Dating Religious Girl (1 Viewer)

[Malazn Pleasure]

Hey how would you begin dating a deeply religious girl.This is agirl who listens to only gospel music and says she doesnt pay visits to boys,how would you melt her heart.

What I think about different cultures still stands. To you Psych majors, if a girl was raised catholic, her parents are going to want to have a catholic son-in-law. If she’s Malaysian, they’ll want her to marry a Malaysian. If she’s Jewish, they’ll want her to marry a Jewish guy. “Blood is thicker than anything else.”

become a challenge. And here’s how you can be a Challenge for this girl even if you see her all the time: Smile when you see her, but let her talk to you first. Hold yourself back. Think of it as an exercise in Self-Control.

 

[Malazn Pleasure]

Valid post

Amusing username.

I was expecting something a bit MoAr lYk DIz frOm SuMMmWoN CaL'd 'MalazN PlEasure'

Thank you, well sorry to disappoint you!

Who talks like that ? I am not in highschool haha

 

[BradCube]

She is different from the rest of the girls i have seen be4 and has shown alot more interest in me than the rest.By the rest i mean born again x-tians since alot of them come to my room which we share with male born again but the few times she has been her interest in me is more compared to those girls who are always around for bible study and lastly she is cute.

Wow it has been a long time since I have been on BOS. Anyway along with the question.

I have to question realistically whether you expect a relationship with this girl to ever work. Assuming that she has no problem with dating a non-christian (which I doubt), do you honestly think that it would be a good move?

It just doesn't seem fair for either her or you to date each other when you have differing views about the most fundamental aspects of life. It places conflict and disagreements within the relationship before it even starts.

Lying or pretending that you are a christian just so you can go out with her would be a horrible thing to reveal later in the relationship. She would be incredibly hurt and you would lose trust she had in you to begin with.

I also remember seeing posts here suggesting you could slowly change her beliefs to that of a "normal" person? Maybe it was sarcasm that I missed but I cannot see how any person that actually cared for their partner would go out with this ambition in the back of their mind.

Maybe you should sit down and discuss why she believes what she does and explain your views as well. If for nothing else, at least it will make for some interesting conversation. Even if you did go out with her, that discussion would have to arise at some time anyway - plus it is a good exercise in getting to know each other better before anything started.

I hope that didn't come across to harsh - I simply wanted to emphasis the inherit complications that would arise from such a relationship

 

[Serius]

I also remember seeing posts here suggesting you could slowly change her beliefs to that of a "normal" person? Maybe it was sarcasm that I missed but I cannot see how any person that actually cared for their partner would go out with this ambition in the back of their mind.

That was me, it wasnt sarcasm but i honnestly dont suggest it because its such a great deal of effort for a small reward in it for you...its much easier to just find someone who allready has similiar ideals to you i was just making the point that its a possibility and it can be done if you really were fixated on this person and had the time and inclination to persue her.
You try to make the argument that no decent person would try and do this to a partner that they cared about[love?]. I put this to you: if someone was in a cult, and you saw their beleifs as very wierd and strange, not to mention detrimental to how they interact with other people, would you not try and guide them back to the path of normality? If you really cared you would try and help them before their mind is poisoned beyond repair. To me this is exactly what this girl is about, hyper religious, critical and unaccepting of other people to the point where she would be ostracised by any normal minded people. I cant even deal with these people because they are so strongly against things that i think are ok, like they hate homosexuals, they dont beleive in free speech, they take religious texts literally instead of looking at the spirit of it to me they are just crazy and illogical... a poisoned mind not worth my time or effort. With some people you can see how nice they could be, you can see their kind hearted soul and realise its such a shame they were manipulated and poisoned from birth.

 

[ElGronko]

Christians are FUCKED.

Have nothing to do with them.

 

[BradCube]

That was me, it wasnt sarcasm but i honnestly dont suggest it because its such a great deal of effort for a small reward in it for you...its much easier to just find someone who allready has similiar ideals to you i was just making the point that its a possibility and it can be done if you really were fixated on this person and had the time and inclination to persue her.
You try to make the argument that no decent person would try and do this to a partner that they cared about[love?]. I put this to you: if someone was in a cult, and you saw their beleifs as very wierd and strange, not to mention detrimental to how they interact with other people, would you not try and guide them back to the path of normality? If you really cared you would try and help them before their mind is poisoned beyond repair. To me this is exactly what this girl is about, hyper religious, critical and unaccepting of other people to the point where she would be ostracised by any normal minded people. I cant even deal with these people because they are so strongly against things that i think are ok, like they hate homosexuals, they dont beleive in free speech, they take religious texts literally instead of looking at the spirit of it to me they are just crazy and illogical... a poisoned mind not worth my time or effort. With some people you can see how nice they could be, you can see their kind hearted soul and realise its such a shame they were manipulated and poisoned from birth.

Interesting analogy, but it seems to be invalid because it assumes that your beliefs are better than that of the other party. Even going into a relationship with this mindset would be damaging in my opinion.

Taking the analogy back to what the OP was talking about, how do you know she does not have thought out and reasonable beliefs? How do you also justify that your beliefs are any better and more thought out than hers when you have never even talked to her?

 

[ElGronko]

Because christians are fucked.

 

[BritneySpears]

I think religious women generally are better partner for life and good to build family with.

 

[Serius]

Interesting analogy, but it seems to be invalid because it assumes that your beliefs are better than that of the other party. Even going into a relationship with this mindset would be damaging in my opinion.

Taking the analogy back to what the OP was talking about, how do you know she does not have thought out and reasonable beliefs? How do you also justify that your beliefs are any better and more thought out than hers when you have never even talked to her?

It doesnt matter if my beleifs are better [which they are because they are more logical] what matters is what everyone else thinks, and because the vast majority of our society dissagrees with fundamentalism, she has put herself in an awkward position where most people would feel uncomofortable around her and imtimidated by her blind faith...going into personal construct theory, how does one antisipate the actions of another when their actions do not seem to be based on logical at all, but rather what some old guy with an old fictional story book told her? you cant, and this creates anxiety.

If we lived in a different time, such as medieval europe, and you cant beleifs that seemed strange and confrontational to the majority of people then you would have been hanged or burnt at the stake. This shows how intimidated people can be when you disagree with the beleifs of the majority.

Luckily most people dont have such a strong reaction and the most common response to anxiety is to not be around them "live and let live". Unfortunately for her, this leads to ostracizim and she has little recourse but to "stick with her own". Does this at all sound similiar to a cult to you? being rejected by modern society, turning inward, finding comfort in nobody but those from your church.

Thats my reasoning as to why if you cared you would try and change her beleifs, atleast soften them a little to be less confrontational and less elitist, teach her that other people are fine to socialise with and maybe she shouldnt jump on the righteous fury bandwagon to condemn the first homosexual that walks past because likewise iam not standing up and stoning her to death for wearing cotton/polyester clothing....and uh, while she is at it maybe she should be valuing sex for a reason different than the archaic and inherently sexist reasons that fundies give for verginity.

 

[Nickyxoxo]

THIS IS FOR THE ORIGINAL QUESTION k some of that stuff up there is not good advice, if shs a regular church goer shell know that any form of sexual stuff is counted as "fornication" and therefore not allowed so there goes some of those other theoires out the window. Just be nice, not sleazy and dont swear and stuff, and just show respect fo her religion and beliefs dont try to change them if shes full on religious because shell proababli find that insulting

TO ALOT OF THE OTHER POSTS: some of that stuff is realli insulting its fine to have an opinion but the generalisation that all christians are bad and all that thats realli disrespectful, though if ur saying all that i doubt u would have much respect in the first place... prolli guna get abused now for saying that now but had to put my opinion in there.

 

[BradCube]

It doesnt matter if my beleifs are better [which they are because they are more logical] what matters is what everyone else thinks, and because the vast majority of our society dissagrees with fundamentalism, she has put herself in an awkward position where most people would feel uncomofortable around her and imtimidated by her blind faith...going into personal construct theory, how does one antisipate the actions of another when their actions do not seem to be based on logical at all, but rather what some old guy with an old fictional story book told her? you cant, and this creates anxiety.

If we lived in a different time, such as medieval europe, and you cant beleifs that seemed strange and confrontational to the majority of people then you would have been hanged or burnt at the stake. This shows how intimidated people can be when you disagree with the beleifs of the majority.

Luckily most people dont have such a strong reaction and the most common response to anxiety is to not be around them "live and let live". Unfortunately for her, this leads to ostracizim and she has little recourse but to "stick with her own". Does this at all sound similiar to a cult to you? being rejected by modern society, turning inward, finding comfort in nobody but those from your church.

Thats my reasoning as to why if you cared you would try and change her beleifs, atleast soften them a little to be less confrontational and less elitist, teach her that other people are fine to socialise with and maybe she shouldnt jump on the righteous fury bandwagon to condemn the first homosexual that walks past because likewise iam not standing up and stoning her to death for wearing cotton/polyester clothing....and uh, while she is at it maybe she should be valuing sex for a reason different than the archaic and inherently sexist reasons that fundies give for verginity.

Firstly, I may just try and summarize what you have said in this quote to a few lines:

"What the majority believe dictates what others should believe. Since the majority of people aren't christian, it would be better to change their views to that of everyone else so they "fit in" better. It is therefore more caring to try and change a christian into a non-christian."

Now, please correct me if what I have written is different to what you intended - that is how I interpreted it however.

Now for the life of me I can't understand how you came up with this reasoning. Some of the greatest discoveries have occurred because people were willing to think logically and differed from the norm and generally accepted principles. (flat earth etc). Surely you aren't truly trying to argue that what the majority believe credits it with any truth? Sure, it gives it reason to investigate the beliefs and principles behind it, but anymore than that is just not logical.

I find it interesting that you mentioned homosexuals in your argument because according to your own principles they shouldn't be homosexuals. Since most people are not homosexuals, shouldn't you also be trying to care for them by changing them into heterosexuals?

I find it intriguing when you suggest that christians are not able to sustain friendships with non-christians. I'm guessing that you have never had a friendship with a christian?

 

[Serius]

ofcourse i have, but in the last 5 years or so ive lost all of those friendships except 2 [maybe 1]because i found nothing wrong with gays, because i thought that sex is something to be enjoyed liberally and i agree with evolution, big bang theory etc. I promote a more liberal attitude towards religion and i dont think it needs to be organised. Even back in the day when i went to a christian private school i saw no need to go to church [ never agreed with organised religion or someone telling you how to follow a path] and so i wasnt good enough or i wasnt a "real" christian, so whatever. Be moderate in your beleifs, dont be a crazy psycho fundie who rants about homosexuals going to hell and how satan will devour your soul for not going to church.

The other stuff i will clarify later, but its a bit different to what you thought.

ok here we go. A better summary would be " What the others beleive should have an influence on how you act, or what you are perceived in beleive. Since we live in the modern world, the majority of people blend traditional christianity with modern life to produce a more laid back version of christianity. In order to not be isolated and thought of as a homophobe, a sexist, a racist or just plain wierd it would be better to no talk openly about some of your confronting ideas in public, or even better, to learn to consolidate christianity with the real world like so many people allready have."

These discoveries were not helped by the church,infact by most historians reckoning, the church put us about 800 years back when it comes to science. How many people died because they said the earth was round? how many people were burnt at the stake or hung as heretics or witches for bringing new ideas to the table? What is insane? is it merely a man who thinks differently to everybody else? maybe we are the insane ones. Religion isnt logical, from our perspective you are in the insane ones for having such ludicrous and unfounded beleifs, so maybe you shouldnt be arguing about logic just yet

You cant change a gay man into a straight man. You can try, and he might pretend he is straight and marry a woman, but really he is just deluding himself. Because i would say most people are lazy religious at best, being homosexual isnt really all that confronting, and even if it was its not that hard to just not bring up the topic of sexual preference. I am sure with some of my off colour humour theres some people out there who think iam gay, or who arent sure what to beleive, but thats ok.

 

[Casmira]

id go for a religious girl, but theyre generally not easy going and very wound up. i hate wound up girls

 

[cupcake08]

why do perceptions of christianity have to be so extreme?

just because someone is a committed christian/is very devoted to their beliefs, it does not make them a fundamentalist. it does not mean they are ultra conservative, homophobic etc. and rant about 'homosexuals going to hell' or 'satan devouring your soul'. a lot of strong christians are still tolerant of other peoples beliefs and actions. i find it insulting that many people upon finding out i'm a committed christian automatically assume i'm also homophobic/a bible basher etc.

and for the record, if i was dating a non christian, i wouldn't try and convert him to my beliefs. i would also hope that he would respect me enough not to try and convert me to his 'normal' perspective of life

 

[fernando]

Hey how would you begin dating a deeply religious girl.This is agirl who listens to only gospel music and says she doesnt pay visits to boys,how would you melt her heart.

Make her food =D

 

[ham and pickles]

I am a Christian and I think you should definitely tell her the truth. And I know that if someone was pushing me to do things that go against my beliefs I would get out of the relationship straight away.

What expression said, im in same situation as you. thing is i am a Christian.

 

[s2caz]

do you really like her..??
like her enough to change for her..??
i have religious friends..
my friend dated a non-christian and they lasted a long time~~ they really liked each other..
but at times.. religion got in the way and they had ups and downs..
her boyfriend opened his mind but he didnt change for her..
christianity wasnt for him so yeah~~
basically what im saying is.. if you're willing to commit yourself to her..
then you're committing yourself to God as well~~
find out what she likes.. including gospel music..
maybe shes interested in hillsong??
do some simple research to start convos with her..
and tell her genuinely that you're interested in her =]

 

[lorikeet]

OK. This is a generalisation, but most christians who are really serious about their faith would not consider dating a non christian.

I'm a christian, and I would say that God is the most important thing in my life. first off, in relationships I don't look for short flings, I want the real deal, and a christian being married to a non christian is extremely difficult - trust me i've seen it. I mean, if you're a christian you believe anyone without God is going to hell, and don't you think that would be the cause of constant worry if the love of your life wasn't a christian?

Secondly, my hope for marriage is a partnership between two people heading in the same direction, closer to God. A lot of christians go by the verse about not being unequally yoked - that's talking about the old days when oxen were yoked together in the fields for ploughing. If ther oxen aren't matched up in size and strength the ploughing doesn't work, so the logic is christians go with likeminded people.

Moral of the story is - forget about it. She most likely wont even consider you, and if you're trying to change her that's really slack. This is obviously important to her.

 

[Twilight25]

Watch a walk to remember....might help you out!

 

[Captain Gh3y]

OK. This is a generalisation, but most christians who are really serious about their faith would not consider dating a non christian.

I'm a christian, and I would say that God is the most important thing in my life. first off, in relationships I don't look for short flings, I want the real deal, and a christian being married to a non christian is extremely difficult - trust me i've seen it. I mean, if you're a christian you believe anyone without God is going to hell, and don't you think that would be the cause of constant worry if the love of your life wasn't a christian?

Secondly, my hope for marriage is a partnership between two people heading in the same direction, closer to God. A lot of christians go by the verse about not being unequally yoked - that's talking about the old days when oxen were yoked together in the fields for ploughing. If ther oxen aren't matched up in size and strength the ploughing doesn't work, so the logic is christians go with likeminded people.

Moral of the story is - forget about it. She most likely wont even consider you, and if you're trying to change her that's really slack. This is obviously important to her.

quick - someone convert her!