Masks and Secrets (1 Viewer)

[Davriel]

I recently had a very interesting conversation with a girl. I won't name her to protect her privacy. It was during this conversation that I realised something about myself, and ultimately about my relationships with others.

The conversation was about the masks we wear to protect ourselves from the outside world, and in some way the conversation got to how these masks can affect relationships. So, here is my question:

Do you wear a mask, why, and for whom? And one more thing, do you wear the mask, or does the mask wear you?

 

[ObjectsInSpace]

It's called self-monitoring; the ability to change one's personality according to the context you're in. People who do it often are usually Machivellian, and they can just as easily use their powers for good as they can for evil. At least, that's going by what my psych lecturers tell us.

I do it all the time; virtually every group of people I know get somebody different when they talk to me. Probably because I'm insanely insecure and emotionally stunted.

 

[ElGronko]

I wear a mickey mouse mask.

And your sig is overtly sexual. Except to idiots.

And the people aren't fuckin Machivellian, they just change to adapt to different situations. Like, I am not going to act the same around my grandma as I am around my football team. It's logical.

Thread starter is presumably referring to the whole "not presenting the real you", which I think is a croq because if you are choosing to not show a side of your personality, well, that is a choice that reflects your personality, so that is who you are.

Essentially, what I am trying to say is harden the fuck up.

 

[Davriel]

I wear a mickey mouse mask.

And your sig is overtly sexual. Except to idiots.

...

Essentially, what I am trying to say is harden the fuck up.

You seem to be in a bad mood, you could have hurt my feelings. Hardening up is a tough question my friend, and as I told a friend of mine the other day, even the biggest mountain cannot last forever. So how long must we remain 'hardened up'? Must we wear a mask of strength for the benifit of others? Or should we show them our real selves, of course, which is worse, the mask or the reality?

Oh, and I have a horribly warped sense of humour, so I should have pointed out that I was being sarcastic about me never making a sexual thread on Bored of Studies.

 

[ElGronko]

What you're asking is a question of the masculine strength vs feminine strength. Whilst they are named as such, they are not gender exclusive.

Masculine strength would be if someone felt like crying, but didn't show their sadness and hiding your vulnerability from others

Feminine would be to reveal your sadness, the strength being that you don't care if others can see your vulnerability. Your enemies know, but you are strong enough to not care as you don't deem it a sign of weakness.

In other words, stop being such a wanker.

 

[Davriel]

Okay, let me make this clear, the mask I wore was one of erratic behaviour and arrogance, which hid burgeoning insanity quite well, as well as hiding other mental problems. I no longer wear a mask, so it's not a problem. I was not talking about masculine/feminine strengths/weaknesses, as I long ago gave up any sexist attitudes. When I talk of strength, I mean the the strength to go on living and be truthful to others and yourself, not about crying in public and so on.

 

[ElGronko]

Whilst they are named as such, they are not gender exclusive.

.

 

[Davriel]

Okay, final clarification. We wear masks for a myriad of reasons. I want to know why people where them and for whom. I do not wear one anymore, so this thread is for my own curiousity. Septimus, not all masks we wear are to make us appear strong, that was my own personal tale. How about we quit the slanging match and actually let people respond. In other words, this argument bores me.

 

[azzie]

I change according to the people I'm around and the context I'm in.
It's nothing major, I guess just the slang I use and how ready I am to disclose things about me.

 

[^CoSMic DoRiS^^]

ok, i think i know what you're getting at. and yes, i "wear a mask" as it has been described here. It's developed slowly over the years, I didnt really have this tendency until a little while ago. basically i seem to have taken on a much quieter, reserved personality than i naturally have. i used to be very outgoing and i still have the comic, entertainer side of me well and truly there, but i have a tendency to put up this front of calmness and serenity even when i'm furiously angry...a lot of my friends have said stuff like "omg ur the calmest person i know, nothing ruffles you" etc etc but most of it is faked. i'm more naturally inclined towards being very open with my emotions, perhaps too much so, so i, i dont know, kind of almost trained myself to rein it in, so to speak. with the result that im almost unnaturally good at detaching myself from situations (or at least appearing to). people say im a good mediator, which i find amusing coz they dont know im usually itching to take a side and fight it out but i force myself to be calm and rational about it.
on the same token, when for some reason i do let myself get angry, people get scared because "i didnt think you had that in you"....trust me, you just saw my natural state, lol. i wear the 'mask' less around people i'm closest to but it's never ever fully 'off', to put it one way.

 

[loquasagacious]

Given that somewhere in the argument an explanation of the concept was given I can now answer that yes sometimes I wear masks.

Most commonly I mask my anger, this began because I had basically a tendency to flip out into crazy angry - the mask is my control. I suppose the downside would be that when I 'unmask' my anger there's alot and I can be violent. Having said that this is a mask I rarely have cause to wear these days.

In the past I also consciously wore other masks to fit in. This is behaviour I would ascribe as machievellian/sociopathic as mentioned above however that is perhaps only true when it is practised by adults I would suggest it is quite normal among teens and all part of growing up.

I would differentiate between masks and facets of personality as I don't view any particular facet of my personality as a mask and to do so would be to say that I have a singular one dimensional character and a series of fakes.

 

[melsc]

I have a mask of confidence and strength and it took my b/f ages to break through

 

[RingerINC]

I definitely wear a mask... and usually get owned when i take it off...

As is the world.

 

[iambored]

i don't think i do. i'm not afraid to let people see my weaknesses. but i'm not sure, maybe i do and i don't know it yet.