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Hey please read my essay and comment (1 Viewer)

Versace...

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Dec 11, 2005
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Re: Hey ready my essay and comment

lilsxcwog69 said:
Is my AOS essay good
this has nothin to do with ur essay but is that haifa in ur avatar???
 
L

lilsxcwog69

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Re: Hey ready my essay and comment

Versace... said:
this has nothin to do with ur essay but is that haifa in ur avatar???

Yeh it is Haifa **drools** as hot as shell ever be

My essay recieved a mark of 10/15 and ive already posted up the teachers comment in this thread before.
 

blind_cat

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you need to reduce the amount of supplementary texts. It almost seems like your fleeting over texts in a hurry when rather you can discuss them in greater detail, 3-4 is the average amount but markers also want to see a deeper involvment with the texts you employ rather than using all these texts to answer the question. The problem that many made before according to my teachers who have been marking 2u, 3u HSC papers discussed that total understanding of the text is better achieved when looking at detail.
e.g. when you looked at Margaret Atwood's poem "JTTI)
you listed the enjambment etc rather than showing it. Even one reference of it is fine, but you MUST AVOID LISTING also discuss her context. because i haven't read/wtached etc your other texts, i can't really say anything else. But i also had this question in my half yearly and used Atwood's "JTTI", "On first looking into chapman's homer" by Keats and i don't remember either if it was Dali's painting "the burning giraffe" or Rob Reiner's film "Stand By Me" but generally, you don't need alot of texts to support the idea. But overall, you have a good ability of picking out certain technniques in the summary of the text, but concentration on certain texts might be better (realistically as well)
 

Too right

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i made a few changes, nothing drastic

A journey whether embarked on [hysically, emotionally or intellectually most often assists an individual in developing greater self actualisation and recognition. The journey itself often allows the individual to reflect on the decisions they have made throughout their trip and the possible impacts it will have on their future. The anthology Immigrant Chronicle by Peter Skrzynecki and more specifically his poems Feliks Skrzynecki, Leaving Home and A drive in the country represent this evolution of understanding throughout the journey. In addition Margaret Atwoods text; Journey to the Interior and Journey Of The Magi by T.S Elliot along with The John Butler Trio’s lyrics Home Is Where The Heart Is by are further testament to the concept of journeys developing a ggreater understanding of self.


“Feliks Skrzynecki” a poem from Peter Skrzynecki’s Immigrant Chronicle details how a father’s journey has a lasting impact on his son who is gradually becoming detached from his father’s Polish heritage. The author uses the contrasts of culture between father and son to represent how the lack of understanding between the two participants has led both to journeys of greater knowledge and understanding. The persona who in this poem is Peter appears to be envious and regretful as he is unable to rebuild his already meagre relationship with his father.

Skrzynecki has implemented numerous techniques in this poem to represent the understanding both father and son have experienced as a result of their inner journeys. The allusion to “Hadrian’s wall” and Peter’s movement “south and south” of it illustrates how he has came to the understanding that he cannot be a part of his fathers barbaric and outdated Polish culture. This recognition has come as a result of the fathers own physical journey and the sons inability to appreciate and endure it.

The link between the journey and greater understanding is exemplified in Margaret Atwood poem “Journey to the Interior”. The use of enjambment, regular pauses and side thoughts throughout the poem demonstrate that her journey has had a detrimental impact on her metaphysical state as an individual. Her journey and the difficulties she combats through the “tangle of branches” make room for the realisation that the journey has no definite end and inevitably doesn’t always go according to plan.

Throughout her journey Atwood also challenges her inner psyche, delving into the reason as to why things don’t go “from point to point”. The constant bewilderment she encounters when on her journey is proof of her insecurity leading up to the bleak end of her journey. By the end of the poem Atwood has come to understand that her journey should be approached with much patience and cautiousness as he assures herself that whatever she does “I must keep my head” and stay on track until she has reached contentment on this journey


IF YOU WANT MORE PM ME, if not someone else finish it off
 

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