friends attempted suicide (1 Viewer)

[laniani]

I just found out that my best friend attempted suicide many times last year, last and most threatning being in June.
I'm shocked and I just dont know what to say to her, or how to not think about it/ get over it.
We were close last year, but not as close as we are now...and it just hurts so much to think that she was in that much pain and couldnt tell anyone, I had no idea. I knew that she'd suffered from depression, but I thought it was years ago....and we're very open with each other emotionally..so I really thought I could've picked up on something like this.
I just really dont know what to say or think...I probably havent even processed it all properly yet, only found out 2 hours ago..its just...too shocking

 

[black_kat_meow]

Just don't isolate and blame her.

I've been unfortunate enough to have some very shit "friends".

Be supportive, just tell her you're there if she needs to talk. Don't judge.

If it gets difficult for you to deal with, seek help too.

 

[Boxes]

I don't think she needs help.

 

[black_kat_meow]

I don't think she needs help.

If it ends up becoming difficult for her to deal with the friend, she might. Those supporting people with mental illnesses also need support.

 

[laniani]

she would have succeeded.
her ex bf called her and she didnt answer, he got a funny feeling, called her parents...they said her door was locked, he came over and smashed her window with her dad to get to her and find her covered in vomit
if he didnt call, her parents would've assumed she went to bed and she would've been dead by morning

 

[whatashotbyseve]

Suicide is a selfish, attention seeking ruse. It's not something that you could easily identify if someone didn't want you to. If you aren't that close anymore, I wouldn't beat yourself up.

 

[Graney]

She obviously preferred to keep it as a private matter.

At this point, where her family are obviously aware of this and looking out for her, I would be aware if she starts to show any of the warning signs for suicide, but beyond that, I'd let her come to you, rather than ever mentioning the matter or acting differently to her.

She probably feels it would be embarrassing for the matter to be public. Trying to bring the matter up in any way when she's not looking like she's in definite need of immediate help, would probably just drive a wedge between you.

If she ever shows she's stressed in other areas of her life, or generally, you can reassure her that you're always open to talk about anything, any time, and she'll let you know if she wants to talk.

 

[laniani]

Just don't isolate and blame her.

I've been unfortunate enough to have some very shit "friends".

Be supportive, just tell her you're there if she needs to talk. Don't judge.

If it gets difficult for you to deal with, seek help too.

would never ever blame or isolate her. im angry at myself for not seeing it
she's going overseas for 3 months...so I wont be able to watch out for her..i hate that

 

[black_kat_meow]

Suicide is a selfish, attention seeking ruse. It's not something that you could easily identify if someone didn't want you to. If you aren't that close anymore, I wouldn't beat yourself up.

You calling it "attention seeking" seems to contradict it not being something you could "easily identify if someone didn't want you to."

Moron.

It's not always attention seeking.

 

[laniani]

She obviously preferred to keep it as a private matter.

At this point, where her family are obviously aware of this and looking out for her, I would be aware if she starts to show any of the warning signs for suicide, but beyond that, I'd let her come to you, rather than ever mentioning the matter or acting differently to her.

She probably feels it would be embarrassing for the matter to be public. Trying to bring the matter up in any way when she's not looking like she's in definite need of immediate help, would probably just drive a wedge between you.

If she ever shows she's stressed in other areas of her life, or generally, you can reassure her that you're always open to talk about anything, any time, and she'll let you know if she wants to talk.

thanks
good advice

 

[Graney]

Suicide is a selfish, attention seeking ruse. It's not something that you could easily identify if someone didn't want you to. If you aren't that close anymore, I wouldn't beat yourself up.

The cry for help, apparent "attention seeking" stuff, is one of the major warning signs for suicide. Failed attempts are often followed up by successful attempts.

 

[The_Apprentice]

You sound like you have personal experience with this issue, bkm?

 

[whatashotbyseve]

You calling it "attention seeking" seems to contradict it not being something you could "easily identify if someone didn't want you to."

Moron.

It's not always attention seeking.

Firstly, I'm not a moron. Secondly, don't jump to conclusions.

They may sound contradictory, but they in reality are not. From my experience, those who are suicidal want attention, but they may not explicitly express it. They expect those close to them to figure out what their problems are without actually telling them.

Your interpretation/experience may differ.

 

[Graney]

Those who are suicidal need attention. Everyone needs to feel they're wanted.

 

[laniani]

Firstly, I'm not a moron. Secondly, don't jump to conclusions.

They may sound contradictory, but they in reality are not. From my experience, those who are suicidal want attention, but they may not explicitly express it. They expect those close to them to figure out what their problems are without actually telling them.

Your interpretation/experience may differ.

she told me she did her best to keep it from everyone so that she could go ahead with it, could kill herself without anyone getting in the way....

so I dont think she wanted people to figure out what her problems were
i mean, afterwards she did..when she wanted to get help and all....but at that time, no

 

[black_kat_meow]

Firstly, I'm not a moron. Secondly, don't jump to conclusions.

They may sound contradictory, but they in reality are not. From my experience, those who are suicidal want attention, but they may not explicitly express it. They expect those close to them to figure out what their problems are without actually telling them.

Your interpretation/experience may differ.

I think your initial post was also jumping to conclusions. You have to consider that the suicidal individual may view the situation in a completely opposing manner. Often, they may consider it the least selfish option to take the burden of themselves out of other people's lives.

I could write more, and I know people's interpretations of it differ, but I think that was rather a too broad sweeping statement.


The_Apprentice: yes.

 

[The_Apprentice]

Death is not an individual but a social event. When, with a barely noticeable sigh, the last gasp of air is exhaled, the blood stops pulsating through arteries and veins, and neurons cease activating the brain, the life of a human organism has ended.
Death is not official, however, until the community takes notice.

 

[Graney]

It's bullshit to say they want attention. The only generalisation you can make about the suicidal is that they simply don't want to suffer any more. They want to die.

Some may feel the reason they want to die is related to not receiving enough love and attention from people around them. For others, their suffering and problems will be from a completely different cause, and attention is the last thing they want.

 

[black_kat_meow]

It's bullshit to say they want attention. The only generalisation you can make about the suicidal is that they simply don't want to suffer any more. They want to die.

Some may feel the reason they want to die is related to not receiving enough love and attention from people around them. For others, their suffering and problems will be from a completely different cause, and attention is the last thing they want.

.

 

[The_Apprentice]

they may not want it, but they are aware that death inevitably draws attention to them.

just saying.