stress levels rising (1 Viewer)

[SiZmOs]

ok, heres the deal:
i am dating my girlfriend, and have been for over a year.. throughout dating her, i have met and become friends with all her friends, as she has with mine. somewhere along the line, her best friend met one of my friends, and sparks flew.. as they do.
however, since the friends' relationship has been growing, my girlfriend and her mate seem to have drifted further apart for more than geological or schedule reasons...
on top of this, my mate no longer feels comfortable around the girls in our group (which we believe to be b/c of the girl friend.)
due to his no longer feeling comfortable around the girls in our group, he doesnt come to outings unless its only the guys...
when confronted by myself and my girlfriend, he denies it all, and avoids answering questions about it...
now my girlfriend and he have had a massive argument and are no longer on speaking terms.. i have also lost my patience with him, mainly b/c our group used to be so close during school, and i dont think that having a girlfriend should change that..

is there any advice anyone can give me here?
primarily about what to do about him, not the drifting apart of the girls, which i think will heal itself in time... *wishful thinking*
any advice at all would be greatly appreciated..

 

[blue_chameleon]

ok, heres the deal:
i am dating my girlfriend, and have been for over a year.. throughout dating her, i have met and become friends with all her friends, as she has with mine. somewhere along the line, her best friend met one of my friends, and sparks flew.. as they do.
however, since the friends' relationship has been growing, my girlfriend and her mate seem to have drifted further apart for more than geological or schedule reasons...
on top of this, my mate no longer feels comfortable around the girls in our group (which we believe to be b/c of the girl friend.)
due to his no longer feeling comfortable around the girls in our group, he doesnt come to outings unless its only the guys...
when confronted by myself and my girlfriend, he denies it all, and avoids answering questions about it...
now my girlfriend and he have had a massive argument and are no longer on speaking terms.. i have also lost my patience with him, mainly b/c our group used to be so close during school, and i dont think that having a girlfriend should change that..

Hope that helps...

But just rememeber, dont involve your girlfriend in any of this.

is there any advice anyone can give me here?
primarily about what to do about him, not the drifting apart of the girls, which i think will heal itself in time... *wishful thinking*
any advice at all would be greatly appreciated..

I went through much of the same thing during Year 12 with my group. Dont stress though buddy, bcos it will all work itself out yeah.

If you confronted him about this whilst your gf was with you, thats where you went wrong. Its not going to help. If he was your mate before you girl came along, you need to sort it out between you and him, no one else. Just tell him what the go is.

Through my experience, although I wasnt in your shoes I was in your friends, and so I can offer what he might be thinking and feeling.

Basically, Year 12 and the boys is just that. Year 12 and the boys. Without knowing anymore about the extent or depth of your relationship with your girl, I can say that the one thing all of the guys stood for was the "mates before dates" pact. So this made it especially harder for all us guys when my friend was off with his girlfriend and cancelling stuff with us to see her.

If you are still on speaking terms with any of the other guys in the group, maybe it would be a good idea to organise something with just the guys, and YOU contact him about it and YOU give him the invite. That way he should see that you are keen to just hang out with the guys.

Im not saying you should ditch your girlfriend for this, but you cant ditch the guys just because they arent convenient. My mate did it, and it came back to bite him in the end. So just get the guys together, go do something, and if the timing feels right, talk to him bout whatever you need to clear up, but you might not even need to do that.

 

[SiZmOs]

I went through much of the same thing during Year 12 with my group. Dont stress though buddy, bcos it will all work itself out yeah.

If you confronted him about this whilst your gf was with you, thats where you went wrong. Its not going to help. If he was your mate before you girl came along, you need to sort it out between you and him, no one else. Just tell him what the go is.

Through my experience, although I wasnt in your shoes I was in your friends, and so I can offer what he might be thinking and feeling.

Basically, Year 12 and the boys is just that. Year 12 and the boys. Without knowing anymore about the extent or depth of your relationship with your girl, I can say that the one thing all of the guys stood for was the "mates before dates" pact. So this made it especially harder for all us guys when my friend was off with his girlfriend and cancelling stuff with us to see her.

If you are still on speaking terms with any of the other guys in the group, maybe it would be a good idea to organise something with just the guys, and YOU contact him about it and YOU give him the invite. That way he should see that you are keen to just hang out with the guys.

Im not saying you should ditch your girlfriend for this, but you cant ditch the guys just because they arent convenient. My mate did it, and it came back to bite him in the end. So just get the guys together, go do something, and if the timing feels right, talk to him bout whatever you need to clear up, but you might not even need to do that.

ive known him for a long time, and we confronted him separately, but after having both worried about him.
our crew in year 12 was an even mix of boys and girls, and we were a very close-knit group...
i have spoken to him about it, but of course at the moment it doesnt seem like anything is going to work... he is still turning it around to make everyone else look like the bad guys...
the thing which tops it off is that hes been down in the dumps before, and we all thought he was suicidal. we (the group) came from a hairs breadth of having an intervention at his house... he just keeps saying about how he now has bigger things to contend with than bitchy girls who say stuff behind his back...
i dont really know what else to do.. i consider myself to be a strong guy; the heart of the group maybe, but i just feel as though i am at the end of my rope with him.. we all do.
now when we go out we dont even bother inviting him b/c we know his answer will be no and due to a phoney excuse... it always boils down to if the girls are there, he's not.

id never consider breaking up with my girlfriend over this, but i really dont want to lose only my friendship with him, but everyone elses too...
thanks for ur help, blue_chameleon.. appreciate it

 

[iambored]

a whole lot of random thoughts related to the situation, i just can't make them flow:
umm

tricky situation, especially because you have all come to the point where you have lost patience with him

do you know why he doesn't want to see the girls?

it's really a difficult situation to be in, but my advice would be to keep inviting him. in this situation you risk making him feel bad everytime he has to make an excuse to say no, so you could also ask him if he wants to be invited when the girls are there (in certain situations i would prefer to not be invited rather than to have to make excuses to say no).

keep having guys outings, maybe he is annoyed the girls are always there and that they are moving your group apart a bit.

don't cut all contact with him because he doesn't mean to cause problems.

things change. things won't be like back in school. you have only just finished school and are seeing that, it will continue to get worse

 

[minushuman]

Dude, I am so lost as to why you give a fuck; is he an unrequited love of yours or what?

 

[wanton-wonton]

Dude, I am so lost as to why you give a fuck; is he an unrequited love of yours or what?

He's a friend, you dumbcunt.

 

[Serius]

Minushuman do u have a WoW account? if not some1 is stealing your name

now on to ontopic

basically i think your mate is completely justified and if he has a problem with the girls in your group, thats his business. Maybe something happened there, maybe there is bad history that you dont know about, whatever its basically not your business so just deal with the facts

a) he has a problem with one or more of the girls for god knows wat reason, it might simply be his gf not wanting him to socialise with other girls, whatever not your issue

b) he doesnt have a problem with u or the blokes, cause he still comes out then, so whats the deal? just have mro eguys nights out, or do things the girls wouldnt want to come to do, like go movies to see violent films, or go to a dirty pub and play poker or night, go watch some drag races somewhere and invite him along

ask him if he wants to come over and hang out. whatever use your imagination cayse u gotta face the facts that if u dont do something you are gonna lose a friend over some bitches[either the ones in the group, his gf oryour gf(he might have a problem with her cause u said his gf and yours have grown distant) and neither of youse want that to happen

gl anyways, and remember mates are for life, dont ever let any girl [except maybe family] step in the way of that

 

[minushuman]

He's a friend, you dumbcunt.

So the fuck what? It's not like it's a female friend he might be able to engage in intercourse with, it's a guy friend. Are you fucking gay aswell? Not that there's anything wrong with that of course, i'd just like to know so I can better understand you're incorrect reasoning.