26 Years Older (1 Viewer)

CoFFee BreAk

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Sorry, this is totally insane, but please let me explain the whole situation.

I’m in TAFE, and I had this really odd crush with one of my classmates. Well, I’m NOT expecting him to like me back or anything. I just like him, and that’s all. Let it be a major reason for me to be excited when it comes to uni. I knew it just couldn’t happen ‘cause I’m 18, while he’s… 43 years old (don’t freak out yet, he doesn’t look old anyway)! He’s a single dad, and he’s got two little twins. Used to be a pretty famous stand-up comedian (he once left Aussie for London to pursue his career, and now he’s back home).

In class, he’s pretty full-on and knows a lot of stuff (note that he’s not the oldest guy around). I know he always acts like he’s still 20-something, and he seems to want to be the most popular guy (when some of my girlfriends don’t think he is) who likes sitting among the ladies, which is weird, but I never even realized I would have feelings for him. He does show a lot of respect to girls, though.

The first time we met, we barely spoke to each other. Then as we went through the course, we started to get to know one another, and he seemed to take interest in having me as a friend. I was one of only a few girls he enjoyed spending time with, even though we didn’t really expose our personal lives. He used to text me up and ask me and my other friends to go to the movies (it’s just great that I was included). There’s a time when I was feeling down ‘cause when we took turns reading out our story ideas in class, my mind didn’t seem to be working well so I didn’t get anything done (it’s good the teacher’s very understanding). The guy comforted me and told me to get some rest and that everything will be fine.

We once hit a pub near our campus after class is over with two of our classmates. There, he bought me a beer and later on, he drove me home with his car. When he offered to drive me home, I told him he didn’t have to, ‘cause my flat’s just across the street (which is true). But he insisted that I ‘get in the car.’ From then on, I had this weird feeling inside of me, and I began to think of him as a special person.

But all this time, I’ve been struggling to identify my feelings for him- whether I liked him romantically or only as a ‘father figure’. I told some of my high school and college friends about this, and most of them thought I probably think of him as a ‘dad’. They gave me this suggestion that I shouldn’t have a ‘crush’ on him because of this huge gap between our age. I realized they’re right. Even if I didn’t ask for their opinion, I know we’re just not meant to be. After all, I just liked him, and I don’t want things to go further. At times, I assured myself that I just think of him as a ‘father figure’. Yet the truth is, if he’s just like a dad, why do I feel a bit jealous (OK, I admit it) every time he talks to other girls?

This is the first time I loved someone who’s 26 years older than me. It’s actually hard for me to like a guy. I’ve to know more about his personalities. I only had 3 crushes in my senior high school history, and now this is very unlikely.

Then we had this misunderstanding. It’s been a while since the last time he sent me a text message. I thought back then, he was upset with me, ‘cause I actually had this crush on another one of my classmate whose name is Anthony (Ant is 24 and is really easygoing), and the guy didn’t like Ant. Every time I talked to Ant, he would give me this look that showed he’s annoyed. It wasn’t just me, actually. One of my girlfriends (who’s 19 years old) enjoyed spending time with Ant, and the guy also eyed her out. The guy actually liked that girlfriend of mine, but right now, I guess he didn’t anymore, because she’s such an airhead.

Back to the point where the misunderstanding happened, I noticed that since I told him I had a slight crush on Ant, he never text me again. I thought there’s something wrong, but a few weeks later, he did send me an sms! So I thought maybe it’s just my assumption. Maybe he’s been busy, knowing he’s working and he’s got his kids.

I wanted to send a text to that girlfriend of mine and tell her I was excited I got his sms. Yet I made a major mistake- I wasn’t sending the text to her, but to him instead! He thought I was making fun of him, but after all the explanation, it’s all cool, and he said sorry he misunderstood me. Everything’s back to normal. We still talked in class, but I somehow felt that he didn’t really talk to me that often.

Well, I just turned 18 yesterday actually, and since we got class, it’s all going great… until a friend who’s sitting beside me told me that guy KNEW I liked him. Ohh what a birthday surprise. It couldn’t happen! I asked that friend why might the guy think that way. He told me I was too obvious, although I didn’t do crazy things such as stalking him or trying to drop a pen in front of him so he could get it for me (like I used to do in high school). Maybe I paid too much attention, and some guys might just know if someone liked him? I tend to focus clearly on his eyes every time he told me and my friends some things.

The friend who broke the news to me is trying to e-mail me with some explanation tomorrow. So I don’t know if something worse could happen. I already freaked out, but that friend told me to relax, ‘cause it’s not a big deal. Maybe it’s just me who thought it’s a big deal. But who knows it might be a problem. I wanted to talk to him like we used to… wayyyyy before I have feelings for him.

What if he REALLY knows I liked him? Should I explain to him that all this time, I only liked him as a ‘dad’ or should I keep quiet and let it all go away by itself?

If you don’t understand me, that’s alright ‘cause I don’t actually understand myself. This seems ridiculous. Sorry for being too long, but for those who have read it all until the end, heaps of thanks, and I was just wondering about the best step I should take if he really finds out. I'm so devastated right now.
 

transcendent

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In life we all always experience feelings for people. Sometimes our mind says one thing but our hearts another. For me, if the feelings are overwhelming I tend to tell the person how I feel if only to get rid of it. Sometimes the hard facts that they speak will pull you back to the ground. If you're lucky they will let you down easy. Tell them how you feel about the situations. What your intentions are in telling him this. Most of all, best of luck in life, it's just one of the many things you have to learn.
 

Skeeta

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it sounds like a "normal" situation, the only major difference is the age.

Do you still have feeling for him? If he brings it up you can just say it was a crush because you'd never been in close contact with someone older/intelligent before and you liked it.

Remember the age difference can cause misunderstandings because from my understanding 18 year olds "date" differently to 43 year olds
 

Atticus.

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you have to realise that even if you come to the conclusion that you like him as more than a dad figure that a relationship with someone that much older than you cant work

think to yourself, what possibly connection can a guy of that age have with someone our age... especially romantically. dont you think that if you actually got into something that there would be times where he would stop and think "fuck, compared to me this girl is a baby and im old enough to be her grandad"
seriously he could be your GRANDAD!

matey i think you are better of saving yourself the anguish and heartbreak and find someone your own age. though dont go with anthony, as a rule anthonys a dickheads haha

just to slam home my point ill highlight a few points that should hopefully make you look at the situation objectively

*he could be your dad
*he could be your grandad
*he will die 30 odd years before you do
*soon enough the guy will be needing viagra
*his kids could in a couple of years be within your age bracket
*he has an EX WIFE
*your family will probably not approve
*your friends will laugh at you
*your boyfriend will be 50 soon

think about it kiddo
 

Skeeta

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unless he had a son at 11 (because most women cannot have children at 11), and his son had a kid at 11

i dont really think he could be her grandad
 

Atticus.

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its theoretically possible
some girl in india the other day had a kid at age 8
 

Skeeta

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but i dont think that is going to change her mind

"if we lived in india and he had a baby when he was 12 and then that baby had a baby when it was like 10 then he could be my grandfather"

Just leave it at, hes old enough to be your father :uhhuh:

omigod thats OLDER than my father :eek:
 

Atticus.

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hahaha yeh i know i was just trying to make it more shocking

but seriously i had a point with the rest of what i said
 

Skeeta

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yeah i agree.. It'd be too much of a barrier for me
 

kaylz

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I'd totally go an old man. But not if he went to tafe. Even as a tafe lecturer. For me, it's a no-go zone.
 

vern

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Could be a father figure, if you sit there purely admiring him but cringe idea of banging him that probably is a clear indication.
 

Lennie

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Fuck. Thats really really messy :/

Be careful. It sounds as if its completely a father figure thing, but that doesnt explain how to fix it.

I personally don't think you should persue this at all. In any way. Just try and switch off or focus your attention onto something/one else.

Think of the possible outcomes of this situation, and ask yourself if you can handle it.

You've just turned 18, have fun!
 

CoFFee BreAk

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No way. I'm just an ordinary girl who enjoys hanging out with my mates.

Well thankies for all your comments and feedback. I'm completely aware of our age, and back then, I guess I mentioned that even though I had a slight crush on him, I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. And now, I came to the conclusion that I only like him as a 'father figure', 'cause when I tried to reflect on things, I only admire him as a 'dad'.

The problem is just that: how am I going to get that bond back, 'cause he seemed a bit uninterested to talk to me again. Well, I guess right now, we could call it a 'friendship' problem. We're still friends. It's just that we're losing the bond. I hope he didn't hate me, 'cause maybe it's just me, but I can't really concentrate in class if someone doesn't like me. That never happened to me before, but even if I just had a fallout with a best friend (and I know we'll get over it), I just don't feel well.

I'll just sort it out later on. Once again, thanks for those who have been trying to help out.
 

nessyfreak

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that is gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you must be psychologically damaged.
 

dora_18

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its perfectly normal
im in love with my GP, hes married, with kids..they're cute kids too
and i go to him for no particular reason just so he can lean over me to draw blood...and to make him hover over me longer ill dehydrate myself that day so the veins close up and its harder to draw blood

anyway...hes not 26yrs old! lol..but still..hes either 39 or 40..something like that..cant remember..ill ask him next week:p


wow...why dont i just say it ' IM INSANE"
 
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tlodg

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26 yrs older might be a bit too much.... but if both of you don't mind...there could be a short-lived romance

at least u're not a girl who's 26 years older than a guy u like...
 

Serius

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You probably dont have that "bond" anymore because he realised how close he was to hooking up with a hot 18 year old. Now he knows its not going to happen and its only going to be a friends or "father figure" thing theres no point continuing the charade. He doesnt hate you, he has just moved on. Maybe one of your other friends is next?
 

CoFFee BreAk

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Could be. Heaps of thanks for the advice.

For others who haven't noticed, as I said before, I have come to the conclusion that I ONLY admire him as a 'dad', or maybe I just want him to be a best friend. Well, there's nothing wrong with being a 'friend', right? I wouldn't really say that I DID like him romantically, 'cause back then, I was still confused (so I was still stuck in the middle of nowhere at that time).

The friend who told me that the 43 year-old guy told him 'he knew i like him' has just revealed to me that the guy knew I didn't like him romantically BUT just as a father figure. What a relief... And it feels great to know he thought of me like his own kid.

As far as my friend could remember, he said everything's normal. The guy only said something like this to him: 'i think she [me] missed her parents or something, 'cause she looked up to me as if i'm her role model, and i haven't been a good one. she's like my own kid' bla bla bla.

Well, yeah, I actually live far away from my folks. Anyway, I was just wondering if an adult knows there's someone wayyy younger who looks up to him, does he/she feel responsible in some way (without being pushed)? So it just comes naturally that he/she wants to set a 'good' example to that kid.

Stupid question, I know. And I guess none of us in this board are adults, but who knows one of you can relate with that thing.
 

CoFFee BreAk

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secret said:
I don't think explaining to him that you liked him only as a 'dad' is the best thing to end the tension.

I would suggest you keep speaking to him on a friendly level, then if you would like him to think you're not interested in him -introduce a boyfriend into the conversation. If he un-aware that you are taken, when talking to him -introduce a pretend boyfriend.

Example:

43 year old: "Oh this study is begining to effect my sleep"

You reply with "Yea, funny you should say that, because my boyfriend has been complaining about the same thing, but also, he works 6 hours a day -awh you poor things" -then laugh.

End of confusion, end of tension, end of discussion.
That's genius! I was dumb for not coming up with that idea in the first place. Thanks :)

Yeah, as I've mentioned in my latest post, I just want him to know that I like him only as a dad, and he knew it already, without me telling him about it. To make sure he really does ('cause i found that out from another friend of mine), I might slip the 'boyfriend' thing later on in general conversations.

Should be hilarious. Now I'm back to my normal self.
 

tres bien

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haha he's older than my mum. Isn't he Brad Pitt's age? I'd rather date Brad Pitt.
 

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