Dilemma (1 Viewer)

[monzi]

I've got a problem I'll explain the situation.

I was friends with this guy for about 9 years we were the best of friends. I found out about 8 years into the friendship that he liked me more then a friend for this long. He didn't have the courage to tell me though I had to find out from somebody he had told. Anyway, he'd go out with endless girls and then when they didn't work out he'd come and confide in me and tell me all his problems. After I knew he had feelings for me he'd drop hints by saying things like 'I won't find a girl like you ever' yatta yatta.

Then for some odd reason he starts seeing this new girl, he was happy I guess I should of been able to tell since I was his best friend. I was happy he had moved on and found somebody new. Anyway, he began to change utterly, became cold towards me and treated me differently. Then one night we had an argument and we have not spoken now for about two years. However, about 2 days ago, I actually built up the courage to be the good friend and contact him, i rang him and he hung he phone up in my face. My friend asked him why we wernt talking and he said 'differences' I just don't get it, I don't know what I did to him to make him behave in this certain way? Any input?

 

[Dreamerish*~]

If he really has liked you for eight years, then he probably can't hack being around you and feeling so strongly for you with you treating him as nothing more than a friend.

Think about how you would act. If you've been liking someone for years, and they've never paid that kind of attention. Every time you're with them it would be frustrating that they don't understand how you feel.

Now that he has found a new girlfriend, he might be avoiding you because he wants to give up on pursuing you, and doesn't want to be around you in hopes of killing off whatever he has felt for you before. If he's still good friends with you, his feelings for you might never fade, and having a girlfriend at the same time might get him into trouble.

 

[mr_brightside]

did he ask you out?
did you turn him down??

Sounds like he is being bitter cause he couldnt have you and is now just ignoring you...

 

[azzie]

I haven't talked to my best mate in weeks... I'm starting to wonder if he's still alive or what.
But things change- though I still think of my bestie as my closest friend (duh), he's found a girl so totally perfect for him and I've found my own bit of "amusement" and so since then I haven't talked to him as much.
Things change, life goes on.
I'd say send him a message saying you'd like to see if you could work things out but leave it up to him- if it's time to just move on from that friendship, then that's that!

 

[sunjet]

Shit, that story was actually depressing. I would of thought he was just acting angry/bitter to get your attention/sympathy, but still after two years :|

Times change and people change with them..

 

[monzi]

---

Yeah I know what you mean. His not with his last girlfriend anymore. I think he used to go out with girls as rebounds because he didn't have the courage to tell me he liked me after 8 years. He didn't ask me out because he was too afraid to tell me how he felt about me. I remember he had like 10 girlfriends in a 5 month period, they were all just flings I think and he'd make it out like he 'loved' them but then when he broke up with them he'd come and cry to me, you know I was a good friend and listened and tried to console him.


I didn't even know he felt that way until I was told by another person then I began to see the signs. I valued his friendship dearly and still do, if I didn't think it was worth it, I would not of bothered trying to call him again. Friendship to me is more important than the relationship. But I see your point Dreamerish I think his being all bitter and in denial that he can't go out with me. I have a boyfriend now, and he found out, so his dating one of these girls surprise surprise that I'm good friends with LOL...Because I think he knows it'll come back to me.

I've told him countless times I love him as a friend and never wanted to ruin the friendship..I guess your right people do change. Nothing you can do..

But for something to end like this..its depressing.

 

[ur_inner_child]

hate is the fastest way to "get over someone"

although that's debateable

i had a guy recently tell me that he had liked me that whole time he spread rumours about me..... this was from year 8ish - year 10.

but the hostility during that time was really hateful. it's weird.

no point to the story really. its just how some people deal

 

[bscienceboi]

I'm curious. What was the argument about?

 

[monzi]

Yeah

It was the dumbest argument in the history of arguments. I didn't even think it would turn out like this. After he started seeing the new girl he just turned all cold and started treating me like trash, like I wasn't even his friend he'd known for nearly 9 years. I'm not going to let anyone disrespect me like that so I told him off and it blew from there. I didn't do anything to him, because if I had I would admit it but he started blowing me off, saying derogatory things to me and that's when it all exploded.

What can you do some people change. I just wanted to resolve the issues between us, but I guess he doesn't want to.

 

[Jake_434]

If you loved him as a friend like you say but didn't want to risk the friendship.... Err...... Wouldn't it be better to risk the friendship than lose him like this? Unless you don't really love him like you say you do.

 

[tWiStEdD]

i think everyone has said it already, but i'll put in my two cents.

they're right that people change with the times; change is the only thing you can count on in life (except for death and taxes, of course). that being said, i'd like to think that if you can be the best of friends with someone for years and years then your relationshup will be sacred to the both of you and, indeed, it was for both of you.

he's undoubtedly hurt... but it's possible he felt led on (and this is almost definitely no faut of your own). Men are a bit stupid. when we want there to be signs coming from women we're interested in, we'll make any little thing out to be a 'sign' because if we can't read signs then we're obviously not men, right?
so that's scenario number one

the other possibility is, as someone has already said, he's using hate to get over you. it's the easiest... but it's also a cop-out. then again, people are stupid on the whole and he is possibly no exception.

make a concerted effort to talk to him about it and see if you can revive your friendship and if that fails then perhaps it's best to forget him.

 

[Tuggi3]

it sounds like he's being a bitter little sooky baby...

i HATE sooky men

 

[monzi]

Yeah

i think everyone has said it already, but i'll put in my two cents.

they're right that people change with the times; change is the only thing you can count on in life (except for death and taxes, of course). that being said, i'd like to think that if you can be the best of friends with someone for years and years then your relationshup will be sacred to the both of you and, indeed, it was for both of you.

he's undoubtedly hurt... but it's possible he felt led on (and this is almost definitely no faut of your own). Men are a bit stupid. when we want there to be signs coming from women we're interested in, we'll make any little thing out to be a 'sign' because if we can't read signs then we're obviously not men, right?
so that's scenario number one

the other possibility is, as someone has already said, he's using hate to get over you. it's the easiest... but it's also a cop-out. then again, people are stupid on the whole and he is possibly no exception.

make a concerted effort to talk to him about it and see if you can revive your friendship and if that fails then perhaps it's best to forget him.

I don't know why his acting that way. After two years of not speaking I have tried countless times to resolve everything with him. I even called him to catch up again but he rejected me. I think he is using HATE to get over me. I really don't lead males on, if I don't like somebody and they do I'll tell them I don't like them because I would not like it happening to me in return you know what I mean? Imagine it was me who was in his place, I wouldn't appreciate it if he lead me on, so I didn't do it. I told him countless times over the course of our friendship that I loved him as a friend and he should of understood.

After he started seeing this new girl, that's when he changed on me, now because his broken up with her he still won't speak to me. I've assured him that even after all the things his said to hurt me i'm still going to be a friend and be there for him, I don't believe friendships should be wasted life is damn short. So the ball is in his court I've tried so damn hard and he won't even pull his weight. I want to move on but I really do value his friendship its so hard you know so yeah thats my dilemma..

Thanks for your input people.

 

[FoodForThought]

I told him countless times over the course of our friendship that I loved him as a friend and he should of understood.

Are you sure you didnt add the part of 'i dont want to risk our friendship with a relationship'??

The reason i ask this is a girl once showed me up like that... but instead she isnt talking to me now. The whole i love you as a friend, especially if it comes out almost every time you talk, can be seen as 'ask me out' type thing. Its not all that simple but thats the jist of it.

But she isnt talking to me now, i made it fairly clear that talking shit is the best way to drill someone into the ground. I see it as that were even now tho

 

[monzi]

---

LOL not like I was saying this to him 24/7 I didn't do that. I think my situation is different to yours. I don't know its weird I'll never figure out males.

 

[FoodForThought]

LOL not like I was saying this to him 24/7 I didn't do that. I think my situation is different to yours. I don't know its weird I'll never figure out males.

From the sounds of things it is... this girl seems to have done it out of spite or just for fun, meaning she doesnt give a shit about friendship. just a type of senario that he may be seeing it by....

 

[monzi]

---

Maybe or his just too arrogant to speak to me.

 

[Dreamerish*~]

I don't know its weird I'll never figure out males.

He's ignoring you because he wants to get over you and move on. Some people are just not capable of being friends with someone they want more than a friend, who doesn't feel the same way about them.

It's simple. You rejected him and he doesn't want to dwell on his problems. It's not the best way to deal with it but pushing you out of his life is his solution. Like ripping off a bandaid, only it has a human being attached to it.

Love and hate are not separated by a thin line, but if you can't love someone you begin to hate them, then the love fades away, and eventually the hate will too - then you're back at the beginning. It's like when you burn your hand and you dip it in cold water. But enough with my similies.

Oh and it's not just guys. You'd probably do the same thing.

EDIT: Oh he's too arrogant, he's too rude. It's always him? Yeah, sure. He hung up on you when you called. Get over it. But what he has to get over is years of unrequited feelings and a friendship that's not going to work. Have you tried to understand how he feels?

It's a strange situation, but you wanting him back as a friend is downright selfish. He can't be friends with you because after being in love with you for so long, he doesn't see you as a friend. You can't seek to drag him back into being miserable and drooling over you while you indulge in having him as just a friend.

 

[FoodForThought]

monzi, your in dangerous water now, you pissed Dreamerish off :O

But i must say im on your side... he is being a dick and i know how you feel... i had something like this happen recently, just with shorter timespans. I was going out with a chick, we mutually seperated and stayed good friends, then a small argument exploded and she stopped speaking to me, and somehow managed to rally our common friends to do the same. I got her to start talking to me tho slowly within the last week, hopefully you can do the same.

 

[Calculon]

He's ignoring you because he wants to get over you and move on. Some people are just not capable of being friends with someone they want more than a friend, who doesn't feel the same way about them.

It's simple. You rejected him and he doesn't want to dwell on his problems. It's not the best way to deal with it but pushing you out of his life is his solution. Like ripping off a bandaid, only it has a human being attached to it.

Love and hate are not separated by a thin line, but if you can't love someone you begin to hate them, then the love fades away, and eventually the hate will too - then you're back at the beginning. It's like when you burn your hand and you dip it in cold water. But enough with my similies.

Oh and it's not just guys. You'd probably do the same thing.

EDIT: Oh he's too arrogant, he's too rude. It's always him? Yeah, sure. He hung up on you when you called. Get over it. But what he has to get over is years of unrequited feelings and a friendship that's not going to work. Have you tried to understand how he feels?

It's a strange situation, but you wanting him back as a friend is downright selfish. He can't be friends with you because after being in love with you for so long, he doesn't see you as a friend. You can't seek to drag him back into being miserable and drooling over you while you indulge in having him as just a friend.

He needs to get the fuck over it.