How to attract a girl: The Essential Guide (1 Viewer)

[Shoubadoo]

i'll be sure to use these methods on the next bitch i like.

And you will fail.
Unless you're loopin' in Taco Terro.
Regrettably, he is male.

 

[Patar]

Follow these simple rules and you can pick up any chick you want, guaranteed*:

1) You must have a really, really stupid haircut. It has to be either flat, short at the top with the ends sticking down your face (preferably black) or the whole thing all stuck up in oblique angles.

This is a very, very important rule. The chicks are into guys with dumbass haircuts that shun masculinity and individuality.

2) Second rule, you have to wear ridiculously tight, possibly intentionally ripped jeans so as to give the impression that you have chicken legs. This MUST be accompanied by a light blue or pink shirt preferably with some gay pattern on it. This is crucial.

3) Now that you're all dressed up like a metrosexual (the chicks are into this) you have to listen to terrible R&B music. No good music, nothing that implies that the artist you're listening to has talent. To accentuate this, play it really loud and obnoxiously on the bus, preferably the same crappy song over and over again.

4) No personality. Throw away your sharp wit (if you have one, unlikely since you're on this forum) and adopt an incredibly mundane, boring personality that every dumbass teen like you has. You have to like the same music that everyone else does, not have an opinion on anything even mildly intellectual, and you can only talk to chicks about crappy movies and Family Guy reruns; as well as your (mundane) opinion on various hiphop 'artists'.

5) Loiter around your nearest city being obnoxious. You have to hang around the same dump, in a public area, play your killer music repetitively and talk about meaningless crap loudly. However, do not draw any attention to yourself that could imply that you are a free thinker. Chicks DO NOT RESPECT INDIVIDUALISM. You must be like everyone else, all the time.

6) Always hang around McDonald's, purchasing happy meals and sometimes a small coke. Shout out to your dumbass pimply friend 'working' at the back.

These are the main points you must address if you want to pick up chicks in any contemporary Australian environment. Every teenager is doing this, why not you?



*Chicks must be bogans (97% of them are mindless drones, so go for it)

Lol, tip of the hat to you sir.

The ladder theory covers this, no?

While I haven't yet found a single flaw in that harsh but impeccably true theory... no one has come as close as this guy to knowing just what to do about it...

That is: smile, put it down to 'one of those things' - and then spread happiness to others through the power of irony!!

 

[AkaiHanabi]

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better.” This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. When she says that she is, say “you better be.” Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. If, I mean when, she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time later in the day. This will ensure that she waits by the phone. Also, tell her when you call you’re going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited. Now don’t call. That’s also quite funny!
7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When your g/f looks at you, stare into her eyes, mouth the words ‘[censored] you,’ and grab the other girl’s [censored]. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “...because I can...now go make a sandwich”
9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick”. Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she’s cold… but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, “If you don’t stop [censored] about the cold right now, you’re going to be [censored] about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party’s dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn’t girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you’re in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she’ll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order interrupt and say “No, she’s not hungry”. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts… and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I’m talking about.
21. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she’ll think you’re mysterious.
22. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything. Teach her material objects aren’t important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
23. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.
24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she’s coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don’t like this one that much, but I think it’s funny.

 

[sam04u]

i shudder to think i live in the same world as you, tacoterrorist

Yes, we can't all live in your little imaginary world Rebekkie. Also to be fair he said "bogans". You aren't defending them are you?

 

[ChockoRepublic]

Yes, we can't all live in your little imaginary world Rebekkie. Also to be fair he said "bogans". You aren't defending them are you?

what are you? tacoterrorist's boyfriend?

 

[emytaylor164]

the OP is an idiot, I am telling you now guys no girl that i know are into this type of guy.
I sure hope that it i was a joke.

 

[ChockoRepublic]

the OP is an idiot, I am telling you now guys no girl that i know are into this type of guy.
I sure hope that it i was a joke.

ahahaha, are you really that stupid?

 

[sam04u]

the OP is an idiot, I am telling you now guys no girl that i know are into this type of guy.
I sure hope that it i was a joke.

We prefer heathens to the nice god fearing folks that you associate with emytalylor164. They tend to "put out", and thus are preferable for a short term relationship, which every man desires.

 

[sam04u]

what are you? tacoterrorist's boyfriend?

Why, you going to fight for my affection if I am? Cause that's a fight I'd like to see.

 

[emytaylor164]

I think short-term relationships = using someone. well if that is all you want.

 

[latvia]

I think short-term relationships = using someone. well if that is all you want.

what if the other person also wants a short-term relationship?

 

[emytaylor164]

Then you are using each other.

 

[sam04u]

Then you are using each other.

How would they be using each other?

 

[Patar]

the OP is an idiot, I am telling you now guys no girl that i know are into this type of guy.
I sure hope that it i was a joke.

Somebody slow this girl down before she hurts herself by academically outpacing the rest of us.

 

[emytaylor164]

How would they be using each other?

that is like going up to me and saying, I do not want a future with you, i just want you for sex, and i don't want to be with you for an extended period of time, let alone get married.

That is using someone imo.

 

[mr_brightside]

that is like going up to me and saying, I do not want a future with you, i just want you for sex, and i don't want to be with you for an extended period of time, let alone get married.

That is using someone imo.

It's not about you woman

If both people want the same thing, then...

How would they be using each other?

 

[emytaylor164]

It's not about you woman

If both people want the same thing, then...

I was using me as an example.
It is using people cos you are only in the relationship for sex, why else would you only date a person knowing it is short-term?

 

[wendus]

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better.” This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. When she says that she is, say “you better be.” Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. If, I mean when, she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time later in the day. This will ensure that she waits by the phone. Also, tell her when you call you’re going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited. Now don’t call. That’s also quite funny!
7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When your g/f looks at you, stare into her eyes, mouth the words ‘[censored] you,’ and grab the other girl’s [censored]. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “...because I can...now go make a sandwich”
9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick”. Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she’s cold… but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, “If you don’t stop [censored] about the cold right now, you’re going to be [censored] about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party’s dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn’t girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you’re in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she’ll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order interrupt and say “No, she’s not hungry”. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts… and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I’m talking about.
21. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she’ll think you’re mysterious.
22. Remember her birthday, but don’t get her anything. Teach her material objects aren’t important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
23. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.
24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she’s coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don’t like this one that much, but I think it’s funny.

lol

 

[AkaiHanabi]

lol

I don't know who originally wrote that, but it's probably parodying something =)

 

[Patar]

little imaginary world? naboo is soo a real place.

Is someone questioning the incredible reality that is Naboo Rebekkie??



Let's double-team them.