stressful family relationship + depression (1 Viewer)

[misericordia]

hi, i'm not sure whether this is the right place to post this thread, but i need people's advice on handling my situation (i should talk to the counsellor about this, but my mum thinks that talking about family problem to someone is 'betrayal', and counsellor doesn't really help-she tried to have discussion with my mum, but she also called is a 'disgusting betrayal' as well...i cant ring any helplines because she listens to me when i talk on the phone...)
basically, i'm an international student and live in as same room as my mum, because i got kicked out from certain type of accomodation (but i won't go into details). mum can't speak any english and is afraid to go out on her own, so i have to go shopping with her all the time. she says stuff like, 'you should be more honest to me', 'you sacrificed your our money/two years of my life'...basically how she hates living here, how i'm a bad daughter, how i destroyed their life etc etc....all the time. she even tells me sometime, 'you are just wasting our money. don't you get it? if you don't get it why don't you withdraw all the money in my account and light a fire on it, it might help you understand, get out and do it now', slaps me and chuck my school materials on the floor saying how the room is messy, how i'm careless....when there is only few bundles of paper lying on the floor...
her bed is right next to mine, and i have no privacy, and i can't go out on my own even if i lie...i suggest how we should have screens in our room in assertive way, but she just act hurt and angry. the stress is getting to me so bad, it's really scarring me emotionally. i'm getting so depressed because my parents are saying that if i can't get into uni here, then they will take me back home...i feel like i cant breathe and just going to die. i get so angry and sad, and slice my arm. i'm trying to stop but there' no otherway to stop feeling like this. but the more i cut, the more scars i have, and the more deeper i cut...its getting ouf of my control, recently i soaked the sleeve of my shirt with blood because the cuts were too deep. i hate myself
today is the day before my trial exam, but i couldn't even concentrate because i've been forced to help out my sister on writing resume and my mum, as usual keeps talking on the phone for more than 10 minutes, for at least 3 times per day.
i can't take it anymore, i just hate living. i'm trying to survive and find hope, but everyday is just same shit, same battle, same 'you are a bad daughter you are so careless' comments.
i can still remember my mum saying that its her fault to raises a daughter like this....i cant get over her facial expression when she said it......i want to dissapear

 

[mr_brightside]

Get out whilst you can.
No offence but you're mum sounds like she has a screw loose.
Can you stay at a friends for a week or two and sort some things out?

 

[misericordia]

i wish i could get away from her, but i don't want to imagine what she will do to me.
even going out for full day will make her feel pissed off, and she will act like a victim, saying im bad etc, and say things like she will take me back to japan in really hurt way...

 

[mr_brightside]

Go to the counsellor, get some help, ask at school for help.
Just don't go back, it's obviously really messing with you and it's not healthy.
Do you have anywhere else you can stay?

 

[jb_nc]

may i introduce you to the

paragraph

 

[alby]

counsellor doesn't really help-she tried to have discussion with my mum

what happened to a little thing called CONFIDENTIALITY?

that's a really bad situation...i'm sorry that you have to go through it, espically when you're doing your hsc. you need to talk to someone...a teacher, your year co-ordinator, a counsellor who you feel like you can trust, one of your school friends.

i think you also need to talk to your mum, tell her that you need time alone and some quiet time and space to study. you need the freedom to even study at the local library! you also cant be expected to be the ONLY person to go shopping with her..why cant your sister do it even once in a while?

sorry that you're in this situation. it'd be one thing if you could go back to and finish the hsc next year, but by the sounds of things your mum would get pretty angry with you if you did that.

 

[tilda-lou]

i understand your situation to a point, i have similar issues. though they seem minor compared to yours. all the same, getting out is the only way you will save yourself, your mum seems very traditional with the pitty guilt trip way of making you do things. my mum does that also. though i do not have an other country that is forced back at me.
though you need to understand that this year is for you so it has to be right, you need room for your self to be able to do your own study, have some relaxation time, of course helping is fine, but not 24/7.
get out, your family will one day understand. after you do well what they are doing isnt fair on you

 

[melimoo]

oh dude.

don't worry about how pissed off your mum will be. get out. find a friend as brightside said. thats no way to live and i totally understand how its driving you mad

you've obviously tried talking with her and its not working (and by the sounds of it, it wont work)

do you have any money? stay in a hostel?
call the kids helpline, talk to a reliable counsellor, teacher.

i hope things work out for you i really do

 

[DeathB4Life]

i think you have to come out and tell her everything thats on your mind. she has to understand that its a stressful time in your life and shes not helping at all.

maybe its best you find somewhere else to stay, or atleast study, until the HSC is over. if she really cares about your studies then she would lay off and not try and drag you down with her.

it sounds like she has alot of her own problems and needs some attention. do you have any older family or maybe even family friends who could help you out?

just hang in there, its a tough time for everyone and you shouldnt have to be dealing with the added load of a messed up parent. im sure your friends, or even someone on this forum, would be willing to help you out if youre really feeling worried.

 

[Jachie]

get out.

no offence, but your mum sounds like a fucking kook. It doesn't seem like reasoning and rationality is going to get through to her. If I were you, I'd simply get out of that environment, at least temporarily. Do you have any friends or other family members who you could live with for the next few weeks? at least while you're doing your trials? Your mum doesn't even have to know. just go to school and don't return. phone or email her, explaining that you're happy to talk to her once your trials are over. but do NOT return until you feel you're ready.

man, I hope everything works out for you.

 

[misericordia]

to everyone who actually cared enough to reply in this thread...
i can't say things back to her, and i can't get away from her. not only because it will only cause more trouble...i hate her to death a lot of time, but there is part of me still liking her because she is my mother. she is incredibly easy to hate most of the time, but there is some times when she is normal and nice. i don't know. i hate her mostly because i can never fully hate her...just makes me feel guilty. i guess that it's shit that people go through at least once in their lives, mine just came a bit early and a bit heavy, i'm going to stop complaining and being so pathetic...i'm trying to be stronger

 

[Tulipa]

Can you get a job?

It gets you away from home, gives you an excuse to be out and also gets you money to move out

Also, what kind of visa are you here on just out of curiousity?

 

[misericordia]

i've got student visa, and no im banned from working hence i have never worked in entire 17 years of my life (embarassing imo

 

[melimoo]

to everyone who actually cared enough to reply in this thread...
i can't say things back to her, and i can't get away from her. not only because it will only cause more trouble...i hate her to death a lot of time, but there is part of me still liking her because she is my mother. she is incredibly easy to hate most of the time, but there is some times when she is normal and nice. i don't know. i hate her mostly because i can never fully hate her...just makes me feel guilty. i guess that it's shit that people go through at least once in their lives, mine just came a bit early and a bit heavy, i'm going to stop complaining and being so pathetic...i'm trying to be stronger

you'll like her alot more if you get out believe me

 

[Nobody Listened]

i've got student visa, and no im banned from working hence i have never worked in entire 17 years of my life (embarassing imo

Don't be embarassed. I'm turning 19 this year and I have yet to be successful in getting a job!

I really feel sorry for you, when I read this thread I was really touched and saddened But I say just follow the advice of what other people have said in this thread, and if you need any more help just see another councillor (make sure they keep it confidential) or ask someone on here.

Good luck!

 

[lala2]

Do you have any friends at school you could rely on? With the phone issue, I know Kids Helpline is free if you call from a landline OR from an Optus mobile--would it be possible to procure the use of such a mobile or a landline from your school? Alternatively, there is web counselling, but you would have to check what times counsellors are on.

I think it's best, though, that you move out, at least until your HSC finishes. Furthermore, it's not like you're leaving your mum totally helpless--your sister should be able to take care of her. Meanwhile, good luck for your trials--oh, and have you considered applying for EAS? Just in case you don't go as well as you hoped to, though *touchwood* that won't happen.

 

[iambored]

hi misericordia, it's really important that you talk to someone. it's terrible that your counsellor didn't keep your conversation confidential! are you able to find another one or go back to her under the condition that everything is confidential? is there any way you can ring a help line from outside the house? i'm not sure if public phones work? or using a friend's phone?

keep coming back if you need anything, all the best

 

[aussiechica7]

call kids helpline from school.

or just skip school and go 2 centrelink and ask 2 c a counsellor.

someone can help u out.

do u have any close friends in aus? try 2 spend as much quality time with them at school as u can.

 

[alby]

get out.

no offence, but your mum sounds like a fucking kook. It doesn't seem like reasoning and rationality is going to get through to her. If I were you, I'd simply get out of that environment, at least temporarily. Do you have any friends or other family members who you could live with for the next few weeks? at least while you're doing your trials? Your mum doesn't even have to know. just go to school and don't return. phone or email her, explaining that you're happy to talk to her once your trials are over. but do NOT return until you feel you're ready.

man, I hope everything works out for you.

her mum is making it very hard, but she's got her own problems..and almost everyone puts their own problems first, often without giving a lot of consideration to the feelings of/effects on others.

to everyone who actually cared enough to reply in this thread...
i can't say things back to her, and i can't get away from her. not only because it will only cause more trouble...i hate her to death a lot of time, but there is part of me still liking her because she is my mother. she is incredibly easy to hate most of the time, but there is some times when she is normal and nice. i don't know. i hate her mostly because i can never fully hate her...just makes me feel guilty. i guess that it's shit that people go through at least once in their lives, mine just came a bit early and a bit heavy, i'm going to stop complaining and being so pathetic...i'm trying to be stronger

firstly, she might be your mum, but you're not a 2 year old - you've got the right to speak your mind to anyone, even her.
as i and others have said, you deserve your own time and your own space..espically during your trials/hsc! i'm sure she wants you to do well, so she needs to realise and give you this so that you arent being put at risk of failing your hsc year - you cant get 99% in an exam which you cant study for!

i understand that you'll feel guilty about wanting to move out...i dont think anyone would want to just up and leave when there's someone who's in need, but there are just some things that have to be done..even if its only for a few weeks. you need to do this for yourself! and i doubt she'll disown you or something if it means the difference between you passing and 'failing' the hsc (espically on a student visa!)..and even if she 'hates' you at the time, she will understand when she understands what's actually happening.

there are just times in everyone's lives where you have to tell everyone else to basically shut up and do your own thing so that you can succeed. its just hard when you're saying/doing it to people you love and care so much about.

 

[mr_brightside]

it's terrible that your counsellor didn't keep your conversation confidential! are you able to find another one or go back to her under the condition that everything is confidential?

They are within their rights to breach confidentiality if they have a real belief that you are a danger to yourself or others.