strictness, relationships (4 Viewers)

[iambored]

I suppose this relates more to men being strict on their women - while living in in Australia!! I'm not interested in other countries.

Some people, because of the way they have been brought up will be strict on their partners when it comes to a relationship. (e.g. can't look at other men, can't do what they want, can't go out)

Some people's parents will be strict on their daughter / son's partners as well. (have to get married quickly, treat person like crap if they don't like them).

Certain nationalities, unfortunately, have more of a tendency to be strict on their partners.

Any thoughts?





I personally, am all for equality. I won't be dictating the life my partner leads.

 

[capsicum]

i know for a fact that asian parents (mine and many of my friends) are really strict on relationships in Aus. they tell their kids not to have boyfriends/girlfriends until they've finished studying - and this isn't just the HSC, this is like finishing uni, getting a job and working for a little while. it's like they don't understand the point of experiencing relationships. mine think that the first relationship is the one you should stick with throughout life.

it's so unfair cuz they don't understand that sometimes having someone there for you is much better than being alone all the time...

 

[eLmo]

My parents are hardly around.. so they don't really care about it that much
But I think that some asian and indian parents are pretty strict.. thats all I'm aware of.

 

[ogmzergrush]

I guess, like you said, it depends on your upbringing. Personally I make a point of (attempting) not to force people to behave any way other than how they want, and in return I expect the same. Placed in a relationship where this was not the case I don't think I would stick around.

My reasoning for this is basically that I think that one of the fundamentals of respect is allowing people the freedom to, and giving them credit for being able to, make their own decisions (Where appropriate, obviously there may be extreme exceptions). So yeah, the control thing doesn't really become an issue for me, because I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone in the first place if I didn't respect them/wasn't willing to let them make up their own mind. Relationships really aren't about running the show, from here at least

In regard to the parents, one would (good-naturedly) like to assume that they are acting in what they feel is their child's best interests. While this gets to be a drag sometimes (Although not for me to the extent that I'm sure it is for many others, as on the whole my folks are fantastic), put in their position I tend to think that I'd probably behave very similarly (Whether I like it or not).

Just my thoughts

 

[SipSip]

i know for a fact that asian parents (mine and many of my friends) are really strict on relationships in Aus. they tell their kids not to have boyfriends/girlfriends until they've finished studying - and this isn't just the HSC, this is like finishing uni, getting a job and working for a little while. it's like they don't understand the point of experiencing relationships. mine think that the first relationship is the one you should stick with throughout life.

it's so unfair cuz they don't understand that sometimes having someone there for you is much better than being alone all the time...

Yeah asian parents are quite strict on the matters of dating...but my parents are unique i guess in the fact that they keep asking why i don't get a gf instead of driving...probably because they want me to live longer....

But I think that strict parenting will most often lead to a more rebellous effect. Most of my friends are asian too and it often turns out that the friends with strict parents about relationships often end up getting a bf or gf before everyone else...they also get hurt before everyone else...sadly...

But my opinion is that relationship should be developed naturally...parents saying no to everything will make their kids want to experience them...and most often than not get hurt in the process....if they're lucky...they have their virginity intacted...
It's an old tradition that the first one you meet will end up being the one for you forever...and i don't think it'll happen in today's society...since that "love" has become such an easy thing for most people.
And about parents restricting their kids till they work for a while before relationships...their starting point is good, but what stops their kids from liking someone...it's a feeling...you can't just remove feelings from your heart...you've gotta let them freely experience everything for themselves...that's how people learn whether relationship is good or bad for them....in my case...i tried for a year and ended up with nothing but wasted time and money...so now i'm more mature about the whole thing....
Asian parents in general are too strict...personally i think it's just about everything...academics...relationships....even career choices...i was really lucky that my parents didn't care much about me except for giving pointers along the way!! LOVE THEM!!

 

[Newbie]

asian parents are pretty tight i guess
they said no girls during high school so i stuck to that

as to the choice thing, i reckon its not as much as the need to control what your partner does as to controlling yourself and just having enough sensitivity enough not to flirt and stare at every girl while you're with her.

i think raiks said something in some post about treating them like the only girl in the room
thats my expectation of myself now

 

[SipSip]

I think strictness promotes children to lie to their parents...not just for relationships, but also for everything else in life....

Ie. if your parents says everything depends on marks...and you get like 30% for an exam...you'll probably end up hiding the paper and telling them it's not marked yet....

Self control is a big part of relationship...if you stare at other girls in the room while with just any girl...it just shows disrespect for them...

 

[ogmzergrush]

Self control is a big part of relationship...if you stare at other girls in the room while with just any girl...it just shows disrespect for them...

Personally, I wouldn't call that self-control. I see self-control as being able to stop yourself from doing things you'd like to. Staring at other people while you're out with someone (personally) isn't something I want to do, so instead I'd call it disrespect, but in the end I guess we're both saying the same thing anyway pretty much

 

[babydoll_]

i think raiks said something in some post about treating them like the only girl in the room
thats my expectation of myself now

all guys should do that

 

[SipSip]

I think if you love someone, they should be treated like the only one in your life...

and yes ogmzergrush, we're saying the exact same thing...it's just that my expression of english went downhill after the HSC...but yeah...girls should be treated nice....that's why they're girls..

 

[Raiks]

Personally I have no real idea, I've come from a very liberal family when it comes to these sort of things. I moved in with my girlfriend when I was 18 without a word from my parents besides good luck and if I ever need to come home, it'll always be there for me. And considering my relationship past, the girls I've dated haven't come from the strictest of parental guidence either.

 

[veanz]

my personal theory is that cultures will always clash when strict parents are involved, ie mine. Reverse psychology you could call it: they say i cant date such and such without a certain culture and background, i'll do the opposite. They even joke about me not being allowed to bring home a guy who is not of our same background... which eventually messes with my thoughts and stops me from pursuing him...

i just want to run freeeeee with the voices in my head...

 

[Winston]

my personal theory is that cultures will always clash when strict parents are involved, ie mine. Reverse psychology you could call it: they say i cant date such and such without a certain culture and background, i'll do the opposite. They even joke about me not being allowed to bring home a guy who is not of our same background... which eventually messes with my thoughts and stops me from pursuing him...

i just want to run freeeeee with the voices in my head...

lol, thats how it is for everyone, so you're not alone haha

 

[iambored]

edit

 

[berry580]

It's not really surprise to hear about parents and spouses like that, as probably I watch Asian TV too much and I'm in a family which is somewhat similar. Personally, I know I won't be affected by these experiences and treat my gf like a slave, but my goddess.

Btw, you love your sig veanz. LOL

 

[coroneos]

azn parents are slacker than usual parents!

 

[eLmo]

azn parents are slacker than usual parents!

usual parents?

 

[~ForAGoodCause~]

My mum is really old fashioned when it comes to relationships. She really has no clue, that is why i tend to hide things from her, because she just wont understand.
For some reason she seems to think that the ONLY reason people break up is because the guy has found another girl ... and then she gives me a confused look asking "why else would you break up?" ... soo soo frustrating.
They are ok though with me having a relationship. However i believe this is because they are naive minded thinking that this person is just someone i occasionally see and go out with but not even do anything remotely close to holding hands ... they would probably die at the thought of me kissing a guy...
I dont think they are strict on the nationality of my partner. It is extremely unlikely for me to end up with a guy who is of the same nationality anyways, since i do not know any. Of course they would prefer asians... but this is not to say they are against aussies. Since five out of seven of my female cousins are married to non-asians.

Self control is a big part of relationship...if you stare at other girls in the room while with just any girl...it just shows disrespect for them...

I agree, it is soooo DISRESPECTFUL and rude to check out every single girl in sight right in front of your girlfriend ... trust me i know how it feels. Although i dont agree with the self-control part ... i believe if you truely cared for your partner you wouldnt want to look at any other person, the thought would not even cross your mind.
So i wouldnt control my partner by saying they cant look at other people ... i just woouldnt go out with someone like that

usual parents?

usual i think meaning the majority of parents?

 

[RCMasterAA]

With me my mum even jokes about me only marrying an asian girl so she can talk to her.
But I'll be fucked if I'm gonna listen to either of my parents when it comes to relationships...I mean, it's a bit sad but my parents don't even seem to love each other or kiss or hug or whatever, it's so asian.

If anything ever happened I'd hide it from my parents and basically tell them, like it or lump it. I'm in the relationship, not you.

I guess as a guy I can say that more forcefully but it must be harder for girls with asian parents.

 

[rumour]

I suppose this relates more to men being strict on their women - while living in in Australia!! I'm not interested in other countries.

Some people, because of the way they have been brought up will be strict on their partners when it comes to a relationship. (e.g. can't look at other men, can't do what they want, can't go out)

Some people's parents will be strict on their daughter / son's partners as well. (have to get married quickly, treat person like crap if they don't like them).

Certain nationalities, unfortunately, have more of a tendency to be strict on their partners.

Any thoughts?





I personally, am all for equality. I won't be dictating the life my partner leads.

My friend has a very controlling partner, who does not let her wear tight clothes, or going places where there will be a lot of guys.

She has to ask his permission to do anything!!!!!