My Complete set of rules, let it be known that if you break them i will immediatly put a curse on you that will ensure that wild animals eat your children. if you have no children, the next time you have sex the condom will break and you will fall pregnant and after your children are born wild tigers will come to the hospital and THEN eat you children... this is on top of any punishment prescribed in the rules...
FRESH FISH AND FISH AND CHIP SHOP
1. dont ask me what is in a dimsim or i will actually tell you. then after ive told you dont act like i make the fucking things.
2. dont come into the shop and ask me for a fish that has fins ALL FISH HAVE FUCKING FINS
3. dont order a fuck load of shit then ask me if you can pay on card... i would have thought the 82634648 signs around the shop that say NO EFTPOS AVAILABLE would have given you the idea that you infact cannot pay on card
4. do not think your funny by ordering a piece of puffer fish. yes i know its poisonous and yes ive heard that joke before you twat
5. do not ever click at me and call me boy. i wll plunge your head in the deep fryer if you do
6. do not think that just because you eat at maccas everyday you will get your food in under 3 mins. your an obeses fuck anyway get out of my shop
7. in general do not come into the shop, i still get paid even if no one comes in!
8. no i do not want to hear your life story and how you have been coming to bermagui since you were 9 and now you 67 and no i definatly do not care that you are here for you sons wedding and i dont care that his name is brad and hes a top fisherman and i dont really give a fuck that you think john howard is a good prime minister in general unless i know you i am not your friend. i dont care to hear what happened to you on the weekend ESPECIALLY when there are seven hundred and ninety six people behind you waiting to be served. if you presume to tell me all this, yes i will cut out your tongue with a spoon so it hurts more then proceed to deep fry it, put it with some chips, vomit blood on them and then give it to you. $8.90 Thankyou
9 * if you do spit on me while you are making your order, i will reel in disgust so dont be offended you twat, your the one who spat on me
10* if you are drunk and you order food yes you do actually have to pay for it
11* if you are unemployed, on the dole, smell like the inside of a camels rectum, spend all your money on smack and metho, then no you will not be receiving a free meal. i do not care if your heroin addicted prostitue girlfriend is pregnant, you should have withdrawn before you blew. its not my fault that she will soon be having your bastard child. your only going to sell it to by more smack and metho anyway you vagrant...
12* if you are unimpressed by your food and the small quantites of it DO NOT throw it at me or yes you will find yourself with a broken nose and a hungry stomach...
13* no the fish colloqiually called "dolphin fish" is not dolphin! DO NOT TELL ME THAT WE SHOULD CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL GET CONFUSED. hey dickhead, you are the only person ever to actually think that it was dolphin. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SHOP
14* if you liken me to the soup nazi from seinfield i will not find it amusing.
15* do NOT tell me that we cook grilled fish and you got it here yesterday. do not claim that you know it was grilled because it had the grill lines on the fish. what did we cook it on you dopy bitch? the bun toaster? plus i was working here yesterday and YOU didnt come in. stop trying to scam me.
16* do not tell me that you have been coming here for 25 years and the fish has never been that small. the place has only been open 10 you lying old dick. go take a nap
17* do not presume that i speek cantonese, japanese, hungarian, french, german, lithuanian, mongolian, flemmish, russian or innuet. im not C3P0 from starwars. Piss off
18* do not come in thinking you are all clever, hand me a ten wait for me to give you your change and then claim you gave me a 50. there are no fiftys in the till. fuck off before i throw a newly cooked chiko roll at you head
19* dont think i cant see you when you try to steal icecreams. and dont think ill let you get away with it.
20* if your moderatly famous, your name is vannessa amorossi and your a pompous bitch, you will not receive service before people who have been here waiting longer. in fact i dont even want to serve you, your music pisses me off. i hate you no chips for you
21* if your name is daniel bell the australian idol reject and you come into the shop with chanel cole, also an idol reject you have to laugh at my jokes when i say chanel is better than you and that she wil have a career and you wont. you also have to take it in your stride when i flirt with chanel for fun. no you cant give me dirty looks, what are you going to do? write a song about me? no one will listen to it anyway you failure of a human being
22* im working at the cookers, does it look like its my job to serve you on the counters? FUCK NO! im 18 dickhead, im not getting paid 17 an hour to serve you, ill cook it for you but i dont care to hear your voice stammer and stutter because your one of those annoying ummers and ahhhers.
in fact im not sure why you arnt dead. hitler should have gassed all ummers and ahhhers instead of all the other people he tried to kill... good concept, just the wrong cross section of society.