Whys that Slidey?Slidey said:$10 says you aren't a virgin or married in 5 years.
Whys that Slidey?Slidey said:$10 says you aren't a virgin or married in 5 years.
*Big grin* Uuuuum , ME!!!!fernando said:she's only 20. who wants to get married at 25! asif!
You're talking about losing your girl-girl virginity in this paragraph aren't you?Salchow said:Am I jealous of those girls who're saving themselves for a special moment? Deep down I still am, but now it's become something like: the grass is greener on the other side. Perhaps girls who've had the planning experience would've prefered a more natural approach.
For pity's sake Salchow?Salchow said:I used to believe that being a virgin somehow made you more moral...and better than everyone else. I had that battle afterwards, when there was a miscommunication with my partner about the topic.
I told him that I basically gave my life to him and I thought that he'd wanted forever with me, but we didn't have that sort of talk afterwards. We had arguments since 2 years ago and he had doubts about that. Turns out that yes, he does want forever with me (since the beginning) but didn't think it was necessary to say it, only work towards it. He didn't know where my insecurities came from. Before then, I'd felt insecure and lost. I looked at all those girls waiting for marriage and wondered whether I should've waited.
Now we have a compromise - I stop clawing and patronizing him and he'll tell me it's forever a bit more. I feel absolutely okay with that side of my life. I used to want to plan it all, but it was the most natural thing I've ever done. I felt like my reasons for saving for marriage was somehow wrong and unrealistic. I had too many expectations...besides, I was more arrogant and naive then.
Am I jealous of those girls who're saving themselves for a special moment? Deep down I still am, but now it's become something like: the grass is greener on the other side. Perhaps girls who've had the planning experience would've prefered a more natural approach.
So I'm saying to all the virgins out there: Don't think you're above everyone else and don't expect too much.
Oh , alrightie then^CoSMic DoRiS^^ said:*true*, I'm not judging you. I'm just trying to understand your reasoning for your beliefs. I don't think they're wrong or anything...I just wonder if there's any reason other than "it's my choice". Like, why did you make that choice, why is it so important to you, etc.
Like I said I'm not judging you but I'm interested to know your reasoning if there is any. Most of the people I've met with similar beliefs can't explain why they have them when asked and that kind of annoys me
lol ok.*TRUE* said:Oh , alrightie then
Well , it is my choice because of reasons I guess I think ive already put quite a few of them on this thread , if you look back a bit you'll see them
if there is anything you still want to know , Id be happy to explain...
Some people dont like to talk about and justify themselves for their decisions , & I personally think that is fair enough.
Do you mind my asking what your reasons are for your beliefs with regards to this topic? (or are you undecided or whatever..?)
Experience babey. I'be been there and bacl. I'd like kids though theyr'e hgih on my agenda. One of life's little porpoises regardless of religipn or ethnicity.*TRUE* said:Whys that Slidey?
Depends what country she's fromSerius said:would sex now be on the table?
I agree with all those in bold.^CoSMic DoRiS^^ said:lol ok.
I believe that a healthy, intimate, loving relationship needs to involve physical intimacy to survive and that this is just as important as all the other kinds of communication of affection and love that a couple share with each other. Because without it...well, I'm not sure how if this will sound right but, ok, 2 really really good friends could have the same kind of relationship as a 'couple' who don't engage in physical affection, sexually. Sex makes the relationship a relationship.
I don't believe that having sex with multiple partners before you find 'the one' is a bad thing to do, because every relationship should be judged on its own merits and those alone, and if you have reached a level of trust and intimacy with each other where you want to express it sexually, then that's perfectly okay, even if one day you decide to break up. I think the idea of saving yourself for someone is strange because you are denying a basic urge as well as potentially damaging a relationship that could have been beautiful if both people had been willing to "give themselves" to each other.
Also, I don't believe you need to be married to prove that your relationship will stand the test of time because when you get right down to it, you go through the motions of a ritual and get a piece of paper saying you are legally man and wife, but your relationship hasn't really changed.
I'm not sure how eloquently I expressed that, but probably the basic difference between me and those who choose to 'save' their virginity is that I see every relationship as having the potential to turn into the one you stay in for the rest of, or most of, your life, and marriage is not necessary to validate that, whereas people who would rather save themselves seem to be holding off, so to speak, until they find someone who lives up entirely to a vision they have of what a perfect relationship is. Would I be right to say that? I dunno. So I do wonder sometimes if those people do have insecurities that prevent them from engaging fully in a relationship...I know that's not everybody but I do wonder. I also wonder how they know that someone is The One when all they have to go on is non physical communication. I mean, I know it's not all important but I don't think you can make that call without it.
Anyway, that's where I stand.
I know but I think that is because societys standards as to what is right and wrong has dropped. To me marriage is a lifetime commitment and sex something to do in marriagefernando said:Marriage is not as sacred as it once was.
Salchow , I just thought id say, that i know many couples , my friends , parents and grandparents (all still happily married) who waited until their wedding night to have sex. They have not a single regret in waiting for each other - they are so happy they didSalchow said:I agree with all those in bold.
I respect people who're saving themselves for someone to spend the rest of their lives with...yet once they find them, it should be ok! No stones should be left unturned before the wedding. Otherwise, people would just wonder whether you know eachother well enough, or do you even talk about what you like/dislike in that area. It's people's choices though. Suit yourself. Hopefully you won't have nasty surprises where the groom just rips the dress off. Sex before marriage with one person doesn't make it any less special after marriage with the same person.
It's so easy to take a heuristic and think: Hey they don't make love, it must be a taboo topic between them. Once you find that special someone, let it go, don't plan, don't make it plastic.
Okay, maybe it should be worded differently. I respect people no matter what, but I don't like their beliefs at times. Enter every relationship treating the other as a lifetime partner or save your integrity and don't get into one at all. Be sure that you're giving yourself to the right partner and don't think about breaking up.
Marriage is sacred, though. It makes a relationship official. It's not just a piece of paper, it's also recognizing that you have a bond where you can't just walk away, thus the relationship changes. It gives people security and a good home for children. Not being married just shows to some people that you somehow don't want that responsibility.
Things fall apart. Eventually we die and relationships end whether we like it or not. It seems to be a very human tendency to try to maintain a sense of immortality, and 'everlasting love/relationships/families' seem to be another aspect of this. I don't see why it isn't possible to have a healthy acceptance of the fact that relationships can fail to last a lifetime. I would contend that you can have a healthy, passionate, worthwhile relationship without assuming 'this will be an everlasting love'.Salchow said:Enter every relationship treating the other as a lifetime partner or save your integrity and don't get into one at all. Be sure that you're giving yourself to the right partner and don't think about breaking up.