friendships surviving living together/ friends vs strangers debate (1 Viewer)

[Serius]

So right now i am in the process of a messy house-breakup. Rather than one person move out we have all decided to leave because of problems we have with each other. One guy i am fine with but he was more of an acquaintance than anything.
The girl i have problems with.
We used to be really good friends, always hang out together etc....she ended up having a room she desperately needed to fill and my housing situation at the time was fucked up at my place, my car got stolen, place broken into etc it wasn't good, so moving in together seemed like a logical step. The thing is she was kind of bad to live with and we fought all the time. She had some serious life events occur not long after i moved in and her personality shifted.

Its possible none of this had to do with our living situation and we would have ended up fighting anyway, but i get the feeling that living together intensified it, where as if i hadn't have moved in, maybe our friendship would have survived.

So now i am at a crossroads again and i am deciding who i want to live with. I can find a place really easily if i want because of wollongong being a uni town its the time of year people move out and others are looking for people to move in with. I could easily just get a place, ask around if anyone wants to move in and get some acquaintances and people who are basically strangers. Also some friends have expressed some interest in moving out and i could easily get together a few good mates to get a house together...but i am scared.

Ive allready lost a few friends recently [ the housemate obviously, but a few others have moved out of state] and i dont want to lose these guys if it ends up being another shitty living situation. On the upside their support and closeness and trusting them and having fun could make my new place a real joy.

So is moving in with friends a bad idea? experience has now taught me that it can fucking suck and be so heart breaking and bad, but ive moved in with friends before and it was pretty good[until we got evicted for noise complaints because we partied every night]

One way someone explained it to me was that if you move in with a stranger, at the end of it all the worst that can happen is you dont like each other and go your separate ways where as the best is you have made a new friend. Moving in with a friend, the best possible outcome is you are still friends at the end of it, worst is you are now down a friend [i.e my situation]

So would you prefer a friend or a stranger?

are there any strategies or ground rules or things i can do to avoid losing a friend this time?[if i go down that path]

 

[boris]

I dunno bro. I dont want anyone to move in with me because i dont like pants lol.

 

[tommykins]

me personally id' prefer friends. because my mates, although we fuck around alot - i know would be able to cater our living habits for the good of the house.

how was your chores system made? did everyone get the fair share or did one person get lazy etc. ?

 

[^CoSMic DoRiS^^]

I don't think I'd like to live entirely with strangers. I'd do it if I had to but I'd rather either live with friends, or with a couple of friends and a couple of strangers, you know mix it up a bit.

If the friends you move in with are really close I don't think it should be a problem. I have 2 friends that I am pretty certain I could handle living with. One because we regularly spend upwards of a week at each others houses during holiday periods (we live hours apart so I guess we kind of squeeze months worth of catching up into a couple of weeks lol)...and the other because we also spend a lot of time together and I can't remember ever fighting with her in the 8 years or so that we've been friends. But eh you never know whats going to happen I guess. Overall friends FTW though

edit: oh yeah and choose friends that seem responsible, make sure they're all employed and know how to use appliances e.g. washing machine, stove

don't live with alcoholics or drug users

etc

seriously though with friends you already know each others flaws so you're probably going to be more forgiving of stuff than you might be with strangers you've never met. I know one of the above mentioned friends is pretty messy so I wouldn't freak out about clothes on the floor/clutter everywhere like I might if a stranger housemate did it

 

[Serius]

me personally id' prefer friends. because my mates, although we fuck around alot - i know would be able to cater our living habits for the good of the house.

how was your chores system made? did everyone get the fair share or did one person get lazy etc. ?

the girl was pretty anal but also heaps busy all the time from work so never actually did anything, but would feel free to get up me and the other guy [both who are pretty chill] about random shit like cleaning the shower [which she doesnt even share, she has her own bathroom]

Also she spent a lot of time at her boyfriends so didnt feel like it was fair to do the dishes every third turn[fair enough] so me and the other guy just washed our own shit, but every now and then like once a fortnight or so she would cook some epic meal for her boyfriend, used pots and that, and just leave it there and neither me nor the other guy would wash it cause it wasnt our mess, so there would be some sort of congealed junk that is hard to scrub off in every pot, sludge in the fryingpan, dried out rice stuck to plates, food remnants on plates etc.....then she would get up us for "being slobs and not cleaning the kitchen" when it was her buildup, then if i complained it wasl like....."well I cleaned the floor today!" iam like.... and it looks great, but washing the floor takes 5mins, i would much prefer u took care of your dishes and then i can sort out the floor if u want.

Basically that was my mistake.... no set rules and a lot of missunderstandings and hostility about it. The one set chore was the bins....every sunday i take out all the rubbish from that week[which i didnt mind doing]

 

[chansthename]

The way I see it you should go with friends, this chick doesn't sound like someone worth living with. compromise, see if you can strike a deal. You should be able to put up with you friends anyway.

 

[tommykins]

yeah serius - imo if you were to share apartments. rules need to be put down.

simple rule would be weekdays no noise after 12am.
cycle between housework chores.
3 strikes you're out kind of thing.

 

[Serius]

yeah serius - imo if you were to share apartments. rules need to be put down.

simple rule would be weekdays no noise after 12am.
cycle between housework chores.
3 strikes you're out kind of thing.

Yeah ok you guys have convinced me, i am going to [hopefully] move out with a friend. I will be sure to establish some ground rules first so hopefully the same clusterfuck wont happen. Hes a good guy, really easy to get on with, has a job, rather quiet. Only problem is he hasn't lived out of home before[but hes been asking around for a while like when one of my house mates was gonna move out a few months ago he was pretty keen] so i hope there wont be too much adjustment problems.

I don't think he can cook either...guess i will have to teach him how to make bachelor chow, iam quite proficient at making random meals for one.

We could turn this thread into a list of desirable rules if u want now. i will start off with a few i like:

end of the day the sink has to be clear. You dont have to wash your shit straight after using it, just make sure you do it that day. If need be we can take turns each day, but its generally easier to just wash your own shit that way no problems over someone making more mess etc. be lenient though, its not usually a problem to wash an extra cup or whatever.

no music or loud noises after 11pm
no waking me up in the morning. i get up in my own time whenever that happens to be.[sort of an implied no noise in the morning]

When you are done with the bathroom, leave it like you found it...no clothes left in there, towels are on racks, hair and mess from shaving washed down the sink, floor dried.

plates and stuff cant be left lying around, you are either eating off it/drinking from it or its in the sink or the cupboard.

respect my shit, this means if its something personal [e.g razor, brush, my car lol] ask before you use it otherwise if its just something normal like my tv, look after it and dont wreck it.

be chill. Dont freak out when i am running late for an appointment and i forget to follow the rules like clean up the bathroom after myself or something, just sort it out as a favour to me or leave it for when i get back and then [nicely] remind me. We are only human so sometimes things get ahead of us, its only a problem if it happens all the time.

as a suggestion: i do like to live in a friendly, warm house, so if i am home, say seeya when you leave or when you come home from work pop your head in and have a chat for 5mins, even if i am busy and dont want to be disturbed all the time i wont begrudge you 5mins and that way whoever is coming home feels like they are coming home to a place where they are welcome, and the person who is at home at the time gets some social contact so its not like they are all lonely and stuff.

That probably takes care of the main likely problems, the rest could be worked out as i go.

 

[tommykins]

as a suggestion: i do like to live in a friendly, warm house, so if i am home, say seeya when you leave or when you come home from work pop your head in and have a chat for 5mins, even if i am busy and dont want to be disturbed all the time i wont begrudge you 5mins and that way whoever is coming home feels like they are coming home to a place where they are welcome, and the person who is at home at the time gets some social contact so its not like they are all lonely and stuff.

That's a great rule mate.

I'd also suggest that with your 'may be too busy to do chores' rule - you should make a list notifying everyone that you did miss out on a chore. I reckon it would show them that yes you're responsible enough to know that you've missed out - and you can either compensate later on, or ask nicely for someoen to cover for you (since you live in a friendly warm house, this shouldn't be a problem).

Another thing would be guests? If it's an odd one or two people, that's fine - but I reckon you should get notification if it's a huge party to prepare for the late night noise etc.

 

[shinji]

No loud sex in the middle of the night?

haha.

 

[tommykins]

No loud sex in the middle of the night?

haha.

Actually this was in my head for abit...but how do you go about it?

'Tell your girlfriend not to yell and get an unsqueaky bed' ?

 

[icelillies]

Dont forget about food rules...Whether your willing to share or not....people stealing your food can become a huge issue:uhhuh: .
And don't forget to laminate that list lol...

 

[Serius]

Actually this was in my head for abit...but how do you go about it?

'Tell your girlfriend not to yell and get an unsqueaky bed' ?

Yeah, i guess you just live with it. I have always lived with girls who have boyfriends, most of them are atleast a bit discrete, if you notice a particular time they usually go at it [i.e right when they retire for the night] then just play some music for an hour or something. Its not as big of a problem as you would think, but it can get tireseome if they are loud all the time and in the middle of the night and its really hard to bring up and talk about.

Girls get embarassed by it easily though so to stop them being so loud in the future you can just say something simple like " hey sounds like you had fun last night /wink" then they blush and it doesnt happen again.


With food i am willing to share, i dont mind doing the shopping if i get given the money, but yes it can become a big issue, and with special stuff e.g i buy myself some icecream, go to eat some a couple of days later and its empty ARARHARAJHF!

The people i live with have never been the type for huge parties, the most is like 5 friends around or something for predrinks but yeah might be an idea to set that one out aswell.

Might make a rule about bringing sluts home too. Dunno what the rule is though, maybe something like "hey, if you can, could you try and go to her place instead?"

 

[Graney]

I love listening to my housemates having sex.