Wait wait wait, we can't be friends? (1 Viewer)

[Leggy McLegs]

So there's this guy I've known for a while. I knew him through a friend on msn at first, so we msn'd a lot, but then I met him a couple of months later (which would be over a year ago now). From the first moment I started talking to him on msn, we clicked, I fell "in love" with him, etc. whatever the feeling was. I really fell in love with him when I actually met him. He seemed to be exactly the way he was on msn, he wasn't putting on an act over the internet like how a lot of people do. He was also quite good looking.

So, I have a crush on him, but I really wanted to be friends with him at first, because like, if I can't have him as a boyfriend, I want him as a friend, because he's that much of a fantastic guy. Throughout the first half of last year I'd run into him every now and then and we'd talk for a bit. I kinda quit using msn. Anyway, during the second half of last year, we seemed to drift apart for no reason, however, I saw him around a lot (classes and stuff). He seemed to ignore me (as though I was invisible sometimes), but at the same time, I'd sometimes catch him looking at me. This didn't make sense at all. Oh, and if I did approach him and talk to him for a bit, it seemed like he didn't want to talk to me and ask me where I'd have to be next or say "yeah I'll see you later" as though he's trying to get rid of me or something (that's the vibe I got).

So, we're not friends, I'd just call him an acquantance, but it seems like we can never be friends and I simply don't know why! I didn't do or say anything wrong and vice versa.

So, the conclusions I came up with:
1. Maybe he's gay (but that doesn't make sense because I can be friends with gay guys, just not date them)
2. Maybe he has a girlfriend and so he's staying away from me in case he likes me (sounds stupid.. not the girlfriend part because I wouldn't be surprised if he has a girlfriend)
3. Maybe he likes me, but doesn't want to be friends with me in case he wants to go out with me, but he doesn't want to go out with me yet because he's not ready (sounds stupid yet realistic)
4. Maybe he's a major player, and is staying away from me because he doesn't want to hurt me (makes some sense).

So why can't I be friends with this guy? Can't guys and girls be friends or something? This sounds stupid because I do have a number of guy friends, but this one guy is just killing me.

 

[Frigid]

and are supposed to be some divine-truth-revealing crystal ball?

if you've got issues with anybody - just confront them upfront. don't speculate.


and another possible conclusion: he just doesn't like the real you.

 

[Leggy McLegs]

and are supposed to be some divine-truth-revealing crystal ball?

if you've got issues with anybody - just confront them upfront. don't speculate.


and another possible conclusion: he just doesn't like the real you.

Oh yeah, I forgot to put that as conclusion number 5...

5. He just doesn't like real me. And that does make a lot of sense. I've never met anyone who has hated me though, which is weird. Meh, I can't have everything.

Frigid: I'm not asking you to be some divine-truth-revealing crystal ball. Actually, I don't exactly know what I'm asking. I guess I just needed to vent.

 

[niteshade1312]

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends

I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya 'round for a long long time
I really, I really, I really remember when you drank my wine

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends

I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya walkin' down in Chinatown
I called ya, I called ya, I called but you did not look around
I pay my, I pay my, I pay my money to the welfare line
I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya standing in it everytime

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends

The color, the color, the color of your skin don't matter to me
As long as, as long as, long as we can live in harmony
I kinda, I kinda, I kinda, like to be the president
And I could, and I could, and I could show you how your money's spent

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends

Sometimes I don't speak right
But did I know what I was talking about
I know you're working for the CIA
They wouldn't have you in the mafia

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends (fades away)


Close thread.

ARARARA That's hilarious..!

 

[Spunge12]

Time to bust out some wisdom that would make Aristotle humbled.
BEST WAY TO GET FRIENDS BACK:

Suck their cocks.

Wanna know how i passed english last year?

 

[Serius]

blah blah blah


So why can't I be friends with this guy? Can't guys and girls be friends or something? This sounds stupid because I do have a number of guy friends, but this one guy is just killing me.

no they cannot. you are HSC 2003? i thought you would have figured it out by now, guys anf girls cant really be friends, not bestest buddies types anyways. aquantances? yes. Some sort of friendship where there is mutual bennefit, like living in same area and same uni timetables hence carpool - yes
friendship just for the sake of friendship? no

why would he want to have his best friend be a girl when there are plenty of blokes out there you KNOW will watch your back... girls usually make shitty friends for guys even without the attraction factor e.g a gay guy. Ask them, girls are manipulative, odd, irrational and are prone to yelling and screaming for no real reason, thats why yo ucant be friends. Men can put up with this if its a romantic reason, or even just for sex but otherwise...why would he want to be friends with you? what do you have to offer?

 

[Ellie_Belly]

"You can run from love, and if it's really love it will find you, catch you by the heel"

 

[hipsta_jess]

When you stopped using MSN, he probably figured you just blocked him coz you didn't like him or something.

 

[Dumsum]

Shit I could have sworn you were my ex until I got midway through the second paragraph. Yeah I've gone through this situation only difference being we actually got together for a while, after she dumped me we tried to be friends for a while but after that she just bailed on msn. As slack as it sounds I took this really personally (we lived very far apart, it was our main communication medium) so the friendship has fallen through now (best thing for her, and me), so as hipsta_jess mentioned, it just may be that. She "still wants to be friends" but I'm not so sure, I think because I took control in "ending" the friendship she's having a sook because it's not her in control instead.

Just let it be, there are plenty of other guys in the world

 

[*yooneek*]

its good you were wise enough to realise there had to be a friendship foundation first.

hmm, im not sure why he is behaving this way...
talking to him about it would obviously be the honest thing to do-
but thats usually the hardest thing to do.

if you feel you can= talk to him
if you cant= just be patient... if he likes you, which he quite possibly could- he's bound to do something eventually... he might just be confused/ need some time

sorry im not much help- but i know how frustrating/hopeless these situations seem...I really hope it works out for you and that you guys are able to establish a really sweet relationship. xox.

 

[Azagolas]

Ok, stop for a second.

Serius:

"...no they cannot. you are HSC 2003? i thought you would have figured it out by now, guys anf girls cant really be friends, not bestest buddies types anyways. aquantances? yes. Some sort of friendship where there is mutual bennefit, like living in same area and same uni timetables hence carpool - yes
friendship just for the sake of friendship? no..."

I'd have to say, you're wrong on that point. Relationships do not exist for the sole purpose of mutual benefit, and by that point, you're indicating that you feed off relationships for your own benefit.

Not getting any further at the moment, reflect on those words you've said.

Relationships are not like the base foundation for human communication - the affirmation of knowledge that we already know. Ignoring the fact of immaturity, males and females can co-exist with each other without being in a relationship, and to the point - that is entirely commonplace. Some of my best friends are female (as sardonically sexist as that sounded) and take it from me, males and females can have friendships for the sake of friendships.

Now as back to rounding it back up again - Leggy McLegs, I know how you feel. Trust me, others have felt that way before. But, you'll find that through discussion with this guy, you'll be able to establish a communitive link - even before the stage of friendship. It is only through this essential bond that you can talk to each other, that you can then take things from there.

So what did I just say? Relationships are not an opportunity - they are a choice.

So go out there and make it happen.

 

[Spunge12]

There's some good points there Az, but i have a better one.

The Misfits suck.
OH YEAH.

 

[Azagolas]

*blank* ._. I fail to draw a connection in between the two...

How is this relevant?

 

[marchetta]

I hate to break it to you, but this guy isn't that really into you. If a guy likes you, he'll wanna spend time talking and spending time with you. Saying "I'll see you later" is alot more easier than saying "I don't think we should be seeing each other again." So it probably best to stop thinking about somebody who doesn't bother to hang out with you and to met a new guy who'll actually be interested and wanna spend time with you.

 

[Azagolas]

Again, the point arising in which it is impossible to reach a complete negotiation on.

Just give it a whirl, what have you got to lose? If something doesn't work, move on, find the next best thing.

But only after you're sure the first is no longer a viable option.

 

[Dumsum]

Just give it a whirl, what have you got to lose? If something doesn't work, move on, find the next best thing.

Or an even better thing.

Ah joyous. So many people in the world. These days I'm of the opinion there's always someone better out there.

 

[Serius]

Ok, stop for a second.

Serius:

"...no they cannot. you are HSC 2003? i thought you would have figured it out by now, guys anf girls cant really be friends, not bestest buddies types anyways. aquantances? yes. Some sort of friendship where there is mutual bennefit, like living in same area and same uni timetables hence carpool - yes
friendship just for the sake of friendship? no..."

I'd have to say, you're wrong on that point. Relationships do not exist for the sole purpose of mutual benefit, and by that point, you're indicating that you feed off relationships for your own benefit.

Not getting any further at the moment, reflect on those words you've said.

Relationships are not like the base foundation for human communication - the affirmation of knowledge that we already know. Ignoring the fact of immaturity, males and females can co-exist with each other without being in a relationship, and to the point - that is entirely commonplace. Some of my best friends are female (as sardonically sexist as that sounded) and take it from me, males and females can have friendships for the sake of friendships.

Now as back to rounding it back up again - Leggy McLegs, I know how you feel. Trust me, others have felt that way before. But, you'll find that through discussion with this guy, you'll be able to establish a communitive link - even before the stage of friendship. It is only through this essential bond that you can talk to each other, that you can then take things from there.

So what did I just say? Relationships are not an opportunity - they are a choice.

So go out there and make it happen.

argh...godamnit you young people dont know anything. Dont worry though i used to think like you do, maybe we have different definitions of friends, but my opinion is that boys and girls cannot be friends....godamnit, Dreamerish back me up here, it cant happen

especially in this situation, confirmed attraction on both accounts, the girl said so herself, she just wants to be friends so she can go out with him later having known him abit better. The thing is that when there is attraction like that, there cant be a friendship..

i dont err..."feed off relationships for my own bennefit," what i provided then was a good situation where a m/f friendship can exist and it isnt based off attraction, but convenience. Likewise i talk to a few girls at work, mostly cause i am bored and have nothing else to do. I only ever talk to them at work, if i quit today do you think the "friendship' would continue? no it wouldnt thats because it wasnt really a friendship. Like being friends with your best mates girl, sure she is cool, nice enough but if they break up you know you wont really see her anymore.

i sorta agree with you that communication is the key, but i dont feel that a friendship should prelude a relationship, heard of dating? thats a good way of getting to know some1 right there without the bullshit coverup of a "friendship"

anyways your young, you havent learnt otherwise yet so either you will learn soon enough...or if you are lucky the rules that apply to the rest of us wont effect you

 

[Spunge12]

Hey Komaticom, can we be friends?

Can we, can we, can we? We can talk every day.

 

[Azagolas]

argh...godamnit you young people dont know anything. Dont worry though i used to think like you do, maybe we have different definitions of friends, but my opinion is that boys and girls cannot be friends....godamnit, Dreamerish back me up here, it cant happen

especially in this situation, confirmed attraction on both accounts, the girl said so herself, she just wants to be friends so she can go out with him later having known him abit better. The thing is that when there is attraction like that, there cant be a friendship..

i dont err..."feed off relationships for my own bennefit," what i provided then was a good situation where a m/f friendship can exist and it isnt based off attraction, but convenience. Likewise i talk to a few girls at work, mostly cause i am bored and have nothing else to do. I only ever talk to them at work, if i quit today do you think the "friendship' would continue? no it wouldnt thats because it wasnt really a friendship. Like being friends with your best mates girl, sure she is cool, nice enough but if they break up you know you wont really see her anymore.

i sorta agree with you that communication is the key, but i dont feel that a friendship should prelude a relationship, heard of dating? thats a good way of getting to know some1 right there without the bullshit coverup of a "friendship"

anyways your young, you havent learnt otherwise yet so either you will learn soon enough...or if you are lucky the rules that apply to the rest of us wont effect you

Let's break this down for ease of the process of understanding.

Age does not define one's maturity, nor does it set an expectation of the level of naivity that a person would display. With all due respect sir, I am stating a point of view, as it is to do on a forum, and again, as you mentioned in relation to somebody else's point of view and definition, the capacity to know something or not know something is not defined by you.

Moving on...

In order to understand why, as Serius enjoys terming, 'friendships', cannot exist based upon attraction or convenience, I suppose it's vital to understand why you think that cannot happen.

Is it because of conformity? You mentioned, Like being friends with your best mates girl, sure she is cool, nice enough but if they break up you know you wont really see her anymore. So, is that out of your own will of 'friendship'? Or is it just because it's 'expected' of you?

Then again I ask, what's the point of a friendship, not even a relationship, if it has no base foundation upon which it stands? '...thats a good way of getting to know some1 right there without the bullshit coverup of a "friendship".' Why are you so keen as to not appreciate the introduction of friends as a thing to value and treasure, but as a throw-a-way, disposable resource that is expendable?

anyways your young, you havent learnt otherwise yet so either you will learn soon enough...or if you are lucky the rules that apply to the rest of us wont effect you

Once again, a trace of conformity. The rules that apply to everyone else, but by some miracle, does not apply to me as to be the reason to my optimism? No. Be realistic. In a society in which the picture has been painted in my mind, it cannot exist at all. It's a world which even in love and relationships, is cut-throat, without moral meaning, and pretty much, destroys one of the last things that end up keeping us from transforming into conformist zombies, in which the rules of society aren't even defined by society itself - it is defined by which the shadow that society walks in.

But moving on from that, lighten up a bit. It's a stressful situation, and we've got to appreciate that without it turning into a flame-fest on opinions.

 

[Serius]

if a girl i am attracted to wants to be friends i kindly tell her no
if she asks why and i am in a bad mood i might say "because i am not usually friends with people i would like to fuck"

so go ahead, make friends with as many girls as possible but know that if there is attraction on either side, it isnt a real friendship.

anyways i am done with this convo, you have 7 posts so iam calling troll until i see you add something decent to a few different forums. Besides iam not really sure how many people want relationship advice from a 16yr old