sex after marriage??????? (1 Viewer)

[Lil Miss Karly]

Nowadays, there are so many different contraception forms and ones that can be used in conjunction with others to improve effectiveness so really if your smart about your decisions you can have nearly no chance of accidental pregnancy.

 

[nwatts]

contraceptions sure, but just the idea stresses the hell out of me. i mean, i hate kids.

 

[Cykologi_gal]

contraceptions sure, but just the idea stresses the hell out of me. i mean, i hate kids.

Hermz, then wait 'til you are, even if like you said, until marriage...I hope you don't have conflicting wants etc...and I hope that you're not pressuring yourself to wait until then just because of that reason. Still, there's much love you can give with or without it anyway...

Don't stress, unless it's a conflicting situation between what you want to do and what you fear. Then it's time to discuss it. Rational fears can become irrational.

...from what you said, I can just give one piece of advice: Don't do it now, because clearly, you're not ready because of your fear.

All the best!

 

[nwatts]

haha, thanks for your advice.

 

[**blu_rose**]

You make it sound as if virginity is something that can be bought and sold. That it's 'valuable'. It's only valuable to serving centuries of old fashioned views towards women where men expect women to be virgins at marriage so that they have the pleasure of 'owning' her virginity. By adopting such views you simply perpetuate the subconscious old male fantasy of being the girls first one. It also implies that part of your substantial worth is your virginity. Its up to you how you wish to value yourself, but I can suggest other ways in which you could value yourself or give to your partner other than your virginity.

I don't know, do you suddenly expect to be a different person after he puts his penis into you, thrusts for anywhere between 1 min and 2 hours (probably 1 min if you make him wait till wedding night) and then rolls over and falls asleep?

no offence but ur pretty narrow minded on this issue, by thinking that being a virgin undermines a female's character not to mention ur earlier comment that virgins are "innocent/sheltered" or "fucked in the head/brainwashed." evidently u don't know many virgins because the ones i know are very independent, open minded, intelligent girls who are definitely not brainwashed.

and whats with this stereotype that virgins are only girls. there are many guys out there who don't wanna have sex before marriage and once again they are not screwed up. there is just a ridiculous perception in today's culture that in order to be "normal" or to be actually more open minded and smart u gotta be willing to have sex whenever u like. otherwise u are seen as conventional and unable to think for urself which is definitely not true.

 

[wheredanton]

no offence but ur pretty narrow minded on this issue, by thinking that being a virgin undermines a female's character not to mention ur earlier comment that virgins are "innocent/sheltered" or "fucked in the head/brainwashed." evidently u don't know many virgins because the ones i know are very independent, open minded, intelligent girls who are definitely not brainwashed.

Read correctly.

"innocent/sheltered" or "fucked in the head/brainwashed" harshly refers to those girls who aren't simply virgins, but are really really really keen and consider it really really important to be a virgin until after marriage. I'm more referring to those girls who are in a long term relationship but who refuse to have sex before marriage because, for some reason, they consider it core to their being. Again If I was a girl I would have thought that was valuable for more than my virginity (explained in my other post).

But also you're pretty young. Many of the girls that come out of high school are 'young' and have trouble relating themselves to broader society...and as a result it's probably better that some girls who are babied up until their 18th birthday don't have sex - mainly because their innocence could be easily exploited. Some get to uni, meet more people, get a broader taste of society and 'grow'. Some others don't. Some get to uni associate in the same narrow clique, continue to refuse to grow up etc. As a result you get 21 year old 15 year olds who giggle at the implication of sex and are adament that they are going to keep their 20 something year old bf happy without any sexual contact (he is either religiously committed to no sex, or badly whipped/trying to convice her to have sex/waiting).

You know *oh it's your wedding night, he has waited so long for your virginity he wants it really really bad, he is going to have sex with you on your wedding night* as if its some gigantic gift or one of the biggest gifts a woman can give to her partner.

and whats with this stereotype that virgins are only girls. there are many guys out there who don't wanna have sex before marriage and once again they are not screwed up. there is just a ridiculous perception in today's culture that in order to be "normal" or to be actually more open minded and smart u gotta be willing to have sex whenever u like. otherwise u are seen as conventional and unable to think for urself which is definitely not true.

Again read properly.

I never said everyone should go out and have sex before marriage. However I think its foolhardy to do your very best to not have sex before marriage. Marriage doesn't define when it is appropriate to have sex or not. Other more persuasive factors apply.

As for guys wanting to be virgins until marriage? Well I honestly believe that's quite weird. It runs against every male urge and is essentially unnatural.

 

[Redgoddess]

Deciding to have sex is a big thing i reckon, and you shouldn't do it until you're ready. That said I don't believe marriage makes you ready or not. I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't love (at least, I wouldn't want to lose my virginity to someone I don't love, because I think the first time should be special because you'll remember it. no scratch that i dont really want to have sex with anyone I don't love). I don't know, I just don't think that marriage is that big a thing. You can be committed and love someone without being married, so why not have sex without being married? Whatever, I respect other's decisions, but I sure as hell won't be waiting until marriage.

 

[Serius]

that table is bullshit. Firstly 'typical use' translates to idiot who doesnt know the condom is on inside out. How hard is it to put a condom on the right way? how hard is it to remember to take a pill every day? you remember to brush your teeth every day right? just take the pill at the same time.

I refuse to beleive there is a 13% difference in pregnancy between typical use and perfect use, because theres not that much you can stuff up with putting a condom on.

Secondly, what the hell does 1 year of use mean? is that sex once a year, or 365 times a year? Just to confirm those figures are bullshit, typical use includes people who dont use a condom every time... what the hell? how is that typical use when you arent even using it?

by this table, you would have to be fucking for 25 years before you would statstically get pregnant with just a condom, no spermicides. Most condoms these days come floating in spermicide gell anway, so that puts the chance of pregnany in a whole years worth of fucking down to less than 1%. You could fuck for 100 years, or 36 500 times before you got pregnant. Considering a female is only fertile for about 30 years, that means with only condom use your whole life, you only have a 1/3 chance of pregnancy.

read this article about pregnancy and STDs, it should clear a few things up for you

http://www.viceland.com/issues/v11n4/htdocs/big.php

 

[Nakashima]

oh I concure, same as egronk...theyre entitled to their opinion and thats fine and I mean if they wanna have sex thats fine at least they use protection and I cant argue with that.

Its yeah mainly the fear or pregnancy and even IF the guy was gonna help me raise it... at the moment Im studying and have no time or money to take care of it/raise it. So I'm not ready to deal with the conciquences, therefore I'm not ready to have sex... that and my bf and I havent been togeter that long and we arent ready, but even if we were, I couldnt do it until we'd discussed to options and we're bothe ready (financially and emotionally) to deal with a child. OF COURSE I'd use protection, but theres always that small chance.

check this> http://www.contraceptivetechnology.com/table.html

Having sex =/= having a baby.

 

[Dejected]

The main thing I fear is this... (Im not saying I wont have sex before marriage, It all depends really) I fear having sex with a guy that I 'love' and I think loves me back (with protection of course, but theyre only so reliable) then ending up pregnant andthe guy leaving me to take care of the kid myself.

Now here's where the right time/person comes in.

1- I'm only going to have sex when both my partner and I are ready adn before hand I wantto discuss what we are going to do if pregnancy is an outcome of it...because you never know, and also discuss how its going to affect the relationship.

2- It has to be love, thats why its called making love. We MUST be in love first (I'm not saying that it will be the person that I'll marry, or spend the rest of my life with...its just the person that I love and loves me back). But I dont mean just words, they will have shown me over time that they do love me and care about me.

Thats just my opinion. We have to be ready, and if we aren't ready until we're married then so be it.

amen