He likes me for me... (1 Viewer)

[Ingoesout]

...and that sucks. No, seriously.

Ok, I'll try explain:

He's a good friend. Period.

He's seen the worst of me, he knows about my skitz rents, my awkward habbits, everything that I usually just don't like parading around... And for some reason he still likes me, and It just makes perfect sense to become romantically involed, we just... fit.

I SHOULD be happy I guess, jump at the chance of such easy romance, but, like, I guess when i go out with someone I wan't them to know my more public side, my more together confidant composed and attractive side..not that hidden crap.

God, does this make ANY sence?

Maybe that is why I can't have long term relationships, it's all lies..haha but atleast it's exciting??

I mean I love him as a friend but then he HAD to make a move (why why why why!!??) ,
so maybe I should try grow up and consider it. But I feel that since we've been friends for so long and are so close that going out would be lame and it's just TOO comfortable, lack lustre, and I guess I'd never feel like I'd have to make any kind of effort.

Maybe he's the kind of person I'd marry (what!?) ... but ... i just can't "go out" with him.

What if he ends up hating me for being so inconsiderate of his feelings?

Oh he's just SO on the friends ladder!!

I think I'm retarded. But you can't force these kind of things right?

What do i tell him!!? I can't keep my phone turned off forever.

 

[Skeeta]

If you cant see yourself kissing him, then its probably a no.

In the end, a long term partner is basically friends with benefits anyway.

 

[BlackDragon]

I guess when i go out with someone I want them to know my more public side, my more together confidant composed and attractive side..not that hidden crap.

how do you expect any relationship of yours to work in the long run if you don't want anyone seeing you as you are when you are not all dressed up?

The issue is probably just that you're uncomfortable with yourself.


EDIT:

She likes me for meeeeee

 

[davzilla60]

I think your problem is just shyness. You fear what he thinks of your worst,” and he will not like you because of that. But everyone has a side of themselves that they show in certain situations. Though the reason why he still likes you is because he has also seen you at your best.
If you are really concerned about what he thinks then I suggest you go and speak with him about this, and listen to his response.
Many people suffer from this, you’re not retarded. I can’t force the decision on you, as it is yours alone. Though I would speak to him about this (preferably in private), if his reaction is positive go for it!

I hope this helps!

 

[S M i L E]

You see i have the opposite prob... ive fallen for a guy i nkow inside n out... but he doesnt know i have n wouldnt consider me

 

[melimoo]

i would say if youre worried about it don't go there. i personally wouldnt go there lest i stuff it up
sometimes you have to draw the line at really good friends. not everything has to turn into a relationship.
plus my view is also that that its nice to have a little mystery.

 

[z600]

He obviously like the non-public side of you. Go for it

 

[Serius]

ok....this is really wierd, but ive been in the exact same situation, except on his side...its really interesting to see your point of view, it gives me alot of closure cause it basically means i was right.

One part of me wants to say what kind of messed up person wants to show only a fake constructed side of them to someone they are romantically involved in, but that would be unfair and only lashing out at my past.

Your real problem isnt that he knows you so well, its probably because he is a nice guy. Girls dont want nice guys at this age, they just want to have some fun, experiment around with relationships and in their late twentys come accross some1 like your friend and settle down with them[guys usually want basically the same thing so dont feel bad]

You feel confused because you SHOULD be liking him[would i be wrong in saying you are atleast a little attracted to him?] but you arent in control of the situation because he allready knows everything about you.

my advice: as much as it pains me to say it, it wont work...atleast not just yet. The best thing you can do for him is to drift away for a few years, and maybe then you will be ready for each other.

 

[sladehk]

gah maybe he was one of those nice guys that liked you.. so he wanted to get closer, became a friend and now wants a relationship? eh? but he still likes you so, meh go for it.

 

[jazzmuzik]

I think i know how you feel.

If only you had been born worlds apart, met each other later on, became attracted, went out etc etc. and THEN you find yourself in the same position (him liking you for who you are etc.). But unfortunately (or very fortunately) you've been friends and before you realised moved on to "serious" and "close" without the fireworks and stuff. "wheres the fun in that!?" you say.

It sounds as if you want an "exciting", flirty, romantic relationship instead of a close, comfortable, easy one. And thats fine.

I think you need to stay friends with him but go out with other people for a bit. (that may sound harsh but it'll sort things out) Try and go out with people who you imagined you'd go out with. ie. the ones who like your "outside"

Then you'll know, Either you'll find the great, flirtacious romance that you imagined and be satisfied OR you'll find out, you had what you were looking for all along in your friend...

good luck
Agony Aunt

 

[Bobness]

You see i have the opposite prob... ive fallen for a guy i nkow inside n out... but he doesnt know i have n wouldnt consider me

You've been stalking him haven't you?



And he's on your friends ladder? I have sincerely never heard of a girl yet who believes in the ladder theory. They always try to debunk it. (that was to the thread starter)

 

[glitterfairy]

There's some interesting stuff written above. I'm also curious to know whether this public/private thing is a real concern of yours, or just something you're saying as a 'cover' for how you really feel inside? I can hear the doubt in your voice - "why why why". I know the feeling. And it sucks! They're such a great person, why can't you fall for them romantically? Why did it ever have to happen? Why why why?

One of my girlfriends says that no matter how lovely and 'perfect' (in the sense they fulfill all the criteria on your mental checklist) a person is, if you aren't interested in them, then you aren't interested in them... maybe it's just not meant to be? Maybe it's just not meant to be *now*

Love is such a fickle, confusing thing and it can't be bound down by what 'should be' or 'shouldn't be'. It does whatever the hell it wants to "growing up" doesn't mean settling into something that 'should' be right... maybe it's your instincts kicking in, maybe they see a potential flaw in the relationship that you can't consciously think of at this stage in time. Maybe there's also something else affecting your decision-making?

They say this all the time, but I'll say it again. Great friends don't always make great lovers, for a variety of reasons. You're still young - live life for a bit more before deciding to go out with the 'type' of person you want to marry (plus decisions like this are tricky, the more life experience you have the easier it is to deal with them). Giving yourself time to figure out what you're going to do (so giving a "no" for now) isn't going to hurt anyone... but rushing into a relationship you're not sure you want has great potential to hurt at least one, if not both of you. Be careful, and good luck!

 

[RabbitRabbit]

Why?... Well, why not? It's not as if he's proposing to you asking for legal commitment. The worst that could happen, is him moving on to the next girl, and you left hanging there wondering if it could have been a perfect relationship.

On the other hand, you can always tell him No. People can take rejection, He'll get over it. But chances are you already have feelings for him, otherwise you would have made up your mind by now.

 

[Kezalicious]

It depends how the relationship is like. Typically if it's brother and sister-ish you would be better staying friends. I went out with my best friend I didn't notice but ppl told me afterwards we acted like a couple flirting the whole time. I'm still good friends with the guy even though it didn't work out. But it was a lot of fun.

Life is too short.

Go for it I say.

 

[Davriel]

I say this to a lot of people who have problems:

"Follow your heart, with advice from the head".

If you love him, then there is no problem. If you don't love him, then tell him how you feel. I've had that happen to me a few times, i didn't die. If he begins to act like a complete asshole when you tell him you don't have mutual feelings, then be wary, he was never the guy for you. But if he can deal with it and still wants to be friends, be friends. WARNING: Just because he's your friend won't change the way he feels, he'll try to hide it though to avoid any awkwardness.