Wait wait wait, we can't be friends? (1 Viewer)

[Casmira]

you sort of led the guy into liking him, you had a crush which would of clearly reflected in a conversation and then you suddenly cut it down to just "friends" he probably got the idea you where playing around with him and he gave up

 

[Azagolas]

It's sad to see people with such narrows minds that they believe that only they are right, and other people are inferior.

 

[Bi~~]

So there's this guy I've known for a while. I knew him through a friend on msn at first, so we msn'd a lot, but then I met him a couple of months later (which would be over a year ago now). From the first moment I started talking to him on msn, we clicked, I fell "in love" with him, etc. whatever the feeling was. I really fell in love with him when I actually met him. He seemed to be exactly the way he was on msn, he wasn't putting on an act over the internet like how a lot of people do. He was also quite good looking.

So, I have a crush on him, but I really wanted to be friends with him at first, because like, if I can't have him as a boyfriend, I want him as a friend, because he's that much of a fantastic guy. Throughout the first half of last year I'd run into him every now and then and we'd talk for a bit. I kinda quit using msn. Anyway, during the second half of last year, we seemed to drift apart for no reason, however, I saw him around a lot (classes and stuff). He seemed to ignore me (as though I was invisible sometimes), but at the same time, I'd sometimes catch him looking at me. This didn't make sense at all. Oh, and if I did approach him and talk to him for a bit, it seemed like he didn't want to talk to me and ask me where I'd have to be next or say "yeah I'll see you later" as though he's trying to get rid of me or something (that's the vibe I got).

So, we're not friends, I'd just call him an acquantance, but it seems like we can never be friends and I simply don't know why! I didn't do or say anything wrong and vice versa.

So, the conclusions I came up with:
1. Maybe he's gay (but that doesn't make sense because I can be friends with gay guys, just not date them)
2. Maybe he has a girlfriend and so he's staying away from me in case he likes me (sounds stupid.. not the girlfriend part because I wouldn't be surprised if he has a girlfriend)
3. Maybe he likes me, but doesn't want to be friends with me in case he wants to go out with me, but he doesn't want to go out with me yet because he's not ready (sounds stupid yet realistic)
4. Maybe he's a major player, and is staying away from me because he doesn't want to hurt me (makes some sense).

So why can't I be friends with this guy? Can't guys and girls be friends or something? This sounds stupid because I do have a number of guy friends, but this one guy is just killing me.

Why is the majority of ppl turning her off? dw girl..guys are weird creatures i'd have to say..something "too" similar has happened to me before..
if you're interested in this guy..you can keep trying..but remember: your purpose is to become friends; not any further YET
take it slow..you have all the time in the world to develop a relationship if you think you've found THE ONE
if he bothered talking to you on msn that means there's something in you he's interested in...whether it's just becoming good friends/potential gf


and what is with ppl saying girls and guys CAN'T be friends?! why not?! and please don't come up with stuff like "only ugly chicks have guy friends" that is SO not true..girls and guys can become friends ..it's just not the type of "best mates" like girls and girls and guys and guys..there's SOME things that you want opinions from the opposite sex..and that's when the guy/girl FRIENDS come in..

well..all in all..don't worry too much girl, if he's yours..he's yours...please DON'T humiliate yourself in ANY way..just keep it slow..everything takes time...and finally...GOOD LUCK!!

 

[Serius]

It's sad to see people with such narrows minds that they believe that only they are right, and other people are inferior.

ok maybe i was harsh on you, sorry your opinion is valid and what not

i am mainly talking from life expieriences but like alot of the time i am friends with a girl, and then we end up hooking up, or the friendship ends because one of us ends of having feelings or an attraction to the other, and the other is not comfortable with it. Maybe we have different definitions of friends, some girls i know are like " yeah iam friends with everyone in my soccer team" i was like......."you are friends with....22 boys?" so maybe the term friend is thrown around a little 2 lightly. I have a few classifications, i have a group of friends, about 30 of us with similiar interests and we all get along[its mixed group]they are my friends but they arent my friends know what i mean? they arent your bestest buddies who you stick by no matter what
theres some problems with being really good friends with girls. for one boys and girls really are quite mentally different, so where as you might want to be left alone, the female friend sees it is her duty to try and comfort you, or you may need reasurance in picking up[ you know typical bloke confidence stuff" get a beer into you and just do it!" " you are the MAN!" stuff you hear at pubs] and she goes talking about some sort of emotional bullshit.

Maybe friendships with girls works, maybe it doesnt i dont really know, in my experience it is very difficult to have a best friend who happens to be of the opposite gender

ladies: there are things you cant talk about with your male friends right? and its not their fault, but there is that gap, or difference mentally that makes it hard to do girl things you like to do with your girlfriends [e.g shop but its so cliche]

i find that attraction comes out in the end,

meh just to scare you, ladder theory http://www.laddertheory.com/

IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS

Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

1. The guy is gay
2. The guy does not find you attractive
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

Even Nietzsche knew this. Most guys know this intuitively. Most girls doubt. I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:


1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.

2. Comply.

although i dont entirely agree with ladder theory, it serves its purpose, stops the blokes who read it from being the intelectual whores of their "friend" and makes them realise that if you really want to go out with her, becoming a friend first is not the way because ultimately the friendship is doomed.

Now that is why i think boys and girls cant be friends, now not to seem narrow minded and make you feel inferior, why do you think boys and girls can be friends?

 

[Serius]

and what is with ppl saying girls and guys CAN'T be friends?! why not?! and please don't come up with stuff like "only ugly chicks have guy friends" that is SO not true..girls and guys can become friends ..it's just not the type of "best mates" like girls and girls and guys and guys..there's SOME things that you want opinions from the opposite sex..and that's when the guy/girl FRIENDS come in..

yeah so most of us will be allready set up with our err female advisors right now either mates girlfriends, ex-girlfriends you are on good terms with, or those random girls who you are aquintances with, or friend by conveniance with.

so basically if i met a girl at a club, or some girl at school suddenly wants to be friends, why would i want to befriend her? i already have female advicers so i have no need there and like you said, they would never ever obtain the "best mates" status you see with same sex friendships. In todays age maybe the word friendship is used a little 2 loosely perhaps we need a word meaning more than an aquin, but not of friend class.

 

[Dumsum]

yeah so most of us will be allready set up with our err female advisors right now either mates girlfriends, ex-girlfriends you are on good terms with, or those random girls who you are aquintances with, or friend by conveniance with.

What about friend because of what you can do for them? Believe it or not some people actually befriend people out of love ("phileo" in the Greek, look it up) ...

There's also unfriending someone out of love (perhaps more on the Greek "agape" side, but still phileo also), which is what I think should be done in this case.

 

[Serius]

What about friend because of what you can do for them? Believe it or not some people actually befriend people out of love ("phileo" in the Greek, look it up) ...

There's also unfriending someone out of love (perhaps more on the Greek "agape" side, but still phileo also), which is what I think should be done in this case.

yeah i dunno what the hell you are talking about, but iam just gonna assume that you are right. Like yeah fair enough some people befriend others because they can help them. I dont get the idea of "unfriending" someone, usually its for some stupid reason like " oh iam terminal and i dont want to hurt them when i pass away" or some crap like that, usually its about taking the decission away from someone else so i dont agree with it.

so yay to the first one
nay to the second one

 

[Dumsum]

Well if we take my example, I could see that the girl was happier without me around so I did what's best for her and unfriended her...

I used the greek examples because "love" is prone to misunderstanding.

 

[Casmira]

yeh its true i get called agape all the time by female greek workers and theyre way older than me; but it doesnt mean the same too us its way different context

 

[iambored]

5. Maybe he realises you like him a little and doesn't want to lead you on
6. Maybe he is a fantastic guy but just can't see you as someone he could be friends with forever
7. Maybe he does what has been discussed on this forum before and what many people do which is feel akward and not know how to act when he sees you (just because he knows you and doesn't know what to say, no hard feelings, no soft feelings) and so pretends he didn't see you at all because it avoids akwardness.

 

[AsyLum]

Maybe he feels awkward hooking up with a chic from the intarweb

 

[GoodToGo]

But if she's hawt, that awkwardness disappears..

 

[AsyLum]

"how'd you and daddy meet, mum?"
"we were browsing one fine afternoon, when suddenly, i noticed this dashing post on the topic of love and relationships. i was taken aback, when his profile stated he was single, i knew i was in love"

 

[Dreamerish*~]

I agree that in most cases, close friends of the opposite sexes have had thoughts of taking it further cross their minds. It's not impossible for opposite sexes to be best friends, but it would probably be hard if they were both single and attractive.

Personally I've never been able to stay in the friend-zone with a guy.

 

[Leggy McLegs]

When you stopped using MSN, he probably figured you just blocked him coz you didn't like him or something.

I had a really bad computer that didn't let me use msn, and it took quite a while for me to fix it, and I told him this though, not like it was our only form of communication because I did see him around and talk to him. I think I lied to you guys - I still kind of do use msn, and for a while he'd appear on my list as online, but now he doesn't, but I'm not worried about that. He could be on holidays or on a break or something. The really worrying thing is, whenever he is online now, I find it hard to talk to him on msn, because I feel there's not much to talk about, and there have been times that I've tried to talk to him on msn and all I've gotten back were the uneasiness and the feeling that he doesn't want to talk to me, just like when I talk to him face to face. Maybe he thinks I'm a lesbian .

I just want to say thanks to everyone for their input on this crappy situation. I guess I just needed some closure and I needed to stop battling with myself about this situation, and you guys helped me with this. Keep the discussion going - I'm sure there are many others in a similar situation.

 

[iambored]

For closure, I would honestly say look elsewhere. He's just not that into you. So find someone else who is.

 

[Leggy McLegs]

For closure, I would honestly say look elsewhere. He's just not that into you. So find someone else who is.

Yeah I've done that, and it is helping for closure, so I'm becoming alright with it now. I've accepted that he's just not into me and I'm now fine with it.

why would he want to have his best friend be a girl when there are plenty of blokes out there you KNOW will watch your back... girls usually make shitty friends for guys even without the attraction factor e.g a gay guy. Ask them, girls are manipulative, odd, irrational and are prone to yelling and screaming for no real reason, thats why yo ucant be friends. Men can put up with this if its a romantic reason, or even just for sex but otherwise...why would he want to be friends with you? what do you have to offer?

I kind of agree with you here, but the thing is, I'm not one of those types of girls you described. In fact, there are heaps of girls out there who aren't like that. Oh, and as a general note, I think females are just as difficult (or even more difficult) to understand as males, and this is coming from a female. Oh, and female friends do have a lot to offer. I'll tell you from the girly stuff: girls can tell the guys if they look good, what will look good on them, if a particular chick is checking them out/likes them, they can help them understand girls, can help them pick out presents for other females, etc. Blokes can't exactly help with that.

 

[volition]

I'm heading towards the same end as the threadstarter.

Added a random onto MSN. I bitched to her for a month about my social problems continuously but for some outrageous reason she didn't block me. It turns out neither of us are doing anything during the holidays so I decided that we meet up just for the holidays. Yada yada yada went out twice so far - once to dinner and another to ice skating. I interrogated her about stuff and she said she was still recovering from her last relationship, which ended at the end of last year in dire circumstances.

Comments? Speculations?

YOU'RE IN!!

 

[tlodg]

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends

I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya 'round for a long long time
I really, I really, I really remember when you drank my wine

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends

I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya walkin' down in Chinatown
I called ya, I called ya, I called but you did not look around
I pay my, I pay my, I pay my money to the welfare line
I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya standing in it everytime

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends

The color, the color, the color of your skin don't matter to me
As long as, as long as, long as we can live in harmony
I kinda, I kinda, I kinda, like to be the president
And I could, and I could, and I could show you how your money's spent

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends

Sometimes I don't speak right
But did I know what I was talking about
I know you're working for the CIA
They wouldn't have you in the mafia

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends (fades away)


Close thread.

hahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha:rofl:

 

[tlodg]

Maybe he thinks that senses that u like him,
and doesn't like you back....so he doesn't know how to reject you without hurting you, that's why he avoids you.