The Death of Spontaneity - social life nightmares (1 Viewer)

[Lazarus]

I don't often post in these subjective opinion-based forums, but this topic has really got my blood boiling.

Spontaneity doesn't have the impulse it once had

By Diana Jenkins
January 25, 2006

HECKLER

I MUST say, our 2006: The Year of Living Spontaneously banner is already looking crumpled and sad. Someone has sprayed graffiti on it that says Diarise or Die, and we're starting to get the impression this town doesn't welcome spontaneity or any of its suspect kind.

It's fast becoming apparent, just a few weeks into the new year, that there's no place for my old friend Impromptu at anyone's table in Sydney. We're already receiving February invitations. We can't make it to two clashing events in mid-February because that weekend was booked solid months ago. I've been trying to catch up with my best friend since mid-December, but her calendar rivals that of the Sydney Festival.

When our midweek compromise, in the form of a high school-style sleepover (we're 33, so these are desperate measures), was cancelled due to prior commitments, I realised I may have to loiter in the foyer of her building, hoping to catch a glimpse as she heads to yet another pre-arranged night out.

My husband has long laboured under the misapprehension that I am the foul sorceress behind his tightly packed weekends. He bemoans that his weekends are more akin to a high-level military operation than the oxymoron lie of free time. He holds me responsible because I am the keeper of the mythical diary.

I have tried patiently explaining that if we don't plan social events and accept invitations weeks ahead, we shall never ever see any of our friends again.

It's only now that we've tried to be spontaneous that the profound truth of my calendar wisdom has been brought to light, because no one else has time to be spontaneous. Everyone's social diary is beaten to within an inch of its heavily abused life, operating on roughly the same calendar as monthly magazines that proudly announce January's news in early December.

If we stick to our plans for a plan-free year, we'll be social pariahs by Valentine's Day.

I had to sit on my hands to stop myself from emailing friends last week with an invitation to an Australia Day barbecue. We're trying to play it by ear, but I know what that translates into in Sydney-speak, and that's a table for two.

Everybody else is committing early. Our desire to be spontaneous is being interpreted as a stalling tactic in case a better offer comes along. Our reluctance to sign away the next eight weekends is tantamount to announcing we're just not that committed to our friendships. I'm certain others are experiencing the pressure to plan in similar terms. The friends who came for brunch last Saturday (arranged a record of two days beforehand) called from their car on the way home.

They wanted to make sure we're definites for dinner on Friday. My husband said we'd love to. I made him write it in the 2006 diary I'd been hiding from him like a guilty addict in denial.

Spontaneity, you can rest in peace. We've made other arrangements.

I have in fact over the past two weeks attempted to organise an Australia Day barbecue for my uni friends and myself. Australia Day is tomorrow and despite two weeks notice and multiple reminder emails 90% of the group has still not yet decided whether they want to come.

This isn't a one-off occurrence. It's not just me.

This happens EVERY SINGLE TIME ANYONE organises ANYTHING.

There are one or two people (at most!) who will turn up to every event, no questions asked, no worries - they don't wait until the last minute, they don't ask "who else is going?" before deciding - they are the type of people who will just come along, not worrying about whether they will "have a good time" because they know that they can MAKE IT a good time!

What is wrong with spontaneity?? Why can't people just decide to go out anymore?? I am so sick of student apathy!!!

 

[loquasagacious]

Do they know that its free food/booze?

I usually have no problem getting people to commit or not - more of a pain in the arse is arranging things that fit between everyones work schedules....

 

[Sarah]

I usually have no problem getting people to commit or not - more of a pain in the arse is arranging things that fit between everyones work schedules....

Ditto. I'm trying to organise a get together with friends 1 month in advance. But I'm having trouble finding a good time because some friends work full time, others are students, work schedules conflict, prior plans have already been made or otherwise I've got something on during the weekend.

So annoying

 

[Serius]

yeah i never organise anything anymore, i just let the girls in our group sort it out, they are better at it anyways. I used to be all like just show up whenever, but now i am a bit more cautious and i ask whose going first, but still i usually turn up if i can. There are always a few people who always come nomatter what, and other people who are busy no matter what[like those people you havent seen since october when u finished school!]

man sometimes i just turn up to their houses unannounced to try and get a glimpse lol, or random bump into's when shopping

yeah the old social events are much harder to organise these days

 

[stamos]

spontaneity is at odds with my calvinist beliefs and i find this offensive

 

[townie]

i'm all spontaneity when it comes to my "inner circle" (for want of a better term) of friends....i just call and go "wanna go out" and the if the answer is yes, it happens then....hey, i mean i even once got invited out at 3am in the morning

 

[Not-That-Bright]

They hate you, Laz.

 

[^CoSMic DoRiS^^]

my group of friends is pretty bad at organising stuff ahead of time, but it doesnt matter coz we just vaguely suggest doing something and see who turns up. half the time we end up miles from where we said we were gonna go in the first place anyway.

 

[MoonlightSonata]

What is wrong with spontaneity?? Why can't people just decide to go out anymore?? I am so sick of student apathy!!!

Most law students are control freaks

They don't want the winds of uncertainty whirling through their carefully arranged idleness

 

[SashatheMan]

none of my firends cant organise anything for shit. and when i try, it stuffs up aswell

 

[Lundy]

My friends are slack. And lazy. So if anything is planned, at all, it's usually because of me. Things are sometimes mentioned but rarely followed through.

 

[leetom]

Young Labor has organised a 'Sasauge and Tabbouli Day' (cheesy, I know) this weekend at Parramatta. I wasn't going to go because getting to Parra is a fair train ride away for me and I have to work in the evening, but I was put on the spot when someone rang me last night asking me about it. I said I'd come, so I better show up.

Costs ten dollars as well, bit of a rip off.