for me like most of the rest of the play did.

I liked the characters of Charles and Tilly, dialogue there was quite mature and realistic. (Although again, I didn't feel that the characters should get so angry so quickly.)

I understand that they are 'fragments' and I haven't read your reflection statement, though I feel that the fragments lack a sort of unity. I couldn't really link them together... actually, I am an idiot- of course they are the stages of death/funeral... but I still feel that there should have been some sort of link between the characters of each fragment or something. I don't know, just my opinion.

Liked "The wake". Most intrigued by this theme (coping with the 'loss') and thought that the characters here were well-developed.

Subject matter of death was a brave choice and I think you've handled it in a sophisticated and sensitive way. It was very engaging and reading it was a pleasure. Thank you, I really liked it.

 

[enigma~]

heya, its me damnation under this funky new alias
here is my mw, its a film script called 'Blanc'

Btw, i formated it in a different program so it looks a bit odd in word...oh well...feel free to critisise and make me feel like crap

 

[gorgo31]

Scooby: read yours, found it good, but I felt you could've done a little more with your formatting. Your dialogue was minimal and particularly effective at the start, and it was a very intriguing beginning, but as soon as they sat down at the table all subsequent conversation fell into cliche or pointlessness. You forgot the golden rule, especially in screenplays when the medium is so open to the use of images, to show and not tell. It was good though, and your reflection statement was enlightening, though perhaps a little insubstantial in dealing with the theme of domestic violence - this could have been a reflection statement within itself.

 

[crazyhomo]

I thought crazyhomo was a girl?

And crazyhomo, may I ask what course you are doing at uni and did you do EE2? As you seem to critique everyone's work quite well each year.

dropped out of uni. dropped out of ee2

 

[enigma~]

crazyhomo is a girl i think...

 

[get_born]

can someone please critique my work - - I'd really like to know what other people think.

 

[gorgo31]

Thanks for feedback fleeps, much appreciated If you get the chance, I suggest you read the reflection statement to clarify the issues you raised. The script is really intended to be more about the conflict that arises out of grief and the response to death, as opposed to death itself, this their rages and the immediacy and impact of them. However, with the setting being funerals, I can see why yours would be the immediate impression.

 

[c_james]

Ok, here's mine people. It's a theatre script. I tried to reformat it for size, but I ended up finding free hostage elsewhere. All criticism, as degrading as you like, is completely welcome.

<a href="http://home.ripway.com/2005-8/404084/AFormalFeelingComeswithReflectionStatement.zip">A Formal Feeling Comes with Reflection Statement</a>

Edit: Forgot to mention, I took all the photos myself

Dude. I'm in awe. So succinct, yet so impactful. So minimalist, yet it rings of such verisimilitude and in-depth research. The dialogue exchanges, which range from the subdued yet heated between Charles and Tilly, to the poignant and strained between Lucy and Bella, were very compact and got the play moving fluidly. I particularly liked the conversation between Samantha and Gordon, which sounded so realistic that I could see the play unfolding in my mind's eye. Excellent reflection statement, too.
My only gripe would be that in parts it is a bit hyperbolic and cliched. You were, however, able to take the cliches and do some very innovative things with them, so the play, as a totality, is great. Also, the reflection statement in parts lacked self-reference, and you tended to explain your work a little too much, as opposed to explaining the actual development process. For example, after the paragraph in which you explained the effect an actual death and funeral attendence had on your piece, you dissect the play a little too much - I just felt you could've integrated such analysis with the other excellent, self-referential parts of the RS. On the whole though, this was very, very solid, and I think you can expect a very high mark.

 

[gorgo31]

Thanks a lot

 

[fleepbasding]

c james, could you please read and give some feedback on mine? When you've got the time? It's located post 27 in this thread. I'll read yours, which is by all accounts fantastic, in the next day or two.

 

[c_james]

c james, could you please read and give some feedback on mine? When you've got the time? It's located post 27 in this thread. I'll read yours, which is by all accounts fantastic, in the next day or two.

Sure thing, I've already downloaded it and will give you some comments tomorrow. And now I'm off to catch some zs.

 

[crazyhomo]

Here is my MW and RS. It is a drama script (play). I had to break it into 2 files- Scene one and two, and scene three and four. criticism would be appreciated. Please! I'd really like some feedback!

this weren't bad. fun, lighthearted, had a smile on my face most of the way through. felt very much like a stoppard play. and like most stoppard plays, i have a feeling this would work much better when performed than read. a few genuinely funny lines. but also a lot of lines i'm sure would have the audience groaning rather than laughing. oh, and i really hated the ending. i can just imagine that completely falling flat when performed, and leaving the audience feeling underwhelmed. but overall, i liked. 35/40

 

[fleepbasding]

thanks man. I appreciate the criticism. The ending was always an issue, but I felt (plus on the advice of teachers) that I had to make the "message" of the thing very clear. I don't know if I communicated the climatic nature of the ending that I intended. I can still see the ending I wrote as being dynamic and all that, but I probably didn't communicate this too well. Plus it's kind of a cheesy ending. Oh well. Thank you very much for the feedback.

 

[Crazy Pomo]

dropped out of uni. dropped out of ee2

Not that I don't trust your critiques of our here major works... but for someone who bummed out of the course and uni, can you validate your critique as helpful, useful or informative? Did you get any MW writing done? Post it up dude. Nah, jokes everyone is entitled to an opinion no matter how irrelevant. I'll post mine like asap I'd like to see what you think. Honestly, I think I'm in love with you.

I really dug fleeps MW and though it was cheap in parts I think it is superflous to say that it would be better on stage than page. "Twas written to be played" my friend. I would seriously start to worry if something was better on the page than the stage? Am I alone on this? Has the world gone mad? Sure I understand that a marker needs to be thrilled to their tits upon reading a MW stage play, but if they have half a brain and you have written it well, they will see your projected stage vision. Maybe that's just me.

 

[Sweets]

Ok, here's mine people. It's a theatre script. I tried to reformat it for size, but I ended up finding free hostage elsewhere. All criticism, as degrading as you like, is completely welcome.

<a href="http://home.ripway.com/2005-8/404084/AFormalFeelingComeswithReflectionStatement.zip">A Formal Feeling Comes with Reflection Statement</a>

Edit: Forgot to mention, I took all the photos myself

I loved your work. Inititally I was a bit hesistant because it was about death, and death is such a hard issue to write about without being trite, but you were poignant and really pithily dispalyed the reactions of all the characters. What I thought really distinguished you from other scripts though, was the use of dialogue. With most people it sounds like the same person talking in each of the characters, but you effectively used the dialogue for character development to help us understand the characters.

What i liked most though, was that it was so real (if that makes sense, i can't think of a better way to express myself). You know people write all these fabulous critical responses and plays etc but it is like what is its relevance? not to an academic or whatever but to being a human being And yours i felt just reverberated from all of the text and your reflection statement. But that is just my own personal thing.

The pictures were cool too.

Btw- I know we are all criticing everyone elses works but I think it would be good use tact. We have all handed in our works now, and there is no point further contributing to the post hand-in angst. Persoanlly, I already have enough of it from reading this thread and all your brilliant major works.

 

[Arvin Sloane]

I loved your pictures gorgo31! It really added to the mood! I must ask though, did you get it professional printed? Or did you print it yourself?

I’ll read over it when I’m not so busy, but from my brief skim through it looks very good.