Breaking up just before both of our formals… (1 Viewer)

[heshiyun]

Okay, thanks everyone for your comments

Friends after a break is rediculously hard, even more so trying to become best friends again.

That seems to be what most people are saying...how sad Is there ANY thing that I could do to help my chances?

Grow some balls and hurry up and do it. Your wasting your time and misleading her.

This is just something i can't rush into...but I understand your frsutration at me not doing it sooner.

You reason for breaking up with her 'getting bored with her' is pathetic.... get a tv, spend less or more time with her, or get off your arse and TRY to improve your relationship.

I worded that very poorly, sorry. I didn't mean to say that I am bored with her, it's just that we thought that getting into a bf/gf relationship would help us explore each other more, become closer etc. For me, it was just a bit of a let down . I wonder if i'm making sense...

Get over the fact that you will lose friends over this, she will need them, you wont.

That's a really good point I hadn't thought of, thank you.

And those friends that your so scared of losing will also hate you, even if its just hating you for her.

Hahaha, I don't think that they will hate me, but I know there will be a conflict of intrest thing going on...

Do you realise in the time it took me to write this comment you could of broken up with her?

I'm pretty fricken slow...I need to like, write out my thoughts, feelings and plans, that way I feel prepared etc

Go to your formal by yourself and hang out with your friends.

Yeah, thanks! I don't think i'll be an dick and invite someone else, I might just hang out with my friends. Hopefully, afterwards...we can go back to by place for some fun sexy times.

I actually really enjoy talking to my maths teacher.

Have never kissed her. etc. Otherwise probably no. You will never look at each other the same way again.

...

Heshiyun

 

[Tulipa]

That seems to be what most people are saying...how sad Is there ANY thing that I could do to help my chances?

Tell her you're gay. That's about it.

I worded that very poorly, sorry. I didn't mean to say that I am bored with her, it's just that we thought that getting into a bf/gf relationship would help us explore each other more, become closer etc. For me, it was just a bit of a let down . I wonder if i'm making sense...

It basically sounds like you're bored of being single which really means you want to hook up with other people which sounds like you don't really care at her at all and the only reason you made this thread is to make sure you don't look like an asshole in the end. Which is unavoidable.

Hahaha, I don't think that they will hate me, but I know there will be a conflict of intrest thing going on...

If she hates you, her best friends will hate you. If they're just friends, they'll probably just avoid you a lot.

I actually really enjoy talking to my maths teacher.

Biggest troll comment ever. Stas is that you?

 

[heshiyun]

wow how frustrating...

u love her but u want to break up with her?
and when u break up with her u want to remain in the same friendship???


sorry to be cruel but good luck....

as someone posted before shes going to see u as an ass for doing that to her espically when u are the only one who is feeling this. and her friends, i garantee is going to rip u apart... im sorry but that's gonna be fact if u break her heart.

just good luck with it all
and i hope you know what you are doing and make the right decision

Thanks honeyissweet25,

I still love her, but only as a really good friend. I'm just not cut out to be her bf...but we were great best friends, so I just want to return to that level...can you see what I mean? Like, I just want everything to return to how it was before we became bf/gf (even though, from what people have been telling me, that's not going to happen ).

Guys, thanks for your comments. I've got to go study now, will be back sometime after 5. Cya!

EDIT: I was looking through the love/relationships forum earlier, and I read something that struck a chord with me. A girl was telling the BOS community about a recent break up. They had been together for 3 years, started dating in year 12 and recently broke up. She said something interesting: "we had been together since high-school...if we hadn't broken up, i feel like I would be 17 forever." (or words that are similar to that). I don't know, but that meant something to me...like...well I don't know. I'll think about it. (LOL, if you are that girl and you come accorss this post, sorry if i got the wording wrong. I'll fix it up if you like, I just can't find ur post anymore )

Heshiyun

 

[heshiyun]

Biggest troll comment ever. Stas is that you?

No, I really do like talking to him! And nah, I can't be stas...he dropped maths for his HSC (what an arsehole huh?), he would never associate maths with good/fun/sexy times.

Heshiyun

 

[CieL]

1. When is the best time to break up with someone…after a fun day full of activities, doing stuff you love, having fun etc. Or totally out of the blue, “we need to talk…can you meet me at …”

I wouldnt recommend before the HSC.. [isnt it soon anyway? Like.. in a few wks?]
I've had an ex break up with me 2 days before my yr11 finals.. and someone break up with me between two uni exams
It was so shit. I was basically just sitting in the exam thinking "why?".. and especially in your case, you dont even have a good reason.. for me, I require A LOT of explanations.. I need to know every detail of why this has happened to me to move on.. or else I take ages to move on.

2. would you be pissed, understanding or upset if this was our relationship atm, and I‘d just broke up with you?

If I felt everything was alright and going good.. yes, I would be very pissed and upset.. I mean, one moment everything is great, then everything gets fucked up

3. Should I hint at it…just begin to fight over things I don’t even care about…so that she might at least see the end coming…or in the hope that when the break up does come…it’s a little easier to take…I don’t know, fake arguments, ignore her etc (sad)

With my current bf.. we had a 2month break because he kept a secret from me for 1.5yrs and couldnt hack the lying and guilt.. before the break he would always cause arguments and say shit like, "I think we need a break".. or "I think we should break up"..
I felt like I saw the end coming.. which is why I did try harder to make ends meet.. so yeah, the wastage of effort made me feel shit.. until he wanted me back =S

4. Will her friends start to ignore me…I’m not talking about the friends we’ve made together, that I talk to often etc…I mean the friends I’ve made, that happen to be her close friends :S

Possibly. Depends.

5. Should I let her know that I still love her (even though I’m breaking up with her…) ? Or is that the complete opposite from what she want’s to hear at breakup…

Nergh! I hate this. After he broke up with me he still wanted to be full bum chums and told me he still loves me. It pissed the shit out of me. I just wanted him to piss off and leave me alone so I could get over him.

6. From personal exp, can two people who were best friends, but pretty ordinary lovers, return to best friendship?

I forgot how long you two were going out..
My bf and I were together for 2yrs before we "broke up".. he still wanted to be really good friends and it was just difficult to kick habits that we had together.. Like hugging and kissing when we meet.. feeding him my food.. just the little things.. and I pretty much had to hold myself back and remind myself that we weren't dating.. and I felt like something didnt feel right and was missing
So.. I guess no, in my case..

 

[lala2]

it sounds like you wern't very close, but do you know what reason they had for doing it right afetr the HSC? What happenned thereafter? Are they friends again now?

Heshi

No, I don't know why they broke up. I'm not sure if they are still friends--in fact, she almost never turned up to any group reunions that I went to (which admittedly isn't many but if I did, they were fairly big reunions which most people were able to attend), and any chance of keeping in contact was killed when I had an ugly bust-up with one of her close childhood friends just a month or two ago. However, my parents have seen her around, every weekend, shopping with either her mum or her sister, so I think she's still single. She's not the kind of girl who is a good shopping companion for her sister (in fact, she's the one who does all the shopping and her sister's the porter), and her sister could just as easily have accompanied her mum.

 

[heshiyun]

I wouldnt recommend before the HSC.. [isnt it soon anyway? Like.. in a few wks?]
I've had an ex break up with me 2 days before my yr11 finals.. and someone break up with me between two uni exams
It was so shit. I was basically just sitting in the exam thinking "why?".. and especially in your case, you dont even have a good reason.. for me, I require A LOT of explanations.. I need to know every detail of why this has happened to me to move on.. or else I take ages to move on.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! Earlier I said:

I really think it will have a negative effect on her studying…

But with the majority of the replies that have come in telling me to ‘do it sooner, rather than later’…’it’s wrong to let it drag on’ etc…I was seriously contemplating doing it really soon. Like within the next couple of weeks. Afterall, that’s what most replies have suggested.

But, yes…with what you said, I think that’s what would happen to her. She’d find it hard to concentrate, study, focus etc. She’d be asking her friends about it, something I bet they don’t want to hear about when they want to study. So really, thank you. It’s not that I’m going to ignore the advice of everyone who said “do it now”, but, listening to what happened to you, and me knowing her (and knowing that this is NOT what she needs NOW, when she’s supposed to be studying…)

If I felt everything was alright and going good.. yes, I would be very pissed and upset.. I mean, one moment everything is great, then everything gets fucked up

Yeah, that’s consistent with what everyone else has said…I really need to explain to her why it would be better that we return to just friends.

before the break he would always cause arguments and say shit like, "I think we need a break".. or "I think we should break up"..
I felt like I saw the end coming.. which is why I did try harder to make ends meet.. so yeah, the wastage of effort made me feel shit.. until he wanted me back =S

So in the relationship, he thought it wouldn’t work out…but after breaking up…he realized that it was a mistake? And wanted you back? And you took him back?

Nergh! I hate this. After he broke up with me he still wanted to be full bum chums and told me he still loves me. It pissed the shit out of me. I just wanted him to piss off and leave me alone so I could get over him.

But you’re together now right? At break up…did he say “I still love you..”? Sounds like you two stayed in close contact after the break up…is that a good thing for me to do…or should I lay off her…give her heaps of time, space, room to breathe, think about it etc. Or would you rather that he tried to talk to you a lot after it happened, asked how you felt etc?

he still wanted to be really good friends and it was just difficult to kick habits that we had together.. Like hugging and kissing when we meet..

Yeah, I don’t know how –if we remain friends-, that’s going to work…but it seems like a waste to just give up the relationship…I mean I know everything about her, she knows everything about me, we’ve been intimate etc…to just let go seems like …I complete and utter waste of that.

So.. I guess no, in my case..

But you’re good friends at least…now right? Just there’s that…-something- (awkwardness) between the two of you?



Heshiyun

 

[heshiyun]

No, I don't know why they broke up. I'm not sure if they are still friends--in fact, she almost never turned up to any group reunions that I went to (which admittedly isn't many but if I did, they were fairly big reunions which most people were able to attend), and any chance of keeping in contact was killed when I had an ugly bust-up with one of her close childhood friends just a month or two ago. However, my parents have seen her around, every weekend, shopping with either her mum or her sister, so I think she's still single. She's not the kind of girl who is a good shopping companion for her sister (in fact, she's the one who does all the shopping and her sister's the porter), and her sister could just as easily have accompanied her mum.

God, it sounds like it's all bad news after the HSC :rofl:

group reunions that I went to (which admittedly isn't many but if I did, they were fairly big reunions which most people were able to attend)

oh, I was talking to friends about that...people have been saying that you lose contact with most of your school friends after HSC But I see that people organise big reunions and stuff, so that's pretty cool

so I think she's still single. She's not the kind of girl who is a good shopping companion for her sister (in fact, she's the one who does all the shopping and her sister's the porter), and her sister could just as easily have accompanied her mum.

Ah, so it's like...after him, she just stayed away from relationships (that's a pretty big assumption i know)...hmm, hope he didn't kill her faith in men...or anything like that

Thanks lala2

heshiyun

 

[honeyissweet25]

Take some time away from her.
Sort your shit out.

Come back later when you have had the 6 degrees of seperation.

It might work, it might not.

If not, shit happens.

i actually really agree with that... i mean you dont have anything to lose really, u want to 'end' the relationship either way so way not 'end' it by just taking some time apart? if, during that time u really can live without her then so be it, but if say u realisied you can't live without her then it can still be fixed.

it's really not the end of the world when you look at the grand scheme of things, she might hate you if you break her heart, but you have already seen that coming, so think of a way to ease that pain and maybe, perhapes theres just a chance that over time you two can rebuild the friendship you both had.

good luck

 

[cutiebabyforeva]

Dayumm that was a long life story. I read most of it though... but I skimmed over some parts.

Anyway here's my advice, you don't have to take it into account but from MY point of view I don't think you should break up with her just before HSC. It will probably destabilise her and she won't be able to concentrate on studying... and that's just BAD. So at least DO NOT break up with her until HSC is over.

Now for the formal issue! Hmm that's a tough one because if you break up then both of you won't have a date unless you can find someone else easily. You have 3 options:
1) Break up with her before your formals and hopefully you guys will find other dates or go single
2) Break up with her before your formals and still go together. However this is risky and depends on whether you stay friends or not
3) Break up after the formal

Now this is up to you. Do YOU feel that you just can't stay in this relationship anymore and you just feel the need to break up with her ASAP? And also that you may feel like you're cheating her in a way because you want to break up with her and she doesn't know, and you're staying with her bla bla bla. Im sorry my grammar has been shocking in this response lol

Oh and YES she will be extremely sad and shocked when you break up with her. Especially since it sounds like you two are perfect for each other. She's going to ask why? WHY? And you have to explain it to her PROPERLY. Do not break up with her and give her some shitty excuse because that's a horrible thing to do!

So you say there's things you don't tell her and that you keep to yourself? Is that because of your relationship with her? That there's boundaries you feel you're not ready to cross with her? There's things you don't feel comfortable talking about with HER? OR is it just your nature? Is it just YOU that is unable to open up about those certain things? Because if it's just YOU that can't express these things to ANYONE, it seems like a real shame to end to relationship. However if it's because you're not comfortable with telling HER those things then maybe there is a reason to break up. And tell her that!

There's many more questions you've asked that I haven't answerd but I really need to study for the freaking HSC!!! I hope this helps a bit. Feel free to answer my questions and I'll get back to you later with more advice! I just can't answer a billion questions in one go lol....

***EDIT****
I just read that you said your reason was that you missed the single life. Ok fair enough then tell her that! Say maybe you need a break? You said you wouldn't mind getting back with her in future ay? Well tell her that. Tell her that right now you miss the single life, you need to be independent, you need some time alone. Also tell her that however in the future you wouldn't mind getting back with her... if she would still have you. And tell her that you hope this doesn't ruin your friendship coz you would REALLY REALLY like to stay friends.
And oh yes I believe people can stay good friends after they break up, I've seen it happen! Some become even closer after that. It depends on how you break up though. If it was a nasty break up then it won't work obviously. But if there's no (too) hard feelings that it should be fine with time!

 

[princesssquirt]

um ok... well im stil confused at y u want 2 brk up with her.......
hmmm u say u still love her n she knos evrything abt u blah blah bah, yet u dont want 2 b with her.
so im guessing there is sum1 else, or u want sex, u cheatd on her or u jus dont want 2 b tied dwn.
i think u should b COMPLETELY honest with her n dnt lie 2 her....
im doin my HSC atm n i advise u not 2 tell her before, unless its killing you....
goodluck

 

[JulzMighty]

okay... saw the thread title and thought i'd be really useful in this, due to very similar experiences. BUT cutiebabyforeva seems to really know what she's on about.

given more time, i would choose 1) -- break up and perhaps you'll have diff dates for your formals. i reckon end of year 12 is a big deal. so is the formal. you wanna look back at your celebrations and be with someone you enjoyed being with. if you actually think you do and still will enjoy her company, don't break up for the sake of singleness. just ask for more space. worst case scenario -- she dumps YOU and you don't have to worry about hurting her feelings.

i timed mine a little bit better -- managed to break up about a month and a half before trials.

you obviously don't have much time, so i wouldn't be doing any breaking up at the moment:
now obviously isn't a great time for her if you break up, but it's still a pretty bad time for you if you know you're gonna break up, probably spending heaps of time with her, etc.
so
don't break up with her -- agree not to see each other til HSC is over. sorry, someone may have said this, but i can't be arsed looking through everything else. it will firstly, be best for BOTH your HSC results.
and secondly, it'll be a taster of being single. a little one.

thirdly! if you actually do still love her like you say you do, you WILL miss her and you'll be more than happy to stick with her through the formal and perhaps further beyond.

if not... well to be honest you're probably stuck with her as your formal date whether you want it by then or not. depending on how much you care about that (perhaps you will one day when you look back at your formal photos) you could just leave it at that, or say "no i don't want that!!" and we'll be there to rescue you. or at least try.

oh there we go... i'm more or less saying what Exphate said.

julz

 

[Big80smullet]

Sounds like you're scared of commitment. Gutted for you. just make sure you tap that before you break up or you'll be wondering what it was like forever

 

[CieL]

How long is the gap between HER last exam and the formal?

And you said that you want to break up with her because the relationship and the prospect of "knowing each other" more was a let-down.. So you reckon you'll know her even better as a friend, after you two have broken up?

Hm.. and you two can't go to the formal just as friends?
In my grade there were a billion people selling their tickets..

Have you seriously thought this through?
There's so much more to do after HS.. so much time to spend together..

 

[blacksunset]

Look.. the formal thing is NOT an issue. dont you have other friends you can take? it would only be a problem if you were a total loner and didnt have anyone to take...

and just do it dude. she will be hurt more the longer you leave it..
she will be hurt - she will be angry. just give her time.

 

[CieL]

and just do it dude. she will be hurt more the longer you leave it..
she will be hurt - she will be angry. just give her time.

Have you had someone break up with you before exams?

I have.. twice..

And they were both totally shit experiences.
I couldn't even do my exam properly and left most of the pages blank.

All I kept thinking about was why the fuck couldnt he wait a few more days.
You have got to be a selfish prick to do shit like that before something major.
So many of my friends didnt do that well in the HSC and waste their time [as in, years] transferring between degrees to get to what they want.. and even in uni other shit can be unpredictable..

However, I will agree with you about the formal.
Who cares if you either go out as a couple/friends/by yourself..
Just rock up to your own formal. It's their decision whether they want to accompany you or not. And vice versa.

 

[heshiyun]

Alright!

This is going to be a long post, on account of the fact that stuff has come up, I havn’t been checked up on this thread in a couple of days [really sorry guys], and there’s a lot to be said/reply to.

this is where I expect the ‘tl;dr’ people to switch off, which is totally okay I guess…I mean you guys have been able to give me some pretty good advice, and I seriously doubt that all the advice givers read my initial post from head to toe…so I guess the length of it wasn’t very necessary…BUT HEY! To the people who were kind enough to read it, thanks thanks thanks thanks.

Incase you skimmed over that paragraph; AHEAD IS A FIFTY BILLION WORD RESPONSE

OKAY, on the topic of EXPLANATIONS, a couple of reasons why I’ve been away:

1) I was really starting to worry about the amount of study that I was getting done [or rather, not getting done…], so over the last couple of days I’ve really hit the books (simle)

And 2)

As if lifted from the pages of a book, or a scene from a movie…something MAJOR just happened in her life…well actually, in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t that important, but something happened at home…and as well, as she was telling me about it…I felt so scared fro her, like as in – I was really worried about her, and yeah…made me realize how much I still do really care about her…and yeah – bummer…complicates things x 99,999,999…

BUT, prior to it happening I put together a plan, thoughts; what I’m going to say…what I’m going to do etc. WHEN is still my major question…

Take some time away from her.
Sort your shit out.

Come back later when you have had the 6 degrees of seperation.

It might work, it might not.

If not, shit happens.

Thanks, I’ve decided how I’m going to do it…I know it’s old, it’s kinda clichéd – but I think a break is what we need – it’s actually something I hadn’t considered before starting this thread, but after hearing what you [and others] have had to say, and remembering what people have told me about having breaks, well…it seems like a really good idea, for some of the couples I talked to, one in particular; a break was the best thing that ever happened to them – the girl said it was kind of like finding each other again. However, my memory of that conversation is kind of hazy, PLUS I know that they fight now more than ever (sad)

i actually really agree with that... i mean you dont have anything to lose really, u want to 'end' the relationship either way so way not 'end' it by just taking some time apart? if, during that time u really can live without her then so be it, but if say u realisied you can't live without her then it can still be fixed.

it's really not the end of the world when you look at the grand scheme of things, she might hate you if you break her heart, but you have already seen that coming, so think of a way to ease that pain and maybe, perhapes theres just a chance that over time you two can rebuild the friendship you both had.

Thnx, yes…I think 3 or 4 weeks apart is just what we need, I mean the relationship is far from unbearable…but, I just feel as though we need a change – a break is a really good idea, thnx thnx who knows how we’ll feel after it…yeah, it’s a really good solution…

 

[heshiyun]

Anyway here's my advice, you don't have to take it into account but from MY point of view I don't think you should break up with her just before HSC. It will probably destabilise her and she won't be able to concentrate on studying... and that's just BAD. So at least DO NOT break up with her until HSC is over.

THIS IS EXACLTLY WHY I DON’T WANT TO DO IT SOON [sorry to all of those who suggested that sooner is better than later, I’m not discarding that notion – or saying that it’s wrong, but after reading cutiebabyforeva’s post…do you still seriously agree that it’s better to just go and get it over with?]


…I can foresee this happening to her. And so, I guess I’m going to ask for a break after the hsc…but it will be a bit weird – we’ll both be so relieved to have finished the exams, she’ll be looking forward to the formal that is pretty soon after – and yeah it’s going to be a crap time to spring it on her.

Now for the formal issue! Hmm that's a tough one because if you break up then both of you won't have a date unless you can find someone else easily.

Well, I think the title of this thread is a bit misleading – I mean it’s not really an issue for me whether I go alone/with her/or with someone else…I’m not going to feel like a loser if I go alone, in fact I reckon it might be pretty fun…


I’d feel bad for asking another girl…my gf would be gutted at the news…I think she would get pretty angry and assume that I had wanted to take the other girl the whole time…that I was cheating on her etc…


it would get ugly [this wouldn’t be such a major issue if we were breaking up, but as I said eaelier, I think taking a break is what I’m going to do.

Now this is up to you. Do YOU feel that you just can't stay in this relationship anymore and you just feel the need to break up with her ASAP?

No, the relationship is quite bearable – we still have heaps of fun together –HOWEVER; it’s only when we are together that I feel things are alright…when I haven’t seen her for a few days, that’s when the idea of ‘breaking up’ starts to creep into my mind…so yes, I don’t know what to say…log disantce woulnd’t work for us…I guess it’s a commitment issue for me…

Oh and YES she will be extremely sad and shocked when you break up with her. Especially since it sounds like you two are perfect for each other. She's going to ask why? WHY? And you have to explain it to her PROPERLY. Do not break up with her and give her some shitty excuse because that's a horrible thing to do!

She deserves a good reason, I will try my best to give her one…I will try to be as honest as I can, but I’m not going to deliberately say things that will upset her…I might leave those things for later…hopefully one day when we’re in a bar somewhere, laughing about it all etc But, this presents a problem – my explanation will be pretty weak – pretty hollow, and .. ?

So you say there's things you don't tell her and that you keep to yourself? Is that because of your relationship with her? That there's boundaries you feel you're not ready to cross with her? There's things you don't feel comfortable talking about with HER? OR is it just your nature? Is it just YOU that is unable to open up about those certain things? Because if it's just YOU that can't express these things to ANYONE, it seems like a real shame to end to relationship. However if it's because you're not comfortable with telling HER those things then maybe there is a reason to break up. And tell her that!

No..we have a really open relationship…we can talk about everything else EXPCEPT THIS, actually; to clarify – I can talk to her about everything EXCEPT THIS. What I mean is – if I brought it up, she wouldn’t go ballistic, she would be upset, but she’d try to talk it through (I think), but it’s just something that I don’t think that you CAN talk through…I mean I will bring it up when I’m ready…and yes, that will be the time that I discuss out futures, hear what she has to say, and decide whether or not we break up/take time apart etc.


I think I’m a kind of open guy, I’ve talked to most of my friends who don’t know her, about this and, yeah…I’ve never felt insecuyre about entertaining their questions, but if she were to ask me staright out; I’m pretty sure I would struggle. And if one of her fwends heard something, and confronted me – I’d find it very hard to talk to that person. But when ym friends ask “so how’s the situation” or something like that – don’t feel shy at all (but afterwards I often feel guilty)

There's many more questions you've asked that I haven't answerd but I really need to study for the freaking HSC!!! I hope this helps a bit. Feel free to answer my questions and I'll get back to you later with more advice! I just can't answer a billion questions in one go lol....

HEY! I know what you mean! English Paper One in 12 days! I havn’t even touched that stuff yet CRAP, that’s it, after this I’M HITTING THE BOOKS! (lol, I’ll still probably end up putting English off until later hahaha, I just don’t like studying for it )


Thanks, let me know if I missed any of your questions…


Good luck

I just read that you said your reason was that you missed the single life. Ok fair enough then tell her that! Say maybe you need a break? You said you wouldn't mind getting back with her in future ay? Well tell her that. Tell her that right now you miss the single life, you need to be independent, you need some time alone. Also tell her that however in the future you wouldn't mind getting back with her... if she would still have you. And tell her that you hope this doesn't ruin your friendship coz you would REALLY REALLY like to stay friends.

I WILL, thanks…


you wouldn't mind getting back with her... if she would still have you

I will emphises the “if you will still have me” part (simle), but I’ve GOT TO BE SERIOUS, I’m really worried that I’ll try one of my classic lame jokes and ruin everything :mad1: )

 

[heshiyun]

so im guessing there is sum1 else, or u want sex, u cheatd on her or u jus dont want 2 b tied dwn.
i think u should b COMPLETELY honest with her n dnt lie 2 her....
im doin my HSC atm n i advise u not 2 tell her before, unless its killing you....

The last one; “u jus dont want 2 b tied dwn.”.

Sex, I’m really really serious about leaving that till later in life, or at least until I think I’m in a position to give that to someone special. I’m not saying she is not special, but it’s just…well, it’s something that I want to hang onto, at least for a bit longer…I just feel like I’m too young to make that decision (I don’t trust myself LOL)

- will tell her sometime after our exams, thank you.

given more time, i would choose 1) -- break up and perhaps you'll have diff dates for your formals. i reckon end of year 12 is a big deal. so is the formal. you wanna look back at your celebrations and be with someone you enjoyed being with. if you actually think you do and still will enjoy her company, don't break up for the sake of singleness. just ask for more space. worst case scenario -- she dumps YOU and you don't have to worry about hurting her feelings.

I am actually going to ask her if she will still coe with me, or say something like “I think we should take a break until formal night…what do you think”

Maybe even ask her to go as just friends. Otherwise I’ll either go alone, or ask someone I know (who doesn’t know her, as how would you like to be that girl…woudn’t you feel guilty if you knew ur partners ex?)

i timed mine a little bit better -- managed to break up about a month and a half before trials.

And how is your relationship now? Still talking to one another?

so i wouldn't be doing any breaking up at the moment:
now obviously isn't a great time for her if you break up, but it's still a pretty bad time for you if you know you're gonna break up, probably spending heaps of time with her, etc.
so
don't break up with her -- agree not to see each other til HSC is over.

I won’t break up with her just before our exams, but I will try not to bother/distract her too during those weeks. We shall see how that plays out.

be best for BOTH your HSC results.

Now that is one of th best pieces of advice so far, thank you.

thirdly! if you actually do still love her like you say you do, you WILL miss her and you'll be more than happy to stick with her through the formal and perhaps further beyond.

if not... well to be honest you're probably stuck with her as your formal date whether you want it by then or not. depending on how much you care about that (perhaps you will one day when you look back at your formal photos) you could just leave it at that, or say "no i don't want that!!" and we'll be there to rescue you. or at least try.

I would still like her to come with me to the formal. It’s just a matter of, 1) will she still go with me, and 2) would she understand that we were going ONLY as friends, nothing more.

If she says no, I might just go alone and hang out with my mates. I’m sure I won’t be a third wheel hahaha.

Sounds like you're scared of commitment.

Yes, I guess that’s it. Something that talking to her about…won’t really help, right?

Oh, and I LOVE your emo pic hahahaha. I seriously adore it, it’s so funny!

How long is the gap between HER last exam and the formal?

About two weeks…not really a lot of time to make other plans…

And you said that you want to break up with her because the relationship and the prospect of "knowing each other" more was a let-down.. So you reckon you'll know her even better as a friend, after you two have broken up?

No, I’m sorry; I’m not really explaining myself very well am I? [band 1 English results, here we come!]

I was so excited in the beginning. We were learning new and interesting things about each other everyday. A bf/gf relationship seems like a logical progression of things, I thought that I could get to know her on a completely new level.

The first few months were great. I’d never been more happy in my life. The affection that I could show her and that she showed me (hugs/kisses etc) was really welcome, and I enjoyed every touch, every smile, every time we talked etc.

Eveyritn gwas going great so long as we were talking and had new things to tell each other, teach each other etc.

But, I feel like – we’ve hit a wall. I know so much about her now, she knows so much about me know…the journey of discovery feels kind of over. Like there’s nothing new I can learn from her, no more secrets to uncover (this by far was the most exciting part of our relationship, uncovering each others secrets…sharing with another person something that you have never shared before).

So I feel like there’s nothing more to be done. Sure, there is another frontier to explore…our bodies…(aka sex), but it’s not something that I’m really interested/concerned about at the moment. I don’t think that sex is going to fix anything…

I can imagine that there are some people whose relationships are founded on good sex – that’s what keep them going, but – I just don’t feel like that’s something…well I don;’t know what more to say. I’ll just leave it now (+_+” I’m not worried about the size of my penis, or coming too quickely, or hurting her or what ever the hell else is on your mind you crazy people…not you CieL)

Hm.. and you two can't go to the formal just as friends?
In my grade there were a billion people selling their tickets..

I will ask her to go, just as friends [assuming that I ask we take a break before the formal]

There's so much more to do after HS.. so much time to spend together..

That’s true, but I don’t know if more time together will fix our situation. It might do, but I can’t be sure.

This thread has been really good to me, it’s rasied a lot of questions that I hadn’t really thought through, thnx!

Look.. the formal thing is NOT an issue. dont you have other friends you can take? it would only be a problem if you were a total loner and didnt have anyone to take...

I woulnd’t feel like loser if I went alone. I just worry for her, like, I …

Don’t know.

and just do it dude. she will be hurt more the longer you leave it..
she will be hurt - she will be angry. just give her time.

That's a good point, but have you read what cutiebabyforeva had to say????

Thnx anyway…but I seriously think that cutiebabyforeva has a really good point.

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ave you had someone break up with you before exams?

I have.. twice..

And they were both totally shit experiences.
I couldn't even do my exam properly and left most of the pages blank.

All I kept thinking about was why the fuck couldnt he wait a few more days.
You have got to be a selfish prick to do shit like that before something major.
So many of my friends didnt do that well in the HSC and waste their time [as in, years] transferring between degrees to get to what they want.. and even in uni other shit can be unpredictable..

So you now consider him a real prick for the way/time he did it. Would you be more sympatric to him if he had waited? And would you have minded him saying something n like “you know CieL, I had a feeling that it might affect your exams…so I waited until after your exams to tell you…I know that I should have just told you straight up….but I was worried about how you’d take it…and it was a really important time etc etc etc” Would that have made things better? Or would you have been equally upset, equally angry at him, think he was just making excuses for himself etc.


However, I will agree with you about the formal.
Who cares if you either go out as a couple/friends/by yourself..
Just rock up to your own formal. It's their decision whether they want to accompany you or not. And vice versa.

Yes, thanks I wouldn’t mind going alone – I wouldn’t be stressing at the lost money or anything, and yes, I WILL invite her. It’s her decision whether or not she comes/whether or not she invites me to hers after it.

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WELL, thanks for everyone’s help and advice (and even for the abuse, it’s really getting me thinking, thanks!)

I’m being asked questions that are important, and I probably never would have thought of…so thanks again.

Also, I know it’s kind of sad – but I’m glad to hear that some people have been in my situation before…and have moved on, and are now able to share their experiences here.

This thread has been SUPER useful to me so far, the good advice, well wishes etc has been VERY VERY much appreciated. Hopefully, one day this thread will become useful to others who find themselves in the same situation.

AS for me, I really need to study, like I REALLY need to pull up my socks and hit the books. I’m going to take what people have said here, and make a really great decision on how to approach my relationship from here on, what to do, and even, how I can improve our realtionhp in the weeks ahead.

So yes, I’m going to go study now, I’ll check up on this thread before I got to bed tonight, and again tomorrow.

Thanks!

Heshiyun

 

[musochic16]

if you have to break up with her
for what ever reason it would be
just be honest with her
if as you say you guys are best friends
im sure she will understand
as for time i dont know..