happy alone? legit excuse? FML (1 Viewer)

[melimoo]

So, this is my bitch and moan thread in which i let out all of my frustrations and attempt to procure answers from some unknown web of mostly underqualified people.
but, you see, for the past month or so this guy and i became cosy. and i thought he was awesome - liked similar stuff to me, beautiful person inside and out, good fun, smart and the most normal potential partner i have met in a very long time...etc etc whatever.
so we're cosy, kissing, whatever. i tried to take him out on a subtle date so we could properly hang out alone for a while, but one of my other friends ended up coming along, and i really wasn't sure how he felt, despite all the physical signs being a GO!

so my other friend who is barely acquaintances with him asks him about it.
exact words were:
"she is the coolest girl i've ever known. but i'm really happy being alone. i don't want a relationship. i don't want to hurt her"

now i know i could take these at face value, but fuck! this is so frustrating! fuck fuck FML. FYI he hasn't said any of this to me yet.

do i try to change his mind? or do i never see him again even though he hasn't said a word to me about it

 

[katie tully]

just ask the homo straight out whether he is playing you for a game or if he is interested,

 

[katie tully]

it's the only waaaaaay chaaaarrrrrrrrlie

 

[melimoo]

yeah, but like, now that i know through someone else that he's not looking for anything i kinda don't want to see him again, lest it tear my heart into more and more shreds

 

[samthebear]

yeah, but like, now that i know through someone else that he's not looking for anything i kinda don't want to see him again, lest it tear my heart into more and more shreds

didnt you just answer your own question? if thats how you honestly feel then dont try to change his mind and just simply never see him again. however, if you feel strongly about this guy and not being with him makes you feel unhappy, mopey, sulky, bitchy, whiney and just generally a sour puss then i think you should talk to him about it.

Everyone else around you will thank you later for clearing the issue up instead of moaning over him without doing anything and going over what could've/would've been.

This isnt so much an issue of what he thinks/wants/feels but more of what YOU think/feel/want. If he confirms what your friend said then its time to move on, if he denies it dont purposfully accuse him of lying. if you're going to go through this relationship suspecting that he doesnt truely like you then you're better off without him.
Who knows, maybe your friend was lying to you, maybe he (the guy you're going out with) feels a bit overwhelmed by commitment or he's just terrified of his feelings and is just trying to get some breathing space or he may just have said that to your friend to tell them something.

you wont know until you talk to him. that is of course, if you still want to have a relationship with him.

 

[Omie Jay]

not a legit excuse imo

 

[red-butterfly]

I was in a similar situation ... and i kinda ruined a really good friendship ... I had been too pushy about it and kinda pressured him into a relationship... and now odviously we don't talk, see or even look at eachother in the eye anymore ... but yeah
dont make the same mistake!!!

 

[Tumnus]

Sorry, but, WHAT THE F HAPPENED TO "SIMPLE" TRANSGENDER FRIENDSHIP?
Does it all have to become "intimate"? i'm happy with just friends; i think one of the worst things with a friend would be constantly having to check yourself not to give any "hints", just makes it awkward. Making it clear you ain't interested in girl/boyfriend relationships works for me. Alone is FINE.

Not that i'm an authority on these things, so current advice seems good. Resolve it. Sounds like a great friend - you might just ruin the friendship between the two of you by trying to make him your boyfriend. Maybe you'll discover its just infatuation - it will pass. But then again i'm Mr Ignoramus.
good luck anyways

 

[The_Apprentice]

its kinda shit that he makes out with you but doesn't let you know he is not interested in a relationship. wtf is that? It is kinddd offff leading you on imo.

But maybe you should just ask him straight out and clear the air. I mean, you can't keep making out with him and not saying anything about where you are heading..?

hmmm do I know this dude Meli?

 

[imsopostmodern]

get it out in the open. find out where you stand with each other. it may hurt, but its so much easier to deal with in the long run.

 

[chelsea girl]

from what i have noticed, guys who hook up with you and then say that they don't want a relationship are massive players who enjoy their multiple girls and THAT is what they don't want to give up; it's not about being "happy alone".

 

[dickiie]

He's either gay or you're ugly, which one is it?

 

[missilelass]

Hey I went through a similar thing... We were really close but he didn't want a relationship he just wanted to have 'fun.' Meh I stopped talking to him

Although I don't really want a relationship either so I'm not sure what I want

Anyway if you don't feel happy just get out, don't ever think 'What if'

 

[missilelass]

Melli's beautiful, so it's not the latter.

Yes Melli, you're beautiful, dump the fucker you can do better, find a guy that loves you and wants to be with you forever and ever

 

[T- Rex]

just ride it out for all it's worth dude,

you're enjoying yourself regardless, there's no need to rush into categorising it as dating or seeing eachother or whatever.

he's probably just pensive and hesitant, try and keep it comfortable and relaxed and if you play it cool for long enough hopefully he'll become so involved and comfortable with what you have together that it will develop into something more serious naturally!

if not, hey atleast you got to make out and be intimate with a guy you liked for the longest time possible!

 

[melimoo]

Ok, so number 1 – this guy isn’t a player at all. As confirmed to me by one of his really good friends – saying he hardly gets any because he’s too shy. I can spot players and stay the fucking hell away.

Number 2 – it’s not the kinda situation where I’m going to ‘ruin a friendship’ if I continue to push because I’ve only known him since easter. And fyi Tumnus, I am queen of platonic, easygoing male relations. Queen – hence why this is so hard for me.

3 – yes shit that he hasn’t said anything to me directly about his intentions during this whole fiasco. My friend told him to message me or meet up or call me or something to let me know…nothing. So I’m going to bring it up next I see him.

Pol – you don’t know him. He’s from a totally different group than my current one (which was a very very good thing!).

Adrian – yes, it’s enjoyable but is also crushing my heart into oblivion. And I never ever said anything about a relationship, although probably was a goal I was aiming for. It’s still fucking early days for me, but he seems to have already decided that should it come to that (??) he’s not interested.

So, in conclusion, I’m going to try and keep my shit and heart together, keep seeing him, talk to him about it and then probably pull the ‘entry into friend zone’ moves which I know oh too well

Sigh

 

[katie tully]

why not just..

enjoy his company and/or sex, not rush things, let yourselves get to know each other, charm him with your femme wiles and see where it goes from there>?

 

[melimoo]

why not just..

enjoy his company and/or sex, not rush things, let yourselves get to know each other, charm him with your femme wiles and see where it goes from there>?

it seems as though he's making less of an effort now he's come to his conclusions.
thats shit

 

[katie tully]

well fuck that homo in the butt and play the field

 

[T- Rex]

oh right if he's already making exit move signs,

you win some you lose some