A student falls over when walking up the steps to speak on assembly about army cadets...
Supervising teacher: Ladies and gentlemen, you have all seen how well these young men have been trained - that was a beautiful leopard crawl right there, just magnificent!
A student in chemistry: So what about oxygen oxide?
Canteen lady: Do you want your pizza cut in 6 slices or 8?
Student: 6, please... I don't think I could fit 8 in.
Teacher: So which question comes after question 8?
Student: Is this is exercise 5:10 or 5:11?
Teacher: Actually, I'm pretty sure it's 9 in both...
Reason for lateness (actually written on school late note):
I had my iPod in, didn't notice anyone leaving the library, so I didn't hear the bell
Another reason for lateness written on a late note:
Late
In 3 unit maths:
Student: I've found a number... it's less than negative four but greater than 10!
In English Extension:
Teacher: What is humanism?
Student: The belief that we are human
In Religion Studies:
Teacher: What is materialism?
Me: The belief in the value of material objects
Teacher: Very good
Student: That sounds like my mum... she's hell into sewing!
English teacher: Football provides an outlet for repressed homosexual impulses...
(Reading Macbeth, where play says 'they were suborn'd')
Student: (in Scottish accent) They were too sunburnt...
In Physics:
Student: Would a tsunami be worse at low tide or high tide?
Teacher: Yes
Teacher: I wonder if Mrs Cooper is in his office...
In 3 unit maths:
Student: The answer is 0.01, so you round it down to 2
Student: Did Atlantis send forces to the Vietnam War?
Physics teacher subbing for English: Why didn't Romeo and Juliet just text each other and say 'Let's get together for a shag'?
Physics teacher: I put it to you that there are dirt-eating tigers who enjoy the warm weather on Venus...
Physics teacher: Yes, I do find cutting edge physics sexy...
Physics teacher (in same lesson): Those kids look at Playboy for the same reason as they look at National Geographic - they like looking at places they're never gonna get to...
Maths teacher: It looks like you can cancel... but it isn't!
Physics teacher: Gary Hypotenuse, what was his name?
Everyone else: Pythagoras
Physics teacher: Yeah, he was actually a nutter, and did funny things to goats.... on the island of Samos
Surds in year 9:
Maths teacher: So I was over at a student's place on the weekend, teaching her unreal roots...