ripping each other to shreds (1 Viewer)

[AsyLum]

Originally posted by huck fenn
Daemonthingy, i liked your ballad alot. Very nice rhyme and rhythms and especially good images. very tasty images. but dude, the repeated lines.??? wtf? i got so bored with them by the second page...

Asylum, mucherly liked your 'story'. sweet pomo action. I really liked your more vague, abstract sections, and especially the first few pages, where it seemed very unrelated and random. I know the 'concept' is important, but it got a little confusing/exhausting later on... whats with the rock? could you explain it for me? I also felt your execution of language in a few places let it down, but only very minorly. It came accross as a little bit rushed at times.

yeah well basically the concept was that the rock represented the basis of inhumanity, and yet at the same time, illustrated the inhumanity of humanity....he was basically there to represent the inanimate personifcation of an object and act as a voice...hehe i too got severely exhausted writing that, since the original intended endignw as somewhat not as optimistic and was merely a psychotic bloodbath of insanity and i thought that wouldnt portray the current situation i found myself writing it in...

 

[gloria*]

i wondered about the ballad repetition too, but i guess it's stylistic, somewhat, so you can't really judge it negatively, but more in terms of what the piece actually is.

or something.

 

[Daemontreu]

Yes, it was part of my concept that my ballad mimiced the conventions of the time.

 

[Paisley]

When I get home, I'll post mine on attachment.

 

[rosie rose]

hey jethro
i loved "it"- that was a champion poem. especially loved the line
about telling them what they want us to know. congratulations, it's really good!

 

[rosie rose]

hey saul your story was awesome! did st exupery influence you? petit prince rocks my socks
anyway jethro- go the prufrock influence! was looking at standards packagefrom last year and every second person said that
eliot's poem was an influence of theirs- on my work too!
we should make a club

 

[huck fenn]

oops. not that anyone cares, but i've fixed my link.
fusion

Rosie, post your story! it sounds really interesting. and i will give a one line emotional response without any critique, i swear!




Damn you saul.

 

[Jethro G]

wow saul she said petit prince... she picked it like a dirty nose!

 

[Jethro G]

haha... i figured if i began with "si " then peeps'd be like ahhhhhh eliot... thats kinda lame on my part... but ye... it means nothing like prufrock really... just a recapitulation ... and showing off the fact that i know latin and can actually write dactylic hexametre... mmmmm... too much virgil study....

 

[Saul]

danke danke, but yeah, le petit prince had a godlike influence. i love that book.

 

[Delta32]

if anyone is truly interested in my MW, (poetry relating to licit drugs+society), give me a pm with your email address and I'll send you a copy.

*in a naive attempt to keep it relatively controlled in distribution*

 

[goofy]

totally agree saul, petit prince is awesome! i can read it and say it's for "french study"-nice
ok, so huck, you'll just have to wait and see if you get lucky and i post my work. ackt, it's complex cause my stupid mac won't post it because its not an html or pdf or whatnot, i hate technology. so i have to forward it to school and change it- uggh, can i be bothered? (and before you ask no i can't save it to floppy disk or cd cause my computer wont, don't ask me why, computers are the debbil.)

 

[rosie rose]

hey gang
again goofy forgot to sign out so thats my message above... how interesting... just thought i'd lighten and brighten your day by sharing. (sharing is caring)
and i am bored. obviously.