umop 3pisdn
Banned
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2007
- Messages
- 110
- Gender
- Female
- HSC
- 2010
ffs troll
Bendeguz said:Good evening all.
I am Bendegúz, hear me moan.
I have just returned from a school friend’s XVIIIth, and boy do I feel bad. I had a really bad time. There is the usual list, but I think I will include only those that are relevant to this thread. I realised how repulsive I am: I mean I have known that I have many bad points but aside from the romantic side of the picture, I have always seen myself as a gentleman and an overall nice chap. But tonight, I saw that I was psychologically retarded. I (as I mentioned before) have never so much as held a girls hand in a romantic scenario, so therefore this has escalated to such that I consciously perceive any physical contact with a heightened sense of anxiety. I saw girls sitting in the laps of other males, giving hugs, dancing together, sitting together in the spa, etc. All I could think was “Nobody does that to Bendegúz.”.
I then proceeded to grab a two litre bottle of coke, a plastic cup and myself, and for nearly an hour wandered about the asphalt wasteland of Epping at Xp.m. slowly drinking and contemplating my situation. I imagine I must have been a strange sight, wearing a suit, holding a bottle and cup (‘daintily’, I might add) and being completely devoid of shoes and socks, all the whilst it was raining gently around me and the ground was freezing cold. During my wandering I came to the conclusion that the reason I placed myself in self-imposed exile was because that although I felt pretty miserable all alone in the cold night, it was much better than hanging around the outskirts of the party. Being there and knowing myself for being the outsider I am was like plunging a bayonet into my soul and twisting it.
But than who do I have to blame? Myself, and only myself. I alienate myself, I make myself unapproachable and hideous on the inside. But do I want to change? Do I want to really change? No…
So is there anybody out there who has felt like a white elephant before too? Let me hear the tales of the lonely and out of place.
That is a very good point which you make: why don’t I change? The thing is, I don’t really want to change. I perceive there to be a couple of reasons; (a) Because it would take a great deal of effort, (b) because I have grown comfortable with it over the years and it has become my comfort zone - what I expect and anticipate (c) I like the individualism that I possess - everybody remembers Bendeguz, you can pick him out of a crowd of a thousand with relative ease (d) I fear change - one step down the direction to conformation will result in a whole journey, and I will end up like the binge-drinking stoners whom I despise with a flame that could have served the Holy Inquisition. (e) I physically can’t - for example, if I have my shirt untucked for a reason other than that of the stage I feel very uncomfortable and vulnerable. (f) I jus can’t loosen up personally, and I have no alcohol to grease the passage either.lexonfire said:lol okay bendeguz, why after all of that wouldn't you want to change? i mean, you're even admitting you're the only one to blame. it solves the problem of feeling shitty roaming Epping alone and feeling alienated at a party at the same time! it's interesting cos if it werent for all of that self analysis, things probably wouldnt be so bad.
and wow for roman numerals
I don’t know if I should be insulted… hmm… I think I shall be. Yes, I am insulted… I think.GreenLeaf said:Your writing resemblence is uncanny: http://www.wibsite.com/wiblog/dull/
I know exactly what you mean. Body language and the such are no mean feats to decipher. I have read a book or two on the matter, but I find that even if by some chance that I do get the impression a female may find me attractive, a little thought comes screaming into my head saying that I am making a mistake, I have misread as no girl could ever be attracted to me, etc.ViRtUaL said:bendeguz. yur a champ mate. i feel wat yur feeling. seriosuly, i wouldnt notice if a girl was hitting on me until she said it. too many times at parties/clubs i've felt a girl move in and i suddenly panic and go all anxious. the penile tissues begin hardeing, and i'm not sure whether shes just dancing or she actually wants something. so in this twilight zone of indecision every time i take the safe route and back out instead of taking my chances. every time.
Ahh, the fear of rejection, I know it well. Although on a different level, I too have often waited for the opposite member to make the move, and I can tell you (and as you can already tell yourself from what I see), it doesn’t really work all that well. The thing is, that despite feminine emancipation and equal gender rights, it is still generally expected in our society that the male make the ‘first move’. There are exceptions of course, but overall it is how it stands.ViRtUaL said:i think the problem with me is i'm too scared of getting rejected by a girl to even start something. i made a personal vow to myself that i never want a girl to ever have to turn me down. too many times i'm like "oh yeh, i'll wait for her to make the first move to check if she's interested". and then the girl perceives my cold shoulder as a lack of interest and ends it. i'm 17, and have never so much as kissed/held hands romantically.
The only way you are going to figure it out is by jumping over the top and charging at the machineguns. Trial by fire is one of the very best ways you can learn, in my opinion. Oh, just one point of concern; what do you mean by “affordable”?ViRtUaL said:and seriosuly, again it's not like i cant get any. i'm sure some girls that i had on notice at uni/school/work are affordable for me. it's just that i cant figure out the process/mechanism to initiate anything.
It is good that you do! Just make sure you don’t do it [I[all the time[/I] like I do: the long term affects are not enviable, let me tell you.ViRtUaL said:omg i've never expressed my self pity so much before.
yeah as i said, it's funny you say that because you're sealing your own fate with all of this self analysis! it's crazy you wouldn't attempt to change, but then again i know what you mean by comfort zones and the binge-drinking stoner. except not to the point where having an untucked shirt makes me feel vulnerable, haha. at least ur comfort zone places you in a unique position, i guess. i mean, shirt-tucking fascist who prefers roman numerals? haha no it doesn't sound that badBendeguz said:That is a very good point which you make: why don’t I change? The thing is, I don’t really want to change. I perceive there to be a couple of reasons; (a) Because it would take a great deal of effort, (b) because I have grown comfortable with it over the years and it has become my comfort zone - what I expect and anticipate (c) I like the individualism that I possess - everybody remembers Bendeguz, you can pick him out of a crowd of a thousand with relative ease (d) I fear change - one step down the direction to conformation will result in a whole journey, and I will end up like the binge-drinking stoners whom I despise with a flame that could have served the Holy Inquisition. (e) I physically can’t - for example, if I have my shirt untucked for a reason other than that of the stage I feel very uncomfortable and vulnerable. (f) I jus can’t loosen up personally, and I have no alcohol to grease the passage either.
All up I think that I subconsciously believe that my current status is preferable because wallowing in self pity is better than wallowing in what I condemn to be immorality.
Your offer is tempting, to a point. I do not know if I have mentioned it, but I do not drink alcohol: not one drop. I will gladly meet you to prove that I am not some eccentric fabrication but an eccentric reality, but not to consume fermented juices. If this is what makes me a ‘troll’ than I shall wear it with pride.Miles Edgeworth said:Well, my good individual you are cordially invited out to a night of drinking to prove your own existence (For which you will be summarily rewarded with free beverages) -> Refusal of this offer merely concretes suspicions that you are a troll account with a high level of effort invested into it.
If you live in Sydney at all know where the City is, you qualify for free drinks.
Its is deliciously ironic, isn’t it (yes, I do really like to use the word Ironic. So shoot me.): I see what is wrong perfectly clearly, I just do not do anything productive with the information. But like you say, the indisputable individualism does have its pleasures . Frankly, the thought of being forgotton, of being just another face in the crowd is more disturbing to me than giving up on the prospect of love.lexonfire said:yeah as i said, it's funny you say that because you're sealing your own fate with all of this self analysis! it's crazy you wouldn't attempt to change, but then again i know what you mean by comfort zones and the binge-drinking stoner. except not to the point where having an untucked shirt makes me feel vulnerable, haha. at least ur comfort zone places you in a unique position, i guess. i mean, shirt-tucking fascist who prefers roman numerals? haha no it doesn't sound that bad
Few, I thought you where looking at females from a pecuniary paradigm. You had me scared for a moment there. In that case my advice to you doe not change. Do any of you other B.O.S. people have two cents to throw ViRtUaL’s way?ViRtUaL said:affordable as in within my league.
Hi Kaivan VaidyaViRtUaL said:i love the anonymity of bos. the funny thing is there isnt a single soul in the world who i actually know, to whom i could express these feelings and sentiments without being laughed at for a week (friends), or without being told off for thinking about even wanting a relationship (lol conservative parents).
if you're not with the lulz, you're with the terrorists.withoutaface said:If we don't drink, the terrorists win.
FFS, if you search his name and school, his name comes up. Unless the troll has stolen his identity.umop 3pisdn said:ffs troll
Baffling people! Really...Bendeguz said:Frankly, the thought of being forgotton, of being just another face in the crowd is more disturbing to me than giving up on the prospect of love.