Not Being Able To Feel Butterflies. (1 Viewer)

[ur_inner_child]

I really like the long replies, they're good and thorough.

I think by "real chemistry" I probably mean that they're on the same wavelength and make me laugh. We actually enjoy each other's company. You could have real chemistry with a friend. I guess I should be more specific. But other things, you're right. They're dating, taking me to dinners and pampering me. They're buying me flowers and gifts. I want all those things, but I guess, only after a huge amount of anticipation, waiting around and not-knowing etc.

I guess.

 

[PrettyVacant]

I can relate. Are the guys you meet too nice? =\

Generally I like guys who can stay committed to you but also not lose their own sense of identity and their own goals, hobbies, interests etc. Personally, I don't tend to enjoy the constant shower of niceness and gifts, but I do like it occasionally. Continual sucking-up only annoys me at worst, and bores me at best.

 

[Iron]

The thing that always surprised me about feeling the butterflies is that their wings are basically make-up. It rubs right off.

Not very sound these butterfly chaps

 

[scaredytiger]

Speaking as someone who has had butterflies once since year 8, it's not always something that happens from when you first meet them.

You're an attractive girl, and perhaps the problem for you is that guys are too easy to come by - you don't have to prove yourself to win them over. I'm not exactly sure how to fix this, but a lot of what builds attraction is essentially a power dance. Not much of a dance if they lay down at your feet, is it?

I think I may be rambling, I hope that vaguely made sense.

 

[alexalexalex-o]

butterflies.

i think that a heart-breaking 4 yr relationship split, babe yu need to give it time.

focus on what makes you happy right now. or what used to, look at the little things u love in life, smile more. and then out of the blue, you'll feel butterflies!!!

and sex yes, is an option.
buh, keep it real for now and stop looking, looking is what makes it feel like you'll never have butterflies. you'll bump into some one sooner or later and he'll be the one that will give you butterflies, or we can have a girly day out and get butterflies waiting in line to go on the FERRIS WHEEL!

 

[katie tully]

Maybe Stef, you're just ready to stay single for a while? Maybe you are subconsciously comparing these guys to your old beau, or your expectations are too high, or idk, you're not giving it enough of a chance? Sometimes butterflies don't appear ASAP, sometimes they're gradual things.

What may start off as platonic might graduate into increasing bouts of Butterflyitis, as you grow to appreciate these new guys.

Or maybe you just don't know what you want, so it's hard to get excited about anything when you feel apathetic towards the situation. Maybe you're just not ready to date yet, and there is no point forcing it for the sake of finding a relationship/not being single.

Go out, enjoy yourself, and in time you'll figure out what you want and you might find something to get excited about.

 

[XPac2]

I still get those feelings.

 

[HalcyonSky]

I really like the long replies, they're good and thorough.

I think by "real chemistry" I probably mean that they're on the same wavelength and make me laugh. We actually enjoy each other's company. You could have real chemistry with a friend. I guess I should be more specific. But other things, you're right. They're dating, taking me to dinners and pampering me. They're buying me flowers and gifts. I want all those things, but I guess, only after a huge amount of anticipation, waiting around and not-knowing etc.

I guess.

that's totally the problem - ur an attractive girl so you turn these guys to mush so easily. You dangle a string above a cats head just out of reach and theyll dance around and do backflips trying to reach it, but if u drop it to their feet theyll just look at it and walk away. There's so much info out there now about evolutionary biology and psychology that im surprised so many guys are like this

I can relate. Are the guys you meet too nice? =\

Generally I like guys who can stay committed to you but also not lose their own sense of identity and their own goals, hobbies, interests etc. Personally, I don't tend to enjoy the constant shower of niceness and gifts, but I do like it occasionally. Continual sucking-up only annoys me at worst, and bores me at best.

Speaking as someone who has had butterflies once since year 8, it's not always something that happens from when you first meet them.

You're an attractive girl, and perhaps the problem for you is that guys are too easy to come by - you don't have to prove yourself to win them over. I'm not exactly sure how to fix this, but a lot of what builds attraction is essentially a power dance. Not much of a dance if they lay down at your feet, is it?

I think I may be rambling, I hope that vaguely made sense.

pretty much what lilian and emiry said.

there's nothing you can really do about it, but eventually you'll get approached by someone who gets you going. You're the hot girl in the bar now, the one that most people will be afraid to approach and the ones who do will usually blow it by showering u with compliments. Just know that its not your fault you're not feeling anything despite them being cute / funny / relating to you / or whatever, its theirs for acting so beta.

 

[tommykins]

I've found a major problem in seeking companionship and 'butterflies' as you put it, is solely the reason why you don't get it.

Don't seek, let it come to you. It is the utmost importance that every guy you meet that is a 'possible partner' shouldn't be on your list as a 'i wish he'd give me butterflies'. Something to be honest, I have failed to do myself in relation to girls.

I can't be bothered writing an essay on it as everyone has already mentioned what I think - but I guess the bottom line is :

You should stop actively seeking for the butterfly thrill, let it come to you. That way, not only are you 'surprised' by this feeling, but being caught off guard is a part of the 'butterfly thrill' is it not?

 

[SAVAK]

you still like the guy(s)

 

[ieatbarbies]

My guess is they engage you too logically. Girls want to be taken back to year 3, they want a guy who pulls off crazy, random shit and makes you feel like a giggling schoolgirl again..

Exactly. It's a universal thing for females, I think.

I don't exactly have anything for you but I think I know how you feel. I've liked someone for briefly 3 years (not in one go, I stopped because there was someone else then started then stopped and started yet again) but he has always been the thing. You know? Like the main character and no matter how hard or better the other guys are, he's always there. Sometimes he's there more than others but he always will be there.

After 3 years, the butterflies were still there. Short after new year, some things happened and that was it. I'm assuming I'd never see him again in my entire life and have tried to see other hotter, better guys but to no avail and I'm now in a state of fear that that was the most excitement I'd get out of anything - which is sad because that didn't turn out so well.

But yeah, I definitely know what you mean about trying to get the butterflies back with other people but failing.

 

[hebstiklez]

i agree its about ur attitude.
if u keep looking for them u will never feel butterflies

 

[A High Way Man]

fucking hell can't believe it mates

 

[ur_inner_child]

Yeah I'm going to have some alone time now.

I just called up the guy I was seeing for a few weeks... he's coming in an hour and I'm going to tell him that we should stop seeing each other.

I feel like I've had 10 breakups in the last 3 months. Definetely need some time alone.

Argh, this is so frightening, as I get such bursts of intense loneliness every now and then. And today I'm cutting all my lines.

I'm really all sad and stuff right now...

 

[katie tully]

*hugs*

 

[jennieTalia]

Yeah. I'm finding it hard as well. I had a relationship for 19 months just before HSC. And since then, not a single flicker/spark for anyone. Not even him, when I see him. Just nothingness. The guys can be awesome fun, funny, great to hang out with... but that is it. It sucks.

BTW for those who are wonderin from the other post, I rang, and left my details.

 

[alexp01]

no takers hey.

everyone else feels the butterflies.

Maybe the whole relationship/sex thing has just gotten so normal, it's no longer fun. It's the same with everything good tbf, even drinking beer starts to drag after 5 pints.

All I'd say is just wait till you find some guy you really, really like and until then, no flings, no one night stands (not that I'm saying you would), no getting with randomers, no nothing until you find someonewho you actually really like, and maybe then might all the excitement come back. Maybe.

p.s hope it all went well yesterday and wasn't too painful.

 

[exexex]

I think what that person said before about anticipation was right. I never feel excited about any of my occasional girlfriends or usual fuck buddies. The only person who actually does give me 'butterflies' is a girl who has been one of my best mates for ages and who i've had this really sort of infantile crush on basically the whole time. It's the anticipation.

 

[melimoo]

Yeah I'm going to have some alone time now.

I just called up the guy I was seeing for a few weeks... he's coming in an hour and I'm going to tell him that we should stop seeing each other.

I feel like I've had 10 breakups in the last 3 months. Definetely need some time alone.

Argh, this is so frightening, as I get such bursts of intense loneliness every now and then. And today I'm cutting all my lines.

I'm really all sad and stuff right now...

babe, i'm gonna come visit you soon! don't be lonely!

 

[withoutaface]

You're chainsmoking guys either because you'd spent 5 years with only one of them and you want to break out of that in the most dramatic way possible, because you're not used to being alone or because you want your Mr Right and you want him now. Any of these or a combination are going to make you see chemistry when it's not there (often it's not quantifiable in terms of an aggregate of their IQ, attractiveness out of 10, etc) and tbh you probably just need to calm down. Spending the first half of last year single after 18 months of the most ridiculous relationship I've been in worked wonders for me being able to reassess myself and what I wanted.

Or I'm just talking shit.