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Would you ask your partner how many people they've been with? (1 Viewer)

Would you ask how many people they'd slept with?


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    39

Enteebee

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It's true, the issue is probably more why they're asking than why you are hesitant to tell.
Maybe. I think though, if you're someone who for whatever reason thinks that your having slept with X amount of people is a 'bad trait', your desire not to tell / to keep the status quo of not telling is just as insecure as someone who wants to find out how many people you've slept with because they would find X amount a bad trait. I.e. If both people hold that moral stance (say that sleeping with lots of people makes you less valuable) then it's fair enough that the person has asked.
 
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Enteebee said:
Maybe. I think though, if you're someone who for whatever reason thinks that your having slept with X amount of people is a 'bad trait', your desire not to tell / to keep the status quo of not telling is just as insecure as someone who wants to find out how many people you've slept with because they would find X amount a bad trait. I.e. If both people hold that moral stance (say that sleeping with lots of people makes you less valuable) then it's fair enough that the person asks.
I just assumed being reluctant to tell is a consequence of them wanting to know for the wrong reason, though that assumes that you know why they're asking prior to responding... I don't see a problem with not wanting to tell someone because they're going to be an ass about it, but if you don't want to tell because you're unhappy with the decisions you've made and how they reflect upon you, that's entirely different, and remains an issue.

That said, if you know they're going to be an ass, the next issue to deal with is why you're with them in the first place :)
 

Pace_T

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eventually i'd probably want to know and end up asking.
 

townie

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i dont think i'd want to know an exact number, but wouldnt mind telling i suppose.

i would however have a broad general discussion (read: bitch) about previous relationships, it's just part of knowing another person.

i believe a good partner is also a good friend, my friends know who i've been with, so why shouldnt a partner. it's not that they have a RIGHT to know, per se, but it's a part of the getting to know you phase. and even then, though, i'd only include "significant" relationships, not just one-time sex
 
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i wouldn't realllllllllly care, and if i did ask it wouldn't be out of jealousy or needing to know every little detail about their sex life. but like, if you're dating someone for an extended period of time, and say they dated someone for ages beforehand and was in love with them and whatever .. wouldn't you want to know about it? not in a suss voyeuristic way, but if something like that was a major part of your partner's life at one point, it would be weird not to know, i would think.

oh and also, if they were a hectic manwhore and had fucked hundreds of chicks, i would want to know so i could save myself the trouble and stds.
 

carrots please!

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nah, more interested in number in number of long-term relationships than details of sex.

seems such an invasive question, and id be inclined to avoid it unless the convo just went there. i dont think its something either person needs to spend too much time thinking about...i mean, theyre with me know, talking at great length about the past doesnt seem to serve much of a purpose beyond the 'getting to know you' stage
 

hairspray

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i wouldnt mind answering the question but i think it would be too awkward to ask someone that question...
 

breaking

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carrots please! said:
seems such an invasive question, and id be inclined to avoid it unless the convo just went there.
couldn't have put it better myself
 

HalcyonSky

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JFK said:
lol the only reason ennaybur arced up so much about this and made a thread about it is because she is a massive MASSIVE slut.
agree
 

Evilo

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scarybunny said:
don't ask, don't tell
+1

my ex-gf told me when we were going out, i didnt particularly want to know but it wasnt really a concern afterall. She wasn't really the type to have large numbers of partners.
 

Slidey

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I really don't care who they fucked before me as long as they're positive they didn't pick up any little pets down below.

I probably wouldn't ask, but I don't particularly care - I realise that they've probably fucked other men.

I might ask if they've ever fucked a girl, 'cause that'd be hot.
 

chelsea girl

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no, i would never tell and never ask. too confronting. please leave it at the door.
 

chelsea girl

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Slidey said:
I really don't care who they fucked before me as long as they're positive they didn't pick up any little pets down below.

I probably wouldn't ask, but I don't particularly care - I realise that they've probably fucked other men.

I might ask if they've ever fucked a girl, 'cause that'd be hot.
yeah, agree with this. incl girl stuff
 

vwright

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Ennaybur said:
People have such misguided ideas about truth in relationships. We lie and omit the truth all the time for paternal reasons but then for some reason all of a sudden people think that it's this TOPS idea to start being a beacon of honesty in relationships.

Don't get me wrong, the truth is important when it's appropriate. Just not always necessary.

personally for me when im in a serious relationship there shouldnt be any secrets....if you arent doing anything bad, well then what is there to hide? why wouldnt you tell me things? casual relationship...fine, lots of secrets, omit the truth, tell half the truth, why not it doesnt matter. thats just how i am though, i feel like a lot of marriages fail these days because of lack of communication and many hidden secrets (but, i am no where near ready for marriage...just an analysis)
 

chelsea girl

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zimmerman8k said:
of course.

because you love mentioning that you are a lesbian at every available opportunity.
ummmm whatever

i am NOT a lesbian


perhaps that makes you feel better
that's okay
keep on with it
*pat pat*
 

Ennaybur

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Yeah I don't really see anything wrong with talking about past relationships that've been important for all the reasons previously mentioned.

Anyway I feel happily vindicated that I'm not the only one who doesn't think it's absolutely necessary to demand names and numbers.
 

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