What is so good about being a virgin? (4 Viewers)

[quieteyes]

It's not shameful if you've lost it. But there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. It's people's choice, if you don't like it then that isn't your problem. Some just prefer to lose it to someone who means something to them, not just a good fuck.

 

[Riet]

quiet, false dichotomy.

 

[scaredytiger]

Ha, can you truthfully say that sex is unemotional? People get attatched to the person they loose their virginity to. I wasn't shameing sex all together, I was saying that alot of people don't give it or themselves enough respect. Sex is a special act and shouldn't be shamed all together, I just think alot of people need to be more careful about how they treat sex.

wtf man?

i didnt say anything of the sort.
read my post.

"sex is a physical act of intimacy"

in case you didnt catch that:
SEX IS INTIMATE.
INTIMATE.
NOT "UNEMOTIONAL"

im saying that sex is to be celebrated, as an expression of love. damn fuckwit.

 

[Cookie182]

It's a purely personal decision. It does make me sad though to think that other girls are throwing themselves away like that.

I myself am a virgin.
Not ashamed, nor proud - it's just the decision I have made.

And I agree totally with iamsickofyear12 - what is so good about being a slut?
It's just going to create a lot of heartbreak and a reputation.

What's wrong with a bit of self-preservation and saving it for marriage? It will make your relationship with that one person all the more special and it shows you have respect. The decent guys dig that.

Agreed with your comment ey, right until the end. The decent guys dig waiting to get married? That is a huge fallicy. What age do u plan to get married then? 19/20 lol?? Cause based on that statement, you'll have to marry a person your in a relationship with just to sleep with them. Now what if your in a healthy happy relationship at 20 years old and you both have strong intimate feelings towards each other? Seriously, why do you need to be 'married' to have sex?? I for one wouldn't dig that at all, and im a decent guy.

Marriage has nothing to do with sex. Humans have walked this Earth for thousands of years. And obviously they've had sex for that amount of time as well (we wouldn't be here). This religious sentiment of sex within marriage has only existed really since what? 2000 years ago ? (basing that on the Catholisim view) My point is religion should not control natural processes. Are the people that had sex before 'marriage' formally existed sinners?

I would be extremely pissed off if I was in a stable, happy relationship and we couldn't have sex unless I married the girl. I don't wanan get married till im 30, doesn't mean im not getting in a relationship before that. Have sex when you feel comfortable and ready, not when a book tells you to.

 

[Cookie182]

tbh he probably doesn't even believe his false bravado but knows that talking it up is half the game, a guy who is more 'honest' or especially one who is 'modest' is less likely to seem particularly interesting. Even though a girl might find a guy talking him self up to be possibly a liar, it still makes them a lot more interesting than some guy sitting there doing nothing

/men.

I think you may be onto something there. According to David de Angelo, arrogance with a twist of humor seems to be the key to sleeping with women. As he notes, 'predictability is the enemy of the interesting'. Modesty, lack of confidence and experience spell out insecurity to a women you have just met- unfortunately, this generally just leads to the inevitable 'friendship' status at best. Women want a man who is control of his reality, who is witty but slightly cocky, someone hard to control yet at the same time isn't an absolute dick. In essence, someone who exerts their masculinity.

 

[Cookie182]

i answered a question that was asked specifically about heaven/hell. i wouldn't normally say that to ppl unless they asked like the person did. truth doesn't need a cushion, truth needs love. and love is truth, therefore if it means someone is going to hell, when they ask me what i believe, i will tell them.

im not trying to convert you, thats gods job.

This is unrelated to virignity but your view annoys me in general. A little anecdote for the strictly bible bound-

I went surfing the other morning right, it was very big and heavy, a good 5 ft solid. I paddled out, got smashed on a few and kept getting closed out. I hadn't surfed in a while though due to exams, so i was a little slow on the takeoff and my timing was a little off. Then on one of my last waves, it just felt like it was going to be perfect. The lip sat up right, no guys on the inside, everything held up. I got up very quick, made a sharp bottom turn and stalled, hand in the wall. I was barrelled. I doubt you have ever felt anything more spiritual then this (even though you attend church and I don't). Visualise with me. Its an early spring moring, light offshore wind and the sun is just peeking through and you can see all the people paddling out, as your just sitting their stoked.

How would you explain such perfection? Was that god's plan? Or did I just surf a little bit better on that wave. Now being a realistic person, Im inclined to explain my barrel in accordance to physics. I don't know what complicated mathematical equation applies, but no doubt my success came through a difference in timing and positioning in comparison to the failure I had on previous waves. This arguement can be extended to any situation, sport etc. Did Michael Phelps win 8 Gold medals because it's gods will, or did he win them because he is the best. Because on the day, he had trained the hardest, put in the most individual effort and hence won because he was the most talented. Your arguement seems to undermine the spirit of humanity and free will. In your realtiy, we live a pre-proposed existance, where a supernatural being has designated direct control.

In my reality, whilst I can not fully explain how we came to be, once we exist, life is not preplanned. In fact, its a largely stochastic process, independent of fate and influenced by a healthy mix of circumstance, individual attributes and uncertainty. So therefore, in relation to the orginal topic (virginity) there is no governing right for you to place a view on the whole populations sexual practices, nor speak for a metaphysical entity in which you have no realistic means of communication with and designate your views as his (why not her?) 'plan' or 'will'.

Furthermore, virginity is at best 'a subjective status' and it impossible to make generalisations about it in regards to the level of variability that I previously outlined which shapes human existance and experience. This then takes us to the very fundamental philisophical question as to the true nature of virginity. What is Virginity? My own arguement then becomes inevitably static. It has no clear definiton, other then a difference in status which was originally defined by religious boundaries. Did Virginity therefore exist before religion? If we are to make the assumption that human experince is independent of religion, then surely within that reality virginity itself can not exist.

 

[evry1getscrewed]

sorry buddy, you're in the wrong place. we're not debating the existence of god. we're talking about the importance or otherwise of virginity. rant in another feed.

the whole idea of sex within marriage is not that you can't sleep with someone until you have worn a pretty white dress, signed the bit of paper then put a ring on each other's fingers. its about what a married relationship entails.

if you're in a married relationship, it means that you've made the promise to love your partner, to trust them, to stick with them through thick and thin, to honour them, to encourage them and so on. im sure you all know what wedding vows sound like.

that is why people choose to wait. its because the best sexual relationships happen when you're with someone you trust and as time goes on, the two get better as they grow more comfotable with each other and explore etc. its also about how special it is that you're with that one person, and that only one person knows that much about you physically and emotionally.

this is not to say that you are a bad person if you have lost your virginity or anything stupid like that. its just that if you have sex outside of marriage you have decided that you don't want/need the emotional support to have sex. that's your choice. personally, although it is so damned hard not to sleep with my bf, im holding on because i want my sexual relationship to be something that i only have fond memories of, not something that was lacking, or that i regret.

i realise divorce happens. not every marriage will be a happy one. but you can still try for your own marriage, and hopefully it won't happen to you

i guess my post will now be torn apart.
also, note to riet: you started this post. doesn't mean you can end it.

xx

 

[black_kat_meow]

if you're in a married relationship, it means that you've made the promise to love your partner, to trust them, to stick with them through thick and thin, to honour them, to encourage them and so on.

that is why people choose to wait. its because the best sexual relationships happen when you're with someone you trust and as time goes on, the two get better as they grow more comfotable with each other and explore etc. its also about how special it is that you're with that one person, and that only one person knows that much about you physically and emotionally.

this is not to say that you are a bad person if you have lost your virginity or anything stupid like that. its just that if you have sex outside of marriage you have decided that you don't want/need the emotional support to have sex. that's your choice. personally, although it is so damned hard not to sleep with my bf, im holding on because i want my sexual relationship to be something that i only have fond memories of, not something that was lacking, or that i regret.

I think people can be that close without going through marriage, that's crap saying your partner won't give you "emotional support" when they're not married to you.

I could say so many things about your post, but I really can't be bothered. If you choose to wait until marriage, great, but stop telling other people they're missing out or their sexual relationship doesn't have as much meaning, because really, they would understand it much better than you anyway, having experienced relationships before and after sex.

BTW, is not directed at you in particular, is at all those who are waiting and preaching to those who don't.

 

[evry1getscrewed]

I think people can be that close without going through marriage, that's crap saying your partner won't give you "emotional support" when they're not married to you.

I could say so many things about your post, but I really can't be bothered. If you choose to wait until marriage, great, but stop telling other people they're missing out or their sexual relationship doesn't have as much meaning, because really, they would understand it much better than you anyway, having experienced relationships before and after sex.

BTW, is not directed at you in particular, is at all those who are waiting and preaching to those who don't.

i didnt say you can't have emotional support without marriage. how else are you supposed to feel close enough to someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with them without having a very close emotional relationship? marriage is just a long-term version of that and is holds certain guarantees that you may not have in a casual relationship.

also, people here aren't preaching. the question was asked 'what's so good about being a virgin' so they're trying to answer that. if you don't want to hear it, or you interpret giving reasons to be sermonising, go elsewhere.

 

[Cookie182]

Every1getsscrewed: Obviously, you havnt followed the thread the whole way through. Whilst I admitted that my post was initially abstract from the question, i stated that clearly at the beginning and i was replying to a direct statement made by someone else (hence the quote). And yes, this thread very much has a lot to do with the existance of god, as if u took the time to flick back, u would read that many people are preaching staying a vigin as it is 'god's will. I simply disregarded that comment.

On your belief, I respect that you wish to save sex for marriage, however it loses me that you say you want to wait for the pinnacle of emotional connection with your partner, otherwise you may 'regret' it. To me that shows insecurities or mistrust in your current boyfriend. Simply put, it makes you come across as highly attached as you need almost a legally binding agreement between you and someone else before what- they see you naked? At it's core, what regret will come from having sex with your boyfriend now if u love him? Directly quoting, you say 'it's so damn hard' not too. What really is the problem then if want to as u proclaim. Thats why Im getting the sense that it is some other insecurity, not the sex itself. You use the word's 'emotional support' , 'special' and 'honour' as though they are a punchline. Yet what the hell would you know about sex if you are yet to have it? The question you really need to ask yourself is do you seriously need the reassurance that you's will be together for life in order to give yourself 'wholly' to him?

 

[evry1getscrewed]

Every1getsscrewed: Obviously, you havnt followed the thread the whole way through. Whilst I admitted that my post was initially abstract from the question, i stated that clearly at the beginning and i was replying to a direct statement made by someone else (hence the quote). And yes, this thread very much has a lot to do with the existance of god, as if u took the time to flick back, u would read that many people are preaching staying a vigin as it is 'god's will. I simply disregarded that comment.

On your belief, I respect that you wish to save sex for marriage, however it loses me that you say you want to wait for the pinnacle of emotional connection with your partner, otherwise you may 'regret' it. To me that shows insecurities or mistrust in your current boyfriend. Simply put, it makes you come across as highly attached as you need almost a legally binding agreement between you and someone else before what- they see you naked? At it's core, what regret will come from having sex with your boyfriend now if u love him? Directly quoting, you say 'it's so damn hard' not too. What really is the problem then if want to as u proclaim. Thats why Im getting the sense that it is some other insecurity, not the sex itself. You use the word's 'emotional support' , 'special' and 'honour' as though they are a punchline. Yet what the hell would you know about sex if you are yet to have it? The question you really need to ask yourself is do you seriously need the reassurance that you's will be together for life in order to give yourself 'wholly' to him?

in answer to your question: yes.
i want to know that the man i give my all to loves and trusts me and that i love and trust him. i want to know he's not thinking about the last girl he slept with, or that i'm just another on the list etc etc
maybe you percieve that to be an insecurity on my part. so be it. i'm still happy with my choice. when i say its hard not to sleep with my boyfriend, im still a normal human being who has physical desires and i deal with it. this is where my bf comes in because i need also to rely on him to help me keep my pledge, so yes i do trust him in that sense.
in answer to 'what would you really know' can i point out that if we used that ideal for every issue, very few people would be entitled to have an opinion. what right then does someone have to have an opinion on war if they have not personally been in the front line, in the board room negotiating peace treaties, lost a family member and so on. so no, i havent had sex, but i take my knowledge from other sources that i trust to give me accurate advice, or advice that is in my best interests.
as far as the marriage issue, its not that i need a 'legally binding document' (as i said earlier it isnt about the pretty white dress and walking down the isle to gay music), its the relationship that comes with marriage. don't you think its kinda cool that the only person who has that knowledge of my body is my husband? and that i love him enough in advance to control my desires so i give him something you can only give once? that i dont bring a string of ex-boyfriends, one night stands, stds, abortions and whatever else that MAY (im not saying it happens to everyone) come with sex with multiple partners?
saving sex for marriage isn't for everyone. its a personal choice based on the value you attribute to sex. don't twist my words and say that people don't value their bodies if they have sex before marriage. thats not what i mean. i chose to treat my body, emotions etc in a way that suits the value i place on it and my own personal beliefs. other people place different emphasis and make their own choices. that is perfectly ok. that is their choice and mine is my choice.

 

[mr_brightside]

in answer to your question: yes.
i want to know that the man i give my all to loves and trusts me and that i love and trust him. i want to know he's not thinking about the last girl he slept with, or that i'm just another on the list etc etc
maybe you percieve that to be an insecurity on my part. so be it. i'm still happy with my choice. when i say its hard not to sleep with my boyfriend, im still a normal human being who has physical desires and i deal with it. this is where my bf comes in because i need also to rely on him to help me keep my pledge, so yes i do trust him in that sense.
in answer to 'what would you really know' can i point out that if we used that ideal for every issue, very few people would be entitled to have an opinion. what right then does someone have to have an opinion on war if they have not personally been in the front line, in the board room negotiating peace treaties, lost a family member and so on. so no, i havent had sex, but i take my knowledge from other sources that i trust to give me accurate advice, or advice that is in my best interests.
as far as the marriage issue, its not that i need a 'legally binding document' (as i said earlier it isnt about the pretty white dress and walking down the isle to gay music), its the relationship that comes with marriage. don't you think its kinda cool that the only person who has that knowledge of my body is my husband? and that i love him enough in advance to control my desires so i give him something you can only give once? that i dont bring a string of ex-boyfriends, one night stands, stds, abortions and whatever else that MAY (im not saying it happens to everyone) come with sex with multiple partners?
saving sex for marriage isn't for everyone. its a personal choice based on the value you attribute to sex. don't twist my words and say that people don't value their bodies if they have sex before marriage. thats not what i mean. i chose to treat my body, emotions etc in a way that suits the value i place on it and my own personal beliefs. other people place different emphasis and make their own choices. that is perfectly ok. that is their choice and mine is my choice.

yeah but what if you marry and discover your husband is a 20 second man? Then you're left unfullfilled and grumpy.

Try before you buy.

 

[black_kat_meow]

in answer to your question: yes.
i want to know that the man i give my all to loves and trusts me and that i love and trust him. i want to know he's not thinking about the last girl he slept with, or that i'm just another on the list etc etc
maybe you percieve that to be an insecurity on my part. so be it. i'm still happy with my choice. when i say its hard not to sleep with my boyfriend, im still a normal human being who has physical desires and i deal with it. this is where my bf comes in because i need also to rely on him to help me keep my pledge, so yes i do trust him in that sense.
in answer to 'what would you really know' can i point out that if we used that ideal for every issue, very few people would be entitled to have an opinion. what right then does someone have to have an opinion on war if they have not personally been in the front line, in the board room negotiating peace treaties, lost a family member and so on. so no, i havent had sex, but i take my knowledge from other sources that i trust to give me accurate advice, or advice that is in my best interests.
as far as the marriage issue, its not that i need a 'legally binding document' (as i said earlier it isnt about the pretty white dress and walking down the isle to gay music), its the relationship that comes with marriage. don't you think its kinda cool that the only person who has that knowledge of my body is my husband? and that i love him enough in advance to control my desires so i give him something you can only give once? that i dont bring a string of ex-boyfriends, one night stands, stds, abortions and whatever else that MAY (im not saying it happens to everyone) come with sex with multiple partners?
saving sex for marriage isn't for everyone. its a personal choice based on the value you attribute to sex. don't twist my words and say that people don't value their bodies if they have sex before marriage. thats not what i mean. i chose to treat my body, emotions etc in a way that suits the value i place on it and my own personal beliefs. other people place different emphasis and make their own choices. that is perfectly ok. that is their choice and mine is my choice.

Out of curiousity, if you got divorced then, would you wait until the 2nd marriage to have sex again? And what value would it have then?

 

[williamycai]

I just had to put an example up of my friend who is a virgin. And yes he is proud of it, which we all don't get. He says its because his a christian and will not have sex until his married, and no its not because he can't 'get some'. He's always changing hot girlfriends (two went to the toliet with him at the same time) and he's done everything else, but until he marries, he won't fuck anyone. I think that is quite virtuous, even though i don't see the difference. lol

 

[NorthRiversMatt]

^^^^ I recall him 'digusting virgin'.

 

[jules.09]

I think Palin's daughter had a difficult time answering this question.

 

[Cookie182]

in answer to your question: yes.
i want to know that the man i give my all to loves and trusts me and that i love and trust him. i want to know he's not thinking about the last girl he slept with, or that i'm just another on the list etc etc
maybe you percieve that to be an insecurity on my part. so be it. i'm still happy with my choice. when i say its hard not to sleep with my boyfriend, im still a normal human being who has physical desires and i deal with it. this is where my bf comes in because i need also to rely on him to help me keep my pledge, so yes i do trust him in that sense.
in answer to 'what would you really know' can i point out that if we used that ideal for every issue, very few people would be entitled to have an opinion. what right then does someone have to have an opinion on war if they have not personally been in the front line, in the board room negotiating peace treaties, lost a family member and so on. so no, i havent had sex, but i take my knowledge from other sources that i trust to give me accurate advice, or advice that is in my best interests.
as far as the marriage issue, its not that i need a 'legally binding document' (as i said earlier it isnt about the pretty white dress and walking down the isle to gay music), its the relationship that comes with marriage. don't you think its kinda cool that the only person who has that knowledge of my body is my husband? and that i love him enough in advance to control my desires so i give him something you can only give once? that i dont bring a string of ex-boyfriends, one night stands, stds, abortions and whatever else that MAY (im not saying it happens to everyone) come with sex with multiple partners?
saving sex for marriage isn't for everyone. its a personal choice based on the value you attribute to sex. don't twist my words and say that people don't value their bodies if they have sex before marriage. thats not what i mean. i chose to treat my body, emotions etc in a way that suits the value i place on it and my own personal beliefs. other people place different emphasis and make their own choices. that is perfectly ok. that is their choice and mine is my choice.

Interesting reply. I can't change your view and won't attempt to, at least in your own reality it appears to be justified and at the very least quassi-logical. My intial questioning of your beliefs was however instigated through your comment above- where you refered to my belief as a 'rant'. The fact still stands, many people in previous posts had no logical foundation for their reason to remain a virgin and they attempted to justify this through 'god'. I simply expressed my opinion on this.

As for validation of opinon, well I still think it is hard to hold 'sex' to such a high value as you do before you have tried it. TBH doing so builds it up as something for you which at least in your first few times may well be a huge let down. Seriously, the whole sacrement of only being seen naked by one guy and all sounds sweet in theory but when you actually get there you'll see it's not as big deal as your envisaging. As for people commenting on war etc when they haven't been there- well I would simlilarly disregard their opinion also. But hey thats just me.

And yea, I am intrigued. Once you lose your virginity in marriage and if that marriage never worked out, would you need to remarry to have sexual relations with somebody else? In accordance to the current line of rationale that you have expressed, it would seem plausible.

Lastly, on a humorous note- I don't think that your username upholds a universal paradigm. Well, at least not in your case...

 

[Riet]

As a veteran of opperation Iraqi freedom I think every1 can go fuck herself. And of course she'd have sex before remarrying, she'd realise it's fun, feels good, and doesn't have any of that prescribed value.

 

[*Buttercup*]

Out of curiousity, if you got divorced then, would you wait until the 2nd marriage to have sex again? And what value would it have then?

Yes, i would wait again. Obviously it's not ideal and id be doing everything i could to make the first marriage work, but if i was widowed or divorced or whatever, and then got married again, i would wait to have sex til i was married again. I mean, just because the first marriage didnt work out, doesnt mean I've suddenly changed my mind about saving sex for within a marriage relationship. It's still something i only want to experience with someone im married to.

*waits to get flamed for that, even tho im just answering ur question with my opinion...*

 

[lorikeet]

i can't believe this thread is still going